North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media

But every American knows that America is the best country in the world

Why is North Korea worse than South Korea?

They have no Seoul .

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A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida...

And goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so ...

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What's the difference between EA and North Korea?

North Korea didn't fuck up as many launches as EA

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What do you call sex workers in the far north?

Frostitutes

A North Korean Soldier Walks Into A Bar

The bartender asks, "How's it going?" The North Korean soldier replies, "Can't complain!"

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York…

Because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere!

What sound does the slingshot North Korean nuke make when it's launced?

Pyongyang

Have you ever had traditional North Korean food?

That's OK, neither have the citizens.

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

I asked my friend from North Korea how life is like there

He said "I can't complain"

My grandpa went to Vietnam and he shot and killed dozens of North Vietnamese singlehandedly.

We are going on vacation somewhere else next year.

A North Korean lady was in line in front of me at my bank in the U.S., trying to exchange some won. She was obviously irritated, arguing with the teller.

“Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla of won, today I get
only one hunat eighty. Why it change?”

Teller shrugs his shoulders, says, “Fluctuations.”

Korean lady says, “Fluc you white people too!”

What's the only drink size they allow in North Korea?

A supreme liter

What are black spots lost in the middle of North Pole?

arctic monkeys

An ocean liner is sailing in the North Atlantic and hits an iceberg.

As the ship is sinking, one crewman runs to the ship’s captain and tells him to open the root beer caskets in the ship’s hold.

The captain is confused but has no other options, so he orders all of the ship’s root beer caskets cut open. The root beer floods the hold and the ship slowly stops s...

Why is the North Korean dictator so evil?

Because he has no Seoul.

Know why North Koreans are so good at measuring stuff?

They have a supreme ruler

A North Korean Judge walks out of the courtroom, laughing his head off

His friend approaches him and asks “what’s so funny?”

“Oh, I just heard the funniest political joke.” replies the Judge.

“Tell Me!”

“I can’t - I just gave someone life in prison for it!”

Microbiotics in sour beer has been found to improve the health of North Belgians.

That proves what's good for the Gose is good for the Flanders.

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

I once went on a trip to the North Pole

It all went south from there.

With all of the shows such as Black-ish, Mixed-ish, and Grown-ish, TV executives have announced a new show about the people of an island in the North Atlantic.

They are going to call it Ir-ish.

What’s the favorite video game of the North Vietnamese?

Viet Pong

We are saddened to hear of the tragic loss that took place in North Korea's zoo today.

It appears that every animal has died of a mysterious illness, except for one. It's a shih tzu.

My friend asked me what I thought about the state North of Texas

I told him it's OK

There was once a Musician in North Korea

One day, Kim Jong Un himself calls the musician and asks him to direct a concert for his entertainment. Not daring to say no to the Supreme Leader, he agreed.

So the man assembled the best orchestra in all of Korea to play the piece he composed for the Leader. However when it was time to perf...

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My 13 year old son was victim of a stabbing in North London.

Cradling his head on the cold, wet pavement I heard him mumble,
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. Get me a priest,"
"A priest?" I said. "We're not Catholic."
"No," he cried. "But I don't want to die a virgin."

Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?

Not enough people really talk about England very much

The leaders of Russia, North Korea and the United States fly up to the international space station...

Upon their arrival, they all marvel at the view of the earth from such magnificent heights. They begin to toss around ideas of ways they could all benefit from the ISS.

The Russian leader talks about all of the opportunities to use imaging to spy on people from outerspace. The other leaders ...

I met a North African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

An ant is lying in its deathbed in North Korea.

He calls his son and says he wanted to tell him something for a long time.

Son Ant : What is it dad?

Father Ant : I cannot say that in this god forbidden country we have to move immediately to France or Italy before i am dead.

Confused,the Son Ant made arrangements to move to Fr...

While in North Korea they abducted Trump, and demanded the US give them a billion dollars or else . . . .

they would give him back.

There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

A guy in North Korea is walking home after his day at work . . .

. . . and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and says to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

"What did you do that for?" he asks.

"Curfew violation," t...

Robbie: Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name?

**Bobbie:** East?

**Robbie:** No. Larry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a band conductor who also right songs in North Korea

Sorry for the typo in the title but..

His name was Pok. He was quite famous in the industry so one day, Kim Jong Un approached him.

“Pok, write me an orchestra piece and play it for me with your group”, said Kim. Pok did, after a month, the private show was held.

Sadly, it was s...

I’m currently in a recovering alcoholics program in North Carolina.

But to keep it short, I just tell people I’m in the NCAA.

If you want to know why R&B music is not popular in North Korea...

...it's because they have no Seoul.

How Much of Northern Canada is Hospitable?

Nunavut

What's a North Korean farmer's favorite time of year?

Breakfast.

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America

Maria: Here it is.

Teacher: Correct. Now, Class, who discovered America?

Class: Maria

Why did the U.S send Cam Newton to North Korea?

So he could overthrow Kim Jong-Un

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

Why are North Koreans always sad?

Because they are Seoulless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bear removal

A man in northern Minnesota woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looked up in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there was an ad for “Up North Bear Removers”. He called the number listed and the bear remover said he would be over within the hour.

The bear remover arrived, and go...

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

If anyone in the North East U.S. gets a chance to look at the moon tonight

It's completely out of this world.

I'm so sick of people making fun of the United States

Don't they know we're the third best country in North America?

A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-75 about 2 miles north of Macon.

A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-75 about 2 miles north of Macon.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Atlanta to do a show for the Children’s Hospital. He didn't want to be late. The trooper t...

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acc...

What did the Italia airship do when it crashed in the North Pole on May 25th, 1928?

It broke the ice. Nice to meet you :)

What’s the difference between North America and Yogurt?

If you leave them alone for 200 years, one of them will develop a culture

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Kanye West and the North Korean people have in common?

Both are regularly fucked by Kim.

Did anyone hear about the scandal in North Korea?

Me neither

Up in the great white north, a man and his best friend, a moose, walk into a bar

As the night goes on, they get drunk, and eventually the moose passes out. The man pays his tab and decides that, since there is no way he can move the moose, he’ll just go home and meet up with his friend tomorrow.

As he's leaving, the barkeep yells out "Hey! You can’t leave that lyin' here....

A couple in North Dakota had a baby

Now their population is 7

North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there’s no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

It turns out North Korea has been naughty on purpose.

They’re hoping Santa will bring them all lumps of coal for Christmas.

What's a North Korean's Favourite Card Game?

Kim Jong Uno

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer...

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives hi...

All western rock classics are banned in North Korea.

Except ”Sweet Child in a Mine”

How does Kim Jong Un maintain power in North Korea and combat ED?

He puts on fake erections

Someone asked me the other day if I could tell them what you call someone who's from the Island north of Sardinia.

"Corsican"

Why is North Korea so heartless?

because they have no seoul

ahahahah.. please laugh

My mate from up North owns a pub.

He was telling me other night that he’s been having trouble with a famous Spanish actor who keeps coming into his pub and causing chaos.

“Javier Bardem?” I asked

“I’ve tried," he replied, “but he just keeps comin’ back.”

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?

The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.

Sometimes, I feel like driving north

On parkway south

Have you heard about the place way up North where birds stop flying North and start flying south?

It's where they make Arctic Terns.

In a room of 50 men, one from every state, how do you find the ones from Arizona, North Dakota, and Alabama?

To find the Arizonan: say "wow, you won't believe how hot it was today!"

To find the North Dakotan: say "wow, you won't believe how cold it was today!"

To find the Alabamian: say "wow, you won't believe how close I am with my sister!"

What’s the best meal in North Korea?

Any meal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

North Korea is participating in the olympics this year, but they won’t win.

Because all of their athletes that can run jump or swim are in south korea

I'm going to make 2 companies. Competing with Microsoft will be Megahard. Competing with The North Face will be The South End.

Now to make the logos...

It’s so cold up North right now...

...that they are telling Wal-Mart shoppers to wear at least two pairs of pajamas.

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