Good news! Now that OnlyFans is getting rid of adult content

Your local restaurants will be able to hire servers again.

In Alabama, they're not worried about OnlyFans restricting adult content

They use OnlyFams.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Redditor told me “Yo momma’s so dumb that she doesn’t get most of the content on r/jokes.”

“Oh yeah?” I said, “well, yo momma’s so dumb that she doesn’t get *any* of the content on r/all.”

I wanted to come back with something original, but all I could muster was a shitty riposte.

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

I heard a rumor that r/jokes is getting an "Original Content" flair to help Redditors avoid cut&paste reposts

I heard a rumor that r/jokes is getting an "Original Content" flair to help Redditors avoid cut&paste reposts

I really think OSHA should make an OnlyFans account

They're some of the leading experts in NSFW content after all

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Vice President Cheney opened a boutique online content management firm after retiring. His specialty was evaluating effectiveness of online competitions and customer engagement events.

You may think the things that he did sounds cool, but in reality they were all just Dick measuring contests.

Greta Thunberg must love reddit

Most of the content here is recycled

Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet.

Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.

I just found out a friend of mine had their appendix removed...

... so I asked what the surgical team had decided to do with the forward, introduction, contents, glossary and index?

Did you know Ariel is in new Little Mermaid content?

She started an OnlyFins.

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I had twelve bottles of whisky...

...and my wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else!
So, I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.



I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass... which I ...

They've found a cure for depression!

Three autopsy techs are cutting the corpse at the end of a very long day, as tired and underpaid as usual...

Two of them have cut into stomach, the other one is reading the report about the death of the person.

One of them exclaims: 'Oh, meatloaf! And potatoes!' - He grabs a spoon and starts eating straight from the stomach. The other one follows. - 'Daniel, would you?' - 'No, guys, thank you, I...

How is a joke like an animal?

When you dissect it, it dies.

Get it? Because just like when you take apart an animal to see how it works, it obviously can't be alive anymore, by the same logic, picking apart the inner workings of a joke by over-explaining the punchline is going to kill the humorous spirit it carries; it wo...

[WARNING CONTENT NOT FUNNY] Do not click into this

A horse walked into a bar

Bartender: Hey

Horse: Yes please

The following content is not suitable for miners.

Cave-ins.

An American goes to a restaurant in Italy for breakfast.

After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to t...

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An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis.

"What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

Why do pirates love reddit?

Aye, tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold!

With all the video content available these days...

It's hard to believe that for five whole years we came back to watch Tattoo yell "the plane, the plane."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Internet speed world record broken in Japan with 319Tb/s data transer speed

But still the contents will be blurry

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Big Chief was suffering from constipation for over a week...

He hadn't laid a log in what felt like forever and this caused him great frustration, pain and discomfort. In great desperation, he decides to visit the tribe's witch doctor in the hope of finally loosening his bowels.

The witch doctor let's him in and says "Hey there Big Chief, to what do I ...

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.

They have a high Mercury content!

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Birthday Mix-Up (Long)

A young man wished to purchase  a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note--romantic, but not too personal.

   

   Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger siste...

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Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside.

Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

After a week of repeating this process you make...

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A Brit, a Scot, and an Irishman walk into a bar…

They each order a shot of whiskey. The place is buzzing with flies, and one lands in each of their shots.

Disgusted, the Brit says to the bartender, “Pardon me, good chap, but could I have another? Your filthy establishment has caused a fly to foul my whiskey.” The bartender pours him a new ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always send an invoice along with my dickpics

Us content creators can't survive on exposure alone.

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction.

When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.
A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Sin...

Two elderly gentlemen sit inside of a nursing home, casually sipping their coffee...

The one facing the door glances up at the night shift tech who’s leaving for the day, glimpsing him press the code 1749* into the door before opening it and leaving.
He softly says to the other one, 1749*.
The second man smiles contentedly, “We’re breaking out tonight.” They winked and let o...

With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.

A coronaissance, if you will.

I wasn't sure that Netflix would ever find success producing their own content. Then again...

Stranger Things have happened.

Today is the first time I visited r/Jokes and couldn't understand why there's no flair called "Original Content"

Now I understand.

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There's a porn site that makes you watch at least 10 minutes of dwarf MILF content before you can access anything else.

That's their bare mini mum.

Reddit's logo should be a bit more green.

To symbolize the amount of reused and recycled content.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Tourist in Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his Cava Sangria, he noticed a sizzling, delicious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied: "Ah, Senor. You have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight today. A delicacy!"
The tourist said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me a...

I love how eco conscious this sub is.

All the top content is recycled.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Instead of trying to determine what is fake news, people should just use a trustworthy source that is known for its accuracy and high content standards.

Personally, I get my news on Facebook, because the reporters always provide all the facts and live their ideals.

It is efficient, too. For example, in less than 5 minutes this morning, I found 9 essential oils that can cure me of my sexuality, discovered that those vaccines I had 20 years ago...

I went to an adult website and searched for good Christian content.

Turns out it was all missionaries.

What do you call a vampire that checks the calorie content of these between meals?

Count Snackula.

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I'm doing a crossword and I'm stuck on one clue. It is "contents of a postman's bag"

How many letters?

Fucking loads

I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world!

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content

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A man is walking home from the doctor's office in soviet Russia

He is stopped by a solider, who says "comrade, let me see your papers."

He begins looking but can't find them.

"Show me your papers now or I will assume you are an American spy." The soldier cocks his rifle.

Reaching into his inside pocket, he finds some papers, and throws th...

Amnesia is no joke

Based on the content in this sub alone, at least 19 million people have it.

What's something that feels British, but isn't?

The contents of the British museum.

How Drunk Are You?

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for seve...

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A scientist turns up a bottle then immediately spits the contents across the room.

You said that was water! It tastes like fucking peroxide!

You asked what I was drinking I said H^(2)O. Then you asked what was in that bottle and I said ," That's H^(2)O^(2)'

A rabbit says to a fox, "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes"

"Come on, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish." says the fox

"Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doin...

There are so many reposts on this sub that all hope seems lost on original content. This post will say otherwise.

Otherwise.

What do you call it when a redditor tries to get karma without posting real content?

Cake day

I went to my psychiatrist recently.

I told him I had been feeling down, and depressed lately, and I sometimes don't know how I will ever become happy and content anymore.

He looked at me and said, with a concerned look on his face "have you considered suicide?"

To which I said "I didn't know that was an option

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite beer?

A double IPA because of it's high alcohol content he can get drunk quick, after dealing with those kids all day.
Oh... the the fact that it's extra hoppy is just a bonus!

How much of Reddit content is made up of recurring themes?

69%

How do you get free karma on reddit?

~~Easy. Just make quality content and share it with the world~~ Piece of cake, it's a piece of cake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hi, I'm a mental health therapist helping people to be more at peace with their lives. Check out my Instagram!

I'm a content creator.

An old woman is sitting on her porch when a genie appears

"You get one wish" he is straight to the point. woman thinks about it but she is content with her life. Just that moment her cat strolls by. With a mischievous smile she tells genie she wants her cat turned into handsome man. "Done" genie says and vanishes. And true to his word instead of a cat ther...

Irish Cow Joke

There is an old dirt farm family who have nothing of value in this world but their milk cow. Now this was z good milk cow, which gave good high quality milk which they were able to sell and get along, so the family was actually very content. Well one day the father gets up early to milk the cow, as ...

What happened when Dracula uploaded illegal content to YouTube?

A count suspended.

Sven and Oli went ice fishing.

They had fished in this lake for decades, and they knew there were no more fish in the lake, but they went because they enjoyed going and getting away from their wives. After a while, a young kid came along and cut a hole in the ice under a tree, close to the shore. Sven and Oli looked at each other...

A State Government Employee sits in his office, and out of boredom decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This would look nice on my mantelpiece," he thinks, so he takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice-cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! A Pepsi appears before him ...

They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but...

A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

A man emptied a punching bag of its content and filled it with Guinness books.

He then proceded to beat all records.

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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't prospecters hook up on Reddit?

>!Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving miners.!<

If wine is jesus' blood, doesn't that make blood/alcohol content "blood/blood" content...

...officer.

Two cowboys were in an old west bar getting drunk

There’s a spittoon that everyone has been using throughout the night to spit their chewing tobacco into. One cowboy challenges the other one to swallow a mouthful from the spittoon for $100.

The other cowboy agrees and tilts the spittoon to his lips. He takes a big gulp as everyone starts t...

A butcher is serving his customers...

... when a stray dog comes in and starts barking.

The butcher is about to shoo him away when one customer says, "give him few lamb chops".

The butcher agrees and puts some in front of the dog. The dog eats everything in front of him but is still hungry. He looks at the butcher and st...

An old preacher was dying.

He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, s...

What did the Spanish guy say when he saw original content?

Oh si

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wrong bank

A man walks into a sperm bank with a ski mask and a .45 pointed at the woman behind the counter."Open the safe " .The woman pleads "Sir is not that kind of Bank". "Open the safe and remove the contents" . She removed a test tube tray full of sperm samples. The man puts the gun in the woman's face an...

Netflix’s original content has some stiff competition.

I heard they’re shooting something at YouTube HQ today.

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Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has a habit of starting every morning by breaking wind.

Of course, his wife finds this habit disgusting, and even as she asks him to stop, he only snickers, continuing the habit every morning.

After one of the husband's daily bouts of morning flatulence, the woman tells him that if he continues to fart every morning, his intestines will come out ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a Sperm Bank.

He has his pistol drawn and a brown paper bag over his head as a mask.

The lady behind the counter jumps from her chair with her hands in the air and says, “Sir, this is not that kind of a bank!”

The man shouts, “Shut up Bitch! I know where I am at! Now open that refrigerator!”
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is wandering around deep in the forest when he comes upon a strange looking pub...

The man walks inside and is immediately greeted by the barkeep.

"What can I get you?" he asks.

"I'll just have a beer," the man replies.

"We're all out of beer," the barkeep says. "However, I do have another drink I can offer you... the Elixir of the Forest Elves!"

"What'...

\r\jokes has the funniest most original content

But at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

My colleague offered to help me filter adult contents from more than a thousand hours of video.

Nah, thanks. I'm gonna do it single handedly

A man and his wife were in court to get a divorce.

A man and his wife were in court to get a divorce.
The problem in contention was, who should have the possession of the child?

The man or the woman?

The woman jumped up and said "My Lord, I am the mother of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour. I am entitl...

So I went into get a flu vaccine today.

The nurse that was administering the Vaccine asked me the prequalifying questions. Have you had a flu vaccine before? Yes. Have you done your research on the vaccine? Yes. Do you understand the possible side effects? Actually I am quite excited about the side effects. She looks at me confused. ...

If I had a dollar for every time someone reposted my content

I'd be broke because my posts aren't good enough to be reposted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

James visits his friend Henry's house

James visits his friend Henry's house, where Henry's girlfriend Rita answers the door wearing a towel.James almost instantly says, "I will give you 200 bucks if you show me one of your boobs."

"Okay, But no touching!" she says showing him her left boob.

"I will give you another 200 buc...

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

**[PLEASE DISABLE YOUR AdBlocker TO SEE THIS CONTENT]**

I’m starting a club that prints out and mails content from r/jokes to people without internet.

It’ll be called the re-postal service.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man, an ostrich and a cat walk into a bar

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat, the man says to the bartender "I'll have a pint of lager please"

The ostrich says "and I'll have the same"

The cat then says "Gin & tonic for me, but I'm not paying!"

The bartender looks a bit perplexed but announces ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content

Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.

What's better? Original content or a repost?

A repost.

Why?

Because nothing is better than original content but a repost is better than nothing.

What do you call a thankful German piece of internet content?

Danke, meme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s full of virgins, reposts, and funny original content?

Reddit. i lied about the funny original content.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like original content on r/Jokes

A lot of people don't get it.

What do you call the snack that reveals all the intel of the contents in your lunchbox?

Julian a sandwich

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A celebate man was about to get married...

He had been "saving himself" for marriage, and had never watched pornography or had any remotely sexual encounters. He was incredibly nervous about being able to perform on his wedding night, and went to his best man to talk about it.

His best man tried to give him a pep talk, but ultimately...

I just donated the contents of my wallet, my iPhone X, and my $10,000 Rolex watch to some poor guy living on the streets.

You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he put his gun back into his pocket.

Im kinda proud of this one

I have this great joke about stomach contents?
Actually never mind you wouldn't get it, its an inside joke.

Which bird is the most contented?

The crow. He never complains without caws.

The content of this post is true.

The title of this post is false.

Once upon a time in a far away land...

There's a triangular lake, with three kingdoms on each side of the triangle.

The first kingdom is very rich, and the people are content. It has a very competent army, with a squire for every knight, and a total of twenty thousand knights. There is no hunger in the land.

The second kin...

I'm starting a retreat for people with ADHD

It's called the "'What's That Over There?' Retreat" and it takes place over 10 days with 2 days worth of content.

Why aren’t children allowed to watch movies about green ogres?

Because of all the Shrexual content.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Hitler and EA have in common?

*You are missing the Punchline Pack. Please purchase the Reddit Season Pass to reveal missing content*

I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

An old man is sitting with his wife on her death-bed. He asks her about the box containing three eggs and large pile of cash hidden under the bed.

"I'm ashamed to tell you that the contents of this box represents my infidelity to you." she admits with a guilty look. "Every time I went with another man, I'd place one of our chickens' eggs in the carton."

"Well Dear, don't feel bad. I suppose three times in fifty years is no big deal."...

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

Did you hear that new joke about EA?

[Please Buy the Punchline DLC to unlock this bonus Content]

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