How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only two: One to promise a bright future and another one to screw it up.

How many redditors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None they just copy and paste other people’s lightbulbs into the socket and get all the credit

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Apparently not 17, cuz my basement is still dark

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What has 75 balls and screws old women?

Bingo

Why do Priests screw altar boys

Because nothing should be tighter than an altar boy's bond with god

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many political pundits does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just bitch about how the darkness is the other party's fault.

how many harry potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

one he holds it up and the world revolves around him

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, one to screw it in and one to hold the penis—- I mean, ladder.

What's the difference between a staple and a screw?

I couldn't tell you because I've never been stapled.

How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hippies don’t screw in light bulbs. They screw in dirty sleeping bags.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

How many incels does it take to screw a lightbulb?

It doesnt matter how many try, they cant screw anything.

How many "Suh dudes" does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None.. Cause it's already Lit fam.

Donkey screws a girl

A new circus rolls into New York. Despite the new and wonderful acts, the circus keeps running at half-house.

Worried about his fortunes, the circus owner erects a board saying, 'Never seen before Act, at an invitational price of $69.... Donkey Screws a Girl'

As predicted, the show qui...

How many Trumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, because mini hands make light work.

How many baby boomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just enough so that they can say they're better than millennials.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many incels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

But then he'll get mad and smash the bulb because the girl he changed it for wouldn't have sex with him in return.

How many Trump supporters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What light bulb? There is no light bulb and never was. Liberals broke the light bulb. Fake news.

You get in a fight with a guy and he says to you, "Nobody screws with me, punk!". How do you reply?

"Well, one day you'll find the right girl, and all that will change."

​



\-credit to Police Academy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to screw in a penis?

Err, ahh, lightbulb.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many pornstars does it take to screw in Trump’s lightbulb?

We’re not sure. A great number have been screwing, but the lightbulb has yet to come on.

How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just 1 - they know a lot of turning tricks.

Tumblr told a lot of their users to go screw themselves

Just not on their site.

How many Ancient Egyptians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh! You're a conspiracy theorist too?

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.

I have a robot that tightens screws and nuts

I call it Turner.

I got called into Human Resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked point blank, if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to screw off, as my politics was my business! They still fired me though...

...turns out aircraft are really expensive to fix...

How do you get Bill Clinton to screw in a lightbulb?

Tell him the lightbulb is an intern.

Screw that clown from IT.

Always joking around when he should be fixing my computer.

A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library...

He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the g...

What do you do if you want a quick screw?

Nut & bolt

In America, you put in screws.

In Soviet Russia, Putin screws you.