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Hump Jokes

What do you call a camel with three humps?

Humphrey

A baby camel asks his father, “Dad, why do we have a hump on our back?”

The dad replies, "So that we can store water in those."


He then asks, "Why do we have hooves then?"


The dad replies, "To prevent our feet from sinking in the sand."


After thinking this over, he then asks, "Then why do we have big eyelids?”



The dad rep...

Hump day joke.

A one humped camel married a two humped camel and they had a baby that had no humps. What did they name the child?

Humphrey.

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NSFW Nearly humped a ladyboy

In Thailand and man it was so close, she looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady.. It was only when she drove me home and reversed perfectly into my drive 1st time, I thought to myself, "hang on a fuckin minute"!

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick him up and blow him.

Why couldn't this guy stop humping a bell?

Because it was A-dick-ting

I once went on safari and saw a giraffe humping an antelope.

Thinking back, I probably should’ve used google chrome.

A man was walking his kid home from the park when the kid suddenly noticed two dogs humping...

"dad,"the kid asks."what are those two dogs doing over there?"his dad thinks real quick,"well son, isn't it obvious. That one dog obviously broke his leg and the other one is helping him home."the kid fires back,"wouldn't you know it Dad. You go to help a friend out like that and all he does is f***...

My dog has been humping pillows… I think he learned it from watching me.

I’m just glad he’s still afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement?

A camel - I put in the cement just to make it harder.

I once heard my car honking repeatedly and went outside to see my Pitbull in the front seat humping the steering wheel

Always knew he was a horn dog

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Why did the man go to prison for humping a road?

Sexual Asphalt Charges.

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There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

My 5 year olds goto joke: What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Pregnant.

My dog likes to hump her bed

Yeah, she likes it ruf

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NSFW, (Not Safe For Anyone). How do you keep a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and suck his dick

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A man was humping his secretary in his office up her ass when....

His wife walks in on them unannounced.

Horrified, she screams " Honey, you can't do this to me".

Man calmly replies"Right, that's why I am doing it to her".

What happens if you hump a whale?

They humpback

Happy Hump Day!

Unless you're alone like me, in which case it's just a regular Wednesday.

A humped man(bad grammar sorry)

A humped man walk around cemetery. Suddenly,a ghost appear and ask a man."Do you have hump"? A man says:Yes I have."So give me that",says ghost a takes a man hump. Man straighten up himself,walk away happily.Another day he meet a friend without legs.He say:Hey I can normally walk,there is a ghost on...

What’s the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pit bull humping your leg?

You let the pit bull finish.

A blind guy and a hunchback…

A blind guy and a hunchback were drinking in a bar. The hunchback suddenly remembered he promised his wife he would be home before midnight. So he rushes home, taking a shortcut through the cementery.


While walking through this cemetery he suddenly hears: “BOO, i am a ghost, what’s on y...

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How can you stop your dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and suck his dick.

How can you tell if your dog's gay?

If his dick tastes like dogshit.

That’s the thing about humping mimes....

You never hear them coming.

What do you call a three humped camel?

Pregnant.

(Credit goes to the trailer of Zootopia)

My friend said he wanted to go to Brazil and hump a wild lion. That's ridiculous.

There are no wild lions in Brazil!

In a restaurant this dog started humping my leg.

Completely ruined the taste of my chicken.

What do you call a three-humped camel?

A cancer patient.

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Yesterday, my dog was humping my leg

So stupid, had to show him where my butthole was.

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Saw this squirrel humping an acorn the other day

It was fuckin nuts

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Superman is flying around, super horny.

He's flying over a building when he sees Batgirl on the roof, totally naked, legs spread, moaning, "Give it to me. Give it to me!"
Superman thinks he might get in trouble with Batman if he bangs Batgirl, but she's begging for it and he can just use his super speed to get the job done quick. So h...

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[Nsfw] how do you get a dog to quit humping your leg?

How do you get a dog to quit humping your leg? Pick it up and start sucking it's dick.
[Told to me by a female friend]

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A farmer has an impotent bull.

After months of desperation and trying everything he asks for the help of a fellow farmer, who tells him to show the bull some hardcore porn. Despite the silly advice, he has nothing to lose. He sets up a projector in the barn and showers the bull with porn 24/7 for several days, and exposes him to ...

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Did you know that camels can last longer without water than sex?

They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.

Can you explain the difference between a noun and a verb?

"Hump" is a noun meaning "something on the back of a camel"... unless that thing is another camel, in which case, it's a verb.

You're welcome.

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What has two humps, moves slow and will spit in your eyes when angry?

My mother-in law.
You were almost right,
she has a huge camel toe!

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A farmer comes out to his shed to find a man humping his farm equipment

The farmer asks the man “what the hell are you doing son? The man replies “I’ve been having troubles with my wife and my therapist said to do something sexy to a tractor.”

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A man with no penis took Slowpoke out of its Poke Ball and started humping it.

It took Slowpoke a while to realize how badly fucked it was.

A man and his son stumble upon two dogs humping...

When the little boy asks his dad what the dogs are doing, he explains that they're making puppies.

Later that night, the man and his wife are going at it hot and heavy in the bedroom. The little boy stumbles in unannounced. In a panic, the parents hurriedly gather themselves.

The boy a...

What do you call two nerds dry humping on the couch?

Science friction.

A father and his 8 year old son are on a walk and come across two dogs humping.

"Dad, what are those dogs doing?" the boy asks.

"Well son, they're trying to make puppies."

That answer seemed to satisfy the son's curiosity, so no more was said about it and they finished their walk.

Later that night the boy had a nightmare and ran into his parent's room, onl...

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My dog, Grandpa

The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.

That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:

Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.

I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.

Gran...

I was at an Arab carvery one time and I ordered a slice of camel.

"Certainly, sir," said the attendant. "One hump or two?"

A Scotsman, an Australian and a Welshman are hanging out together on a farm...

The Scot notices a sheep that has become stuck in fence trying to squeeze in between the rails.

"I'll just be a minute, lads" says the Scot as he runs over and humps the helpless sheep.

After a good tussle, he rejoins his comrades as the Aussie pipes up:

"Well, I don't see why...

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Little Johnny was walking down the street with his dad...

and he says "Hey, Dad! I'll bet you $5 there's some dogs humping just around this corner!"
Dad considers how likely it would be, and says "You're on, kid!"
Once they get to the corner, they see the dogs going at it and Dad pays up.
So Dad calls Johnnys teacher. "Hey, my kid ha...

Baby camel asks its mother

Baby camel: Why do we have these humps on out backs?

Mother camel: We store water there for when we walk long distances in desert and we don't have water for days.

Baby camel: Ok. What are our long eyelashes for?

Mother camel: When there is a sandstorm, they stop sand from enter...

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