How many tickles does it take to turn on a anime girl?

Tentacles

What happens if you don't turn on your computer for a year

It loses it's drive

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Ten. But number four will shock you.

How does dracula turn on his victims?

He sucks them!

I heard that by law you have to turn on your lights when it’s raining in Sweden

How the hell am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?!

Guys don't turn on the news right now

There are spoilers for season 1, Handmaid's Tale

I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my home. it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV, my PS4 and my legos were fine. But the room was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps

I was delighted.

I hate when I turn on my computer at work

And it says loading your personal settings.

I'm like "Woah, this is strictly a professional relationship".

“Alexa, turn on CNN. I want to hear the news.”

“You’ll have to pick one or the other.”

How does a Memphis girl turn on her bedroom light?

She opens the car door...

Two figures watched from the balcony as the performance of "The King in Yellow" came to an end. Turning to the audience, they watched those unfortunate enough to still be alive turn on each other. Hideous screams and mad laughter echoed as blood flew through air. Finally, one of the figures spoke.

"Well, looks like the play drove the audience completely insane. They're ripping each other apart down there!"

"After paying twenty bucks for tickets to that snooze-fest, I feel like going crazy too!"

*"Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!"*

Dad : Did you turn on the AC?

Son: I don't know what the AC likes, dad.

Dad: And yet you think why you're not even remotely in a relationship with a girl.

How many Sony and Microsoft fanboys does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

I don't know. They won't go near the Switch.

I tried to build a computer out of wood, but it wouldn't turn on.

All bark and no byte.

What do you call a transphobe that can turn on 50 lights at once?

A Jenner-hater

how old did the brit turn on his birthday

FOR TEA!!!

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

What did the man say to his pet bear after buying her a computer and the computer wouldn't turn on and he ended up calling his cousin who works at the computer company and the cousin came down from Milwaukee to show them how to connect everything to make the computer work?

Sorry for the complicated setup.

How do the French turn on their computers?

By pressing Ctrl+Alt+Retreat.

My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?"

Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?"

How do male pray mantises turn on their partners?

They give them a little head.

How does the Alchemist turn on his girlfriend?

Elixir.

How do you turn on a switch?

You finger it

My wife got mad at me because apparently turn on the veg doesn't mean..

Finger her disabled sister

So my friend asked me for advice on things he could do to turn on his girlfriend.

I replied “make sure you replace her batteries, and flip the switch to the left.”

Friend: I can't turn on my computer

Me: I can help you with that

*strokes computer*

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Turning on your computer

My girlfriend and I were arguing about who had touched the air conditioner last, because it wouldn't turn on.

Needless to say, things got pretty heated.

A husband thinks his wife is cheating on him so he asks her to turn on the blender...

when he calls her on his lunch break at work.

The husband calls, asks if she's home, and if she could turn on the blender for proof.
She turns it on.

The next day, the husband calls again.
The wife turns on the blender.

The next day, husband calls, wife turns on the blende...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm going to invent a button that you kick to turn on your computer

and call it DOS boot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was told to turn on the water hose

I was told to turn on the water hose.

Responded
"I don't know anything about mermaid sexuality"

Did you hear about the new heated children's gloves that would turn on and off without warning?

Did you hear about the new heated children's gloves that would turn on and off without warning?

They worked inter-mitten-ly

How does ISIS turn on their water heater?

They light the pilot on fire.

A new survey shows that a fifth of British men have no idea how to turn on the washing machine.

I find chocolates or flowers usually do the trick.

A man doesn't know how to turn on his freezer

He goes to his friend for help. Happy to help, his friend explains what to do.
His friend asks "do you need me to explain it anymore?"
The man says "No thanks, icy now".

How do you turn on a lamp?

By seducing it

What kind of dog can turn on your car?

Yorkies

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