Invest Jokes

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

He made some excellent points.

Start with ten million.

Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?

[censored]

Beef, chicken, and vegetable… one day I hope to be a bouillionaire

Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

It was a Fonzie scheme.

The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”

Crypt-ocurrency

For $10 worth of bitcoin

B: $9.34? Why do you need $10.35 of bitcoin?


T: I just want to start investing for college?


B: Ok, I just sent you $24.39 of bitcoin for you.


T: Thanks! Why did you give me more than I asked you for?


B: I gave you $15.43... read more

I was impressed with their organic growth

They're not too popular now, but I'm betting they'll make a comeback!

You would be dead.

Might sound crazy, but over time it'll make me a lot of dough

Laughing stocks!!

Bonds. Stocks and bonds.

Invest $2000

In chicken stock!



Reposted for spelling

They have little patients.

It was the wurst decision of his life

It's a dying industry

Current Balance: $10.0001

Somebody has to pay retail.

Edit: thanks for the gold stranger

I'm pretty sure it's a punzi scheme.

It just makes scents

They never show a prophet.

He lost money because of the diminishing rat urns.

Oh, they already told you about it too?

It's really starting to tank

I told him no. I think he is running a Fonzi scheme.

were Adam and Eve

He said: it’s naan of your business

All of those companies are trash

An investigator

He heard it was a stable industry

Never fired, only dropped once.

First Iron Man and then the Iron Throne? There can't be much iron left.

The stalks can only go up

For all intents and porpoises...

It just made cents.

Cool, me too. I just placed the cash bundle in front of the mirror.

And it's really taken off

He tells me it's a broad index fund.

seems like the best bang for buck!

I told them to invest in stocks and bonds

Because it could lead to inflation.

That market’s for suckers.

but I heard it’s a rip off.

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she begins, “would you say you’re honest?”
“Honest?” replies the lawyer. “Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny t... read more

...show me the moon, eh!

Today he removed my name from his will and transferred all his property under my name to his name.

Because their money is tied up in bonds.

It's going to be call "Wok like an Egyptian".

Because you can flip it.

I don't want to lose my life's savings to inflation

D E A D

But there wasn't much stock in it.

So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger.

my finances are a little rocky.

Cause its capital is dublin'

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of th... read more

Their value is always going up

Because you're at an all-time low.

(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)

It's working 9 to 5 perecent of the time, what a way to keep us living

Business is through the roof.

I guess it just didn't sit well with anybody.

I said no.


I just couldn't see it becoming a thing.

That’s what you get for putting your money in chicken stock.

It didn’t stick

I bought a 20 percent steak.

Because their ports are always a disaster!

This morning I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".

I went out onto the balcony with curiosity and saw the idiot, he was selling chairs..

Call me crazy but once this wall goes up I’ve got a gut-feeling I think that’s one industry that will really be taking off.

Apparently it's a growing industry.

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

Quick! Invest now! Theres a company in England that is now manufacturing landmines that look like prayre mats! The main factorty is in the middle east, where prophets are going through the roof!

My wife

They could really get away with calling them psycho paths.

Turns out he's afraid of inflation.

But wood stock hasn't been viable sincs the 60s.

It was a Fonzie scheme

Because the steaks are too high.

Passive aggressive income

They work on cutting edge technology

It just seemed to make a lot of cents...

Two Russians meet up:

- Have you heard, Bitcoin went up in value?

- Ya. But I only invest in one thing - VODKA

- Why Vodka?

- Where else do you get a 40% return??

It will be a joint venture

Pants and underwear sales in Hawaii are booming.

The pig doesn't turn into an investment banker when it's drunk.

A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

The Chicago Bears and the Chicago Bulls.

During Wedding, The Wife Vomits.
Husband: "What Happened?"
Wife: "Capital Gains Arising Out Of Previous Investment."
Husband: "U cheated me.."
Wife: "U should know, mutual fund investments are subject to market risks!"

Because it's a dyeing industry.



- This is too obvious a joke to be original, but it came to me during my econ class, and so it's original to me!

...for 100$ worth of bitcoin.

Dad: 98.7$ ? , what will you do with 105$? Can't you just think how valuable 95$ is?

Until I realized that there is no real money in them

The steaks are high

She asked, "what's love got to do with *It*?"

**GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD**

I’m astounded, and am immediately switching to one called Mother Theresa.

A stuck stack of stick stocks.