North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

Know why North Koreans are so good at measuring stuff?

They have a supreme ruler

My 13 year old son was victim of a stabbing in North London.

Cradling his head on the cold, wet pavement I heard him mumble,
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. Get me a priest,"
"A priest?" I said. "We're not Catholic."
"No," he cried. "But I don't want to die a virgin."

Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?

Not enough people really talk about England very much

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

I’m currently in a recovering alcoholics program in North Carolina.

But to keep it short, I just tell people I’m in the NCAA.

A couple in North Dakota had a baby

Now their population is 7

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north…

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently wi...

What’s the difference between North America and Yogurt?

If you leave them alone for 200 years, one of them will develop a culture

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.

He said he couldn't complain.

Up in the great white north, a man and his best friend, a moose, walk into a bar

As the night goes on, they get drunk, and eventually the moose passes out. The man pays his tab and decides that, since there is no way he can move the moose, he’ll just go home and meet up with his friend tomorrow.

As he's leaving, the barkeep yells out "Hey! You can’t leave that lyin' here....

Have you ever had North Korean food?

Neither have the North Koreans.

If anyone in the North East U.S. gets a chance to look at the moon tonight

It's completely out of this world.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Kanye West and the North Korean people have in common?

Both are regularly fucked by Kim.

I'm so sick of people making fun of the United States

Don't they know we're the third best country in North America?

Why are North Koreans always sad?

Because they are Seoulless

A guy in North Korea is walking home after his day at work . . .

. . . and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and says to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

"What did you do that for?" he asks.

"Curfew violation," t...

Why are North Korean jokes so good?

They have great execution

All western rock classics are banned in North Korea.

Except ”Sweet Child in a Mine”

Did anyone hear about the scandal in North Korea?

Me neither

What did the Italia airship do when it crashed in the North Pole on May 25th, 1928?

It broke the ice. Nice to meet you :)

How does Kim Jong Un maintain power in North Korea and combat ED?

He puts on fake erections

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary.

If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-75 about 2 miles north of Macon.

A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-75 about 2 miles north of Macon.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Atlanta to do a show for the Children’s Hospital. He didn't want to be late. The trooper t...

Sometimes, I feel like driving north

On parkway south

My mate from up North owns a pub.

He was telling me other night that he’s been having trouble with a famous Spanish actor who keeps coming into his pub and causing chaos.

“Javier Bardem?” I asked

“I’ve tried," he replied, “but he just keeps comin’ back.”

What's a North Korean's Favourite Card Game?

Kim Jong Uno

Someone asked me the other day if I could tell them what you call someone who's from the Island north of Sardinia.

"Corsican"

What do you call a North Korean dictator who produces music on SoundCloud?

Kim Jong Tune

Have you heard about the place way up North where birds stop flying North and start flying south?

It's where they make Arctic Terns.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bear removal

A man in northern Minnesota woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looked up in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there was an ad for “Up North Bear Removers”. He called the number listed and the bear remover said he would be over within the hour.

The bear remover arrived, and go...

Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?

The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.

A guy asks a north korean "what's life like in north Korea?"

North Korean answers "I can't complain"

It turns out North Korea has been naughty on purpose.

They’re hoping Santa will bring them all lumps of coal for Christmas.

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a ...

I met a North African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

What noise wakes you up at the North Pole around March 18?

The crack of dawn.

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

I don’t think living in North Korea is all that bad.

I asked a North Korean friend of mine how he likes it there. He said he couldn’t complain.

What’s the best meal in North Korea?

Any meal

It’s so cold up North right now...

...that they are telling Wal-Mart shoppers to wear at least two pairs of pajamas.

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer...

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives hi...

In a room of 50 men, one from every state, how do you find the ones from Arizona, North Dakota, and Alabama?

To find the Arizonan: say "wow, you won't believe how hot it was today!"

To find the North Dakotan: say "wow, you won't believe how cold it was today!"

To find the Alabamian: say "wow, you won't believe how close I am with my sister!"

My life was great before I traveled to the North pole

From there it all went south.

If North Korea ever made propaganda rap, it would be K-RAP

The name is self-explanatory

I asked ny friend from north Korea whats it like there

He looked me dead in the eyes and said as serious as you can be,
"Can't complain."

North Korea has one of the lowest literacy rates in the world...

That's why they all elect a "nationar reader"

How big are water bottles in North Korea?

One supreme liter.

I dont understand how one of the most widespread traditions in America is about flying reindeers from the north pole.

Its just not clausible.

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

There's alot of panic regarding the E.Coli outbreak in North America.

But I think people should Romaine calm.

The police just raided the North Pole!

I heard they had probable Claus

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"No Jews Allowed"

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send...

What is the North Korean equivalent of a Gallon?

One Supreme Litre.

North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there’s no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

There are no divorce courts at the North Pole.

So when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow...

Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian....

an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodia...

A North Korean Defector

A North Korean defector moves into an apartment in Chicago, and his new neighbor ask what was his apartment back home like.
"Oh it was perfect I couldn't complain " the defector replies.
"What about your job"
"Oh my old job was perfect,I couldn't complain".

"And the food?".
"Oh th...

What do you call hookers in the North Pole?

Frostitutes

Why do North Korean navy boats have glass bottoms

So they can see their Air Force

I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany..

Where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked.

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son....

A polar bear who lived in the North Pole for 30 years decided he had enough of the cold.

So he started his trek towards somewhere warmer.

He rode a fishing boat to Canada and tried his luck there, but it was still too cold.

So he tried his luck again in Florida, but it was too hot.

Finally, he went to Ecuador and tried his luck there, only to discover how warm it is...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

North Korea is participating in the olympics this year, but they won’t win.

Because all of their athletes that can run jump or swim are in south korea

What is the difference between North Korea and EA (Not repost)

North Kor

Why are North Koreans required to give their books to Kim Jong-un?

Because he is their Supreme Reader

I hear medical care in North Korea is extremely cheap.

$5 for a bullet isn't that expensive.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between EA and North Korea?

North Korea didn’t fuck up as many launches as EA

I recently watched a North Korean horror movie

It turned out to be a documentary.

A North American arrives in the UK on vacation and needs directions.

Two plus size women with accents are walking by. The Foreigner says “excuse me. Do you two gals happen to be from England”. One of the women replies “ No idiot. Wales!!!!”

The Foreigner is taken aback. “ I’m sorry, let me start over” he says. “ Excuse me. Do you two whales ha...

Once the North Korean leader dies, who will take his place?

His next of Kim

Vladamir Putin, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Donald Trump c...

If you're ever lost in the woods, just look up at the sky for the North Star.

Its twinkling will comfort you as you die.

Many things used to be illegal in North Korea.

Now they're unlegal.

I’m moving to North Carolina and I think I’m going to buy a house instead of renting

I hear the market is flooded right now

Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want...

But that child is going straight to the top...

And slightly to the left...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do Usa, North Korea, and your boobs have in common?

They all deserve to be in better hands.

What do you call that weird sensation when you are suddenly teleported from North Pole to South Pole or vice versa?

Bi-polar disorder.

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don’t like premature evacuations

North Korea just announced it will host peace talks...

Between the United States and Canada.