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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old,...

A man is driving around the backwoods and he sees a sign in front of an old, shanty style house that says - “Talking dog for sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog t...

My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed

In my defense it was doggy style so it's more like 14 minutes.

Do you know why Canadian women like it doggie style?

They want to watch the hockey match, too.

Q : "Do you the difference between 5 minutess of sodomy and 5 minutes of doggy style ? "

A : "No"
Q : "Do you have 10 minutes ?"

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Had sex with the wife for 30 minutes doggy style

last night. That's about 4 minutes in human time.

My wife said there’s no way in hell she’d ever allow me do doggie style.

but I did it behind her back anyway.

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A man asks a farmer if he can work for a night's lodging and a meal.

Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while. The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals....

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

A man moved to New York from India and he opened a lunch counter where he served traditional Indian foods and sandwiches to go. He decorated it in Indian style to remind him of his home city and hired his friends and neighbors from the old country to work there.

You might say he was setting up a little Delhi.

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If your sexual experience would be reviewed in trip advisor style, what would it be?

Be the first to give a review

A Jamaican man has stormed into my hairdressers and demanded I give him a new style.

I'm dreading it.

So there was this king in Hawaii living in a straw thatch style palace whose hobby was collecting thrones...

Anytime some local carpenter created a new ornate chair, he had to have it for his collection. The guy was wild about them, it was his one true passion in life.

Well one day, lightning strikes during a thunderstorm and his palace burns down including his entire collection. He was crushed, ne...

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My wife only lets me have sex doggy-style

I have to sit up and beg while she rolls over and plays dead.

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A dog asks a cat : Why do u always hide when having sex ????????

Cat replies: You want people to steal my style like they stole yours?, NEVER!!!!

How do you get to the after life in style?

You take a limbozine

What is Medusa's favorite style ?

Doggy style

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot seated next to him.

He asks the stewardess for a coffee, then the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky, you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot but forgets the man's coffee. When the man points it out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky, you id...

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A Few Very Important Lessons You Will Learn Only After You Have Kids

A "King Style" water bed contains enough water to turn a 200 Sq m apartment into a 12 cm deep lake.

The voice of a 4 year old can deafen 200 normally talking adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you tie a dog leash to a room fan, the motor of the latter is not powerful enough to lift 23...

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I call my style of sex the fast and furious

I finish too fast and she gets furious.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

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She won't admit it, but I'm sure my wife's favorite sex position is "trick-dog style."

It's where I sit up and beg, then she rolls over and plays dead.

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Please follow the instructions carefully...

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Mohammed Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
...

Girl guides

I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was
selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting
several homes, she commented on the different styles of
doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled.

We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound li...

Police found a man dead, hanging from the rafters, in an apparent suicide.

Inside the pocket of his trousers was a note explaining the reasoning behind his suicide. The note explained that he lead a straight edge life style and that he was suffering from PTSD for three months, ever since his friends forced him to smoke weed with them.

He was unable to handle the st...

My attempt at a Rodney Dangerfield-style joke:

I tell ya, I get no respect. Last night, my wife said she wanted to try a new restaurant. I asked her what was wrong with what we had at home.

She said everything at home was old and stale, and the food wasn’t great either.

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

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Did you hear about the black man whose hair style put ladies in the mood for love?

He has an afro-disiac

[OC] I just spent my morning break writing this joke.

Jeff had spent most of his adult life in prison for a string of drug offenses and theft. He is finally being released at 28 years old after a decade in prison.

He approaches his jailhouse lover, Vince, a former English teacher and schoolboy fondler. Vince was a little sad to say goodbye, and...

I made up a dad-style musician joke:

Q. What is Donald Trump's least favorite guitar chord?

A. G7

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style.

"Sure" she said.

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

Stephen kings writing style is...

Novel.

A high school senior was preparing for his prom...

He knew that the first thing he needed was a tuxedo. So he went to get a rental.

But his town was very small, and there was only one tux rental place nearby. Therefore, when he arrived he had to wait for three of his classmates to pick out their rentals before he could get his. He waited in ...

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I asked my girlfriend if she would like to go out with her friends on Saturday to get a couple of pairs of new shoes, get your hair done in a different style, then go out for a couple of rounds of Chardonnay.

“That sounds great!”

“Good, because we are breaking up.”

-Jimmy Carr

Chicago style pizza changes you

I use to like New York style pizza

Till I tasted Chicago style pizza

Now, I love New York style pizza

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My boyfriend wants to do doggy style.

He's been on my ass about it all day.

I went to a benihana-style bar on a plane.

The cook was a sky wokker.

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My dating life is like pulp fiction

One minute I feel like John Travolta. I got class, style, a nice car and I’m on my way to pick up my date.

The next minute I’m getting fucked in the ass.

What was Chip's favorite dance style?

Salsa.

Just ordered Hong Kong style sweet and sour chicken from my local takeaway

4 police officers delivered it and fired tear gas through my front door.

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What does Harry Styles call his boner?

Wonder Erection.

What do you call a style that puts you in a coma?

Anaesthetic

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THE GIFT

*trust me its too long to be worth reading.*

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by...

How do you make Alabama-style chicken?

Cook it over a dumpster fire and then serve it face down in a pool of its own blood.

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An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.

The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...

...customer asked for Alabama Style Chicken Sandwich!

**Waitress:** ...in bread?

**Customer:** ... I'm not from around here!

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The Duck Hunter

A hunter is out in the country one day and waiting for ducks to fly by.

After a while he sees a duck, points his gun and shoots it. The duck falls to the ground onto some farmland nearby. The hunter walks over the the farm and sees a farmer holding the dead duck.

"Hey that's my duck!"...

I was excited to judge my first cooking competition

The local university was holding an iron chef style cooking competition where three students prepared a meal centering around a theme ingredient. The theme of the competition was turkey dinner, and before I knew it the kitchen was abuzz with the sounds and the smells of cooking.

After an hour...

Generally speaking, there are three different styles of cancan dances, 'French Cancan', 'British Cancan', and 'American Cancan'. In my opinion, French Cancan dances are able to outperform American Cancan dances and American Cancan dances can also outperform British Cancan dances.

In other words, Cancan Cancan can can can can Cancan.

Which writing style should come with a mouth censor?

Cursive writing

Guy goes into a bar trying to pick a woman...

He moves from table to table chatting up the ladies, but nobody is interested.

Then at the back of the room, he sees a dude sitting there with girls all around him, laughing, and hugging him, hanging on his every word, giggling at his every joke.

Later he sees that guy in the bathroo...

At first when you came in and ordered glass underwear I though it was a new style...

But now I can see your nuts

Unfortunately my style of humour is reflected in the type of woman I attract.

Dry.

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Studies show that doggy is the most common sex style among married couples.

The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

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How does PSY like to have sex?

Open Condom Style!

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A hunter shot a deer which ran into someone else's farmyard.

The hunter went to retrieve his deer but the farmer said it was his because it was on his property. They argued about it. The farmer finally says: “You’re obviously a city feller, but this isn’t the city. Let’s settle this farm style. We’ll take turns kicking each other in the balls until one of us ...

Today a friend of mine died of radiation

Guess he couldn’t handle the neutron style

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Why couldn't the dinosaur masturbate?

T-rex style dysfunction

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Introducing a new joke style: I wish all the ladies

This was a thing we used to do on my sea scout ship after competition. It's a rhyming couplet in the general style of

"I wish all the ladies
Were [XXXX]
And I'd be [YYYY]
And [sex pun]"

A few examples:

I wish all the ladies
Were winds on the sea
And I'd be the sa...

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There's some soldiers in Vietnam.And they've been pinned down in their trench for days.

Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes.When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."

So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle.

But he's gone for a good half an hou...

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Preacher

A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends.

The preacher headed out early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half- hour late, he saw the back...

Did you hear about the 70s style record company that burned down?

Yeah, it was a disc co. Inferno!

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I told my wife we'd have sex Star Wars style.

Forced through the Dark Side.

I would call my style of humour "self-deprecating"...

But I'm not very good at it.

Doggy Style?

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and...

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Little Johnny and his dad.

One night little Johnny wakes up to hear some banging on his bedroom wall and his mom sounding like she was in pain. He jumps out of bed and runs to his parents room, opens the door to find his dad on top of his mom giving her a good seeing too.
Little Johnny is horrified and shouts at his dad,<...

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Bartering Australian style

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home.
I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

S...

A guy and his girlfriend go to a Halloween party and neither of them are wearing costumes

The guy is carrying his gf on his back, piggyback-style, when the host approaches them.

He says "Hey, great to see you and all, but you know this is a Halloween party. Where are your costumes?"

The guy says "We have costumes. I'm a turtle and this is Michelle."

What's god's favourite position?

Reverse dog style.

What’s a cannibals favorite style of comedian?

Dead pan.

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A husband and wife go to a sex therapist. "Our sex life seems kind of dull."

The therapist says, "Okay, first of all, how often do you have sex?" The husband says, "Once a week." The therapist says, "That's not bad at all. When and where do you usually do it?" The wife says, "Every Thursday night, 8:00, doggie style in front of the TV." The therapist says, "Well that might b...

Why do redneck couples love to do it doggy-style?

That way they can both watch the Monster Trucks.

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They say that the most powerful way for a woman to have sex is doggy style...

Then they're really bangin' on all fours.

A man walks into a car dealership.

A salesman greets him at the door and after some chatting they end up taking a car for a test drive.

“This car is so quiet sir” exclaims the salesman “the ride is calm and relaxing”.

The man shakes his head “No, I’m buying this car for my wife and I certainly wouldn’t describe her as...

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I was just wondering how different professions have given us words and phrases that mean sex, sexual positions or related to sex

Carpenter or other handy man - screw, bang, pound, nail, lay, grease, hose, pile, hammer, pipe

Sportsmen - score, hit, home run, game, ball, balls deep, knock it out

zookeeper or animal lover - hump, bone, beast, doggy style, monkey love, ram, raw dog

singers and other musical -...

In memoriam

Rapid Roy was a daredevil who specialized in car stunts. He decided to retire in style and end his career by attempting a canyon jump in the worst car he could find. After doing some digging, he came across a Chevy Nova in an auction in Champagne, LA. It was in bad shape, but he took a chance, wo...

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Moon River

Two guys are working the night shift at a funeral parlor when they get a call to pick up a body from a car wreck.

They go to the accident and bring the body back to the funeral home. It's now about 3AM so one guys wants to put the body on ice and get to work on him the next morning but the o...

So I am opening an Italian style restaurant.

Every item on the menu is going to be medication themed.

I am gonna call it.... Big Parma.

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Did you know that gorillas prefer doggy style?

It makes my job as an ape sperm collector a real pain in the ass.

What were four members of One Direction doing in the wig shop?

They were looking for hairy styles.

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