If you say "gullible" slowly enough, it actually sounds like"oranges"

Give it a try

I have a Polish sound engineer friend.

I also have a Czech one, too.

All languages travel at the speed of sound

Except Braille, which depends on how hard you throw the book.

“Queue” sounds like “q” followed by 4 silent letters, but…

They’re just waiting their turn.

What sound does a 747 make when it hits the ground?

Boeing, boeing

What sound was made when the airplane hit the trampoline?

Boeing

What's made of leather, is about a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A Shoe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs...

I met a girl with 12 nipples today, sounds weird

Dozen tit?

Light travels faster than sound...

... Thats why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

What sound does a frog on r/aww make?

Reddit

My friend laughed when I told him I could make an instrument sound better with fish.

He didn’t laugh for long when he saw how I could tuna guitar.

If a tree falls in a forest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?

I think it depends on how loud its bark is.

I hate people who complain about hard vowel sounds.

They’re all a bunch of soft-e’s.

[insert phone ringing sounds]

Boss: why aren’t you picking it up?????

Me: I always answer on the 3rd call. Makes me cooler.

Boss: PICK IT UP

Me: fine [picks up phone] 911, what’s you emergency?

What sound does a subatomic duck make?

Quark

Apparently animals make different sounds according to different languages...

For example, in Asia cats make a sizzling noise...

What sound does a funny creeper make?

Ba dum tissssss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asked his friend: "What does 1000 Hz sound like?"

His friend rudely replied: "Fuck off."

What do Janitors bikes sound like?

"Broom"

What sound does an Egyptian goose make?

Ankh ankh!

I don't want to sound like I'm showing off or something, but people put bricks through my windows...

...just so they can hear me practicing my saxophone louder.

If light does indeed travel faster than sound...

Why did I hear the BMW behind my family’s car sound his horn before the light turned green?

Did you hear about the disappointing shortage of seats at the Church of Fake Lazer Sounds?

They really need more pews.

What sound does a sheep, drum, and snake make when they hit the ground?

Baa Dum Tss

What is made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones

My wife gives me sound advice.

90% sound, 10% advice.

[Long?] A kid in a warzone was being taught reading in school. Since they were learning the "-omb" sound, the teacher showed a picture of an Egyptian tomb.

"Toom," the teacher said. The kid repeated.
Next the teacher pulled out a science textbook, and pointed to a mother's womb.
"Woom," the teacher said. The kid repeated this again.

Suddenly a man walked in with a bomb.
"BOOM" yelled the kid excitedly.

What's the sound a nut makes when it sneezes?

Cashew!!

what sound do planes make as they bounce?

Boeing-Boeing-Boeing

If pronouncing my B's as V's makes me sound Russian

Then soviet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dad is walking past his teen son's open bedroom door and hears the sounds of masturbation.

Looking inside his assumption is confirmed. "Son, relax, you're not in trouble, you've done nothing wrong." Junior is frozen in shock by his Dad. Dad continues, "You should just save that till after you're married." Dad then walks away and nothing else is said.

Years later, Dad is once ag...

Not to sound racist, but....

...everyone in the KKK looks the same to me.

What makes the sound clippity clop bang clippity clop bang?

An Amish drive-by shooting

I find it really embarrassing when there's that really large splashing sound when you take a poo.

Of people trying to get out of the jacuzzi.

Einstein said that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound.

However it is possible that you may hear the sound of BMW's horn before the light turns green.

Every girl I take home instantly sounds like an angry old man when I show them my house.

"Bloody kids"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having sex with a girl the other day, and she started making this horrible sound, I can't even describe it.

Needless to say, it really threw off my hole fucking rhythm.

I am having trouble sleeping. My head keeps on playing sounds of a luxurious car.

I think I am having Auditory hallucinations.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does “Uranus” sound like?

Nothing. Sound doesn’t travel in the vacuum of space.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girlfriend asks me " Soooo, what sounds good to you?"

Me: A blowjob

Gf:

Me:

Gf:

Waitress: I'll give you two a couple more minutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

What does an anime firetruck sound like?

owo owo owo owo owo owo owo

Communism sounds good on paper...

...unless you’re reading a history book.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sounds logical

A little boy is on the toilet with diarrhea. He tells his mom to give him some viagra. “ What on earth would you need viagra for?” says the mom. The little boy says,” isn’t that what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard?”

What is louder than the sound of silence?

The Sound of Silence (Remastered)

After years of being bald, the idea of hair doesn't sound too bad.

It's starting to grow on me.

*Airhorn sound* *Second airhorn sound.*

Me: This is not my deodorant

When do S and C sound the same?

When it's necessary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

317 days without sex...

went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...it's correct

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

What sounds do porcupines make when they kiss?

"Ouch!"

Does making a chemistry joke make you sound smart?

Nitrogen Oxygen.

What sound do nuts make when they sneeze?

“Cash-ew”

;) *wink wonk* I dont know how I came up with that one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do woman sound like they orgasm when playing tennis?

And why does my mother always play tennis in the bathroom?

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