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Have Intercourse Jokes

A man and a woman are about to have intercourse

Woman: Do you have protection

Man: Yes, I spend $2.99 on my monthly NordVPN subscription

King Arthur is on a mission and must leave the castle.

He worries that his wife, Queen Guinevere, may not stay faithful to him while he goes on his journey. So, he devises a belt that would poison the member of any man who attempts to have intercourse with her. The flesh will rot away, and it will need to be chopped off. With everything in place, he lea...

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A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.


When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” and charged them $80. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appo...

I saw a weird competition yesterday - The first person to successfully have intercourse with them self wins.

So I entered myself.

Old School Turtle Test

The Turtle Test tests how clean your mind is. There are four questions. Each question is correctly answered with a clean response.

Q1: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down, and a dog do on three legs?

A1: >!Shake hands.!<

Q2: What's it called when two co...

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A man goes to a psychiatrist

A man goes to a psychiatrist for a variety of psychological issues.

During the interview the subject of sex comes up.

The doctor asked him how often do you have intercourse with your wife?
Three times a week he replied.

And what's your favorite position that you both enjoy?...

A king was going on a conquest on a faraway land

He was going to be leaving his young wife in their castle for who knows how long. He thought to himself: "I don't know how long i will be away but i need to make sure no one will have intercourse with my wife while i am away".

So he put a chastity belt on his wife & kept the key. He begg...

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$7 SEX!!!

A Florida couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? '
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice tha...

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an older man and his young wife are having problems in the bedroom...

the young women is unable to climax

so they decide to take the problem to their priest and ask for advice.

the priest confirms that sex is an important part of marriage and he suggests they hire a young man to wave a towel in front of the womens face to help her lose herself and to coo...

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A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of 10 dollar bills sitting on the counter.

He figures there must be thousands of dollars in that jar because it is quite large and nearly filled to the brim.

The man then approaches the bartender and inquires him about the jar of money.

The bartender tells him, "If you drop a 10 dollar bill into that jar and pass three challeng...

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Three not so wisemen.

A Frenchman a German and an Englishman are all sitting at a bar when a beautiful women walks in and sits on a barstool, with her cat next to her
The three men make a pact that they will all approach her and see who does best.
"I will compliment her pussy and that is how I will get in." Says th...

A man goes to the doctor...

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and ...

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