UPJOKE
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I wrote a book about falling down the stairs

It’s a step-by-step guide

I saw this poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself.

I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than $1.50 in her wallet.

How to Fall Down the Stairs

Step 1

Step 2

Step 5

Step 9

Step 12

Floor

I'm worried I will fall down the stairs one day...

I'd take steps to avoid it, but that's sort of the problem.

How to fall down the stairs

Step one
Step two
Step three


Step six

Step eight



Step twelve
FLOOR

What do you call an arrogant criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None, reports say he fell

I threw a Chinese man down the stairs...

It was Wong on so many levels.

What do you call a wizard that fell down the stairs?

Tumbledore!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer is walking down the stairs of his law firm.

This guy is dressed in an expensive suit, he's wearing shoes made from an extinct reptile and orphan tears, and He's walking to his brand new Lamborghini. Just as he opens the driver side door a truck comes speeding through and tears the door from its hinges. The lawyer visibly shocked and pissed ye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a brothel

A man walks into a brothel one day and says to the woman: “I’m here to enjoy an evening with a young woman. Is this a fine establishment?”

The woman replies “oh absolutely! This is the finest establishment that you’ll find within a 300 mile radius!”

The man states “great! I have a 12 i...

There were 3 men in a brothel. One going up the stairs, one in going down the stairs, and one in a room. What were their nationalities?

The man going up the stairs was Russian.

The man going down the stairs was Finnish.

And the man in the room, Himalayan.

What do you call a man falling down the stairs with a hard on?

Rock and roll

A old woman visits a doctor after a falling down the stairs, injuring her hip.

Doctor: “you took quite a tumble, you are going to need to take it easy and definitely avoid stairs for several weeks while you heal.”

Woman: “I suppose I could sleep downstairs, but what if I realize I need something and it is upstairs?”

Doctor: “Do you have a neighbor you could ask ...

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses.
He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or com...

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

Two Young Children Walk Down The Stairs

The 9 year old says to the 7 year old
“I think that we’re old enough to start swearing now.”

The 7 year old says
“Okay but when will we do it”

The 9 year old just says
“Follow my lead.”

They walk into the kitchen and their mother says
“What would you like for bre...

Blonde guy gets home from work...

Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting.

"Honey! Help! I'm having a heart attack!"

He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and dau...

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending!


(This has been my favorite joke for years, so I thought I’d share! :) Pretty sure I originally saw if from a tumblr post, it’s not my original joke)

Did you hear about the paleontologist who tripped down the stairs?

He broke his Ankylosaurus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says...

"Wait, honey, there's somethin' I need you to know. I'm a virgirn"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out. He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her da...

A short man was just convicted of a felony and was going down the stairs with his lawyer and the deputies

His lawyer said, "you should have listened to me, stupid!"

I'm like wow - that's a little con descending.

(Offensive) How do people in wheelchairs go down the stairs?

Fast...

How does Harry Potter get down the stairs? By walking.

J.K. Rowling...

Did you hear about the guy who fell down the stairs at the airport?

Damn near missed the whole flight

Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch an...

How to fall down the stairs

Step1
Step2
Step3
Step6
Step12

I stepped on a bottle of medicine and fell down the stairs...

... that’s the last time I trip on robotussin.

Three years ago my brother came running down the stairs yelling “It’s a boy, it’s a boy!”

That’s the last time we visited Thailand

A child's father has fell down the stairs.

-"Mommy, mommy", child shouted.
-"What?" said his mom.
-Daddy fell down the stairs!
-Really? And what did he say?
-Can I use curse words?
-No.
-Daddy fell down silently.

What do you call a snarky thief going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.



Sorry if this is a repost. Heard it yesterday and thought you all would enjoy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman was shot 3 times in the stomach.

She survived, luckily enough, and so were her unborn children. Triplets, she found out soon enough. Two girls and a boy.

They were born with absolutely no problems, healthy babies and unaffected by the trauma.

Fast forward 13 years, she's sitting in her kitchen, enjoying a cup of coff...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my girlfriend were going to a Halloween party last year and my girlfriend came down the stairs wearing nothing but boots.

I asked her “What are you suppose to be?” She said, “Puss in boots.” So I went into the kitchen and put a potato on my penis. When I came back out, she asked me, “What are you suppose to be?” I said, “If you can be puss in boots, then I can be a dictator…”

A Woman, pregnant with twins, falls down the stairs and is in a coma.

In the hospital she wakes from her coma in a panic to find that she is no longer pregnant. They babies are out of her belly and gone!

A doctor soon enters the room with the frantic woman.

"Take it easy miss. Everything is fine. You were in a coma. But we were able to safely birth your ...

Did you hear the one about the tiny prisoner who went down the stairs?

It's a little condescending. ;)

So I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar...

and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How my Husband and I Terrified a Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy went down the stairs from the 20th floor while looking out the window downstair of each floor

Then once he reached the ground floor he hugged the man sitting outside. Then the man said "what the fuck? Do I know you???" Then the guy said "i knew you when you were very little"

How many deputies did it take to push the inmate down the stairs?

None, he fell.

I work as a Detention Deputy, and that's one of my favorite jokes to tell the inmates.

My wife yelled down the stairs that I was courting disaster.

"No honey," I called up, "we have been married for nearly seven years."

What did the Calvinist say after he fell down the stairs?

"Well, glad I got that over with."

How many times is this guy going to fall down the stairs?

Until he sticks the landing. Full story---> I could hardly sleep last night because two of my tenants were up all night drinking and taking their medicine. As he was trying to take a cab to his doctors appointment, he fell down the stairs. I didnt want to move him in case his head or neck was ...

What happens to a woman who falls down the stairs?

Nothing, as long as she doesn't drop my beers

I pushed a hipster down the stairs today...

He's still Tumbling!

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