Set your WiFi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone asks, tell them it's 12345678

Set you Wifi password to 244466666

So you can say the password is 123456.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Principal: Sorry for calling you in, but your son set the school on fire.

Parents: Arson?

Principal: Yes, your son.

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A few days after Christms, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her yoing son playing with his new train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman listen’s in on her 4 year old playing with his train set

“All those getting off, go on fuck off, and all those gettin on fucking hurry up”

The woman smacks his bum and sends him upstairs till he’s learned his lesson.

2 hours later the boy comes back down, says sorry to his mum and carries on playing, Mum listens in:

”all those depart...

The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he’s calling an importa...

Money-wise I’m set for life,

Provided I die next Tuesday

I was set up on a blind date the other day by my friend, as I was getting ready he said "heads up, she's expecting a baby"

Now I feel pretty daft sitting in this restaurant wearing a diaper

My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50 and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars. I said, “That’s outrageous!”

He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”

The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me.

Nobody expects the span is in position.

I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set all by my self.In a moment of panic,I threw a bedsheet over it

I think I managed to cover my tracks

Marsians took an American, a German and a Russian prisoners. They locked each of them in a separate room and gave each one a 10 litre bottle of vodka, stating that that whoever manages to drink all of his will be set free, otherwise they will be executed.

The next morning the Marsians discover the American, dead on the floor, having drunk only 1 litre.

In the next room, the see the German, passed out, having drunk only three litres. They take him to the pit of death where he is executed.

The Russian however, was banging on the door all ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A businessman has designed a clock which moves one minute forward whenever it hears someone swear. To test it, he decided to set it up in three different bars.

First he went to a Japanese bar and anonymously set up the clock on one of the walls.

A day later, he returns to that bar to see that the clock is only one minute too early from the current time.

He repeats the process, but now in an American bar.

A day later he returns to see t...

I heard a rumor that the next Legend of Zelda game is to be set in a Hyrule version of Spain. No one believes me

They don’t expect a Spanish Link decision

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

There was a Machete accident on the set of Spy Kids 5

now starring Tranny Trejo

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A famous sausage factor gets set on fire.

The flames quickly grew out of control and all near by fire departments are called. The owner of the factory told the firemen that his secret sausage recipe was stored in a vault inside. He proclaimed that the first department to fight off the fire and get the recipes would get a 50000 $ reward. All...

In light of the recent video surfacing, Drake has set the cutoff age for his concerts at 16.

Anyone over that is just too old.

My mother handed me $20

"Take your brother to see a movie for his birthday. Keep him out until 2:00 while your father and I set up his surprise party."

That was the day I realized my brother was the favourite twin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used to bang a set of twins.

People always asked how I could tell them apart. I said it's easy, Mary always paints her nails purple and George has a cock.

People are getting angry about an actor practicing cannibalism on a female actress during the production of an action movie set in ancient Rome.

Personally, I'm gladiator.

Mahatma Ghandi, as everybody knows, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet...

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What do you call a murder over a set of porcelain figurines in the middle of a rice field?

A knick-knack-paddy-wack

(100% stolen from somewhere, I still think it's funny)

A comic with the measles did a set at an anti-vaxxers conference.

Needless to say he killed.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

The husband puts ‘mypenis’ and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

At the beginning of the year I set a New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds...

Does losing £10,000 count?

I have a delivery van set as my profile picture on dating websites.

I just want the ladies to know what they’re getting into.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did god give woman 2 sets of lips?

So they can piss & moan at the same time.

Joe worked a office job working numbers. His wife is Larain. Joe hasn’t been in love with Larain for the past couple of years. He gets a new co worker named clearly and she is a dime piece. She sets next to him and after a couple of weeks they hit it off.

Clearly makes a pass at joe and let’s him know she likes him. Joe can’t leave his wife so he is in, a situation. A couple days later Joe is at work and his boss calls him in, he tells Joe that unfortunately his wife Larain has drove off a cliff and died. Joe to his bosses amazement lights up with jo...

Im so old, the DJ in this bar just dedicated his next set to me !

...and turned off the music

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

My ex says I set a bad example to our kids.

How's that true? They never even see me!

I set my WIFI password to 244466666

That way I can say "the password is one two, three four, five six"

Someone broke into my house so I hid in the closet with my phone, but I forgot to set it to silent...

Luckily when I got a text I managed to fake cough over it so he wouldn't hear

I got a set of false teeth put in but couldn't pay for them, so now I have to help out at the dentist's office

I guess that makes me an indentured servant

Why did the Indian set his friend's turban on fire?

It was a sikh joke.

A priest, a rabbi, and an engineer get caught by savages and are all set to be executed...

The priest lays down on the block, chanting his prayer profusely waiting for the guillotine to drop. The executioner pulls the lever, but the sharp blade stops inches before the preist's neck. The savages are scared of the preist's deity and lets him go. Next, the rabbi does the same and prays silen...

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I set up a page for Chinese Nazis

It's got its Third Reich on Facebook

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

I set my alarm 30 minutes before I need to get up every morning

I need 10 minutes to snooze, 10 minutes to sit on the end of my bed hating life, and 10 minutes to convince myself to take the noose off.

I met a guy who believes the Earth is flat. He set off on a journey to see for himself.

I'm sure he'll come around.

I decided to set up a store that only sells gravy, bone gravy, Oxo & Bisto.

If you want some, you'd better hurry, while stocks last.

We lost all the vowels from our Scrabble set.

So I sold it on Ebay as a Welsh edition.

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678

Edit: Holy moly! Wake up to a shiny gold. Thank you kind stranger.

Edit2: I can make a whole wordlist with all the password in here 😁.

Did you ever hear about the man who set pastries on fire?

He was a self proclaimed pie-ro-maniac.

Why did the sun never set on the British Empire?

Even God didn't trust the English in the dark.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A heavy set guy was showering at the gym when a gym rat hollered 'Hey man, how long since you seen your dick'? hahaha. 'Why dont you diet'?

Replying...'why, what color is it now'?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Girlfriend thinks i can set a world record for masturbation

Do you think I can pull it off?

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

In the year 1897 a young man named Jonathan Quimby set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect.

He started his journey full of excitement and hope. he'd purchased his nearly 2,000lbs of gear and supplies and two fine stock horses to help him carry it.

The voyage to Skagway was difficult. The seas were rough and Jonathan spent many hours at the rail, emptying his stomach into the frigid,...

I've set up a company to rid people of vampires.

I'm the main stakeholder.

On holiday in Moscow, my mother told me told me to set an early alarm or I would have to rush.

I told her not to worry because if I'm Russian, soviet.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I decided to set up my new nativity scene, but I made it keep true to the american spirit.

...and thus removed all the jews, foreigners, africans, and the immigrants.

I had nothing but sheep and a jackass. So... it's definitely an American Nativity Scene.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teetotaling woman walks into a bar dead set on getting people to stop drinking. She sits next to an older gentleman drinking a beer.

The woman asks, "Excuse me, how many beers do you drink per day?"

"Usually about three."

"And how much do you pay for a beer?"

"Including tip? About $5 per beer."

"How long have you been drinking beer?"

"Oh, about twenty years, I guess."

"So, at three beers ...

My wife said wasting what little money we have on a lock picking set was not a good investment.

But it’s actually opened a lot of doors for me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I once had a panic attack after accidentally swallowing a Lego set.

I was shitting bricks!

A criminal sets up a small souvenir shop in Australia selling glass Kangaroos as a front for his drug smuggling business

The detective working the case walks in and says
"I can see straight through your roos mate"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I finally decided to set up my VR device and watch some virtual porn.

Just as I was starting to enjoy it, my mom came in! I threw the headset off and tried to pretend nothing happened...

She'll be home any minute.

What time does the wicked witch have her clocks set to?

Greenwich mean time.

a friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic.

the sails were through the roof.

Liam Neeson never snowboards.

He has a very specific set of skis.

Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes’ diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...

To which Sherlock replied, “Why, that’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”

I couldn't afford a set of false teeth, but I found a guy who would make me a set in exchange for me doing some work around his house.

I guess you could say it was indentured servitude.

The set of natural numbers, the set of rational numbers, and the set of integers walk into a bar

Before long, they've had their fill and start causing drunken havoc, disturbing all the patrons. The bartender intends to get to the bottom of this matter. Reasoning that a mathematician would be able to help, he calls Bertrand Russell.

"Hey, I've got three sets in my bar and they're acting p...

My son thinks I set the bar too high for him as a child.

He never really got over it.

A journalist sets itself to find the saddest story in his region...

So he plans to go to the most remote area where civilization is still getting there slowly. One of the locals says that he can take him to Babka, the eldest person in the village, he agrees and goes to Babka's house. When he gets there, he greets Babka and tells him that he is a journalist looking f...

A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set.

The police suspect fowl play

I just saw someone had set up a little wedding chapel in their front yard.

It had a tasteful little altar, a lattice arch covered in white roses, the whole deal. The only thing I didn't understand was a vertical length of 2x4 lumber, placed in a hole in the ground so it stuck three feet high. Just then, I noticed someone who lived there open the front door and start wal...

This sub has really set a low bar for jokes...

Maybe that's why everyone keeps walking into it.

When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.

He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Catholic girl is set to marry a man from Greece...

The night before the wedding, the girl’s mother takes her aside and warns her about the reputation Greek men have:

“Now you listen to me, Sunshine- those Greeks like their sex... *a certain way*, if you catch my drift. If he ever tells you to flip over so he can have you another way, I want ...

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

Three hunters find a set of tracks in the woods

The first hunter says, “Hey guys, I think these are moose tracks!”

The second one says, “No, I’m pretty sure these are wolf tracks.”

The third one didn’t say anything, because they all got hit by a train.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A couple decide to set up a prostitution scheme to earn some extra cash...

The husband and wife agree that they need more money so the husband becomes the hustler and his wife decides to be the hooker.

One day they’re ready to start the scheme and are sat in the car. The husband says “right, you go off round the corner and wait for a customer and I’ll stay here as b...

Man walks into a bar carrying his friends head and sets it on the counter. His friend orders a shot...

The bartender hands the man the shot and he feeds it to his friend.

Poof! He grows a torso. Excited now the friend orders another shot and again the man feeds it to him.

Poof! He grows arms and legs. Pushing his luck he orders another and throws it back.

Poof! The friend disappe...

I set my old school books on fire yesterday.

Never before had they been so enlightening.

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

What has an IQ of 100 and a full set of teeth?

The front row at a NASCAR race.

3 men set out to travel across the desert

3 men are traveling across the desert and decide they’ll all only take one item to travel light. Man 1 is carrying a canteen, man 2 is carrying a lunch box, and man 3 is carrying just the door from his car.
Man 2 asks man 1 “what’s in your canteen?” He says “water. We get about a mile through thi...

Germany sets a new record in the world cups.

They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.

Alanis sets out to Vegas on her annual gambling trip.

On arrival, she heads straight to her usual Blackjack table, where she's greeted by the croupier, "Welcome back Mrs. Terr. The usual loan, I assume?"

She nods and he hands her $10,000 in chips.

After an hour, she's down to $20.

The croupier asks, "Same again, Mrs. Terr?", she n...

I'm making a silent film set in the Middle East

It's titled A Kuwait Place

***Breaking News*** UPS and FedEx set to merge this Friday!

...They're going to call it: FedUp

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a porn star do to stay calm on set?

Pictures everyone in their underwear.

A group of scientists and engineers teamed up to create the best and more responsive set of Breaks and Tires. That's like 120 km/h to 0 km/s in 2 seconds...

... now they need to create the strongest windshield.

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink...

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

... and says to the bartender “I’ll take a whiskey coke please.”

The bartender says “no worries I have just the thing.” And sets an apple on the counter.

The man, baffled, asks “what the hell is this, I wanted a whiskey coke.” 

The bartender says “take a bite.”

The man ta...