The 88+ Best Sound Jokes

{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: “this isn’t deodorant”

Fun fact: "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. . .

At least, I'm pretty sure that's correct.

What does 007’s doorbell sounds like?

Dong. Ding Dong

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said, alarmed by the sound. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he ...

A mother hears a humming sound from her daughter's bedroom and walks in.

Finding her daugher sitting on the bed using her vibrator she asked, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm a 35 year old woman living with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to a husband, " replies the daughter.

The mother silently leaves the room. The next day, the father hears a hu...

If pronouncing b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian

Then Soviet

I have a Russian friend who’s a sound technician

And a Czech one too.
A Czech one too.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

If light travels faster than the speed of sound

How come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

So a chicken walks into a library and says , “bock”. Sounding like “book” the librarian hands him a book. He takes it and goes happily on his way. Then the next day...

The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows hi...

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every night, the sounds of loud aggressive pornography blast from my neighbours’ apartment.

We’ve tried talking about it but I don’t care what they say; I’m not disconnecting from their Bluetooth speakers.

I don’t want to sound racist…

..But everyone in the KKK look the same to me.

The Democrats have a plan to make the Republicans sound stupid.

Operation "Just Let Them Talk"

Communism sounds good on paper...

...unless you’re reading a history book.

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."

I responded, "How about now?"

“Queue” sounds like “q” followed by 4 silent letters, but…

They’re just waiting their turn.

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

What sounds like a sneeze and is made out of leather?

A shoe

At the risk of sounding like a Karen, I just wanna know why...

...do birds suddenly appear, every time, you are near.

What does a German snake sound like?

ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß....

When do S and C sound the same?

When it's necessary.

I met a girl with 12 nipples today, sounds weird

Dozen tit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called ‘Sound of Wasps’.

When I got home and played it I realised it didn’t sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I’d been playing the Bee side.

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

boeing boeing boeing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went into a cafe for lunch today and ordered the nicest sounding thing on the menu, home-cooked steak pie.

"Excuse me, love." I said to the waitress, after my first bite. "This is cold."

"Well of course it is." She replied. "I live fucking miles away."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Please tell me your best animal sound joke!

My kid loves animal sound jokes, whats the best you got?

His favourite is: What do cows do on Saturday night? They go to the mooooovies!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love that clapping sound during sex.

It's nice when people appreciate public displays of affection.

Six girls walking around naked sounds weird

Dozen tit?

You know how people were joking about 2021 sounding like “2020 won”?

Well, next year is 2020 too.

Only when that year is over will it finally be 2020 free.

What sound does a mechanical frog make?

Rrrrrobot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know this might make me sound big headed

But I can’t get my fucking sweater off!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sound at the monastery

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down.
Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a ...

This might sound so cheesy

but I think you are really grate.

What sound do Russian pigeons make?

Coo...

Coo...

What does a blonde at a blinking red light sound like?

Vroom!-Screech! Vroom!-Screech! Vroom-Screech!

What sound does a German Shepherd make?

Voof

How many concert sound guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

Two. Two.

Two Two. Two. Two.

Two.

Two.

Two. Two.

Sounds legit

A woman was having a problem with her bedroom closet door. It would fall off the hinges whenever the bus went by. She tried several times to fix it herself,but the door would still fall off when a bus went by.
She finally called a repair man. He showed up, looked over the door and found no probl...

So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound..

Turns out she was just vacuuming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate words that are spelled differently but sound the same!

I guess I'm homophonic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you only had one beer, you’re not an alcoholic. If you make one song on SoundCloud, you’re not a rapper.

But I have sex with one guy and now I’m gay?

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What sounds sexist but isn't sexist?

sexism

What do you call an infection that makes you sound like an Academy Award-winning actress?

Streep throat

I don’t mean to sound Old Fashioned, but I’ve got to say it…

One and a half ounces of Bourbon, one sugar cube, two dashes of angostura bitters, and a few dashes of plain water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What sound does a Horny Toad make?

RUBBIT

I found a vinyl record of Wasp Sounds at a charity shop...

...when I got home I put it on to listen to it - it was all wrong - the buzzing noises was nothing like wasp sounds.

Then I realised - I was playing the Bee side!

Why does a marriage proposal always sound good?

Because it's got a nice ring to it.

What sound does a cow make when it runs out of milk?

None. There is udder silence.

May Sound like a Joke to Some

Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery,
vomits and falls down on the floor...
Wife pulls him up and cleans everything.

Next day wen he gets up he expects her to be really angry wid him....
He prays that they should not have a
fight..
He finds a note near the tabl...

What sound does a witches vehicle make?

BROOM BROOM

Chuck Norris petted a lion but then there was a roar sound

The trainer said “get up very slowly and back up” so the lion did exactly that.

Giles was late for shooting practice so the Sergeant made him pretend he was holding a pistol and make "Pew pew" sounds.

Giles didn't want to make a fuss so he makes his hands into a pistol and starts saying "pew pew" while aiming.

But the idiot Giles was almost always late. So a lot of "pew pewing" was going on when he was practicing.

After 4 months, there's been an invasion and a full-blown war has s...

What sound does a Nintendo police car make?

Wii-U Wii-U Wii-U

I woke up one night to the sound of someone breaking in to my house.

I quickly reached for my phone. My wife grabbed it away and whispered "Don't do that, he'll hear you! Take your baseball bat, go downstairs and chase him out!"

I reluctantly took my bat and creeped down the stairs.
I tiptoed into the kitchen.

Nobody there.

Slowly, I made my ...

What is a microwave's beep sound file called?

Micro.wav

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds fun

if you don’t know what either of those are

At the end of a busy night in a bar a clearly drunk man approaches the bartender. "Hey man," he says, "I'll bet you $50 I can stand at one end of the bar and pee clear to the other end." He has to clean the bar anyway, so this sounds like an easy 50 to the bartender. He agrees.

"Great! I'll be right back." The man then approaches a group of wasted guys in expensive suits and after a little bit of chatting and back slapping, he returns. He climbs onto the bar, whips it out and proceeds to pee...no more than a foot or so distance. The bartender laughs to himself, thinking h...

As I helped my friend with some speaker equipment, he asked "Will this make a sound if I unplug it?" I smiled as a wave of nostalgia hit me square in the heart. "What's up?" my friend asked, noticing my change in demeanor.

"That's the last thing I said to my grandma."

Which sound system technology do the Malfoys use?

Dobby Atmos

A lawyer and his friend from the Czech Republic were camping, when they heard a rustling sound.

They looked behind them and saw a huge male grizzly bear jumping out at them from behind a bush. The two friends fled for their lives, and the bear chased them.

The lawyer escaped, but his friend wasn't so lucky. The lawyer watched in horror as his friend was swiped by the bear's mighty paw a...

What sounds like a mouse, but much, much louder?

#**A MOUSE**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to be sexually attracted to every touch, scent, sight, taste and sound.

Then I came to my senses.

The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience.

But the sound from a pigeon doesn't do that.

That's because a coo sticks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In my thesis, I was gonna prove that Brits often pronounce "th-" sounds as "f"

Turns out it was a shitty idea.

What does an Icelandic dogs bark sound like?

Björk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girlfriend asks me " Soooo, what sounds good to you?"

Me: A blowjob

Gf:

Me:

Gf:

Waitress: I'll give you two a couple more minutes.

what did the two Egyptian dude say when they had the same fart sound?

Hey bro we have a Tutankhamen!

My mother hates every girlfriend that I’ve ever brought home. So I brought home a girl that looks like my mother, acts like my mother, even sounds like my mom

Now my father hates her.

What happens when a witch breaks the sound barrier?

You hear a sonic broom.

Did you hear about the burglar who could see sound?

He got caught, and now he has to face the music.

There was once an Austrian physicist who discovered that the sound of an object changes pitch as it passes by an observer...

...But before he could publish his findings someone stole his work and took all the credit for it.

Turns out the physicist had a Dopplerganger.

A duck and a dog have a baby together. The baby duck-dog was smaller than a proton. You know what sound it made?

Quark-quark!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

Saying "have a nice day" to someone, sounds friendly

But "enjoy your next 24 hours" sounds threatening.

what does a jamaican frog sound like?

reggae

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, and sees a beautiful woman, more gorgeous than any he's ever seen. He walks up to her and says, "I'd really like to have sex with the most beautiful woman in the world, if you'd oblige." She responds, "Sounds like we both want the same thing."

To which she then adds, "Unfortunately for you, I got to her first."

Which STD is transmitted through sound?

Hearing aids

Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot! :)

My baby girl came up with this and most of the laughter just comes from her ecstatic joy of saying it.

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Same sound as a G.I. Jane joke apparently

"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' I asked.

It's not unusual' he replied.

Why did the orchestra sound so out of sync from each other?

They couldn’t band together

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are sound asleep in bed when the phone rings. The man picks up, listens for a second and says, “How the fuck would I know, you idiot? I’m not a weatherman,” before slamming down the receiver.

“Who was that?” asks his wife.
“Wrong number. It was some bastard asking if the coast was clear.”

I told Alexa to play pet sounds on repeat to keep my dog company while I was out of the house today.

Long story short, my shih-tzu knows the words to "God Only Knows" now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female having 12 breasts sound strange !!

Dozen tit

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.