Do It Jokes

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southe... read more

The husband said she always goes to the grocery store on Thursday so they decided to do it then. The day came and unbeknownst to Arti, the wife brought her friend with her so he strangled them both inside the grocery. The headline in the local newspaper the following day said...

ARTICHOKES ... read more

Seven heard you should eat three squared meals a day.

Bob and Marty were out drinking one night and were talking. Bob: I just can't seem to fool my wife, no matter what I do. I park the car a block from the house and walk the rest of the way. I enter the house as quietly as I can. I take of my shoes before I slowly climb the stairs. I get undressed in... read more

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

So they both can watch the hockey game.

Somehow he thinks it's inappropriate for 'suicide prevention hotline'

Run for president.

You don’t need to remind him every six months.

Bust a nut to break the ice

On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

“Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

Ooooooooooooooooooooo!

When my wife and I got married we only got 0.50$ of combined wealth.

I was wandering around in the fruit market in desperation, that was when I saw an apple for 50 cents. I was so hungry that I spent our 50 cents in a blink of an eye. On one apple.

But then it hit me: What have I done?... read more

I talked a girl out of jumping off a bridge yesterday. I spent 3.5 hours talking her out of it quietly and calmly.

She seemed pretty grateful afterwards but the guy running the bungie jump looked **very** angry.

It’s a trap.

So they both can watch the hockey game.



(Told to me by my 11th grade English teacher, who should have known better. Shame on you, Mr. Avril.)

A man bought what he thought was a porcelain tea pot at a trader's market,when he finally made it home he was polishing it before putting it in his China cabinet. Smoke began pouring out of it and low and behold a genie appeared. The genie told the man he had three wishes,the only thing is your ex w... read more

1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus



Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat the... read more

And then I sit on the toilet.

Two-Fapper Authentication

It’s my way or the Huawei.

What a rip-off.

Three from my side:

Your Mama So Fat,

when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

###I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.

There is no point in reminding him every 6 months

To dissolve the sugar

When three people do it, it's called threesome.
Now I think I know why all my friends call me handsome...