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I just quit my job in the helium factory because of the way management spoke to me.

I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.

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My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues.

This morning I woke up and chose violins.

A classic project management joke.

A woman can give birth in 9 months.

A project manager thinks that 9 women can give birth in 1 month.

After my retirement from the company I worked at for 45 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

Why did EA games management cross the road

If you wanna find out, please buy the Punchline dlc for 49.99$ or have a chance to get it from a loot box for 2.99$ each

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Management Lessons

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, 'I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you.
But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on t...

Duty and Responsibility

The CEO of a large company used to take pride in HR development of his subordinates.

One day he was speaking to his management team on sense of responsibility.

He posed a question- "Tell me, sleeping with my wife is my duty or responsibility.?"

Pin drop silence...

After f...

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For those who don't understand why management at Netflix has collectively shit the bed.

It's a Heard mentality.

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The five minute management course

THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson #1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before ...

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Management Knows Best

A Japanese company and a Swedish company decided to have a row competition as a publicity stunt. Both teams trained long and hard. Competition came and the Japanese won by 1 kilometer. The Swedish company's leadership was shocked. But in this major crisis, the leadership showed its value: They wante...

So I just started anger management

Apparently it's all the rage right now

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost

He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. 

"I am," replies...

A lady finds out that she is pregnant, but she is worried.

He husband has anger management issues, yelling a lot, breaking things, really horrible to be around. She doesn't want her kids to be like that, so she asks her doctor for advice. Her doctor says "Rub your belly once a day every day and say 'Be polite, be polite.' "

So she starts doing so. Bu...

What's management's favorite keyboard shortcut?

Shift + Blame.

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I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary

I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has...

Once management wants you fired, you’ll be fired

A king had 10 wild ferocious dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him. A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn't like at all. So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The minister said, "I have served you loyally f...

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Give an example of a business failure due to careless management

A prostitute getting pregnant

I just accepted a senior management position on the old MacDonald farm

I'm the CIEIO

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You must be in F**king management!

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hove...

Enlightened Management

Q:Why did company management illuminate the toilet bowls in the employee bathroom?

A: It was the cheapest way to lighten their load.

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