How to get a position in the Trump Administration

Trump: How much is 2 + 2?

You: How much do you want it to be?

Trump: That's the kind of winning attitude I demand, welcome to my team!

The Trump administration just announced ...

... no gatherings of 10 or more people.

Once again they found another way to separate Mexican families.

My friend works in the Trump administration and I asked him what it was like

"I can't complain."

So what do you think about the Trump administration so far?

It's been alt right

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6 life lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

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Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell.

The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch.

The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for...

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Doctors were asked if we should reopen the country. Here's what the experts said:

Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconcepti...

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Park Ranger

A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare
species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla
became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination,
the park veterinarian determined the problem: The gorilla was
in heat. To make matters worse, there...

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Eleventh Husband

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom? "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales represen...

What does the Trump administration use instead of emails?

Alternative fax.

What does the Trump administration use instead of emails?

Alternative fax.

Trump Keeps claiming that climate change is a hoax and that his administration has done the most for global warming, and that the USA is getting colder

But that’s because he doesn’t understand what the media means when they say:

“Donald Trump is the most **Polarizing** President America has had since Nixon.”

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There are 2 farmers, Jim and Bob, sitting in a Bar having a beer..

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

Why does the Trump administration like the new iPhone design?

Because Apple de-ported their phones.

Vintage Political Joke from Lyndon B. Johnson Administration

Below is a joke sheet that circulated around my grandfather's workspace many years ago.

Warning: This is extremely offensive, do not read if you're easily offended.



Dear Friend,

We have the distinguished honor of being members of a committee to raise $50,000,000 to be us...

Request from a worried P*nis

I, the P\*nis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following

reasons:



1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. In fact holidays and weekends are when I to...

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She’s gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I ...

Trump Administration blocked CNN, BBC, New York Times, LA Times from media briefing

Looks like Little Donald needs a safe space...

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The Bush Administration Makes So Much Sense Now...

George W. Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?”

“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Bush frowns. “But how do...

Chris Christie finally got a job in Trump's administration.

He's going to be the border wall.

How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration?

**The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a gross negligent manner. **

What do the Trump administration and Africa have in common?

People keep drowning in Denial River.

Don't worry about losing health care under the Trump administration

We won't need it after the EPA starts restricting oxygen

What's the hardest animal for the Trump administration to catch?

A break.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked into a locker room today, and saw a bunch of members of Donald Trump's new administration standing around completely nude…

… I've never seen so many Goldman sacks!

During the Bush administration...

G. W. was sitting in his office when one of his advisors approached him and said, "Mr. President, three Brazilian citizens were killed today."

G. W. gives him a pained look and replies, "Oh my God! How many millions is that?"

The Trump administration just put a ban on all shredded cheese.

I guess they wanted to Make America Grate Again

A surgeon cut off the wrong leg at my hospital today!!!

The orthopedic surgeon at the local hospital I work at accidentally cut off the wrong leg of an infected diabetic patient. After he realized he cut off the wrong leg he couldn't leave the the other infected leg attached. So he had all of the administration and attorneys meet him in the operating ro...

Ted Cruz, according to the news, IS planning THat Either cruZ Or his aDminIstrAtion will be Compiling their documents to maKe a IntegraL poLitical announcemEnt this afteRnoon

[hope you can decrypt it]

So, have you guys heard of a chicken cannon?

Used by US Federal Aviation Administration, it's a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.



The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crac...

The new Trump Administration is re-doing the voice mail prompts at the White House...

Thank you for calling the White House.
For English, press 1.
<silence>

Trump has a change of heart and brings Hillary to his administration

As Ambassador to Libya

What does the Obama administration think about foreign relations?

Why so Syrias?

Bob has a small company. One day, one of his employees, Kevin, dies

Bob and his wife go to the funeral. On the way back home, she asks him:

"Dear, you know my brother is a little lazy, but he's been looking for a good opportunity. Do you think he could replace Kevin?" Bob answers:

"It's ok for me, but we would have to talk with the graveyard administ...

Trump and Obama meets during inauguration.

Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?

Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.

Trump: What do you mean?

Oba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Laura Bush wear shoes as first lady but Melania wears boots?

During the Bush administration the bullshit only came up to your ankles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hell is now open to tourists.

They first visit the Hall of the greatest criminals. The criminals are standing in blood.

Hitler is waist-deep in blood, his gaze angry, his mouth shouting something that tourists do not hear.

Stalin stands to Hitler’s left, silent, with a sardonic smile on his lips, blood reaching to ...

Super Computer

There a new super computer that can compute over 2 billion calculations per second. That means that an event can be fired almost as quickly as a member of the Trump administration.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the beginning of time two schools were created.

One was Matter High, the other Antimatter High. Each was tasked with creating the fundamental laws that would define the growth and existence of the universe.

Students at Matter High developed Gravitation, Strong Attraction, Weak Attraction, and Electromagnetism.

Students at Antimatt...

A Tv-crew is sent to interview a farmer before the election.

"Could you please share with our viewers, how has the past year been for you?"

"Well, you know I can't complain. I had a very good harvest of wheat, so my family definitely won't go hungry. My vegetable patches brought in amazing organic crops, I was able to sell those at a good profit. And ...

How do you write a bestseller?

Just get fired from the Trump administration

So there’s this old, old zookeeper who is nearing retirement.

In fact, she’s so old that she has been employed at the zoo since it first opened. Since she’s been there so long, the zoo has entrusted her with taking care of the two most valuable exhibits in the zoo.

First, she is responsible for feeding an ancient lion. This lion is actually so old that...

So I Submitted an Article to the School Newspaper

The article was written on the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. The article ended up being brought to the attention of the administrators. After about a month, the administration closed down the school due to "chemical risks." When the school reopened, it was disconnected from all water lines.

A new medical facility

A new medical facility with several different specialists opened in a trendy part of the city. Wanting to be different and creative, the administration decided that each doctor’s office door would, in some way, be representative of his practice.

So, when construction was complete… the eye doc...

The Governor's Allegory.

Intending to make a strong statement about his administration, the Governor drew on an allegory during his speech.

"A father wanted to teach a lesson to his three sons. He called them to the barn and gave them each a 100$ bill and asked them to buy something with it that could fill the whole ...

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