UPJOKE

Does A Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

How does a non-binary samurai kill people?

They/Them

What does a piano, a tuna, and glue have in common?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna!

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Possible repost but... Why does a bride smile at her wedding?

Because she knows that she has given her last blowjob.

What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

on a plane

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of sex does a priest have?

Nun

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

...I'm so sorry.

Edit: grammer, and i guess I'm not sorry :p

Edit2: grammar, damnit

Edit3: dammit!

Where does a mansplainer get his water?

From the well, actually.

How does a redditor get karma when they don’t deserve it?

Piece of cake

What does a robot do after a one-night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

What does a politician do when it dies?

It lies still.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a computer science major pick up girls?

Oh shit thought this was google

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a stripper do to her asshole before going to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

How does a woman hold her liquor?

By the ears...

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?

Decorative balls.

How does a Mexican cut a pizza?

With *little* *caesars*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a pregnant teenager and her unborn baby have in common?

They're both thinking 'Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me...'

I know this is a repost. Welcome to /r/jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a blind person say when washing a grater?

"That must be the stupidest shit I've ever read."

Why does a shooting star taste better than a comet?

It's a little meteor.

How much does a roof cost.

Nothing. It’s on the house.

What does a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one.

How does a hippie polygamist count his wives?

One Mrs. Hippie, two Mrs. Hippie, three Mrs. Hippie...

How much does a rainbow weigh?

Not much, they're actually pretty light.

How does a nonbinary ninja kill people?

They slash Them.

What does a dyslexic racist hate?

Gingers

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

a new last name

How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?

They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux!
^^^^First ^^^^gold ^^^^for ^^^^this?

Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll.

Where does a Viking clown go when they die?

To ValHaHa.

What does a German snake sound like?

ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß....

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

If it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

How does a Welshman find a sheep in long grass?

Irresistible

What does a vegetarian zombie eat?

Graaaaains

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a man do after consuming only half a pill of Viagra?

Nothing... just fucking around a bit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a nazi say when someone sneezes?

WHERE?

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass

How does a narcissist change a light bulb?

They hold it up to the light and wait for the world to revolve around them

What does a toolbox and a deadbeat dad have in common?

Screws, nuts, and bolts.

What does a French cat say?

LMAO

What kind of car does a furry drive?

A subuwu

What does a chemist say when his cat jumps into a pile of sand?

"Oh, you silicate"

How does a woman scare their gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a red-headed man reach orgasm?

Alone.

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

Q: What does a selfish cow say?

A: Meeeeee

How does a redhead shave their pubic hair?

Very gingerly.

How does a ghost woman scare her victims?

With her boooooobies


Sorry, wanted to share this awful pun-joke. It's amazing!

EDIT: Thanks for voting this up to hot! Have a lovely and scary Halloween!
Take care everyone!

How does a transphobe get down hill?

Walking.


JK, rolling

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What does a 9 volt battery and a woman’s arsehole have in common?

You know it’s wrong, but sooner or later you’re going to stick your tongue on it.

What sound does a mechanical frog make?

Rrrrrobot

How does a Trump supporter explain why they cannot perform in bed?

Erection fraud.

“Does a photon going through two slits act like a particle or a wave?”

“Well, it depends on how you look at it…”

What does a cheap motel and tight jeans have in common?

No ball room

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

boeing boeing boeing

Why does a bride always cry at her wedding?

Cus she never marries the best man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a horny ghost love to get?

Screampies.

What does a clock do when its hungry?

It goes back 4 seconds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a behaviorist say after sex?

It was good for you. Was it good for me?

How does a penny look under a microscope?

Magnificent.

What does a French person call marijuana?

Oui'd

What does a frozen beer, a pregnant woman and a burnt pizza all have in common ?

An idiot that didn’t take it out on time!

How does a German cowboy say hello?

Audi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does a man name his penis?

Because he doesn't want a total stranger making 90% of his decisions.

How does a DNA molecule moisten a stamp?

Helix it.

How does a Redneck find his sister in the woods?

Attractive.

What does a hand grenade have in common with a wife?

Take off the ring and your house is gone


This post sure "blew up"


Just like my house

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