My job allows me to hook up with as many women as I want
I love being a mortician
A man with a great dane and a man with a Chihuahua go to a bar, but it says “no pets allowed”
One man says to the other “how will we bring our dogs inside?” The second man gives the first a pair of very dark sunglasses and says “do what I do.” He goes inside and the manager says “Sorry, no pets allowed.” The man says “You don’t understand. This is my guide dog.” “A great dane? ...
My exceptional memory allows me to memorize a sequence of more than a million numbers
1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
It's tough looking for a rental that allows pets
No one seems to have the right claws in the contract.
One store now allows its employees to say whatever they want to say to their customers.
It’s called retailiation.
What types of jokes are allows during the quarantine?
Marriage counselor: Your partner allows you to make independent decisions? Me: *looks at wife*
Me: Yes, of course
I'm not allows on airplanes anymore
I'm always photobombing
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
FDA No longer allows patients to be prescribed laxatives and medicinal marijuana
Apparently you need to either shit, or get off the pot.
Dad invented a device which allows people to see through doors
He called them "windows"
My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!
A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.
"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep...
I have a special ability that allows me to see everything that happens next year.
I call it 2020 vision.
A revolutionary new product allows fathers to share a mother's pain during labour.
Mr Smith is happy to try it out and help his pregnant wife, and when the special day arrives, he tells the nurse to strap him up.
"Mr Smith, you are a very brave man. The machine has 10 settings, starting at the very manageable level 1, and going up to level 10, which will give you all of yo...
Do you know that there is an invention that allows people to walk through walls?
It's called a door.
A Muslim, a Hindu and a lawyer are travelling through the desert…
They’ve tried to make good time in their travels, but find that night will fall before they can make it to the next town. Luckily they find a farm nearby, and they ask the farmer if they can stay for the night. When he agrees, not wanting to impose too much, they set their sleeping rolls in his barn...
My job allows working from home but I still go to office
I like the idea of surrounding myself with some company
Apparently there's a business that allows you to interview in a tank top
I might invest.
Have you heard of Y2K jelly?
It allows you to insert four digits into your date where you could previously only fit two.
- Hello. I want to return the robot vacuum cleaner I bought from you a week ago. The agreement allows it?
\- Yes, just tell me what you didn't like, we will inform the manufacturer.
\- Everything is in order, I just no longer need a vacuum cleaner. After he sucked the cat three times, My cat learned to use a brush, rag, scoop, and report a full bin.
What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?
The penne trait