UPJOKE
knowmake outwhattakebonkbedscreweffhumpjazzbanglovemake lovehave intercoursehave it away

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome. When 3 people do it it's called a threesom

I guess that's why they call me handsome...

Six is afraid of seven because 7 8 9, but why did seven do it?

Seven heard you should eat three squared meals a day.

That's how to do it...

Bob and Marty were out drinking one night and were talking. Bob: I just can't seem to fool my wife, no matter what I do. I park the car a block from the house and walk the rest of the way. I enter the house as quietly as I can. I take of my shoes before I slowly climb the stairs. I get undressed in...

A guy wanted his wife dead so he hired Crazy Arti to murder her. Arti said he would do it for a dollar because, well, he's crazy.

The husband said she always goes to the grocery store on Thursday so they decided to do it then. The day came and unbeknownst to Arti, the wife brought her friend with her so he strangled them both inside the grocery. The headline in the local newspaper the following day said...

ARTICHOKES ...

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italians do it better

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Luigi was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“If you don’t do it you might regret it” said the heart. “But you might get hurt” spoke the brain. “We think you should go for it” said the guts

“Just what the HELL was that?!?” protested the anus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did u do it so well?

Couple claiming Virginity:
Girl: If this is your 1st time, then how did u do it so well?

Boy: If this is your 1st time, then how do u know that I did well???

Why do Canadians do it doggy style?

So they both can watch the hockey game.

My boss hates that I have started saying 'just do it'

Somehow he thinks it's inappropriate for 'suicide prevention hotline'

You have 3 months to spend 500 million dollars and get nothing in return, how do you do it?

Run for president.

When a man says he will do something, he will do it.

You don’t need to remind him every six months.

If you’re having trouble talking to girls just do it like Scrat from Ice Age

Bust a nut to break the ice

Getting married is great. But, before you do it, there are some things you have to consider.

On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

“Do you really have to lick the knife?” she asked frowning. “Sorry, force of habit!” I chuckled. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?”

“Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

How does the lipless cow do it?

Ooooooooooooooooooooo!

Don't do it !!!

I talked a girl out of jumping off a bridge yesterday. I spent 3.5 hours talking her out of it quietly and calmly.

She seemed pretty grateful afterwards but the guy running the bungie jump looked **very** angry.

If anyone ever asks you to spell “part” backwards don’t do it…

It’s a trap.

Why do Canadians do it doggy-style?

So they both can watch the hockey game.



(Told to me by my 11th grade English teacher, who should have known better. Shame on you, Mr. Avril.)

Foolproof: How I became a billionnaire in just 15 days. You can do it too.

When my wife and I got married we only got 0.50$ of combined wealth.

I was wandering around in the fruit market in desperation, that was when I saw an apple for 50 cents. I was so hungry that I spent our 50 cents in a blink of an eye. On one apple.

But then it hit me: What have I done?...

Thatll do it.

A man bought what he thought was a porcelain tea pot at a trader's market,when he finally made it home he was polishing it before putting it in his China cabinet. Smoke began pouring out of it and low and behold a genie appeared. The genie told the man he had three wishes,the only thing is your ex w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's amazing, when a dog licks its own anus it's perfectly normal. But when I do it...

I get arrested for bestiality.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't Do It!

A slightly tipsy woman is watching TV and yells: "Don't go to the church you dumb bitch! Don't do it!"

Her husband askes: "What are you watching?"

She replies: "Our wedding video!"

Do It Yourself COVID Test

1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus



Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat the...

Every morning I tell myself, "You have so much within you. You can do it!"

And then I sit on the toilet.

If beating your meat can help you get Post-nut Clarity, maybe it is better do it twice for really important decisions to have

Two-Fapper Authentication

What do asians say when they want to do it their way?

It’s my way or the Huawei.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Father always told me if it takes 5 minutes...Do it now.

Now, I’m a chronic masturbator.

I can't believe my doctor charged me $20,000 for a circumcision! He didn't even do it right.

What a rip-off.

The most hilarious Yo Mama Jokes, Let's do it guys!

Three from my side:

Your Mama So Fat,

when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

My wife and I do it doggy style....

###I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.

If your man says he will do the job, he will damn do it

There is no point in reminding him every 6 months

Why do brits stir coffee clockwise and italians do it anticlockwise?

To dissolve the sugar

When two people do it, it's called twosome.

When three people do it, it's called threesome.
Now I think I know why all my friends call me handsome...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ten bucks says you won't do it.

So this man walks into a bar, and notices a large jar on the counter stuffed with cash. He orders a drink, and he asks the bartender, "What's the deal with the jar?"
The bartender replies, "You put ten bucks in, complete the challenge, and you win the jar."
"So what's the challenge?"
"Sorry...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.