[WARNING CONTENT NOT FUNNY] Do not click into this

A horse walked into a bar

Bartender: Hey

Horse: Yes please

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There's a porn site that makes you watch at least 10 minutes of dwarf MILF content before you can access anything else.

That's their bare mini mum.

What do you call a content, homeless person?

A no-mad

I wasn't sure that Netflix would ever find success producing their own content. Then again...

Stranger Things have happened.

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A man inherits a small fortune and vacations in the LA nightlife where he meets a gorgeous young woman.

He asks her out for a night on the town with him and she says:

"You can't afford me."

"Try me, how much for a strip show?" He replies.

"$10,000 dollars even." she says.

"You can't be serious?!" He proclaims.

"Let's take a walk outside." She replies. He agrees and t...

There are so many reposts on this sub that all hope seems lost on original content. This post will say otherwise.

Otherwise.

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

Did you hear that new joke about EA?

[Please Buy the Punchline DLC to unlock this bonus Content]

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

1 to repost and claim as their own content.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing...

How much of Reddit content is made up of recurring themes?

69%

I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.

What happened when Dracula uploaded illegal content to YouTube?

A count suspended.

If wine is jesus' blood, doesn't that make blood/alcohol content "blood/blood" content...

...officer.

Why do pirates love reddit?

Tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold.

An old accountant had a curious habit

Everyday, just after he arrived in the office, he would take a small and battered yellow envelope from his drawer and peruse attentively the single sheet of paper inside. Then, he would take a glance around the office, smile and nod to himself, and go on with his day normally.

His employees ...

What do you call it when a redditor tries to get karma without posting real content?

Cake day

Two mathematicians, one pessimist and one optimist, are sitting at a bar, arguing about the general public's knowledge of math...

The pessimist says that most people are absolutely terrible at math while the optimist says that although people don't know much, they at least know a bit and it's better than nothing.

When the pessimist goes for a smoke, the optimist tells the attractive blonde waitress, "When my colleague ...

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Slightly adult content: I used to date a girl so wide down under, I had no way of knowing if I was in or out. It was like...

Schrödinger’s pussy.

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A hunter shot a rabbit and his wife made a stew with it

They all ate well and were very content.

A couple days later, his daughter walks in and she says:

"Dad, i went to the toilet and peed shotgun pellets. What's wrong?"

"Ah shoot!" exlaims the dad "i just remembered I forgot to clean them out of the carcass. Call the rest of the fa...

After watching Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

Heaven or Hell

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.



His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.



"Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a pro...

My colleague offered to help me filter adult contents from more than a thousand hours of video.

Nah, thanks. I'm gonna do it single handedly

Fred's honeymoon

Frederico's Honeymoon - Fred for the intimate!

At the age of 82, Frederico married Ana, 27, who, in consideration of her elderly husband, decides that they should sleep in separate rooms.

After the wedding party is over, everyone goes to their room.

Ana prepares to go to bed, wh...

I’m starting a club that prints out and mails content from r/jokes to people without internet.

It’ll be called the re-postal service.

Adult site: You must be of legal age to view the contents of this site. What year were you born?

12 year old me playing it safe: 1645

A wise old gentleman retired...

...and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every...

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[Nsfw] [long] An aging father has decided to go into assisted living

Because he didn't want to burden his son. He had been having trouble around the house and had a few scary falls. His son begged him to stay at his family's house, because he felt that this was the best plan.
"Dad, please! Stay with us! I've heard those places are horrible!" His father says "No wa...

What did the Spanish guy say when he saw original content?

Oh si

They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but...

A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

What do you call the snack that reveals all the intel of the contents in your lunchbox?

Julian a sandwich

For 2020 reddit is committing to being the most environmentally friendly company in the tech industry.

They are committing to 100% recycled content.

I just donated the contents of my wallet, my iPhone X, and my $10,000 Rolex watch to some poor guy living on the streets.

You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he put his gun back into his pocket.

A man walks into a Subway...

Every Friday, the man goes to Subway to purchase the "sub of the week", each comprised of several ingredients never before heard of.

However, he walks in the Subway and quickly finds that the sub, oddly named Arjoques, is completely identical to a sandwich he had purchased at Jimmy John's onl...

A man emptied a punching bag of its content and filled it with Guinness books.

He then proceded to beat all records.

What do you call a person who just fell head first off of a 10 story building?

A crackhead







-I think this is original content. If not, please correct me.

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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

Dad joke

(not original content)

Wife: I have to tell you something. I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad. Wife: No you’re not.

What do you call a thankful German piece of internet content?

Danke, meme.

If I had a dollar for every time someone reposted my content

I'd be broke because my posts aren't good enough to be reposted

A man walks into a grocery store.

A man walks into a grocery store. After getting all his groceries, he sees something interesting at the check-out counter. Not knowing what it is, he asks a worker. The worker replies, “Why, that’s a thermos! It keeps your hot stuff hot, and your cold stuff cold!” Intrigued, the man decides to buy i...

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A masked man enters a sperm bank with a gun.

He points the gun at the woman behind the desk. Shivering in fear she says, "take anything you want!"

"Open that cup of semen."

The woman looks over at a tray of recent sperm samples with a disgusted look on her face.

He yells, "Do it!"

Shivering in fear she grabs the co...

What do you call original content on r/jokes?

I'm not sure, we've never had a need for a word like that.

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What’s full of virgins, reposts, and funny original content?

Reddit. i lied about the funny original content.

A security guard and a midnight shift

This is a joke my father told me long ago. I probably don't have it word for word, but this is basically how it goes.

So it's midnight and this security guard is making his usual rounds outside some warehouse when all of a sudden, he sees a shadowy figure exit the building. The guard approa...

What's better? Original content or a repost?

A repost.

Why?

Because nothing is better than original content but a repost is better than nothing.

Netflix’s original content has some stiff competition.

I heard they’re shooting something at YouTube HQ today.

A man had an adult daughter who he loved dearly but rarely met. He decided to send her a letter, and in it was hundreds of pieces of advice to help her succeed in life.

The advice ranged from career to cooking to basic mechanics; it was like a manual for life, and it took him a good while to rewrite, condense, and perfect.

When he went to the post office to send the letter, he met the mail deliverer Kurt. Kurt said he would deliver the letter.

The man...

Why is this sub-reddit the most environmentally-friendly service online?

Because the content is made up of 95% recycled materials.

Which bird is the most contented?

The crow. He never complains without caws.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Palette Cleanser

The first time Charlie ate dinner with his girlfriend's family, her mom prepared a huge pot of soup for the whole family. The dad, mom, and little brother were all there. Although Charlie couldn't identify the exact contents, it smelled pretty good, and Charlie hadn't eaten all day. Everyone was eag...

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A young man is walking home from his job at a local software company

He worked late that night, and the sun had already fallen below the sky. The man enjoyed the two mile walk to work in the morning, but the cold of the night made the way back numb, rigid, and surreal. The man followed long, curving roads through the dark pine forests, illuminated by cold sunlight re...

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The secret to a long life

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed a shriveled, stooped old lady. She was sitting on her front step, contentedly smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

She said, "I smoke ten cigars a day. Be...

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

A guy walks into a coffee shop

He goes the counter and asks, “So what’s the special?”

The barista shakes her head, “I can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

“A mocha?”

She shakes her...

The content of this post is true.

The title of this post is false.

I was gonna make a China joke…

[THIS CONTENT, FOR YOUR SAFETY, HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA.]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content

Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.

\r\jokes has the funniest most original content

But at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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A tourist in Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing.

While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicles ...

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I had 12 bottles of whisky in my basement.

However, my wife did not approve of this ownership of liquor, so she asked me to dispose of it in the sink. And since I didn't dare oppose her, I commenced my precarious mission thus:

I pulled the cork out of the first bottle, and poured the contents down the drain, except for one glass which...

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

A polar bear carries a large freezer into an ice factory....

On his way inside, he's stopped by a penguin wearing a tie and a nametag and carrying a clipboard.
"Why are you bringing a freezer into an ice factory??" The penguin asked.
"I'm a new hire," the polar bear replied, "I brought it with me because back home it freezes EVERYTHING. I thought it'...

There once was a rich man who was near death.

He was very much aggrieved because he had worked very hard for his money, and he wanted to be able to take it with him to Heaven.

So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth.

An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth ...

Once upon a time, there was a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to hims...

so I hear r Kelly's music has been removed from Spotify for hate content

when asked what he thought of this he said. ''if I could turn back the hands of time,....

EA announced 3x more content for battlefront 2.

Don't get too excited, 3 x 0 is still no content.

Why was the youtuber so good at handling cows?

Because he was used to milking content.

Buzz feed steal so much content they should rename themselves

The Appropriated Press

r/electricians should be quarantined

It is a subreddit devoted to shocking content

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A woman goes to her doctor

"Doctor, please help me. My husband is _lazy_ in the bed, if you know what I mean"

The doctor smiles and says

"I have what you need. Science has made gigantic progress in this field."

The doctor gives her a small packet.

"Put the content of this sachet in his food and you...

WARNING 18+ CONTENT

18+4

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

A man has been building a submarine for many years

After he is finally finished with it, he shows it to his friends, who start laughing.

"That submarine looks hideous" said the first friend

"Yeah, the interior looks even worse" says the second

The man, still feeling confident in his build, decides that he is going to redecorate...

what's the best thing about forums?

*Please sign in to see this content*

What do you call a YouTuber who's really satisfied with life?

A content creator

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Reddit has been cracking down on child pornography content lately

They're still letting people show Ajit Pai's asshole though

TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content.

But Stranger Things have happened.

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What do Hitler and EA have in common?

*You are missing the Punchline Pack. Please purchase the Reddit Season Pass to reveal missing content*

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Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those who can understand binary

Those who can understand math jokes

Those who judge a joke by its title

Those who can recognize original content

Those who can tolerate repition

Those who can leave a better joke in the comments

Those who read all the way to t...

Never tell a scientist that his Blood Alcohol Content is a problem...

He'll tell you it's a solution...

Unlike Buzzfeed.......

Which is complete trash, Reddit has proven time and time again to be the more environmentally friendly website as we recycle 90% of our own content.

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies ?

0mg !!!!

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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

Q: Why does it seem most Titles on the Front page have nothing to do with the content of the post?

A: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

The Blonde Nun

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.


"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend...

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