UPJOKE
cutslashdropfalldownfellmowreducetrimshortenspillquenchretrenchthindecrease

Cut Down Jokes

A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,572 trees.

“How do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired.

“Easy. I keep a log.”

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down!,” the tree complains, “I’m a talking tree!”

The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

A lumberjack went into a magical forest to cut down a tree.

Just as he began to swing his axe at a tree, the tree called out, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"





The lumberjack grinned, "And you will dialogue!"

A tree is cut down...

When the lead detective arrives, he asks the tree, "do you have any idea who did this to you?"

The tree replied, "I have no idea. I'm stumped."

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my wife cut down our sexy time to once a month!

but i guess i should feel lucky

some guys i know she cut off completely!

How can you tell that only male beavers cut down trees?

Because they're all fellers.

My doctor told me to cut down on my sodium intake.

Ive been taking his advice with a grain of salt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife just asked me to cut down on sexual innuendo

This is going to be hard, so very hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the hardware store and tells the clerk he needs to cut down some trees.

The clerk sells him a chain saw. About three hours later the man returns, covered in sweat.

He tells the clerk, "This didn't work at all. It took me two hours to cut down one medium size tree"

The clerk takes the saw and says ,"Let's see what is wrong with it", then starts up the saw...

How do you get Donald Trump to cut down a tree?

Tell him it's one of the pillars of our democracy.

What do you call those guys who cut down trees?

Fellas

The doctor told my Italian grandma that she needed to cut down on the pasta or else she'd die within ten years

So, she shot the guy and the judge gave her 20.

I've really cut down on my drinking and now only have one vodka before going to bed...

Last night I went to bed 8 times.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW in an attempt to help me cut down on masturbation, my wife told me I have to do a chore around the house Everytime I masturbate.

Let's just say the neighbors were not amused at me trying to mow the lawn with one hand.

A forest was in the process of being cut down

The forest animals were concerned that their habitat was being destroyed so they consulted the oldest wisest tree in the forest on what they could do to save the forest.

The wise tree thought about it and said
perhaps the bears can scare the loggers away. The bears snarled and charged the...

10 Ways to cut down on clickbait!

Does anyone know?

My 12 year old just told me a joke

He said “I’ve been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I’m only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.”

Do you guys know about the tree that was cut down for learning to speak?

She dialog.

It's unwise to cut down a forest on your own.

It usually takes tree fellers or more.

A lumberjack walks into the company office to get paid.

The secretary says, “ I have a check here for cutting down 236 trees this week.”

The lumberjack replies, “I actually cut down 237 trees.”

”Are you sure?”, says the secretary, “Your foreman counted 236 on the truck.”

“Sure, I’m sure,” replies the lumberjack. “I kept a log”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor said to cut down on the pizza.

Fucking idiot, that's how I always do it.

What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment?

He used a huge axe, man.

I was heartbroken when our tree died and had to be cut down.

I was mourning wood.

I told myself I needed to cut down on drinking...

..but then who would take advice from an alchoholic who talks to himself??

Would we still cut down trees if they could scream?

maybe, if they screamed all the time, and for no good reason...

Two guys are cutting down trees

Two guys are cutting down trees. The guy cuts down 3 trees and is tired. After work he meets his friend and asks him: "How many trees did you cut down?"
His friend says: "Around 20."
He can't believe so he asks: "How could you possibly cut down 20 trees?"

"Well, it's nothing special. Yo...

How do frat boys cut down trees?

With a sah, dude

What's the difference between jeweler, a cut down tree, and a sea captain?

A sea captain watches the seas, while a jeweler sees the watches.

Did you hear about the terrorist who cut down all the trees?

He's Bin Loggin.

New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree

it was actually brought down by Russian hackers

A lumberjack walks into a shop to buy a chainsaw...

The shopkeeper picks one out and says "this one can cut down 5 trees in 2 minutes". The lumberjack is impressed by this and buys the chainsaw. 2 days later, the lumberjack comes back to the shop with the chainsaw and asks for a refund.

"This is a complete rip-off, I only managed to cut down ...

Maybe we could cut down a bit on the terrible conditions at slaughterhouses by getting the cows really baked.

It might make their short lives a little happier, and maybe even make more people aware and willing to change, once they realize the steaks are high.

Mr. Johnson wanted to get rid of a redwood tree in his backyard, so he put an ad in the paper asking for a lumberjack to get rid of the tree. Many lumberjacks tried to cut down the tree, but they all failed.

One day, a very skinny man with a plastic spoon knocked on Mr. Johnson's door. "I would like to try to cut down your tree," he said.

"With just that plastic spoon?" gasped Mr. Johnson.

"Yes," said the skinny man. The two of them went to the backyard, and the skinny man tapped the redwo...

New study shows AMAZING new way to cut down on clickbait!

Well, that wasn't it...

A farmer walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that can cut down 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The farmer is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY! The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the farmer says: “What’s that noise?”

Tree joke

I had a tree I wanted removed ,because it was to close to the house. I called a tree guy and he came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He ask me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump ?..He informed me that he was just a tree guy who cut down trees, If I wanted th...

A Lumberjack went for a job, interviewer said tell me your previous employment, he said I cut down all the trees in the Sahara, interviewer, but the Sahara is a dessert.

Lumberjack says yeah it is now.

An old man applies for a job as a woodcutter,

but the boss doesn't think he's fit enough. He tells the boss he is able to cut down any tree in a single swing.

To prove this, he goes outside, hits a five foot tree with his axe, and it falls over. The boss is impressed. The old man then repeats this with a ten foot tree. Then a thirty foot...

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

A year later, he goes around to all the animals to see how they're doing. The horses have foals, the wolves have pups, the lions have cubs...everything looks good. But then he gets to a couple of snakes, and they ...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good but he can't let his people down so when they ask him if snow is coming he tells them.

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood an...

Heard this sub has a lot of Star Trek fans. Did you guys know that to cut down on costs, a lot of the cast and crew camped outside in tents while filming the outdoor scenes in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn? I just snagged one on eBay!

Yeah, so anyways - I thought you guys would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

There was a porta-potty near the edge of a small cliff

Everyday young Bobby would walk by it on the way home from school, and every day he would resist the temptation to kick it off the edge of the cliff.

This all changed one day when Bobby had a particularly bad day at school. He had learned about boring topics, like how George Washington cut do...

Logjammin'

A lumberjack is applying for a job at a logging operation, and the foreman asks his qualifications.

"I'm the fastest lumberjack you ever saw. Set me loose in those woods with my axe and I'll lay down a thousand trees a day."

The foreman is incredulous. "That's impossible," he says. "An...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.