I don't think log base 3 is possible...

The log is always the base of the tree

After 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.

To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."


Noah being ...

Trees don't register,

They *log* in.

How does a tree get on the internet?

It logs in.

A lumberjack went to a doctor complaining of back pain and can't carry heavy logs.

He was told he didn't have enough lumber support.

I slept like a log last night.

I woke up in the fireplace.

As a lumberjack i know i have cut down 2,718 trees.

Because every time I cut one down I keep a log.

What did the drowning Mathematician say?

log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(...

What's green and difficult to see through?

What's green and difficult to see through?

>!Kermit the fog!<


What's green and runs?

>!Kermit the jog!<


What's green and written once a week?

>!Kermit the blog!<


What's green and made of wood?

>!Kermit the log!<
...

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack laughed and said, “And you will dialogue.”

Post and repost were sitting on a log, and post fell off. Who was left?

Reddit front page.

What did the log say to the christmas tree?

**Yule** end up like me if you don't stay away from lumberjacks.

An American, Frenchman, Israeli, Spaniard, and a German are on a video call. Their boss logs in and starts the meeting by askng "How's my connection, can everybody see me alright?" They answer:

"yes", "oui", "ken", "si", "ja"

They should make a TV show about people who dance on logs,

They can call it Log-a-Rhythm.

“How much wood have you chopped?”

“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”

Two guys find a huge hole while walking in the forest.

They can't even see the bottom. So they take a couple of rocks and toss them down. They wait and wait for the sound of the rocks hitting the bottom but they hear nothing. So they find a really large rock. It takes both of them, but they get it over the edge and down it goes. Still no sound. Then the...

When all the animals left the ark, Noah gave them instructions as they departed:

To the Aardvarks, he commanded, "Go forth and multiply!"

A couple snakes came slithering out, and he commanded, "Go forth and multiply!"

"We can't, we're adders." replied the snakes.

Well Noah kept giving commands, until at last he told the zebras, "Go forth and multiply!" ...

So Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit are trapped in this hollow log.

They had been chased by the old farmer's hound dogs across three field, two fences and a gulley. They never slowed down. They never gave up, but still they hadn't managed to get away. Seeing the log, they ran in as a last resort.

With a hound dog barking and yapping at either end, Mama Rabbit...

"Doctor, help me. I've been sleeping like a log."

Doctor: "So how is that a problem?"

Patient: "I keep waking up in the fireplace."

What always clogged the toilet on the USS Enterprise?

Captain's Log

Why do magicians saw people in half instead of logs?

Because the show looks fishy if you use too many plants...

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

A year later, he goes around to all the animals to see how they're doing. The horses have foals, the wolves have pups, the lions have cubs...everything looks good. But then he gets to a couple of snakes, and they ...

A big moron and a little moron were sitting on a log. The big moron fell off, but the latter remained. Why?

Because he was a little more on!

My father told me that he is going to smash my head into the keyboard if I log into reddit again.

He just went out and I just can't stand not knowing what is on the front page. I will just log in and then log oudhbebsuus ehdbdhdhhdjr ejjeuududjbd eksomsnqbssicuu dbsujdbdjsjsjdf jsisjskjdhduxbskksi iejdjdnn jdjdjxjjss

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

So y=e^e^x was hitting on y=e-1/x ...

y=e^e^x said, "come with me baby, I'll show you the natural growth of my log". "Sorry", replied y=e-1/x, "but even I have my limits."

Captain's log...

The first mate on a ship got drunk one day, and the captain entered it into the log: "The first mate was drunk today."

The first mate begged the captain to remove the entry, but the captain was adamant that once an entry was in the book it could never be removed.

The next day it was th...

I log in facebook to see that everyone is at the bar...

I go to the bar to see that everyone is on facebook.

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The second fastest thing in a bathroom is the speed in which your butt-hole closes after a log comes out, but what is the fastest thing in a bathroom?

The drop of water that makes it in.

Why do mathematicians like parks?

Because of all the natural logs

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I'm at work taking a shit

Boss wants me to log in a few hours
(Please make this joke better if you repost)

A natural log with her own show

ln(DeGeneres)

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How does a mathematician poop?

By removing natural logs.

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Put to sleep

So this inquisitive pan-dimensional space monster is out on vacation and decides to check out this little dive bar on Earth (in Detroit) that had some decent reviews on Yelp.

In order to do so he had to first take on a suitable corporal form adhering to local biological esthetics and so he c...

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A hunting tale

There’s a fly flying above a stream and there’s a fish watching the fly and it’s thinking “if that fly drops 6 inches I’m gonna have a great meal.” Meanwhile, there’s a bear on the bank watching the fish thinking, “if that fly drops 6 inches that fish is gonna get the fly and I’m gonna have a great ...

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My wife is good in bed.

She sleeps like a log.

Two men are walking the woods.

They come across a large hole the ground, several meters across and apparently bottomless.

After examining the hole for a moment, they decide to throw something into the hole to see how long it takes for it to hit the bottom. The first man throws in a pebble, and after a long pause hears noth...

Lumberjacks are good at maths because of their log rhythms

Thanks, HL Math.

The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a "little" stowed away rum.

Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate was drunk today."

"Captain please don't let that stay in the log," the mate said. "This could add mo...

What does a tree do after it finishes using it’s computer?

It logs off

Mbeki and his elephant

Mbeki was a boy who live in a small village on the edge of the great Serengeti plain of Africa. Mbeki would spend days watching the animals on the plain, learning and studying their behaviors.

Twice a year during the great animal migration from their summer to their winter feeding grounds and...

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked out his logs with a pencil

What do you call a tree that smokes weed?

Snoop Log

A man came home to find his house burned down, only the chimney was still standing. Since he had no where else to go, he slept in his fireplace that night. In the morning the mailman came to deliver and found the man waking up. The mailman remarked that he was impressed the man got any sleep at all.

To which the man replied, "actually I slept like a log."

Forty days pass, the flood recedes, and Noah and his family are settling in.

Noah's wife notices that all the animals are starting to reproduce, except for a pair of snakes. She asks Noah about it, and he says he'll take care of it. A week later, Noah brings his wife out to the workshop, and shows her the snakes in their basket on top of the picnic table he just built. "How ...

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The F**king Tree (NSFW)

A man moves to a new town and looks for work. A couple of days pass by and he manages to find a job as a lumberjack. Only problem is, it's is a live-in position. Since the forest is located on the outskirts of the city, the man would be required to move out to the log cabin there and stay on premise...

A calculus joke...

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road

... when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away further down the road.

Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a treestump. "My what big ears ...

What kind of music does a fallen tree branch dance to?

Log-rhythm

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

What's the worst smelling math problem?

Log((ne)^co)

I’m keeping track of all the exponentials I can find..

Everytime I see one, I log it

What do programmers and lumberjacks have in common?

They both work with logs

Did you hear about the student that hooked up with his math teacher?

She really expanded his natural log.

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A man with a 20 inch penis goes to the doctor

He says "Doc, 20 inches is way too much! I'm having trouble with my daily life, and no woman even dares to come near me! This thing has ruined my life! Is it possible to reduce it to something more manageable?"

"Surgery can't help," the doctor explains. "But while I can't recommend this offic...

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Pesky monkey

A lion was on a date with a lioness he was chasing after for months and finally got his chance to take her out to a picnic.

While they were enjoying their romantic outing, a monkey jumped out and started making fun of the lion.

The lioness looked at the lion and said "aren't you going ...

Maybe I should delete Reddit

because everytime I log in, I feel pointless.

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. ...

TIL: If you sit on your hand until you can't feel it anymore

and log in to your online banking system. It feels like someone else is paying your bills.

Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

How Rednecks Get Things Done

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana
inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but
he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for ...

Why did the tree fall on the computer?

It wanted to log in.

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A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor...

A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument and has had more than one complaint.

“Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “is there anything you can do for me?”

The doctor replies, “Medically son, t...

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

<The windows xp log out sound >

Happy birthday!

A drug dealer has been in prison for a few years, when he seemingly has a change of heart and asks to speak with a DEA agent.

He says to the agent, "My father's got a farm out in the country. Behind this house, there's a big ole wood pile. I hit a stash of money and drugs inside one of the l...

Ever since I failed Calculus I can’t go into the woods

There’s too many natural logs for my liking

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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