What’s the difference between North Korea and the US?

North Koreans can’t tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can’t tell if their leader is dead serious.

Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler

Why do North Koreans hate jazz music?

They don't have Seoul.

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

I asked my North Korean friend, “what’s it like to live in North Korea?”

He responded, “can’t complain.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

What does the F in North Korea stand for?

Food

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

Coronavirus cases in North Korea update:

8:00: 1

8:10: 0

9:23: 1

9:28: 0

0:13: 1

0:20 0

1:47: 1

1:55: 0

Why was google translate banned in North-Korea?

The speech option was free

There's a rumour that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un is dead.

But personally, I think he's just Kim Jong Un-well

I was visiting the country to the north of the US and forgot how to spell its name. So I asked a local and he said

C, eh

N, eh

D, eh

How does North Korea have 0 coronacases?

They have always been on lockdown.

North Korea’s leader has been suspiciously absent, arousing concerns from his followers who all wonder...

...Is Kim Jong ill?

What do they call protesters in North Korea???

Dead

When I was a child, I really loved reading all the stuff about north pole, animals that inhabit it etc.

But it is not as cool as it used to be....

What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the south?

a bi-polar bear.

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media

But every American knows that America is the best country in the world

Obama once visited North Korea and he asked Kim Yong Un: "Do you ever have elections?" (NSFW)

Kim replied: "Yes I have elections evely molning!"

BREAKING NEWS: The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is brain-dead following an invasive medical procedure.

Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

Greetings to North Korea

How do we get Kim Jong Un back to being normal?

Press Ctrl+Z

Official Coronavirus Count over time in North Korea

12.01: 1


12.02: 0


13.16: 1


13.17: 0


16.24: 1


16.25: 0


...


...


...

Whats the difference between a North Korean Hospital and a Vegan Restaurant?

Nothing, They both serve up Vegetables

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So now that Kim Jong Uns sister is going to rule North Korea

Is she the worlds first vagtator?

There are two possibilities in North Korea

Either Kim Jong ill or Kim Jong urn

North Korea has made a plan to combat COVID-19

It is executed perfectly

“Murder hornets” have arrived in North America...

...I remember when they were killer bees.

News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea

Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead

BREAKING: Cure for corona has been discovered in North Korea

New treatment involves shooting patients in the face, and has recorded a 100% success rate in getting rid of the virus.

Why is North Korea worse than South Korea?

They have no Seoul .

A North Korean man is walking home

A North Korean man is walking along the road when he spots a fish caught in the reeds. Excitedly, he scooped it up and ran home.

"Look what I found!" he says, revealing his treasure to his wife, "Quick heat the oil"

"But husband, the police confiscated the oil! They said subversives co...

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

9 months later!!!

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive lady who answered the
door if they could spend the nigh...

Visited North Korea over the summer, but had to leave one of my bags there.

On the bright side, that raised their GDP by 0.5%

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

North Korea providing updated coronavirus case numbers every 30 minutes today -

8:00AM - 1 case
8:30AM - 0 cases
9:00AM - 1 case
9:30AM - 0 cases
10:00AM - 1 case
10:30AM - 0 cases

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump, Putin and Merkel were standing at the North Sea and arguing which country has the best submarines...

Trump, Putin and Merkel were standing at the North Sea and arguing which country has the best submarines.

Trump: "Our submarines are the best! They can stay under water for 4 months without the need to refuel!"

Putin: "Pah! That's nothing! Our submarines can stay under water for 1 year...

We're in big trouble

The population of this country is 327 million.


76 million are retired.


That leaves 251 million to do the work. 


There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled.


Which leaves 203 million to do the work


There are 74 million children young...

Kim Jong-Un has announced North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun

And so Donald Trump promptly gives him a call telling him how stupid his plan is. They can't go to the sun; it's too hot!

And so Kim replies, "We'll go at night!"

And then Trump replies, "You fool! There is no sun at night!"

I wrote to my North Korean penpal asking how things were in his country

He wrote back "I can't complain"

North Korea has discovered the most Effective vaccine for Covid-19

They are calling it " One Bullet Vaccine "

A North Korean Soldier Walks Into A Bar

The bartender asks, "How's it going?" The North Korean soldier replies, "Can't complain!"

North Korea discovered a capsule that stops Corona Virus

45 ACP capsule

North Korea COVID19 update today.

8:00 am: 0
9:15 am: 1
9:16 am: 0
10:16 am: 0
11:45 am: 1
11:46 am: 0

They seem to have found the cure to deal with the corono virus! 🦠

Did you hear about the guy up north with coronavirus?

Guy was feeling under the weather while camping and went to his doctor. Doc says, I'm sorry but you caught Coronavirus. Guy goes home and thinks well maybe this will be my last chance to go camping and heads to the woods for the night. Poor guy then gets bit by a tick. So back to the doctor again an...

Due to COVID-19, North Korea has shut down all of its air and railway routes across its borders with China, and is keeping all foreigners arriving in the country via China isolated for up to one month.

TIL People are trying to get into North Korea.

Because of the Corona virus: North Korean citizens

aren't allowed to leave the country, for the time being.

Have you ever had the privilege of sailing across the North Atlantic Sea?

Neither has the Titanic.

Here's a joke I made up... What does a North Korean ricochet sound like?

PYONG! YANG!

I'm sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida...

And goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the villag...

North Korea is threatening to send the US a Christmas present.

I don’t think anyone has told them about our return policy.

an american tourist visits dublin.....

An American tourist was in Dublin for the first time. He was driving his rent-a-car through the north inner-city and wanting to walk into town to see some sites, he pulled up at the side of a kerb.

Being a tourist, he wasn't 100% sure if he was allowed to park there, so he got out of the car ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call sex workers in the far north?

Frostitutes

Why did the chicken cross the garden?

To get to the Canadian side.

Please come north, we have poutine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladamir Putin, Hitler , and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next up, Hitler ca...

Did you hear In-N-Out is expanding up north?

They're going to call it In-N-Oot

Four men are standing on a street corner...

...one is from Russia, one from North Korea, one from Dubai, and one from New York.

A reporter comes upon them standing there and says, "Excuse me, what do you think about the meat shortage?"

The man from Russia says, "What's meat?"
The man from North Korea says, "What's think?"...

My grandpa went to Vietnam and he shot and killed dozens of North Vietnamese singlehandedly.

We are going on vacation somewhere else next year.

Does santa really live in the North Pole?

Let's check the facts...

• Wears red and White
•Only works 1 day a year
•Breaks into all houses
•has a load of electronics
•Drives an unlicensed vehicle

After looking at all the evidence, Santa is a scouser

The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York…

Because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere!

A North Korean Judge walks out of the courtroom, laughing his head off

His friend approaches him and asks “what’s so funny?”

“Oh, I just heard the funniest political joke.” replies the Judge.

“Tell Me!”

“I can’t - I just gave someone life in prison for it!”

I met a North African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

Why is it so hard to be a detective in the North Pole?

Everything is a cold case.

Why do North Koreans only sell one size of drink?

Because they have a Supreme Liter.

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

A North Korean lady was in line in front of me at my bank in the U.S., trying to exchange some won. She was obviously irritated, arguing with the teller.

“Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla of won, today I get
only one hunat eighty. Why it change?”

Teller shrugs his shoulders, says, “Fluctuations.”

Korean lady says, “Fluc you white people too!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

In North Pole, Santa broke his hip after tripping on one of his little helpers.

Said his wife: "You only have your elf to blame."

An Aussie walks into a British pub...

An Aussie walks into a British pub, saunters up to the bar and orders two beers: one for him and one for his four-legged friend. As the barman places the beers on the counter he glances at the beast lying at the Aussie's feet. The barman raises one eyebrow and says "That is surely the ugliest dog I...

A Christian, a Muslim, a Hindu, and an Atheist all die...

They find themselves on a path in the clouds. First they path slopes down, and they're amazed at how easy it is with the sun on their backs. When it slopes up, they're surprised to find they're not winded. The path curves around a bend slightly to the north. Continuing the curve, they feel the heat ...

- Mommie, what is a Canadian?

\- It's an unarmed North American with health insurance, sweetie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acc...

How many doubles does Kim Jong-un has?

None, there is not enough food in North Korea for second Kim Jong-un.

Call me a racist if you want, but South of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I am thankful every day that I live in North Korea

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?

Not enough people really talk about England very much

Have you ever had traditional North Korean food?

That's OK, neither have the citizens.

A sociopathic egomaniac...

A sociopathic egomaniac authoritarian leader accused of causing the deaths of tens of thousands is brain dead. Meanwhile in North Korea, Kim Jong Un is reported to be in critical condition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 13 year old son was victim of a stabbing in North London.

Cradling his head on the cold, wet pavement I heard him mumble,
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. Get me a priest,"
"A priest?" I said. "We're not Catholic."
"No," he cried. "But I don't want to die a virgin."

The toilet paper issue reminds me of a joke

When the white man first arrived to North America and set up camp, they weren't sure what to expect for their first winter. So, one man decided to chop a bunch of wood so it would be handy.

After befriending some nearby natives, he asked how cold the winters got. The native said, "Its going t...

There was once a Musician in North Korea

One day, Kim Jong Un himself calls the musician and asks him to direct a concert for his entertainment. Not daring to say no to the Supreme Leader, he agreed.

So the man assembled the best orchestra in all of Korea to play the piece he composed for the Leader. However when it was time to perf...

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