Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Idk, depends how hard you throw them.

The Mexicans are upset about Trump’s wall

but they’ll get over it.

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.

After that we never played Monopoly again.

I once saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.

I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.

I punched my wall today.

After punching my wall, it created a line. For fun, I decided to hammer a nail into the line. I really nailed the punchline.

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam

99 grenades hanging on the wall, 99 grenades hanging on the wall, and if one grenade was to accidentally fall...

There would be no grenades and no bloody wall!

You’re trapped in a room with unbreakable walls and no doors or windows. All you have is a computer. How do you get out?

Press the escape key.

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This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...

He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?"

The bartender replies, "It's a moose."

The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

What happens when an Asian guy with an erection runs into a wall?

He hurts his nose.

My sister said she can walk through walls so I called her a liar.

Then I saw her phase, now I'm a believer.

A woman successful gives birth to a baby after several hours of labour. The doctor takes the baby and leaves to perform some tests. Several minutes later, the doctor returns with the baby in his arms and then suddenly behind to punch it, kick it, throw it about the room and slam it against the wall.

The woman screams, "OH MY God! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY Baby!?" To which the doctor replies, " April fools! It was already dead!"

I’m hammering a nail into the wall when my wife comments “You hammer like lightning”

I replied “you think I’m that fast?”

She said “no. You never hit the same spot twice”

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Read this on a bathroom wall...

When I was young and had no sense.

I pissed on an electric fence

It shocked my dick,

it shocked my balls

And made me shit in my overalls

I named a spider on my wall cotton eyed joe

Because I have two questions,
Where did he come from,
And where did he go!?

Why don't they just build the wall out of Hillary's emails?

Nobody seems to be able to get over them.

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I went to Lowe’s after work to pick up a stud finder so I could wall mount a TV in the basement...

I get home and tell my wife that I think it’s broken because it’s been going off since the second I bought it.

She’s all confused and asks, “Why did you buy a broken one?”

Then I take the stud finder, wipe it across my chest and go, “Beep beep beep...I don’t know what’s wrong with th...

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Heard my neighbours shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall......turns out her elderly mother had fallen and cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her walking stick for help.....

feel a bit guilty about the wank now.

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A nun is in charge of painting the walls of a newly built classroom for Sunday School....

Not wanting to get paint on her habit, she decides that it would be best to strip completely naked. She closes the curtains, disrobes, and begins painting the room. Suddenly she hears a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" She asks.

"Blind man." Is the answer.

Thinking there is no ...

Written on bathroom wall

Three things I hate:

1. Vandalism
2. Lists
3. Sarcasm

Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

My son came up with this one...

I was walking to the bedroom with a 20-ounce drink. My son was hiding behind the wall and said "boo". He asked "were you scared?" I told him "no, but what if I were and spilled this drink all over myself?" He said "then that would be on you". I told him "nice pun". He still doesn't get it.

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Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's com...

What do Christmas ornaments, dry wall and Jeffery Epstein all have in common?

They don’t hang themselves.

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"Alright guys, we have lots of pictures to mount before the art gallery tonight. Like I said in the email, we'll have to use these adhesive hooks. Under no circumstances will you penetrate the wall with nails or screws. Tim, I've noticed you've already hung one picture. Great job.

Tim (hiding his drill and muttering under his breath): welp.. I screwed that up.

My neighbors, the Razzis, have more family photographs hanging from their wall than anyone I know.

Thanks to their Dad.

Papa Razzi.

What do you call the wizard that sticks to the wall?

Harry Poster

What's the best way to move 300 sheets of dry wall.

Just a little dumb funny thing my boss told me one day. When I first started construction I had to move 300 sheets of dry wall. After about 50 I asked him

"What's the best way to move all this dry wall?"

He said "hire someone else to do it for way less then what it's worth."

I s...

Locals have discovered a little hole in the wall of the women's bathroom

Police have said they're looking into it

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I used to live in a place with crazy thin walls.

I used to live in a place with super thin walls, which came with a lot of pros and cons

A big con was that at all times of day, you can hear people have nasty, carnal sex right next to you through the wall.

A pro, however, was that was if you knocked on the wall, and asked very nicely...

How can Mexicans get over the wall?

By using trumpolines.

sorry... I will see myself out.

What were the fish's last words before it hit a wall?

Dam

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

What did one wall say to the other wall?

“Let’s, uh, meet in the corner”

If Trump's favorite movie is WALL-E and his favorite store is Wal-Mart, what's his favorite nut?

The one that created Ivanka

Did you hear the joke about the high wall?

It’s hilarious I’m still trying to get over it!

Inappropriate times for the Kool-Aid Man to bust through the wall.

“I’m so glad you brought me here Jack, I’ve never seen the engine room of an Ocean Liner before.”

“Oh, no?”

**”Oh, Yeah!”**

We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall

Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.

There once was a man called John O’Malley. When John was young he loved tractors. He had posters of tractors on his wall, loads of toy tractors, he even named his dog “Tractor”!

One day, while John was driving his favorite tractor, a Massey Ferguson 5710SL, the vehicle caught on fire. Luckily John escaped but not without injury, the tractor had blown up and some shrapnel had hit John after he jumped out of the tractor. He was scarred, physically and mentally and absolutely ...

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

A group of robbers burst into a bank and line everybody inside up against the wall.

They then proceed to take anything of monetary value from the people. Among those about to be robbed are two bank accountants.
Suddenly, one of them thrusts something into the hand of the other.
“What’s this?” He whispered.
“It’s the fifty bucks I owe you.”

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “What are all those clocks?” St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that sh...

I know now why Trump wants to build a wall

It's been years since he managed to erect anything

My goal for next year is to save enough money to make myself a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it.

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop...

to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. H...

Whats a similarity between Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd?

Their last big hit was the wall

You know what really drives elderly people up the wall?

Stairlifts

Two fish were having a race underwater when one of them hits a wall. What does the other fish say?

Dam

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Guy sitting in a bar notices a sign on the wall that says, "Lawyers are assholes".

"Hey, I resent that!"


"Why? You a lawyer?"


"No, I’m an asshole."

An old dime store novel writer walks into a saloon...

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

A chemist walks into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall.

“What’s wrong with him?” he asks his assistant.
“He came in for some cough syrup,” the assistant explains “but I couldn’t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead”.
“What?!” the chemist says, horrified. “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
“Of course you can,” the assist...

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An Amish boy and his father are visiting a nearby mall. They are amazed by almost everything they see, but especially by two shiny silver walls that move apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asks, “What is this, father?”



The father, having never seen an elevator, responds, “I have no idea what it is.”



While the boy and his father are watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to the moving walls and presses a button. The walls open and...

The big moron and the little moron were sitting on a wall. The big moron fell off but the little one didn't. Why?

Because he was a little moron

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall...



The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives...

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Some pervert broke into my house today and jerked off on my wall.

It’s ok though. It was a load bearing wall.

A Roman centurion walls into a bar...

He holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers please”.

During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall while carrying the coffin and when they do so they hear a faint moan...

So they open the casket only to find that the woman inside is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years after this and then eventually dies and so there's another funeral for her.

At the end of the service, as the pallbearers carry out the casket, the husband cries out, "Watch out fo...

So the other day, I was curious what would happen if I licked a wall outlet...

So I did it...



Needless to say, I was shocked.

Why can't Madonna walk through walls?

Because we're living in a material world and she's a material girl.

Trump ran on wanting to build a wall. And I think that’s his one good idea, because walls work. It’s irrefutable.

I was in China last year. I didn’t see one Mexican.



\- Jimmy Carr

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

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The FBI had an open position for an assassin...

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the ci...

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.

What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?


Rick O Shea

You use a telescope for looking through space and a periscope for looking through water. But what do you use to look through walls?

A window.

Feel old yet?

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.". Well . . . you'll love this one..The stuff is from a lady called Amy

"My name is Amy. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his ...

Hey Trump supporters, can I tell you a joke about the wall?

Never mind, you won’t get it.

A Wall Street accountant asked me if she is too fat for her suit.

I told her she’s too big to fail.

What room has no walls, no floor and no ceiling ?

A mushroom.

(waiting for JokeExplainBot to explain it)

16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16

A man is walking down the street in a small town where there is an insane asylum contained by a 20 foot brick wall at the end of the block. Behind the wall he can hear the inmates roaring "16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16, 16" and he wonders what is happening. The roar grows loude...

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick wall?

A: A brick wall's only been laid once.

A man and a woman are having their firstborn child

Several hours after the baby is delivered the doctor rushes out to the waiting room where the man is and says “SIR WE’VE DISCOVERED YOUR BABY CAN FLY!!! Come quickly!!” The man, astonished by this news, rushes with the doctor to the room where his wife and child are. The doctor picks the baby up and...

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What do you call nuts on the wall? -Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? - Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin?... ? ? .. nothing because you’ve got a mouth full of dick.

Lool my uncle told me this yesterday it is an absolute cracker ;)

As I parked, my friend said I wasn’t totally perpendicular to the wall.

I checked on it and I guess he was right to a certain degree

First thing every morning I punch a brick wall as hard as I can

Because your best days start with break fist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Ch...

Why are there walls around a cemetery

Because people are dying to get in

Why do people never do themselves what they want others to do? BUILD BRIDGES NOT WALLS!!!

No u.

What do you get when you mix alcohol and wall painting?

Plastered.

This is the only joke I know. Spooktober appropriate.

A cemetery caretaker is feeling ill after a long day's work and decides to head into town to get some medicine before going to bed.

It is still pretty light out and the drug store is only a few miles from his house on the graveyard property, so he decides the walk might do him some good. ...

I didn't volunteer in the Army - I was forced to join by parents

I wasn't going to make life easy for anyone. During my medical tests, the doctor asked softly,

Can you read the letters on the wall?

What letters? I answered shrewdly.

"Good", said the doctor.

"You passed the hearing test."

Have you heard about the guy who drove his S-Class into a wall?

He wanted to see how his Mercedes bends.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump’s wall is just like his penis.

He keeps talking about how great it will be, but nobody wants to see it, and he can’t even get it up.

Although we may never see Trump Wall...

... we all just got to see Trump Cave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I decided to brighten my neighborhood by decorating my boundary wall with dildos

My neighbour is livid but his wife is still on the fence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vampire walks into a bar..

A vampire walls into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for a cup of hot water. The bartender replies "I thought you guys drank blood.." The vampire pulls a used tampon out of his pocket and says "I'm making tea".

A man bought a bar

A couple years after running the place by himself, he noticed a stray puppy living in the alley behind it. He took the dog in and they became inseparable.

He named the dog Blackie and brought her to work with him every day. He taught her some bar tricks that the customers absolutely loved, e...

Who is paying for the wall?

Mexico
Mexic
Mexi
Mex
Me

Trump should hire the Chinese to build the wall.

They had one for over 2000 years and they still don't have any Mexicans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A foreign father and son walked into a mall for the first time...

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "*What is this Father?*"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "*Son, I have never seen anything like this ...

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a ...

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