UPJOKE

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What do you call it when someone shits themself as a joke?

Self deficating humor.

What do you call it what a hooker farts?

a prosti-toot

What do you call it when you sell Phlegm at a pawn shop?

Hawking a loogie

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What do you call it...

What do you call it when you got nuts on the wall? - Wallnuts

What do you call it when you got nuts on the chest? - Chestnuts

What do you call it when you got nuts on your chin?









A dick in your mouth!

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What do you call it when a guy gets murdered during sex?

Die Hard

What do you call it when someone gets part of their large intestine removed due to malignant bowel cancer?

A semi colon

What do you call it when cats rebel?

Mew-tiny!

What do you call it when an emo gets over trauma?

They cut themselves some slack

What do you call it when God decides a woman will miscarry?

Divine Plan B

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What do you call it when Adam and Eve have sex?

A gentle ribbing

What do you call it when a physician corrects your punctuation?

A medically induced comma.

What do you call it when a group of people survive a deadly plane crash?

Just plane scary.

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale

What do you call it when Batman gets hurt?

Bruised Wayne

What do you call it when two insect siblings that get together?

An insectuous relationship

What do you call it when some dead cows smoke weed and play poker?

High steaks

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What do you call it when Albert Einstein masturbates?

A stroke of genius.

What Do You Call It When You Make a Seasoning Mistake?

An oregano-no

What do you call it when an Asian country tries to conquer another one?

An invasian.

What do you call it when you accidentally put Vietnamese noodles in a coffee mug instead of a bowl?

A pho cup.

What do you call it when one artillery projectile eats another of the same type?

Cannonballism

What do you call it when Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon band together to fix a computer?

The Greek Squad

What do you call it when several shrubs plan a coordinated attack?

An ambush

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What do you call it when someone's racist against obtuse Jews?

Anti-symmetric.

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What do you call it when a fowl chasing Boris Johnson bites him in the butt?

Chicken cacciatore.

(I'm so sorry.)

what do you call it when a woman finally admits she was wrong?

Men applause

What do you call it when you mistake a flashlight for a flesh light?

A flash bang

What do you call it when 2 starving people fight over a small amount of food?

MORSEL KOMBAT!

What do you call it if a bunch of people in comas drown in a hot tub?

Vegetable stew.


Not mine, and yes I know it's tasteless.

Probably as tasteless as the stew.

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What do you call it when the Borg assimilate a Human, a Romulan, a Klingon, and a Ferengi.

A smorgasborg.

What do you call it?

What do you call it when pregnant women get really dramatic and start making up a bunch of 'what - if' scenarios?


Ovary acting! (I'll see myself out...)

What do you call it when someone notices your fart?

An “ass-toot” observation

What do you call it when a government official assassinates a citizen?

A Car Crash

What do you call it when J.K. Rowling goes to the beach?

A Surf and Terf.

What do you call it when you're in love with trump?

Having an orange crush

What Do You Call It When Someone Only Bakes Pastries?

A bread schtick

What do you call it when a Scandinavian dies?

They Finnish!

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What do you call it when the Viagra wears off?

Viagra Falls

What do you call it when Russian dentists and painters unite?

The Brushin’ Federation

What do you call it when a chickpea kills someone?

Hummus-cide

(MARVEL Dad Joke) What do you call it when the Sorcerer Supreme falls down the stairs?

Wong, on so many levels.

What do you call it when a singer gets a chance?

An opera-tunity!

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What do you call it when you can no longer masturbate?

Easy cum, easy go...

What do you call it when a salmon accidentally fertilizes his sisters eggs?

Roe Tide

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What do you call it when one German WWII soldier lies to you, then another, then two lie to you, then three tell you a lie, then five lie to you, then eight, then thirteen....

A fibbin' Nazi sequence

What do you call it when you dump a basket full of pens?

A pendemic.

What do you call it when an orphan goes to the graveyard?

A family reunion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a Nazi leader is falling from the sky?

Hail Hitler

If someone takes their watch off their arm and interlocks it with enough other watches to use it as a belt, what do you call it?

A waist of time.

What do you call it when you have snakes in your pants?

E-Reptile Dysfunction

What do you call it when an Apple fan is watching a 90s movie on a tablet about a dog that plays basketball on their wireless headphones?

They're watching Air Bud on their iPad through their Air Pods earbuds.

What do you call it when you get killed by a femboy assassin?

A femme fatality.

What do you call it when someone coerces you into smoking marijuana rolled into a cigar and it mentally scars you?

Blunt force trauma

What do you call it when you’re late to dinner at your Mother in Law’s?

Delaying the inedible.

What do you call it when a chameleon can't change colours anymore?

A reptile dysfunction

What do you call it when someone inhaled cheese?

Brie-thing

What do you call it when a ghost feels like it’s haunted the same house before?

De ja Boo!

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown ;)

What do you call it when there is no Internet in Russia?

Internyet.

What do you call it when your friends offer you weed but refuse to share their alcohol?

being left high and dry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a ghost cums?

An ectogasm.

What do you call it when the people vote on legalizing weed?

A reeferendum.

What do you call it when all the dinosaurs go to heaven?

Velocirapture

What do you call it when you’re shopping for new eyebrows?

Browsing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when the pizza boy shows up while you’re fucking a prostitute?

Food for thot

What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger gives you a handie?

An Ahnold Palmer

What do you call it when a Necromancer has issues raising the dead?

Resurrectile Disfunction!

What do you call it when James Bond crashes the US Stock market?

A SPYfall.

What do you call it when someone is mildly polite in space?

Comet courtesy

i came up with this one and i think its a little silly. what do you call it when a missile fails to reach it’s destination?

projectile dysfunction

What do you call it when a bird moves things with it’s mind?

Pelikinesis

What do you call it when a ghost farts?

It passed ghast

What do you call it when Anti-Anxiety pills take over a whole pharmacy?

A Xannexation

What do you call it when you accidentally knock up your girlfriend?

A misconception

What do you call it when you kill Disney characters?

A Mickey Mousacre

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What do you call it when a bull masturbates?

Beef Jerky!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when your partner would rather play Minecraft than have sex with you?

Cock blocking.

Joke my 12 year old son made up: What do you call it when you throw Mexican food at high velocity?

Fa-yeet-a

What do you call it when someone is wearing socks and sandals?

Sandalism

What do you call it when a group of turtles just won’t get along?

Reptile disfunction.

What do you call it when a tree betrays its best friend?

Tree-son

What do you call it when Deadpool freestyles?

Reynolds Rap

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a vampire takes a woman’s virginity?

First blood.

What do you call it when a Volcano is on it's period?

Pyroclastic flow

What do you call it when you get cleaned up right before someone eats you out?

An amuse-douche.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when you get a mysterious STD on your dick?

A real head scratcher

What do you call it when a duck sleeps with his goose friend's wife?

Duck cuck goose

What do you call it when your female sibling goes crazy?

Psycho-sis

What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely?

Sailgating

What do you call it when you can’t make it to the bathroom in time?

A shartcut

What do you call it when a racehorse has diarrhea?

The trots!

What do you call it when a rapper attacks a loved one?

beats by Dr. Dre

what do you call it when you get avocado in your eye?

guacoma.

What do you call it when you’re bathroom tile that you ordered online falls off the shipment truck due to company mismanagement?

e wrecked tile dysfunction

What do you call it when an italian cheese makes music

Mozz-art

What do you call it when a priest orders something wrong?

A clerical error

What do you call it when a leprechaun gives you a handjob?

A stroke of luck.

What do you call it when a man takes a side glance at a woman on the street while sneezing?

Pikachu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when one Neanderthal man is attracted to another Neanderthal man?

Homo Erectus.....

ill see myself out....

What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A cat-has-trophy.

What do you call it when pigs cause the end of the world?

The aporkalypse

What do you call it when you are bored on your computer?

I'm KeyBored

What do you call it when a lizard loses its tail and it doesn’t grow back?

A-reptile dysfunction

What do you call it when you get an erection at a funeral?

Mourning wood

What do you call it when all the hens in the coup resign the same day from their jobs laying eggs?

Chicken tenders.

What do you call it when fellow javelin throwers hang out?

A Meet n' Yeet

What do you call it when a potato takes over the world

A dictatership

What do you call it when a Russian dictator procrastinates?

Stalin’

What do you call it when you fail to break your addiction to mid-day rests?

Re-naps

What do you call it when you say hi to a puppy in German?

"Guten-Dog!"

What do you call it when you throw away an old person but they return?

Boomerang.

What do you call it when your giving birth but there is no one there to help.

Mid-wife crisis

What do you call it when you are clearly in the right, but have to admit you were wrong?

A man in a relationship.

What do you call it when someone can’t stomach being around a person with less than 10-toes?

Lack Toes Intolerant

What do you call it when you can't urinate because you feel the presence of others around you?

Peer pressure.

What do you call it when you get one dose of Pfizer and one dose of Moderna?

Arnold Pharma

What do you call it when a tornado interrupts your burial?

Plot twist.

What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?

Resisting A rest.


(yup! Lamest. Joke. EVER!)

[OC] What do you call it if I wash a classic Chevy and make a TV show about it?

The Fresh Rinse of Bel Air.

What do you call it when redditors get undeserved free Karma?

Piece of Cake

What do you call it when you poke someone’s head on the exact spot that causes their head to explode?

Acupuncture

What do you call it when 2 seniors stay up past their bedtimes?

An election.

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