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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants...

The bartender says "hey, you have a steering wheel in your pants". The pirate replies, "aye, it's driving me nuts".

A modern day ghost story

Bill was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a fierce rain storm.

The night was rolling on, and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few meters ahead of him.

Suddenly through the swirling rain Bill saw a car slowly comi...

A cop is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees

He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts "pull over!"

The granny shouts back, "no, it's a scarf"

The other day I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his belt

When I asked him about it he said “Arrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts”

Have you heard about the Tesla cars being converted into stretch limousines and causing accidents with faulty steering.

The media are calling it Elongate.

Someone stole my car’s steering wheel

I just can’t handle it anymore.

Why did the blonde get lipstick all over the steering wheel?

They were trying to blow the horn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his member.

He tells the bartender to give him a shot of his strongest rum in a dirty glass. The pirate drinks it and breaks the glass against the wall.

The bartender knows to keep his distance from the angry pirate, until he calls him over and demands another shot of rum in a dirty glass. The pirate thr...

So, A Pirate goes to the bar and he has a Steering Wheel sticking out of his Crotch

So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?”

so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”

Santa Claus had started feeling like he was losing some of his mojo at one point...

... so in recent years, he had taken to periodically stopping during his annual Christmas Eve present run to take in words of wisdom from spiritual leaders from various backgrounds all over the world, hoping that someone could re-ignite that spark for him that made Christmas special.

Eventual...

I used to have an addiction to drinking power steering fluid.

But I've turned my life around now!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs.

He says to the bartender, "ello mate, can I get a pint of bitter?" The bartender says "sure thing, but why is there a steering wheel between your legs?" The man says "No idea mate, but its driving me nuts."

I took the HOV lane underground, when suddenly my hands started cramping on the steering wheel.

Must be my carpool tunnel syndrome.

I'm fine driving through tunnels when I'm on my own. But the minute I have multiple passengers and I drive through a tunnel, it hurts to hold the steering wheel.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

Did you hear about the wooden car with wooden tyres, wooden gears and a wooden steering wheel?

It wooden go!

Family vacation

A family of five is going on vacation. They've rented an RV for the cross country trip.
They loaded the RV with household items, clothing, recreational gear, pets and food. Off they go!

The car crashes into a brick wall minutes after starting the journey. Everyone is killed except the pet ...

A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel over his crotch.

The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel?"

The man replies, "It's none of your business"

The bartender asks again, "Come on, tell me"

The man replies, "I told you it's none of your business"

The bartender pleads one more time, "You have to tell me whats wi...

Ever driven a car with no steering wheel?

It's pretty straight forward.

Why do Mexicans always install those tiny steering wheels in their cars?

So they can drive with the handcuffs on.

I’ve been driving for Uber/Lyft full time for a few months now and my wrists are starting to hurt from turning the steering wheel so much.

I think I’m getting Car Pool Tunnel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a bloke at the beach with a steering wheel on his Willy

I said ‘mate, you know you’ve got a steering wheel on your knob’

He said ‘yeah, it’s driving me nuts’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She is absolutely thrilled at the speed.

Never a man to turn down a good opportunity, the young man asks “If I go 120 mph, will you take off your clothes?”

“Sure!” says his adventurous girlfriend. So off they go.

As he gets up to 120 mph, she starts peeling off her clothes. Th...

How many Russians does it take to drive a tank?

Two.

One to control the steering wheel, and one to go flag down the Ukrainian farmer to give them a lift.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An irish sailor with the steering wheel of a ship jammed into his crotch walks into a bar

He walks into the bar

The bartender approaches him worried and says to the sailor " What the fuck man is that a steering wheel?"

To wich the sailor replies "Aye lad, it's drivin me nuts"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season…..

the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.
As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk...

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old sailor walks into a bar with his penis stuck in the hole of a steering wheel.

The bartender remarks on the unusual sight:

”Are you aware that you have your dick stuck in a steering wheel?”

The sailor replies:

”Aye, ah know, matey! It’s driving me nuts!”

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his zipper...

He sets up at the bar and orders a drink. The bar tender says, "whooaa whoaaa, before I serve you a drink, whats up with the steering wheel coming out of your zipper?" The pirate just says, "yaarrg its drivin' me nuts"

I recently got into an accident by over steering into a Korean car.

It could have been avoided if I had better Hyundai coordination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't you hate it when people attach little steering wheels to their penises?

It drives me nuts.

So this pirate walks into the bar...

A pirate wearing a steering wheel steps into the local watering hole, sits down and says "Aye let me get a ice cold Budweiserrrrrr" Bartender says "excuse me sir, are you aware you have a giant steering wheel in your trousers? Pirate: .." Rrrrr, yeah, it driving me nuts!"

Gates of Heaven

Three men are waiting in line to address St Peter at the pearly gates.
St Peter asks the first man,
"We're you faithful in your marriage?"
The 1st man replies ," I guess I can't lie here,so, yes. Yes I did many times.
Peter replies,"For all eternity this rusted out Volkswagen shall be yo...

Three guys die and Saint Peter greets them at the Golden Gate.

He tells them, "How faithful you were to your wife will determine what kind of car you drive across the Golden Bridge to heaven."
First guy says, "I was married 10 years and only cheated three times."
Saint Peter says, "That's OK I suppose. Here, take this older model pick-up truck." ...

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