I’m going to start a new business, do it yourself crematoriums.

I will call it Build a bier workshop.

DIY videos - Do It Yourself

When I try to follow them, it becomes >! DIY - Destroy It Yourself !< :)

The best advice my mom ever gave me: “if you want something done right, do it yourself....

unless you’re Jeffery Epstein.”

Do It Yourself COVID Test

1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus



Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat the...

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"If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself"

That's why I'm still a virgin.

I bought a do it yourself book on Amazon.

I only received paper, pen, bindings and glue.

My mother always told me: "If you want a job done well, do it yourself"

That theory didn't pan out too well with my last surgery.

Do It Yourself?

Two Guys are walking down the street after leaving the bar. When they look across the street and see a dog licking himself. The one guy goes to the other, "man I wish i could do that", and then his friend says, "Don't you think you should try petting him first?"

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I don't like to call it "masterbation"

I refer to it as a "do it yourself project"

What is the definition of a Yankee?

Same as a quickie but you do it yourself.

Asked my neighbour if he would help me find out what DIY means.

He said "Do it yourself".

Unhelpful prick.

There are 3 ways to get something done

1: Do it yourself

2: Hire someone to do it for you

3: Forbid your kids from doing it.

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Fuck off Nike!

Do it yourself

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How can you tell if she is virgin or not?

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.

The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.”

Paddy asked, “And what do I do with these, doc?”

T...

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Man rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitc...

A drunk man was kicked out of the bar.

He is desperately wanting another drink but they won’t allow him back in. He notices two young blokes walking up tot he bar. “Hey you, buy me another drink,” he mumbles.
“Do it yourself,” the two young men laughed.
“I can’t, I was kicked of the bar,” the drunk man exclaimed.
The drunk man w...

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero pro...

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I watched the weirdest porn ever today. The repair man came over, fixed the garbage disposal, then left. That's it, that's all that happened.

Turns out it wasn't a porno after all, and the Do It Yourself, channel isn't what I thought it would be.

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3 proverbs

A boy heads off to college. When he got there he opened his email to see his dad had messaged him, telling him to have a great time but always be careful. He finished the message with 3 proverbs that always helped him get through life.

One day it was his roommates turn to clean the room. He n...

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Old farmers joke I learned when I was little.

Farmer John was a quiet little farmer, living on his farm with his wife and his tiny flock of sheep that only counted 8 female sheep´s and one ram.

One fall something horrible happened, he lost his ram. And since the closest sheep farmer was over 9 hour drive one way, he ran to his neighbor t...

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