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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.

On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, “I bet...

Two wind turbines are standing in a wind farm. One of them turns to ask the other, "What kind of music are you into?"

The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan."

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Wind turbines...


(Fun fact, this one time, I was out playing tourist with my girlfriend and we were waiting for the ice cream store to open (because someone decided you can’t have ice cream for breakfast) so we went into a gift shop.

There was a joke book, so I picked it up and read the first ...

What kind of music do windmills like?

They're huge metal fans.

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I crapped myself in a wind tunnel

Then shit hit the fan

“Ahhh” said the blind man peeing into the wind....

“It’s all coming back to me now”

Did you guys hear the joke about wind?

I hope you didn’t. It really blows.

Have you heard about that guy whose breaking winds kill?

He's trained in the martial farts.

On a hot, windless day the president was out touring a new wind farm. Frustrated by the lack of good video footage, the president knocks on the base of a turbine and asks, “Why won’t this thing spin for me?”

“Oh, its not a huge fan.” The developer explained.

Conversation with a wind turbine.

Wind turbine: *exists*

Man : "I'll hold up a big kite and you blow air at me until I lift off."

Wind Turbine: " ... "

Man : "What do you think of that idea?"

Wind turbine : "I'm not a huge fan"

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The wind was howling through the trees...

"Shut the fuck up," said the trees.

What is the colour of the wind?


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You know what winds me up

it's not people that say ectcetera when they mean etcetera, tenderhooks instead of tenterhooks or even asterix instead of asterisk .

It's people who say the travelling community when they mean thieving pikey bastards

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind.

He gave me a kite.

My wife stood by the window looking at the wind.

"Blowy outside!" she said.

I said, "Certainly, but I'd prefer one upstairs."

What do you get when you cross horses with strong winds?

A tor*neigh*do

They say the golden wind comes in during this month...

Au gust

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A politician dies and winds up standing in front of the pearly gates.

St. Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes, is that a problem?"

"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a ...

What’s a wind turbine’s favourite kind of music?

Well I don’t know much but I’d say they’re a big metal fan

Did the band Earth, Wind, & Fire even know... close they were to reaching the Avatar state?

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Sometimes I like to wind down the windows of my car, and sing at the top of my lungs to strangers walking by.

I was never meant to be a hearse driver.

Time flies like the wind...

and fruit flies like bananas.

The wind whispered insults in my ear today

It was really diss gusting

Two wind turbines are stood in a field.

One wind turbine turns to the other. "Have you been watching the football recently?" asks the turbine.

"No," says the other. "I'm not really a big fan."

A wind turbine and an A/C unit walk into a bar

The wind turbine asks: "Hey man! How's your job going?"

A/C unit: "ehh, it's cool but I'm not a huge fan."

You wanted to know if the ship was moving, or if it was just wind

weather or knot, it mattered.

What do you call a sweater that was blown away by the wind?

A cardi-gone.

(yes, I made this one up this morning)

Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.

The first guy peers into it and says, "Wow! That looks deep."

The second guy says, "It sure does. Let's throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We'll be able to tell the depth by how long it is before we hear the noise of the pebbles landing."

So they pick up a few pebbles...

What's the difference between a wind chime from Germany and a wind chime from Jamaica?

Not a ting

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My favorite joke

Two guys are drinking in the restaurant atop the Space Needle on a windy day.

Man 1: You... You know... When it is this windy, you can jump off the edge, and the wind will blow you back on.

Man 2: Bull.

Man 1: No man, I'm telling you. The wind just blows you back on. Here, let ...

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So I saw my ex-wife with her new lover and decided to wind him up so I shouted over “How’s the second-hand pussy?”

Quick as a flash that bastard replied “Great! After the first three inches, it’s like brand new.”

A guy dies, and winds up in hell...

A guy dies, and winds up in hell...

Satan says, "You must choose a room in hell to spend the rest of eternity in."

"Can I see the rooms first?" he asks..

"Certainly." and Satan shows him the first room, whee he sees a bunch of people, on a wooden floor, standing on their heads...

What do you call a film about a female deer that's always causing dangerously high wind storms?


What do you call an anime fan blowing in the wind?

A tumble weeb

'I see,' said the blind man to his deaf dog as he peed into the wind.

'It's all coming back to me now.'

A solar panel is talking to a wind turbine...

The solar panel says, "So what do you think about this whole renewable energy thing?"
The turbine replies, "I'm a big fan."

I don't get why people have such a problem with wind power.

I think using it would be a breeze.

Why didn't the teacher break wind in front of other people?

Because he was a private tooter

Aviation joke.... It's better to break ground and head into the wind.

Than to break wind and head into the ground.

Donald, we want to install turbines beside your golf courses to harness the incredible power of the wind! What do you think of these concept sketches?

"Not a huge fan."

What's the difference between origami and a grandpa passing wind?

One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.

How many guitarists does it take to cover 'Dust In The Wind'?

Evidently all of them.

How is the Middle East not leading the world in wind energy...

... they have almost one turban per person.

2 weeks building a greenhouse for my herbs only to see it blown away in freak winds

What a waste of thyme!

What do you call ill-mannered burst of strong wind in the desert?

Darude Sandstorm.

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"


It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterward.

Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

I'd make a wind pun

But it blows..

What color is the wind?

Son: "What color is the wind?"

Mom: "The wind is the wind, it had no color. It's transparent"

Dad: "The wind is blue"

Mom: "Blue? How so?"

Dad: "Because the wind blew"

One of my friends likes to try and wind me up with bird puns

I soon realised that toucan play that game.

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A girl walks into a bar...

and sits down next to some guy. She orders a Bud light. The guy says she should try the magic beer. "Magic beer?" She asks. "Yeah watch this." He takes a sip of his beer, walks to the window, opens it and flies around to the front door, walks in and sits down. The girl says "that's amazing, do it ag...

My wife is like a desert wind

She rarely blows, but when she does it's dry.

How did Dairy Queen wind up pregnant?

Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper

I was desperate for a job, so my friend offered me one as a test subject in a wind tunnel

But i wasnt a fan

An egg sits perfectly balanced on the apex of a roof, the wind blows south, which way does the egg fall?

Down. The egg falls down.

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.

So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write...

What did the Mexican say when a gust of wind blew his homework out the window?

Come back essay!

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A nun goes golfing...

*[I was playing a round of golf the other day with a fellow who asked me if I knew any golf jokes. When I replied that I did not, he said you should always have a golf joke or two in your repertoire. I asked him for a joke then, and he told me this one. I now have one in my repertoire, and so wil...

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Drunken Fools

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State
Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last
week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds
around the building are so intense tha...

How do the Taliban power their aircraft?

Wind Turbans

What do you call a gust of wind that blows a black guy off of a boat?

The NBA draft

A broken English speaker told a joke to a boy.

The broken English speaker, a man, told the boy a joke about a sword-fighting pirate that desperately hated the wind.

However, the boy, being so young, missed the joke.

“No, no, no,” said the man. “Arr slash whoosh.”

Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

This is a mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

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Only joke I know.

So I remember reading this joke on a website years ago and it really stuck with me, and I really don't know any others, and it's a little long, sorry. Here goes...

A tourist is visiting New York city for the first time and has come to the observation deck of the Empire state building, replete...