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Fell Jokes

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl."

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl."

Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. San...

A sheep, a drum and a snake fell off a cliff…

Baa-Dumm-Tssssss….

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The teacher fell asleep in class and a little naughty boy walked up to him...

Little boy: "Teacher are you ... sleeping in class?"
Teacher : "No I am not sleeping in class."
Little boy : "What were you doing sir ?"
Teacher : " I was talking to God."
The next day the naughty boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him...

Teache...

My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike.

I rode on, ruthlessly.

I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels

Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that’s actually a nice n...

A book fell on my head today

I only have my shelf to blame

What would happen if a piano fell on top of you?

You'd b-flat.

Whats green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A pool table.

Little Johnny fell asleep in Sunday school...

The teacher asked, "Johnny, who is our Lord and savior?"
The boy behind him poked him in the back with a pin.
Johnny shot upright and shouted, "Jesus Christ!"
"Correct," said the teacher.
Johnny then fell back asleep.
The teacher called on him again, "Johnny, who was Jesus's mother?"...

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A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.

The good news is that you are going to be OK.

The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to r...

Two blondes fell down a hole

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

My phone fell from the 20th floor,

good thing it was in airplane mode.

Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in

Me: Thanks for reminding me

My 5 year old just got me with this one last night right before we fell asleep:

Him: Dad, will you remember me tomorrow?

Me: Of course!

Him: Will you remember me in a week?

Me: Yes.

Him: Will you remember me in a month?

Me: Yes..

Him: Will you remember me in a year?

Me: Yes.

Him: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?
...

What did the horse say when he fell down?

Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy-up.

I had an uncle who worked at a whiskey factory. He fell into a vat and drowned 6 hours later.

He would have drowned earlier but he got out 3 times to pee.

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Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!

"St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph...

A dear friend of mine fell overboard while sailing the other day

Sadly, he couldn't swim, so he quickly drowned.
At the funeral service, I gifted his family a life preserver.
It's what he would have wanted.

The modern steak was invented when a piece of meat accidentally fell from a shelf, hit another two shelves, and fell right into a sizzling pan

Ba dum tss

My wife fell in love with me again during covid-19

I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome

I fell over, then heard a knock at my door.

I got up, but as I hurried to answer it, I fell again, this time face-first into the door. Peeling myself off it, I finally managed to get the door open. A man was there, and he said, "You need to come with me." I said, "No way!" before realizing I was now floating a foot off the ground. The man con...

I fell on my driveway but I can’t sue anyone

It was my own asphalt

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.

Me: I don't know?

Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.

She fell in love with...

She fell in love with an electrician, and she got shocked.

She fell in love with an artist, and things got sketchy.

She fell in love with a musician, and she got played.

She fell in love with a photographer...

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet.

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A woman got married not long after high school and her husband broke her heart when he ran off with another woman. She eventually got back into the dating scene, and fell in love again with another man. They married but he turned out to be an asshole who hit her when he was angry.

She divorced him as well. Over time she met a third man who seemed perfect for her in every way but one- he was terrible in bed. She married him anyway, reasoning that sex would improve the more they knew eachother but it didn’t, and after a year she finally divorced him.

Having now been div...

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I watched that documentary about the guy who fell in love with his car.

I was fucking exhausting.

Did you hear about the poorly-secured portapotties that fell off the flatbed?

It was a lose-loose-loos situation.

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

Apparently they couldn’t prove the construction company used poor quality materials when building the bridge that fell down.

They had no concrete evidence.

"Ma'am, we brought your husband in. He was at the bar door so drunk that every time we tried to get him up, he fell over!"

The woman: "Are you kidding me? Where's his wheelchair?"

A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals.

Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.

My sister who works at an upholstery factory fell into one of the machines yesterday….

Don’t worry she’s recovered

I slipped and fell on black ice.

I thought it was regular ice but when i got up my wallet was gone.

A guy was admitted to the hospital and he fell in love with the nurse.

She used to take care of him and very nice to him. Always checking up on him and giving him extra attention compared to other patients. Therefore, the guy thought that the nurse was into him as well.

The guy was shy and couldn't ask the nurse out on date. But after he was discharged, he someh...

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Bob did like he always does, kissed his ol lady, crawled into bed and fell a sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Bob. "I want you to send me back immediately." ...

A man in my town fell out of the third floor of a nightclub yesterday.

Unfortunately he wasn’t a bouncer.

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell...

I didn't laugh, but the ground cracked up

A man fell into a wood chipper and died

May he rest in pieces

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I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off.

I guess I was stoned off my ass.

Today my coworker fell into the reupholstering machine at work

don't worry, he's fully recovered

I think my ex girlfriend fell into poverty since we broke up.

Every time I call her, she says, “Please leave me a loan.”

A donkey fell out of the sky into my lawn!

Meet Eeyore.

Someone fell into wet cement

Currently there is no concrete evidence of who fell

Kid tragically fell under a steam roller

The poor child was squashed to death as a steam roller ran over him. Fortunately some one knew who he was and where he lived. A police officer said he would drive to the child’s address to break the bad news. Sadly there was no reply so the police officer did the next best thing. He slid the kid und...

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a mountain?

Because she was wearing mittens

This morning I fell into a giant vat of bleach, but don't worry...

I'm all white!

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother.”

So Su...

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My brother fell in dog crap, deer crap, cat crap, elephant crap and horse crap

He's been through a lot of shit

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Stumbling home from the bar last night I tripped and fell in a pile of dog poop.

Boy was I shitfaced.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through a floorboard?

He was just going through a stage

A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can't believe it's not better.

My dad was working on some furniture and fell into the upholstery machine.

But don’t worry, he’s fully recovered.

I fell in love with a caveman

It didn’t work out. I wanted to settle down. He just wanted to go clubbing.

Did you hear about the guy who fell in a hole in the ground that was filled with water?

He couldn't see that well.

R.I.P. Water Man, 1997—2022. He fell into a humidifier.

He will be mist.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

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I Fell In Love With My Psychiatrist

I told her I was sexually frustrated.

She said "take two viagra and call me."

What did the cat say when he fell off the table?

"Me-ow."

Mr.Rogers once was on a cruise ship, and fell overboard into the ocean



He was then carried safely to shore by a family of sharks.

What happened when the old tractors wheel fell off?

They decided to retire it.

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A Japanese venture capitalist fell in love with a blonde

A Japanese venture capitalist was visiting the USA to evaluate a startup. The founder was desperate to get funding and to close the deal asked his blonde girlfriend to flirt with him.

The Japanese had never seen such a beauty before and instantly fell in love. The Japanese man asked the blond...

I fell victim to a click bait.

Just like you.

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back garden is ...

Did you hear about the crazy person that that fell into the French river?

He was in Seine.
(Ignore the second that)

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A married man was having an affair with his Nympho secretary, and lost track of time.

Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demande...

A bomb fell on the cemetery last night

Reporters say: all dead, no survivors

Two morons are sitting on a fence. The big one fell off, why didn't the other?

He was a little more on.

What do you call a wizard that fell down the stairs?

Tumbledore!

Where did Sally go when the bombs fell?

Everywhere.

You hear about the French baker who fell into his mixer while it was full of dough.

He was in a lot of pain.

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Son: "I fell in love with a beautiful girl."

Father: "That's great, do I know her?"

Son: "Yes, it is Andrea who lives across the street."

Father: "Oh that is bad, I am sorry, don't tell this to your mom but Andrea is your sister."

The boy is upset, but accepts the truth.

After few months he comes to his dad again...

What does a chemistry teacher says when gold bar fells on his/her feet?

Auuuuuuu!

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well.

I was amazed - I never thought they actually worked.

Mrs. Johnson was having her second set of twins: a boy and a girl.

Once again, she fell into a coma before delivery, so it fell to her younger brother to name the newborns. Traditionally, that job would fall to the eldest, but he had lost that privilege after naming her first set of twins Denise and Denephew. When she finally came to, she saw her brother standing b...

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I'm pissed. The window on my house FELL OFF onto my front lawn!

It's a pane in the grass.

My daughter just told me this and it made me laugh more than it should have...

Teacher: What was that noise?

Student: Sorry, my jacket fell on the floor.

Teacher: Why was it so loud?

Student: Because I was wearing it when it fell.

I fell off a 30 foot ladder yesterday.

I'm fine, I was only on the second rung.

Went to visit some temples in Cambodia, but unfortunately fell and broke my neck.

Now I don't look back in Angkor.

My microphone stand fell apart on the first gig

It was a one night stand

A student fell asleep in class so the teacher kicked him. "WTF!" the student screamed.

"You have been kicked due to inactivity."

What happened when the duckling fell in the tea cup

He quacked it…

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A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

Yo mama fell down...

The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today

Tech support! My computer fell off my desk!

That's not how you back it up.

What happened to the guy who fell into burning coals at the bonfire?

He got really EMBER-ASSED.

80% of my couch fell on my foot today.

...ouch.

A couple of geese fell down from the stairs.

They got multiple goose bumps.

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One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had

He started counting, and after a minute or so, he fell asleep

A giant globe fell on my son's face.

He's currently in hospital with sphere injuries.

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How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None, reports say he fell

Three men and the Fly that fell in the Scotch they were drinking

A Frenchman, a German and an Irishman were drinking Scotch. Suddenly a fly fell into each man's drink. The Frenchman says, “ I cannot drink this!” The German flicks the fly out and downs his drink. The Irishman reaches into the glass, grabs the fly, turns it upside down over his drink and yells at t...

When they fell in love, they carved their initials into a tree.

When they got married, they added a year. And for each kid, initials and a year. Then finally one day, while camping under the tree, it fell and killed them all. Which goes to show that karma's a birch.

Boss: You're 4 hours late! What's the matter?

Employee: I fell from the 2nd floor this morning.

Boss: That's 20 feet tall! It shouldn't take you more than 5 seconds!

I was bicycling through a city in France when suddenly my wheel fell off

It was too loose.

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!"


Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at ...

Did you hear the one about the guy who fell into a lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself.

Two Markets were flying but only one fell

The other one was an Supermarket
(I dunno if it’s reposted sorry)

I fell in love with a female electrician

She was a real live wire and i took her ohm with me

I had the strangest dream last night, I fell asleep inside a muffler

I woke up exhausted

The other day I fell asleep on a clock

I actually woke up on time

Did you hear about the cemetery maintenance man who fell ill on the job?

He's in grave condition

I fell off a 50' ladder....

good thing I was on the bottom rung.

My uncle fell into a vat of whiskey and drowned.

5 men tried to save him but he managed to fight them off.

The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny.

"He stopped calling for help yesterday

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

Grandpa fell in to paprika once ...

Now he is a seasoned veteran.

I fell for clickbait once

You won't believe what happened next...

A man died when a pile of books fell on him

He only had his shelf to blame

What did French Humpty Dumpty say when he fell?

Oeuf.

What do you call a stoner who fell down a hill?

Tumble weed

A tree fell and destroyed a quarter of my roof yesterday.

oof

Swear on my life this is a true story. An experienced cook in my kitchen just slipped and fell in a fryer....

Was mostly ok, definitely could have gone worse as far as oil burns go. His elbow and a portion of his forearm were burned pretty serious and the whole kitchen had stopped and the sous chef was giving him medical attention when the new young cook, who people were still trying to warm up to, goes...

What did the Mexican say when the two houses fell on him?

Get off me, homes.

Why did the programmer drown when he fell into the lake at the park?

There was a sign that said "No swimming".

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