UPJOKE
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"I See, I See" - said the blind man, pissing into the wind.

"It's all coming back to me".

Whats a wind turbines favourite colour?

Blew!

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A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.

The good news is that you are going to be OK.

The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to r...

Why do windchimes dance in the wind?

Because they have to tinkle.

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If you’ve never seen a weathervane on the roof of a barn, it’s a device designed to tell the farmer the wind direction.

And very often, the top of it is a metal rooster (or a cock, if you prefer).

And do you know why they put a cock on a weathervane?

Because if they put a cunt up there, the wind would blow right through it.

*thanks to George Carlin*

Time flies like the wind.

Fruit flies like bananas.

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A man has a habit of starting every morning by breaking wind.

Of course, his wife finds this habit disgusting, and even as she asks him to stop, he only snickers, continuing the habit every morning.

After one of the husband's daily bouts of morning flatulence, the woman tells him that if he continues to fart every morning, his intestines will come out ...

Dropped $10 and the wind caught it, I had to chase it down the road..

I never caught it but I had a good run for my money.

The inventor of the wind chill factor died this week.

He was 86 but felt more like he was 64.

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They're huge metal fans

I went to a miniature wind turbine exhibition yesterday.

Got to say….not a big fan.

There are two wind turbines in a field...

And one day, one asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" "Well," says the other, "I'm a big metal fan."

I started a company that makes wind powered rockets

Sails are taking off!

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A bloke sees his ex-wife with her new lover in the pub and decides to wind him up so he shouts over 'How's the second-hand pussy?'

Quick as a flash, her lover replies 'Great! After the first three inches it's like brand new'

A man crossing London Bridge sees a pretty woman struggling to keep her mini skirt down in the wind so he says : A bit airy isn't it?

She replied: What the ell you expect feathers?

The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."

Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,

walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht,...

A horse owner was trying to sell a wind-broken horse

The owner was trotting him around for inspection. When he stopped, he stroked the horse's back and remarked to the prospective buyer:

"Hasn't a lovely coat?"

But the other noticed that the horse was panting, and answered:

"Ah, I like his coat all right, but I don't like his pan...

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What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a wind shield?

It’s asshole.

A solar panel is talking to a wind turbine...

The solar panel says, "So what do you think about this whole renewable energy thing?"
The turbine replies, "I'm a big fan."

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze.

This is my husbands creation.. not mine - what kind of fish makes wind?

A blow fish.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed..... in short, driving his partner nuts.

Finally, his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damm ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

His partner yells back, "Give me a break! You don't stand a chance of hitting her fr...

What did the skunk say when the wind changed direction?

*"It’s all coming back to me now."*

After the COVID-19 pandemic winds down, we should honor truck drivers with a national holiday on October 4th.

A big 10-4, if you will.

A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.

‘What kind of music are you into?’ asks the dam.
‘I’m into trance’, replies the solar panel.
‘Ooh, too intense for me’, dam says, ‘I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.’
‘What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?’
‘Me?’ He replies, ‘I’m a huge met...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

Why can't you improve the efficiency of wind farms by playing country music around them?

Because they're really just big heavy metal fans.

Fun Fact: Spiders can tell the difference between someone blowing on their web and the wind.

But that may just be because the wind isn't warm and sticky...

I went to the doctor the other day and said: "Have you got anything for wind?"

So he gave me a kite.

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A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

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An elderly woman winds up in court for murder...

Defence barrister: 'Will you please state your full name.'

Agatha: 'Agatha Louise Hewson.'

Defence barrister: 'Will you please state your age'

Agatha: 'I am 94 years old.'

Defence barrister: 'Will you tell us in your own words what happened on the night in question.'
<...

I installed a wind turbine in my yard if you want pics..

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A dog gets left in a forest by its owners. A tiger spots it, and thinks to itself: "What is that? It looks delicious." The dog catches wind of it though, and in a bit of quick thinking, it stands in front of a pile of bones, and shouts: "Mmmm, tiger meat is the best! I gotta hunt for more!"

The tiger kills and eats the dog, because it doesn't know dog language.

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Sometimes I wind up forcing an orgasm but honestly...

I prefer to let things come naturally.

When I was younger, my dad went to prison because he set his boss’s house on fire. I always wondered if I’d wind up in jail like my old man, so I visited him one weekend and I asked him, “Dad, are we all pyromaniacs in this family?” And he said...

“Yes we are, son.”

My D&D group found a walking stick that casts Column of Wind when you go fast.

It's a hurry cane.

Since my work is reliant on it i might be biased, but i never understood why people say wind power is ineffective

Honestly i'm a big fan

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A British soldier returns from war after 4 years against the Germans.

His faithful wife, longing for sex all these years, dresses up in her sheerest lingerie, hoping to entice her returning husband. She waits by the door as her husband enters and her lingerie gently slips off her body and she stands there naked. “Darling, look what the wind blew away”, she says seduct...

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Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

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The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke.

After a real objectionable example of that one day, the
female students got together and decided that next time,
when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he
entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Ha...

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes...

This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

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I was camping with a friend of mine in a secluded forest. We sat out watching the sunset and he asked "Is there any sound more beautiful than the wind blowing through the pussywillows?"

I said: Nah, I don't really listen to cunt tree

This wind is really picking up and it's quite chilly

Yeah, I'm not a fan

What did the Mexican say when a gust of wind blew his homework out the window?

Come back essay!

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I went to the doctors and told him that whenever I pass wind it sounds like I’m saying the name of a Japanese car. ...

He asked me to lay on the couch and pushed and prodded just as it happened again.
“Arhh! I can see your problem. You have an abscess. And an abscess always makes the fart go Honda”.

It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterwards.

Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.

This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

...

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Dad, a girl invited me over to her house

"Oh that is great, Billy. But you should be careful, you are young and an STD or unwanted pregnancy is going to be devastating. Please, remember to wear a condom if the situation arises... Actually, no. I don't trust you, son. Put it on right now, because at the heat of the moment you will forget." ...

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2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam

The next day they both went to plead with their
professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the ot...

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I recently received a letter about my donkey dying, but as I was reading it, a gust of wind caught it and blew it up into the sky.

It became an ass ending sending ascending.

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A man buys a motorbike and is riding it home when it occurs to him that he's somewhat lacking control, as the wind is getting into his coat and buffeting him quite badly.

He pulls over, deciding to put his coat on back-to-front so the openings between the buttons are at the back.

Much improved he confidently accelerates away, but within five minutes of riding like this he reaches a sharp bend in the road, where he discovers his arms are rather too restricted ...

What is the fastest type of wind?

A Hurrycane

I would post a cheesy joke in reference to Gone With the Wind...

But frankly, my dear, I don’t give Edam

What is wind?

Air in a hurry.

(My godmother told me that this joke back in 1930s used to be a sure fire starter)

Caught in a Wind Storm

“A policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner during a sudden windstorm.



She was bracing herself by holding a light post with one hand, and she was holding her hat snugly against her head with her other hand. Unfortunately, a strong gust blew her dress upward, and it co...

I recently paid a visit to the "World's Largest Wind Turbine" exhibit.

Honestly, not a big fan.

What did the passing wind whisper in the man's ear

Whoosh..!

What is a wind turbine’s side hustle?

OnlyFans

Wind turbine dad joke

Did yall hear about the joke of the wind turbine?.... no?....

Well i dont know either, but apparently its hilAIRious...

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring....

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A group of protesters have been using catapults to launch cow dung at recently erected wind turbines

They've missed every shot so far, but I have a feeling that if they manage to topple one it will be big news, and we'll all remember this day, saying,

"Where were you when the shit hit the fan?"

A guy goes into a store and asks if they sell Potato Clocks. The assistant says “Sorry sir, we don’t. We have battery clocks, electrical clocks, wind up clocks. In fact I’ve never heard of a potato clock.” The man says...

“Neither have I, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow and my wife said I should get a potato clock.”

I thought the wind settled down a bit so I could go for a walk. Then a crow flew past my window.

Backwards.

How does wind get fit?

Air Conditioning

I'm obsessed with watching cornstalks being pollinated by the wind

I obviously have a cornography addiction

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

Donald Trump's favorite song is 'Dust in the Wind.'

He said he loves anything by the band Missouri.

The wind is blowing like a 50yr old woman who's been married for 30 yrs.

Intermittently and with little effort

A crow got cut in half by a wind turbine.

ow

What concerns me is that one day I'll wind up an old man

And then he'll attack me

The media was quick to attack Trump's claim that "wind energy was killing all the birds", countering that cats kill way more birds than windmills...

I can't remember the last time I heard about a cat killing a windmill...

What do you call it when Wonder Woman breaks wind?

An invisible "jet."

I prefer driving with a strong tail wind

But my wife says that's not what the term means, and all I'm doing is making the car smell like rotten eggs.

They say the golden wind comes in during this month...

Au gust

I went outside today and saw the most magnificent wind storm.

I was just blown away.

The wind whispered insults in my ear today

It was really diss gusting

A wind turbine and an A/C unit walk into a bar

The wind turbine asks: "Hey man! How's your job going?"

A/C unit: "ehh, it's cool but I'm not a huge fan."

When passing wind, farting if you will, in a sitting position, are you left cheek dominate or right cheek dominate?

In otherwords, which way do you lean?

What do you call a plastic bag moving in the wind?

An American tumbleweed.

Trump tries to avoid the wind, not because of his hair...

But because of the draft.

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I cured my Alzheimer’s by wanking in the wind.

It’s all cumming back to me now.

What do you call creepy wind chimes?

Stranger Tings

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Wind turbines...

BIG FAN!

(Fun fact, this one time, I was out playing tourist with my girlfriend and we were waiting for the ice cream store to open (because someone decided you can’t have ice cream for breakfast) so we went into a gift shop.

There was a joke book, so I picked it up and read the first ...

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