This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

CAN MODS OF THIS SUB DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO ARE ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING PEOPLE, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 11 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE ...

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?

Everyone else is forbiden

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"

The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations...

Santa Claus will be allowed to go out and deliver presents without speading Covid-19

He has spent the last year in the North Pole in Ice-olation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the maximum speed allowed for sex?

68
Because at 69 you roll over

We cannot allow this year to end

That would be admitting that 2021

Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?

Or just a low ha

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to join the Trump campaign because I was circumcised.

Apparently, you need to be a complete dick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Joins A Monastery, And Takes A Vow Of Silence, Only Allowed To Say Two Words Every Christmas

Every day, they grow their own food and maintain the monastery, all while silently praying.

On the first Christmas, he goes to the abbot and says, "Food's cold." The abbot nods and blesses him.

On the second Christmas, he tells the abbot, "Work's hard." The abbot nods and blesses him....

Why did the Red Cross not allow Jesus and Muhammad to volunteer?

It’s a non-prophet organization.

Turns Out, I'm Not Allowed to Have an OnlyFans Account.

I have a central heating & air system.

I wasn't allowed to use any "F" word.

That's how i ended up with " old McDonald had a arm "

Why was covid not allowed into a bar?

Cus covid 19

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?

Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

My mom has a rule that no friends are allowed at our house in November because of holidays. (It makes no sense.)

But she has a friend that she decided that she'll let over in November. My mom told her "You're an exception. You can come any time in November." So I said "Very poor choice of words." and her friend started dying of laughter, but I got grounded.

The Secret Sevice is not allowed to tell the president to “get down”

If there is a crisis they have to say “Donald, Duck!”

Why aren't MS Word files allowed here?

Rule 4: No docx-ing

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

In Captain America: Civil War, why wasn't Wanda allowed to leave her apartment?

Because she was under super-Vision.

Why was O.J. allowed out of jail for thanksgiving?

He was the only one in his family who knows how to carve up white meat.

- Hello. I want to return the robot vacuum cleaner I bought from you a week ago. The agreement allows it?

\- Yes, just tell me what you didn't like, we will inform the manufacturer.

\- Everything is in order, I just no longer need a vacuum cleaner. After he sucked the cat three times, My cat learned to use a brush, rag, scoop, and report a full bin.

What is the only beverage allowed in prison?

Penal-tea

What did farmer say when his wife didn't allow him to buy a prized cow?

That it was a big missed-steak

Why aren't chickens not allowed to enter the church?

Because they only use fowl language.

The kardashians shouldn't be allowed to swim

We don't need even more plastic in the ocean

Everyone's talking about Trump having Covid-19, but what if Mrs. Hicks' condition doesn't allow her to support his campaign?

That would be pretty hopeless.

r/Jokes won't allow you to sort by new anymore...

Since everything is made of 100% recycled content.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren't Southern Baptists allowed to have sex standing up?

Because it might lead to dancing.

Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?

They are key workers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m not allowed to participate in the circumcising events this year

Apparently I don’t have enough skin in the game

What happened to the compulsive dancer who wasn't allowed to dance?

he had a breakdown.

Why is it if banks have become so smart that they can allow you to deposit a check from a picture,

but they won't let you do the same thing with a picture of cash?

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

Give me ONE good reason why obese Americans shouldn't be allowed to drive Rascal scooters in Wal-Mart! Go on!

Aisle weight.

Why isn't Kim Kardashian allowed to swim on the beach?

Because there is already enough plastic in the ocean.

Why aren’t children allowed to watch movies about green ogres?

Because of all the Shrexual content.

You are allowed to send e-mails to people in prison

As long as you don't attach a file

My wife said there’s no way in hell she’d ever allow me do doggie style.

but I did it behind her back anyway.

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain but she didn’t speak spanish. Each time she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt up & show her thighs to allow the seller to understand.This went on for some time.

One day she wanted to buy sausages, so she made her husband go to the store with her. He then asked for sausages as he spoke spanish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the only nun allowed to have sex?

A step-sister

Cincinnati Bengals allowing 2,500 fans into the stadium for the first game.

Word is, now they’re looking for 2,000 volunteers to attend the game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HR said I'm not allowed to make up names for my coworkers.

I hope Frankie Fuckface is fucking happy now.

Why wasn't Jesus allowed to return to his food service job after he was crucified?

They were afraid of *cross*\-contamination

What jokes are allowed during quarantine?

Inside jokes.

Why wasn't I allowed in the Vietnamese Restaurant?

Because they "Banh"ed Mi

There's a new store where I live that only allows Republicans to shop there.

They say the customer is always right

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

‟I should be in charge,” said the brain , ‟Because I run all the body‘s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the blood , ‟Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you‘d waste away.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the stomach,‟ Bec...

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words...

...there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

Laughing on the internet is not allowed

It’s against the lol

A rope walks up to a bar but the bouncer turns him away, saying that ropes aren't allowed.

So, the rope walks away, ties himself in a bow and unravels his ends a bit.

When he walks back to the bar, the bouncer says "hey, aren't you that rope we just turned away?"

To which the rope says "No, I'm a frayed knot"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman overhears her 8 year old son playing with his train set.

As he's moving his train around, he stops the train and says "This stop is Los Angeles. If this is your stop, get the fuck off. If this is not your stop, stay the fuck on."

The boy moves the train around for a minute, and stops the train once again.

"This stop is Seattle. If this is yo...

Buying Condoms....

A sixty year old man walks into a drug store and walks up to the girl at the checkout counter. He asks her, ‟Do you sell condoms here?”

‟Sure. What size are you?”

‟I do not know,” he replies.

‟Well, just let me check,” the cashier says. She unzips his pants, takes a feel, and th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

My wife and I played that game where you write down 5 people we're allowed to sleep with

Ourside of our marriage

She gave me her list and I scoffed at the predictability

Celebrities, athletes, she didn't stand a chance!

However as she read mine a look of complete horror swept over her face

And I was grabbing my coat when she screamed "where the hell are you g...

Are knock knock jokes allowed?

Knock knock...
"Who's there?"
I eat mop....

If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots

they would be called, cellfies.

Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle h...

Ofcourse mentally disabled people should be allowed to have jobs...

But to make them president of the United States is a bit to much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dreamt I was forced to work on a pirate ship. The captain was the supreme authority and only allowed males. Plus the only food allowed was potatoes.

It was a dick tater ship.

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there's a long break in the ledge they can't cross.

"Something for this, I have." Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape. He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda's hovel, t...

Why was the eagle sufferings from a sickness not allowed to enter the country?

Because it was an ill eagle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Prison vs. At Work

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.

AT WORK...You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...You get three meals a day.

AT WORK...You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON... You get time off for good be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish man was finally allowed to emigrate to Israel from the Soviet Union.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official chuckle...

Patrick died and went to the gates of heaven

There he saw a man with a halo sitting behind a table waiting. As he approached the Saint looked up and Patrick saw two keys hanging around his neck on a chain, the keys to the pearly gates themselves. This must be St. Peter, Patrick thought.

''Hello Patrick. I just have to check through you...

Don't mess with the farmer

It's a Friday, and there are three travelers. They were traveling down the road when it started to storm. They came across a farm. They knocked on the door and a man answered. "Please allow us to stay here for the weekend. We are tired and exhausted." The travelers pleaded. "Okay, fine. I'll let you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Teacher is talking to her class about Prostitutions rights in Nevada

She explains that Nevada has several brothels that have been in operation since the frontier days, and so legislature has been written to allow them to practice prostitution.

She then goes on to explain that, with the exception of Las Vegas, Nevada is mainly comprised of silver mining towns, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white m...

Voltaire said “To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.”

It’s time we rise up against those kids with leukemia

Three men ascend to heaven and they meet St Peter at the pearly gates.



St. Peter makes it clear to the men that they can only come in if they’ve never drunk, never smoked and never been unfaithful to their wife. The first man steps up and says: “Hiya Pete, I’ve never smoked, never drunk and never been unfaithful to my wife.”

The first man gets the nod o...

A Piece Of String Walks Into A Bar...

He quickly notices a sign that says, "No String Allowed, We do not serve pieces of String."

Before anyone notices, he rushes to the bathroom and hides in a stall.

He messes himself up, makes himself look rough and tattered. Then he contorts his body into a twisted and uncomfortable pos...

For the 2020 NFL season, the players will no longer be allowed to keep chickens as pets.

It will be considered a personal fowl.

I’m not supposed to say anything, but you all deserve to know....

Hey,  So heads up.... I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it's now okay for me to share that I volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine from Pfizer. The vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. It is in 6 different stages and I received my first dose earlier this morning 09:20...

Why wasn't the food lion bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?

Because baggers cant be juicers.

Why are prisoners not allowed to have email?

Don't want to risk someone attaching a file.

Why shouldn't people from Texas be allowed to drive?

Because they're always Texan and driving

A dude on the street yelled that it's allowed to be LGBTQ nowadays and said it was 100% true

A man walked by and said:

"You're not spitting straight facts, that's for sure"

Why are German Navy soldiers not allowed to think?

Because if zey sink in ze wota, zey will draun.

Due to Covid, only one person is allowed in the bathroom at a time.

Unfortunately, this means a lot less people get to hear how impressively strong my urine stream is.

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show:


"Look, it's not the same hat!"


"Look, he's hiding the flowers unde...

Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they see a restaurant.

They're pretty hungry, do they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says "NO DOGS ALLOWED".

The man with the doberman says "I know what to do, just follow my lead." He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.

The waiter tells him "I'm s...

My wife is stressed out not being allowed to leave the house or socialize.

And now, with this coronavirus thing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Muslim, a Christian and a Jew walk into a bar

A Muslim, a Christian and a Jew walk into a bar. The barman looks up at them and says they only have alcoholic drinks today.

"Then I shall have to leave," States the Muslim "I am not allowed to drink alcohol due to my religion."

"I shall also have to leave," Says the Christian "I am of...

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz", the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be save...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Lion and the Fox

A lion was eating his share of a fresh catch while the lionesses looked on patiently, waiting for their turn to eat. As they were looking, a small fox slowly approached the lion and started nibbling on the carcass. The chief lioness roared, which made the fox run for his life. She then approached th...

Pavlov's Dog

After we finished the pop quiz in our psychology class, our teacher allowed us to quietly talk amongst ourselves. A group of us were discussing the idiocy of Pavlov's dog and how pairing a stimulus with a conditioned response seemed illogical in the real world. Then the bell rang, and we all headed ...

At the museum my wife: Do you think we’re allowed to take pictures?

Me: No. I think they need to stay on the
wall.

Indian restaurants in my town will not be allowed to open, even after the lockdown is over.

They are deemed to be a Naan essential business.

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
“Are you the manager?”, she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren't prostitutes allowed near prisons?

Because a sentence shouldn't end with a proposition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump's new Secretary of Defence decided the first thing he would do would be..

Trump's new Secretary of Defence decided his first action would be to order a test of how US Air Force planes would hold up in case of a bird-hit. He gave his brother-in-law's poultry business a contract to shoot birds at huge speeds at the latest F-35 at 1,000km/hr. Everyone expected the chicken t...

I don't allow my children to watch the orchestra

There's too much sax and violins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man throws up a cow pat and goes to the doctor

Doctor: "I can't seem to figure out the issue so I'll give you some shots just be on the safe side"

Man: "No! Those things make you sick and allow the government to insert tracking chips!"

Doctor: "Who told you this?"

Man: "My wife"

Doctor: "Tell me, does your wife make ...

Ana is no longer allowed to the fruit market.

Banana.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

Nice canned meat you got there

Too bad it isn't allowed here, rule 3.

Trump: "The less immigrants we allow, the better!"

Miller: "The fewer..."

Trump: "Stephen! I told you never to call me that in public!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly man went

to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of viagra.
The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose.

"Why not?" asked the elderly man.

"Because it’s not safe," replied the doctor.

"But I really need it," said the man.

"Why do you need it so badly?" aske...

Allow me to de-introduce myself

My name is [redacted]

NSFW Husband catches wife...

I came home early from work the other day & caught my wife in bed with my best friend!

So I did what any man would do in a situation like that. I hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper & told him, "Bad dog, very bad dog! Get down! You know you're not allowed on the bed! Very ...

I love bath time, it allows me to play with my favorite toys.

My personal favorite is the toaster

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday...

‟I need to nispect your farm for illegal growing of drugs.”

I said, ‟Okay, but do not go into that field over there.....”

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, ‟Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant office...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor put me on a strict vegan diet, but every Monday I’m allowed a cheat day

So I nip out and fuck his wife.

What's the only drink size they allow in North Korea?

A supreme liter

Got any cancer jokes for a good cause?

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if this is allowed here or not, but I didn't see any rule against it in the sidebar so here we go (Mods, if this isn't OK, sorry in advance).

My younger sister was diagnosed with cancer a few hours ago. Dark humor is a staple in our family, so we spent my visit in t...

Trump says he’ll put a cap on immigrants coming into the US—I don't approve.

Immigrants should be allowed to wear what they like.

A priest, a rabbi and a buddhist monk...

A priest, a rabbi and a buddhist monk get arrested for illegal gaming. They get in front of the judge. He starts questioning the priest first, "Did you play poker yesterday?"

The priest mumbles a quick lord forgive me and answered "No".

The judge turns to the rabbi and asks him, "Did y...

The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.

I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.

The poor father of a Chef sees an ad in the local newspaper: "Come visit the Carnival and see our newest attraction, the Great Winged Monster!"

So the man makes his way down to the Carnival and pays the $2.00 admission price to get inside.

While inside the Carnival grounds he walks around, seeing ads for rides, games, food, and even shows! After a couple hours he finally sees it, a sign outside an obscure looking tent saying 'Great ...

For the first time in my life, I allowed someone else to change my tire.

Now I know what it's like to be a woman!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words.

He clears his throat and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

no Idea why they arrested me...

I just read the sign and complied...

it said:

NO campaign materials or **clothing** allowed in polling place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That's it, no more vagina jokes allowed!

Period!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite joke! It was a huge hit with my friends in germany, so i'm very exited to see what you think. I translated everything from german to english, so feel free to correct any mistake in the comments.

Being very annoyed by his female boss and co-workers, a guy tells his friend he dreams of a job where women are not allowed.



His friend thinks about it then says:

“I think you have two options, either you work as train driver or you work as a pilot, if you decide to work as tra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

Celebs at the Pearly Gates

Queen Elizabeth II and Dolly Parton are standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter approaches and greets them.

He says "Greetings! It's not often that we have such women of notoriety join us at the same time! However we're swamped today and can only let one of you through, so you're going to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you believe in genies?

A couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar homes.

On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows, it will cost a fortune to fix.”

The wife teed off and shanked it right through...

Jesus crucified on the cross yelled out Peter's name

Peter! Peter! Peter!

Peter wasn't allowed to go near the cross by the soldiers, so with great difficulty he fought them all off.

With tears in his eyes eventually he reached the cross and joined both his hands,
"What is it my lord?"

"Peter, i can see the roof of your house."

My dad has the heart of a lion

Long story short he is no longer allowed in a zoo

Court Ruling from the UK

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should’ve custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulation...

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.

They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off". The engineer agreed to go...

My dad had a rule that if we farted in the car we had to pay him 10 dollars out of our $100 monthly allowance.

He always got his ten per scent.

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman...

...were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to ...

Why aren't people in the Afghanistan allowed to watch TV.

Because of the telly ban

The Story of a Man and his Chicken

Back in the before-times, people were allowed to go to these things called "movies". This one guy wanted to bring his pet chicken to one of these movies, but unbeknownst to him, chickens weren't allowed in the theater. So, distraught, the man headed home with his chicken.

But on the way, he w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am able to suck my period blood back into my vagina...

Allow me to demenstruate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American anthropologist is studying cultures throughout Western Africa.

He discovers an isolated civilization in the West African Jungle. It’s a small village with wooden houses and plenty of domesticated animals. The anthropologist is impressed by the organization of the village and becomes eager to learn more about the culture of it’s inhabitants.

He approa...

QUESTION: Are we allowed to make dead baby jokes here?

if so, I gotta swing home and grab one out of my freezer

My best friend Mat and I were captured by wild Indians

We pleaded and begged that they let us go. They finally conceited to allow Mat to take three trials. Ahead of us were three tepees. The chief told us the first had five barrels of fire water Mat must drink. The second had a grizzly bear with a wicked tooth ache, Mat must pull it's bad tooth. The thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men, called Joe, Barry and Donald, were walking through some wild lands.

They were suddenly captured by some tribal people who turned out to be cannibals. Somehow they conveyed to these cannibals that they didn't want to be eaten. The cannibals conferred for a bit and decided that they'll let the men go on one condition. They told them that they can go if the individual ...

A man walks into a bar with a dog

“We don’t allow dogs in here,” says the bartender.

“Oh but this dog can talk!” Says the man. “Look: Dog, how’s your day going?”

“Rough!” Says the dog.

“Nice try,” says the bartender. “But seriously, take the dog out.”

“No, he can really talk!” Says the man. “Let me try ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.