This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.

The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...

Macauly Culkin took on a new style after his "Home Alone" days

He became a meth head actor

What is the name of the fighting of style for fractions?

Partial Arts.

They should make a show where black guys give style tips to tacky white men..

Call it “Black Eye For The White Guy”

What’s a cannibals favorite style of comedian?

Dead pan.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Studies show that doggy is the most common sex style among married couples.

The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say that the most powerful way for a woman to have sex is doggy style...

Then they're really bangin' on all fours.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to try doggy style...

Now that's an idea I can get behind.

My wife and I did it Doggy Style last night...

I sat up and begged, and she rolled over and played dead.

I would call my style of humour "self-deprecating"...

But I'm not very good at it.

Doggy Style?

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and...

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Excuse me, may I interview you?

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow...

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I told my wife we'd have sex Star Wars style.

Forced through the Dark Side.

Why do rednecks like to do it doggie style?

That way they can **BOTH** watch NASCAR.

What do you call North Korean K-Pop?

Propaganda Style.

Why do Canadians do it doggy style?

So they both can watch the hockey game.

Italians don't just have style...

...They have pizzazz...

Did you know that gorillas prefer doggy style?

It makes my job as an ape sperm collector a real pain in the ass.

Did you hear about the 70s style record company that burned down?

Yeah, it was a disc co. Inferno!

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style. "Sure" she said

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

Why do redneck couples love to do it doggy-style?

That way they can both watch the Monster Trucks.

So I am opening an Italian style restaurant.

Every item on the menu is going to be medication themed.

I am gonna call it.... Big Parma.

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Introducing a new joke style: I wish all the ladies

This was a thing we used to do on my sea scout ship after competition. It's a rhyming couplet in the general style of

"I wish all the ladies
Were [XXXX]
And I'd be [YYYY]
And [sex pun]"

A few examples:

I wish all the ladies
Were winds on the sea
And I'd be the sa...

I prefer my tea American style..

Mixed with the salt of Boston Harbor.

TIL That due to recent advancements with AI two computers identified themselves as mates, and even went as far as to set up a Romeo and Juliette style suicide pact...

They say they were so in love they finished each others sentiences.

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Pub joke in the style of Geoffrey Chaucer - Bill Bailey

Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas tw...

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Dog Style

An 80 yr old man marries a 25 year old young woman.

He seeks Doctor's advice on the best way to deal with it.

Oldman: "Doc, I am 80 and am going to be sexually active again. What's the best way to have safe sex without getting heart attack...??"

Doc: "At your age , I highly reco...

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How doggy style got its name

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy." "OK" says the son, and the fathe...

Saw two dogs doing it human style.

Saw two dogs doing it human style. They were fighting.

What does Hillary Clinton do with her old, out-of-style clothes?

She wears them.

Women have been sleeping with me lately like it's going out of style.

Less frequently and with a fair amount of shame.

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

What did Louis CK call his style of management where he interacts with each employee on an individual basis?

Different Strokes for Different Folks

What do you call the guy who created the Gangnam Style dance?

A Koreagrapher

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You know what they call someone who dabbles in various styles of masturbation?

A Jack-off all trades

What is R2-D2's favorite style of music?

Beep-boxing!

What is a jawa's favorite style of pasta?

Rotini

Sorry, was picking out pasta for tuna casserole and it made me laugh.

For anyone who gets confused about proper grammar and style in writing

I offer from the Internet, the following tip sheet, "How to Write Good":

- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Contractions aren't necessary
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Prepositions are not the words to end sentences with.
- Be more or less specific.
- ...

Did you know there's a street in England named Harry Styles Boulevard?

It only goes in one direction, though.

I made a gun in the style of a social justice warrior

It has too many triggers though.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bartering Australian style

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home.
I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

S...

I made a "Titanic style" salad

It's mostly composed of iceberg lettuce

I was watching a baseball game the other day when the pitcher struck out a batter in 3 pitches. The announcer said, "…and he goes down Paul Ryan style". His partner asked, "What makes it Paul Ryan style?" To which he replied…

No balls

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

With the surge in popularity of Country Music artists that have included rap in their songs, like Jason Aldean and Sam Hunt, this years CMA's will include a new category. As it is a hybrid style of genres, Rap and Country, the producers have settled on a fitting name for the award.

CRAP.

Tonight I'm going to make dinner Trump style!

Many sides!

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fat boy slim style

Doctor, doctor, my husband was admitted into hospital for involuntary buttock spasms.

Where is he?

ICU, baby. Shakin' that ass.

“Dad” says son, “what’s the difference between theory and reality”?

“I’ll explain” says Dad. “MOTHER! Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?”

“Yes I would” says mother, giggling.

“DAUGHTER! Would you sleep with Harry Styles for a million bucks?”

“Yes I would” she says, blushing.

“There you go son” says Dad. “Theoretically we ...

I love Taco Bell so much that I even enjoy being *asked* what style of tacos I want...

I get hard every time.

I was sword fighting this guy medieval style then all of a sudden he starts to unscrew his pommel

And then it hit me...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What sex position is banned in Alabama?

Doggy style.

Never turn your back on family.

Hillary Clinton Style Condoms!

*Rigged for her pleasure*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Birhtday Present

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to ...

My fourth grade teacher told the class to go outside and sit Indian style...

so I drank a bottle of vodka and passed out in the street.

My wife and I do it doggy-style...

...she plays dead and I beg.

-Dan Chopin

Why did the Rastafarian change his hair style?

Because it was dreadful.

I signed up for a soccer team and they asked me my favorite position.

I told them missionary style but lately I've had a hard time scoring.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A reporter is doing an article on the russian rural life-style...

...and she ends up in a small village.

The first person she interviews is an old man.

Reporter: Can you tell me anything interesting about your village?

Old man: Well there was this one time when a dog from a neighbouring village got lost in our woods... so we found it and took...

Doggy style

A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.
Boy: "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Dad: "Oh...uh...they're just making a puppy."
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine th...

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Heaven Rides

*Note: I heard this joke from my dad who heard it from his grandmother, so if this isn't as good as it should be sorry.

3 guy friends (no homo) die and go to heaven, where together they are asked questions by St. Peter. After passing all questions,
St. Peter asks, "so far you have done we...

Top 5 anti-vax excuses, interpreted for gamers

Excuse #5: "I like to play life with the default biological settings".

Excuse #4: "I like to take my chances and play it on extreme difficulty, just like old school style."

Excuse #3: "Pay to win? Eww."

Excuse #2: "I'll rather die than pay for DLC."

Excuse #1: "I swe...

A young boy is struggling in math class, and is close to failing.

His parents have tried everything in the book to support him, but his grades just wont improve. After countless tutors, online courses, and learning support his parents decide that there is only one thing left to do. They enroll him in a strict catholic boarding school, known for its strict and effe...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is Vin Diesel's lovemaking style?

Pitch Black, Multi-Facial, XXX and Fast and Furious.

Men shouldn't feel bad if they only last 8 minutes doing it doggy style...

Because that's almost an hour in dog time...

Why do tweakers do it doggy-style?

So they can both look out the window.

My best joke in 40 year of joke telling

A woman goes to her doctor for a check up. During the post check up consult the doctor says
“Mrs. Jones you are in very good health but, I couldn’t help but notice the abrasions on your elbows and knees. Can you tell me what is causing them?

Sheepishly she responds “Maybe it is because I...

What fighting style does best girl use?

Waifoo.

What's Israel favorite martial arts style?

Jew-jitsu

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.

"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."

"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

Helping your neighbour South African Style

Hello, is this the South African Police?”
“Eish-Yes. What you want?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga (Cannabis) inside his firewood.”
“Eeeh-Yes…Thank you for your co-operasheen and informasheen in combating crime and violence, in our society su...

The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.

“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I ...

A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg...

I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!