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A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a ...

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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, th...

Why do Canadians like to do it doggy style?

So they can both watch the hockey game.

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Two men were discussing their favorite sex styles

Man 1: I usually go doggy style or cowgirl. It’s just the easiest for me.

Man 2: Then you never had it in machinists style. You gotta try that it’s the best.

Man 1: What do you do in the machinist style?

Man 2: Screw, nut and bolt.

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Favourite Sex Styles

Two cowboys were discussing about their favorite sex styles
Cowboy 1: My Favorite sex style is doggy style.
Cowboy 2: My favorite sex style is rodeo style.
Cowboy 1: Whats that?
Cowboy 2: Well it starts of just like doggy style.....then grasp her tits from behind and tell "this titties ...

My style of love making is just like jazz.

My style of lovemaking isn’t very popular.

My wife and I do it doggy style....

###I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.

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Why do rednecks have sex only missionary style?

It's because YOU NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON FAMILY!!!

What is a penguin’s favorite dancing style?

Pole Dancing

A musician specializing in bowed string instruments who has a boring play style could be called 'a dull fiddler'.

Which is not so bad until you read it out loud.

President Obama and the Queen are proceeding towards Buckingham Palace in the Queen's carriage, waving to thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses.


The Queen turns to her guest, Mr President, please accept my regrets...

What’s the most popular style of car to drive in Africa?

A sudan

What is Donald’s favorite car style ?

A Coupe

What is Quarantine's favorite style of music?

House.

How does Moses style his hair?

With a parting

PSA: Hindsight is officially out of style

It's sooooo 2020.

Anyone want to help start a new conspiracy theory themed cafeteria style restaurant?

We’ll call it “Queue A Nom Nom”

If slow zombies like Walking Dead happened then I'm gonna need a lot of bullets. If 28 Days Later style Rage Virus zombies happen...

then I only need one bullet.

A young man named Benny was a real party animal.

He lived for the good times of wine, women, and song. He wished he could continue his life style forever. A genie suddenly appeared before him and made him the following wish: Benny would remain forever young if he would never shave. If he were ever to shave the genie would return and transform him ...

What do you call a puppy locked in a car on a hot day?

Hot Dog!

How do you make it a chicago style hot dog?

Tell it to get out of the car, stop resisting, and then shoot it!

My wife said there’s no way in hell she’d ever allow me do doggie style.

but I did it behind her back anyway.

My wife dosent like doggy style anymore

Because last time while fetching the ball she fell into the lake

Just wanna buy horses (long)

There was a young man interested in buying a pair of horses for breeding. He came across a small ranch with the rancher standing in front of the main entrance while watching a pair or horses gallop inside the fenced property.

Man: How much for the horses?

Rancher: White or black?
...

I ask my wife if we could try to do it doggy style...

She rolled over and played dead

Ive noticed recently that I can guess what style of facial hair someone has behind their mask.

I think I might be hairvoyant

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There's some soldiers in Vietnam.And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. ( Dark Joke )

Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes.When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."

So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle.

But he's gone for a good half an hou...

My Girlfriend got both our dogs sweaters...

Shes’s always loved doggy-style

What's a poor artist's favourite style?

Baroque.

My girlfriend said she wanted to try doggy style. Naturally I was enthusiastic.

Until she pulled out the strap on.

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Had sex with the wife for 30 minutes doggy style

last night. That's about 4 minutes in human time.

My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed

In my defense it was doggy style so it's more like 14 minutes.

What is a rabbits favorite style of beer?

IPA because they have the most hops.

Why does a Chicago-style hot dog always lose races?

Because it refuses to ketchup.

In my efforts to come up with a unique style of music, I tried to mesh together the elements of Jazz and Funk.

But it just sounded like junk.

3 pregnant women are having lunch together when an elderly lady approaches them......... The elderly lady says: I can predict if you will have a boy or girl...... The Brunette says OK.....Will I have a boy or girl?????

The lady says...You were on top...you will have a boy....

The Brunette yells out.....I was on top and I am having a boy.

The elderly lady goes to the Red Haired woman and says....you were on bottom....you will have a girl

The Red Haired Woman yells out..... I was on bottom and I...

Do you know why Canadian women like it doggie style?

They want to watch the hockey match, too.

So, it turns out that "In-N-Out" is NOT a brothel

but "Animal style" still means the same thing; so that was nice.

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An Armenian survived a plane crash in Africa

But it seemed that fate held a grudge against him: he was captured by cannibals and was taken to be served as dinner that same night. When fire got ready, the cannibals brought the poor Armenian to the public eating place, feet and hands tied to the big single barbeque rod, ready to be roasted for g...

Q : "Do you the difference between 5 minutess of sodomy and 5 minutes of doggy style ? "

A : "No"
Q : "Do you have 10 minutes ?"

A boy tried to pick a flower [OC]

the flower took a **pistil** and shot him in **style**

How do you get a kidney stone?

By living a sedimentary life style.

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If your sexual experience would be reviewed in trip advisor style, what would it be?

Be the first to give a review

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My GF broke up with me over a misunderstanding when we tried a new sexual position

Apparently, her "doggy style" doesn't involve any real dog

A man moved to New York from India and he opened a lunch counter where he served traditional Indian foods and sandwiches to go. He decorated it in Indian style to remind him of his home city and hired his friends and neighbors from the old country to work there.

You might say he was setting up a little Delhi.

My style of humor is like Coronavirus

it kills among older crowds

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style. "Sure" she said

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

So there was this king in Hawaii living in a straw thatch style palace whose hobby was collecting thrones...

Anytime some local carpenter created a new ornate chair, he had to have it for his collection. The guy was wild about them, it was his one true passion in life.

Well one day, lightning strikes during a thunderstorm and his palace burns down including his entire collection. He was crushed, ne...

A Jamaican man has stormed into my hairdressers and demanded I give him a new style.

I'm dreading it.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

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Did you know it's a sin to have sex before marriage?

Except if you do it doggy style...as all dogs go to heaven.

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A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

Why Do Canadians Always Make Love Doggie-Style?

So they don't miss the hockey game.

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

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I call my style of sex the fast and furious

I finish too fast and she gets furious.

My attempt at a Rodney Dangerfield-style joke:

I tell ya, I get no respect. Last night, my wife said she wanted to try a new restaurant. I asked her what was wrong with what we had at home.

She said everything at home was old and stale, and the food wasn’t great either.

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A man asks a farmer if he can work for a night's lodging and a meal.

Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while. The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals....

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Did you hear about the black man whose hair style put ladies in the mood for love?

He has an afro-disiac

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An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.

The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...

Chicago style pizza changes you

I use to like New York style pizza

Till I tasted Chicago style pizza

Now, I love New York style pizza

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

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My boyfriend wants to do doggy style.

He's been on my ass about it all day.

I made up a dad-style musician joke:

Q. What is Donald Trump's least favorite guitar chord?

A. G7

Stephen kings writing style is...

Novel.

...customer asked for Alabama Style Chicken Sandwich!

**Waitress:** ...in bread?

**Customer:** ... I'm not from around here!

Job application...

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him....


NAME - Greg Bulmash


DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be a...

How do you make Alabama-style chicken?

Cook it over a dumpster fire and then serve it face down in a pool of its own blood.

Just ordered Hong Kong style sweet and sour chicken from my local takeaway

4 police officers delivered it and fired tear gas through my front door.

I went to a benihana-style bar on a plane.

The cook was a sky wokker.

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What does Harry Styles call his boner?

Wonder Erection.

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Young Paddy

A young Irish man called Paddy wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Donegal and he lived in Kerry .

Paddy consulted with his Sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good qua...

What do you call a style that puts you in a coma?

Anaesthetic

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Based on statistics, the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style

The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Generally speaking, there are three different styles of cancan dances, 'French Cancan', 'British Cancan', and 'American Cancan'. In my opinion, French Cancan dances are able to outperform American Cancan dances and American Cancan dances can also outperform British Cancan dances.

In other words, Cancan Cancan can can can can Cancan.

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When it comes to sex I've never seen a disappointed look on any woman's face.

That's the advantage of doggie style.

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Introducing a new joke style: I wish all the ladies

This was a thing we used to do on my sea scout ship after competition. It's a rhyming couplet in the general style of

"I wish all the ladies
Were [XXXX]
And I'd be [YYYY]
And [sex pun]"

A few examples:

I wish all the ladies
Were winds on the sea
And I'd be the sa...

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An old sex joke: A conversation between a doc and a patient

"Name?"
"Abdul Aziz."
"Sex?"
"Three to five times a day."
"No, no... I mean male or female?"
"Yes, male, female, sometimes camel."
"Holy cow!"
"Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general."
"But isn't that hostile?"
"Horse style, doggy style, any style!"
"Oh...

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Bartering Australian style

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home.
I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

S...

Which writing style should come with a mouth censor?

Cursive writing

Poker

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad humping away on the bed! "Dad!" says Johnny, "What are you doing!" Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says "Well, Johnny, I'm playing poker...and your m...

At first when you came in and ordered glass underwear I though it was a new style...

But now I can see your nuts

Unfortunately my style of humour is reflected in the type of woman I attract.

Dry.

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I told my wife we'd have sex Star Wars style.

Forced through the Dark Side.

Did you hear about the 70s style record company that burned down?

Yeah, it was a disc co. Inferno!

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A dog asks a cat : Why do u always hide when having sex ????????

Cat replies: You want people to steal my style like they stole yours?, NEVER!!!!

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