Turn On Jokes - 29 Hilarious Turn On Jokes

How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

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By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it is raining in Sweden.

How the hell am I supposed to know if its raining in Sweden?

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My dogs only like me when I turn on the AC

I guess that's what they call, *airconditional love*.

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“Alexa, turn on CNN. I want to hear the news.”

“You’ll have to pick one or the other.”

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How many tickles does it take to turn on a anime girl?

Tentacles

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Every time I’m having a microwave meal, I turn on the movie “The Golden Eye”.

The instructions say —Pierce film before cooking.

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Today my boyfriend told me that honesty is a major turn on for him

Big if true.

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Every time I turn on my friend’s mustang it sprays this weird fluid everywhere

And apparently he doesn’t want me to come over and take care of his horses anymore

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Why did the Easter kangaroo turn on the light?

Because it was so dark. (Original joke by my 3 year old. I'm dying)

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In the age of streaming, I don't get why I have to watch re-runs from the 60/70s whenever I turn on the TV

Inflation going rampant, NASA going to the moon, Russia/US on the brink of war.....

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Guys don't turn on the news right now

There are spoilers for season 1, Handmaid's Tale

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How many Sony and Microsoft fanboys does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

I don't know. They won't go near the Switch.

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What happens if you don't turn on your computer for a year

It loses it's drive

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I hate when I turn on my computer at work

And it says loading your personal settings.

I'm like "Woah, this is strictly a professional relationship".

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How do you turn on a switch?

You finger it

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How does the Alchemist turn on his girlfriend?

Elixir.

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My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?"

Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?"

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How does a Memphis girl turn on her bedroom light?

She opens the car door...

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I tried to build a computer out of wood, but it wouldn't turn on.

All bark and no byte.

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how old did the brit turn on his birthday

FOR TEA!!!

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How do the French turn on their computers?

By pressing Ctrl+Alt+Retreat.

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How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

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What day is it when you turn on reddit?

Groundhog day.

Same old, same old jokes.

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So my friend asked me for advice on things he could do to turn on his girlfriend.

I replied “make sure you replace her batteries, and flip the switch to the left.”

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little ...

My wife got mad at me because apparently turn on the veg doesn't mean..

Finger her disabled sister

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What do you call a transphobe that can turn on 50 lights at once?

A Jenner-hater

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How does ISIS turn on their water heater?

They light the pilot on fire.

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I finally got my turn on Dall-E and wanted to give it a real challenge so I asked it to render a bilious pile of rancid garbage with no hope, joy or radiance whatsoever.

Bloody waste of my turn, I could’ve taken a selfie anytime.

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