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A man with a tendency to over-explain things lays on his therapist's couch.

The therapist says “I have a new exercise for you today. Instead of spending an hour talking about your day, try to tell me the essentials of what happened in one breath.”
The patient agrees and takes a deep breath

“So they cast Callie Hernandez as Supergirl and I’m not sure if it was th...

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When your partner tells you he/she cheated on you, I know there is a tendency to ask "with who?"

Resist it. Instead ask "with whom?". Speak good English, no matter the circumstances.

Girlfriend told me my tendency to take everything literally has led to her walking on eggshells around me

I told her that’s terrible for the carpet

I know a nun who has a tendency to go around wearing a horrible garment made of German sausages

It must be her Wurst Habit

My girlfriend says I have a tendency to be overly taboo.

Well I say girlfriend...

She's actually my sister.

A mildly perceptive man is confused for being psychic

One day a man was bored and decided to see if he could trick people into thinking he was psychic.

He setup a booth on a busy street with a sign. "$1 to read your mind."



His first customer, a slightly chubby man, looked skeptical.

"Ok, tell me something about me."

...

Studies show that after being released from prison, women have a tendency to immediately begin menstruation.

This is because a period comes at the end of a sentence.

When I was at the immigration office, I interrupted an officer answering his phone and told him "Ship them back where they came from. They have a tendency to explode". He arrested me for being Islamophobic.

As I was dragged out, I was yelling "I was talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 7!"

I once heard a story about Usain Bolt’s tendency to be a womanizer

They said he really gets around

My wife does not approve of my collection of bobbleheads that look just like me.

She says I have a tendency to get ahead of myself.

I a tendency

to skip words.

I have a tendency to drop everything I'm holding

It's really getting out of hand

I have a tendency to run around naked...

So every morning I spray myself with Windex, to prevent me from streaking.

A man was recently admitted to the emergency room because of a tendency to talk with his hands too much.

He was diagnosed with gesticular cancer.

My high school history teacher was a friggin liar!!!

She would say on a regular basis "history has a tendency to repeat it's self"

To this day I've never seen reruns of the news

Legal Humor

A recent news headline indicated that lawyers were now being used as experimental test subjects in place of laboratory rats. I read further because this just didn't seem right, but the story gave several very solid reasons for the substitution of lawyers for rats.

First: There are more of t...

Although its great for getting out of trouble with bounty hunters

Han's tendency to shoot first did not make Leia very happy.

How are old people in Socialist republics similar?

They have a tendency to collapse

Ever since I got my left leg amputated, every girl has been avoiding me.

I got into a car accident a few years back and had my left leg amputated. Getting used to balancing myself on 1 leg and crutches took a lot of time. I felt that without my precious left leg, i would never be the same.

My confidence dropped severely, and the passion i had for all the things i ...

I almost never do 9/11 jokes...

Because when I do they have a tendency to crash and burn.

The other day, I decided to tie one on at the local bar.

No sooner than I sit down, when a big guy walks up to the bar, slapping it with his big, meaty paw, yells, "Hey Jackass! Get me another round of beers!"

Aghast, I watched the poor bartender slouch over to the tap, and pulled three perfect pints, which he deftly delivered without spilling a dr...

My dad recently passed away and loved dirty jokes. I need some new ones to cheer me and my family up.

Last week, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 56. One of the many things my family loved about him was his tendency to tell dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times. Does anybody have any good ones? Hearing some new dirty jokes would really help cheer me and my family up.

The adopted bunny

An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of the rabbit. It had a tendency to scurry up trees like its step-siblings instead of hopping along the ground. And it ate a...

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How is a Buddhist monk and a bumblebee alike?

They are both peaceful, but when pissed off have a tendency to burn.

When I was 5 years old my mom got me a puppy.

He was white with these little brown splotches all over him that reminded me of the coffee stains on the kitchen table, and so the obvious name for the dog, in my young and simple mind, was Stains.
My mother quickly grew to despise this name, as the dog had a tendency to bolt out of the door and ...

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What do Nazi Germany and vaginas have in common?

Their tendency to subjugate poles.

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