How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won't screw.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead bodies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Obviously not 8 because my basement is still dark

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.



It's cake day : )

Edit: thanks for my first silver kind stranger!
A Gold also! Thank you very much!

How many Chinese leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they prefer it when their civilians are in the dark about everything.

How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. They hold on the bulb, and the world revolves around them.

How many Trump supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I’m not sure, but they haven’t even bought the bulb yet. Guess they’re still waiting for the Mexicans to pay for it.

A woman walks into a hardware store and asks if she could get a screw for a shelf.

The employee says no, but you can blow me for one.

How many Chinese people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on how many jump off the roof in the process.

How many students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but they'll leave it till last minute to Turnitin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed.

At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow. Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has 100 balls and screws old ladies???

BINGO!!!

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb

Let's go play with our bikes

How many small people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

At least 2, but they gotta be small enough to get inside the light bulb

How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb.

I don’t know. They arrested the lightbulb for being broke. And beat the room for being black.

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only two: One to promise a bright future and another one to screw it up.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb

Seven: One to do it, and six others saying "psh, I can do that better."

How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Probably just one. Blonds may be dumb, but I’m sure they can handle as simple a task as screwing in a lightbulb.

*hears a loud crash in the next room*

I stand corrected.

How many Reddit users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one to do it the first time, then countless others telling their own version of the task in a repost.

How many pessimists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who cares? They’ll just find a way to screw it up.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It’s a really obscure number, you’ve probably never heard of it.

Why did the congressmen screw over the spider?

Because she was a black widow.

How many redditors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well technically they don’t actually screw in the light-bulbs, they only copy and paste them.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who cares, let ‘em cry in the dark

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

What is it called when you screw a girl that's had 10 abortions.

A graveyard smash.

What is the similarity between a pilot and an air traffic controller?

If the pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If the air traffic controller screws up, the pilot dies.

A good one to say when you screw up

"Call me German because I'm the wurst."

How many 14 year old boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb

Hehe I said screw

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Seven



One to promote the project to the public and congress

One to write the bill and bring it to congress

One to approve the bill once it has been brought up

One to secure the zoning rights once the bill has passed

One to allocate the necessary funds from ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many political pundits does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just bitch about how the darkness is the other party's fault.

What does a screw do if it wants to be chauffeured.

It gets a Screwdriver.

Why do Priests screw altar boys

Because nothing should be tighter than an altar boy's bond with god

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do politicians and sex workers have in common?

They both get paid to screw you.

What's the difference between a staple and a screw?

I couldn't tell you because I've never been stapled.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together...

...when they spot a 10-year old boy. The priest says to the rabbi, "Hey, let's screw him!" The rabbi replies, "Outta what?"

Donkey screws a girl

A new circus rolls into New York. Despite the new and wonderful acts, the circus keeps running at half-house.

Worried about his fortunes, the circus owner erects a board saying, 'Never seen before Act, at an invitational price of $69.... Donkey Screws a Girl'

As predicted, the show qui...

How many Trumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, because mini hands make light work.

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