The 96+ Best Content Jokes

While walking down the street one day a female head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. . “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” s...

Problem

A blonde calls her friend and says: "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her friend asks: "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says: "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."...

My wife is like Netflix

She has regional content I don’t have access to.

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A rabbit is captured and taken to a medical laboratory to be used for experiments . . .

There, he befriends a rabbit who was born and raised in the lab. One day, he notices that the researchers didn't latch his cage properly and he decides to make a break for it. He tells the lab rabbit how great it is on the outside and convinces him to come along.

First, the wild rabbit take...

What's the difference between the contents of a man's wallet before and after kids?

Before kids the pictures on the paper in his wallet had faces of presidents on them...

Garbage can

An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came dow...

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Adam and Eve...

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflecti...

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Classic gift

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, as they had not been dating very long. After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note... romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went...

Heard this at a wedding

A woman and her husband had been married for 60 years and had remained faithful and loving this entire time. However, the woman did have one secret; a shoebox in her closet. The shoebox itself was not a secret, but the wife had told the husband that he was never to open or ask about the box, so the...

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How it's like being a researcher for pornographic content on the Internet?

It's Hard.

Netflix has been making some questionable decisions on its content

Then again, I've seen Stranger Things

A Linguist, a musician, and a content creator walk into a bar

They all start using slurs

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so...

If we rated Subreddits on eco friendliness, r/jokes would be the cleanest

Because around 99% of the content is recycled

Good news! Now that OnlyFans is getting rid of adult content

Your local restaurants will be able to hire servers again.

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I had 12 bottles of whisky...

I had twelve bottles of whisky and my wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else there'd be hell to pay.

So, I said I would and proceeded with the sad task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the...

[WARNING CONTENT NOT FUNNY] Do not click into this

A horse walked into a bar

Bartender: Hey

Horse: Yes please

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There once live a man named Keith.

Keith’s mother had instilled in him the wisdom of an old adage: “Obsessions are only a problem if you have fewer than two.” To that end, Keith made sure that he always had at least two obsessions on the go. And as the years passed, and Keith married and settled down, two particular passions endured...

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A Groomsman said to the Groom on his wedding day…

“You look so happy and contented, what’s your secret?”

To which the Groom replied; “Of course I’m happy and contented, I just got the best blowjob of my life!”

Meanwhile, the Bridesmaid said to the Bride;

“You looks so happy and contented, what’s your secret?”

To which th...

OnlyFans launched a new step sibling content adult website...

They call it OnlyFams!

What does a youtuber say after reaching nirvana?

I’m content.

What's something that feels British but isn't?

The contents of the British Museum.

A man moves across country to a new city.

A man moves to a new city and starts a new job.

Lunchtime comes around and his coworker asks him to join him. They go to a restaurant down the road, sit down and he orders the Club Sandwich.

They get their food after a couple of minutes and talk about work.
The man is intrigued...

A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stum...

A stranger rides into a Wild West town and finds it deserted.

All except the saloon, so when he's hitched his hoss to the rail he goes in, orders a beer, and says to the barkeep "Say, where is everyone?"

"They've all gone to hang the Brown Paper Kid," says the barkeep.

" 'Brown Paper Kid' ain't no kinda name for a man," says the newcomer. "What d...

i told my girlfriend yesterday, she should learn to embrace her mistakes

she seemed very content, because she instantly hugged me.

A football quarterback, soccer wing forward, baseball designated hitter, volleyball setter, hockey winger and cricket batsman walk into a bar...

# POST REMOVED

**Rule 10 -** Overly ***offensive*** content

A Doctor claims to treat patients with 100% Results otherwise he will give 100$

A man walks inside the clinic and says **"Doctor, I have lost my taste buds. I can't feel the taste of anything."** The Doctor replies **"Don't worry. I will give you a syrup and you wil regain your taste buds. Nurse, pls give him the blue bottle."** The man drinks the content of the blue bottle and...

A girl wants to be a comedian when she grows up.

Her parents are sad she doesn't want to carry on the family farm, but they encourage their daughter to follow her dreams. She's too shy to tell people her puns in person, so she figures out how to share them another way.

The girl takes a bunch of her father's old pasture fence posts and pound...

In Alabama, they're not worried about OnlyFans restricting adult content

They use OnlyFams.

I wasn't sure that Netflix would ever find success producing their own content. Then again...

Stranger Things have happened.

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There's a porn site that makes you watch at least 10 minutes of dwarf MILF content before you can access anything else.

That's their bare mini mum.

Redditors are very environmentally aware

More than half the content on the front page is recycled

I heard a rumor that r/jokes is getting an "Original Content" flair to help Redditors avoid cut&paste reposts

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A Redditor told me “Yo momma’s so dumb that she doesn’t get most of the content on r/jokes.”

“Oh yeah?” I said, “well, yo momma’s so dumb that she doesn’t get *any* of the content on r/all.”

I wanted to come back with something original, but all I could muster was a shitty riposte.

With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.

A coronaissance, if you will.

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An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis.

"What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

A Redditor posts a joke.

And within 2 minutes of submission he has 8 comments telling him, “that’s a repost and that same joke was submitted last month and got 3k upvotes. We only want original content here!” So he deletes it and moves on.

Two months later he hears a new joke and posts it. Again within 2 minutes of s...

I really think OSHA should make an OnlyFans account

They're some of the leading experts in NSFW content after all

Greta Thunberg must love reddit

Most of the content here is recycled

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Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside.

Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

After a week of repeating this process you make...

Did you know Ariel is in new Little Mermaid content?

She started an OnlyFins.

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy.

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy. At the border he gets stopped by the French police and questioned about the contents of his truck. "Caracoles" he says. Not understanding, the police open it up and say "Oh, escargots." The Spanish man replies, "Sì, es cargo."

A software developer walks into a pub

A software developer walks into a pub:

Runs into a pub,

Crawls into a pub,

Dances into a pub,

flies into a pub,

and orders:

1 Beer

2 Beers

"qwertyuiop" Beers

Beers

\-1 Beers

Content, he leaves

A customer walks in and...

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Sonny Liston fights Muhammed Ali, takes a dive, loses and a few years later dies and goes to hell

He wakes up in hell and is greeted by the Devil holding a clipboard. The Devil puts him in a room with millions of small cardboard boxes full of small broken sticks with red tips.

"Liston, you have to spend all eternity repairing the contents of these boxes. We always give the new arrivals a ...

Reddit has become great for the planet

Almost all content is now post-consumer recycled

The following content is not suitable for miners.

Cave-ins.

Where do crustaceans get their adult content?

PronHub

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SUMMER CAMP FOR Husbands. Evening classes for men. Starting this month.

*Summer camp*

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of the content, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

*Topic 1.*
How to fill ice-cube trays and why to fill water bottles before putting them back in the fridge.
Step by step with slide pre...

The Government Employee

A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.

He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp he's never seen before. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him.

While poli...

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Vice President Cheney opened a boutique online content management firm after retiring. His specialty was evaluating effectiveness of online competitions and customer engagement events.

You may think the things that he did sounds cool, but in reality they were all just Dick measuring contests.

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I'm starting a new premium subscription service that will distribute sexual content based on Japanese demons.

It shall be called Oni Fans.

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

With all the video content available these days...

It's hard to believe that for five whole years we came back to watch Tattoo yell "the plane, the plane."

There are so many reposts on this sub that all hope seems lost on original content. This post will say otherwise.

Otherwise.

Today is the first time I visited r/Jokes and couldn't understand why there's no flair called "Original Content"

Now I understand.

I went to an adult website and searched for good Christian content.

Turns out it was all missionaries.

Patrons at the zoo were astonished to see an old man jump over the bars of the lion's cage

Seemingly oblivious to the danger, he walked among the fierce creatures holding the latest bestselling book in his hands, intently perusing its contents. The spectators were beside themselves.

"What in the world is he doing?" shouted one.

"Is he crazy? He's going to get killed!" yelled...

How much of Reddit content is made up of recurring themes?

69%

A man emptied a punching bag of its content and filled it with Guinness books.

He then proceded to beat all records.

There is a medieval town with a group of friars.

You know the ones, balding on top, fringe of hair, gray-robed religious folks. They are having a meeting to discuss the lack of donations to the church.

"Donations are at an all time low, it just isn't enough to support the church any more! Anyone have any ideas of how we could make more mone...

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A farmer has a good harvest and decides to buy a barrel of wine to celebrate with his wife.

He brings it home and sets it outside of their cottage, and he and his wife celebrate their success.

The next day, the farmer wakes to find the barrel is now only half full, but they'd only had a few glasses each. Furious about the thievery, he posts a sign saying, "This wine belongs to Farm...

Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet.

Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.

What do you call a vampire that checks the calorie content of these between meals?

Count Snackula.

\r\jokes has the funniest most original content

But at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

I love how eco conscious this sub is.

All the top content is recycled.

Netflix’s original content has some stiff competition.

I heard they’re shooting something at YouTube HQ today.

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A scientist turns up a bottle then immediately spits the contents across the room.

You said that was water! It tastes like fucking peroxide!

You asked what I was drinking I said H^(2)O. Then you asked what was in that bottle and I said ," That's H^(2)O^(2)'

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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

Reddit's logo should be a bit more green.

To symbolize the amount of reused and recycled content.

A rabbit escaped from a lab.

While on his way, he found a group of rabbits who asked him to stay. Not wanting to refuse the offer, he asked them, what was so special about the place.

The leader of the group says - If you go through that fence, there is a whole field of carrots ready to eat to your content.

So, he ...

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I'm doing a crossword and I'm stuck on one clue. It is "contents of a postman's bag"

How many letters?

Fucking loads

Difference between Russia and USA

In Russia they use breathalyzers to check for minimum blood alcohol content

Why do pirates love reddit?

It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.

They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but...

A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

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I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content

Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.

What did the Spanish guy say when he saw original content?

Oh si

I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.

Two Scottish men die in a car crash and go to hell

Two Scottish men die in a car crash and go to hell they both sit in their room laughing and joking about how nice hell is then the devil walks past their room and heres this furious he asks them why they are so content one of the men says hell is so warm we never get temperature like this in Glasgo...

If wine is jesus' blood, doesn't that make blood/alcohol content "blood/blood" content...

...officer.

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Sex is like original content on r/Jokes

A lot of people don't get it.

If I had a dollar for every time someone reposted my content

I'd be broke because my posts aren't good enough to be reposted

What's better? Original content or a repost?

A repost.

Why?

Because nothing is better than original content but a repost is better than nothing.

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

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What do Hitler and EA have in common?

*You are missing the Punchline Pack. Please purchase the Reddit Season Pass to reveal missing content*

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(Content NSFW) man walks into a bar on St. Paddy's day and gets tapped on the shoulder by a leprechaun.

A man walks into a bar on St. Paddy's day and gets tapped on the shoulder by a leprechaun. The man turned around and the leprechaun asks "how old are you?" The man replies "I am 29 years old." The leprechaun nodded then said "You have a family don't you?" The man repied "Yes, I have 2 kids and a...

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

The content of this post is true.

The title of this post is false.

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What’s full of virgins, reposts, and funny original content?

Reddit. i lied about the funny original content.

Where does a con artist stay when camping?

The answer is in the content!

I love Netflix's audio logo

It's the best part of most of their original content.

My colleague offered to help me filter adult contents from more than a thousand hours of video.

Nah, thanks. I'm gonna do it single handedly

Which bird is the most contented?

The crow. He never complains without caws.

What do you call a thankful German piece of internet content?

Danke, meme.

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

I’m starting a club that prints out and mails content from r/jokes to people without internet.

It’ll be called the re-postal service.

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