A Canadian logging company needed to hire another lumberjack.

The first guy to apply was a short little skinny fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to leave.

"Just give me a chance," the little guy pleaded.

"Okay," the manager replied, "Grab your axe and cut down that cedar over there."

Two minutes later he was back at the ma...

I logged in today to see if my reply got deleted.

It's still hanging on by a thread.

What's the best way to carry big carved logs?

Totem.

After the Flood, Noah commanded the animals...

"Go forth! Be fruitful! Multiply!"

And so, the animals did go forth from Mt. Ararat, and behold they were fruitful and did multiply as Noah had commanded. But Noah saw that two snakes had remained with the ark.

"Serpents! Why has thou not done as I have commanded, and gone forth to mul...

Two men in the woods

These 2 guys are out walking through the woods, they come upon a clearing with a big hole in the middle of it. The first guy says to the second "I wonder how deep this hole is" "I don't know, let's find something to toss in here and see if we can hear it hit the bottom", says the second. So they go ...

A lumberjack went to a doctor complaining of back pain and can't carry heavy logs.

He was told he didn't have enough lumber support.

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I’m never going on a log ride again.

Okay this happened like any other day, oh and for later on I’m a heavy set guy real chubby okay. That parts important.
#
Anyways I go on this log ride and we start to ascend up the hill, you could hear the track dragging my fat ass up the hill
#
Get to the top and realise there’s a camer...

I don't think log base 3 is possible...

The log is always the base of the tree

Two men are walking through the woods together and they come across an insanely huge hole in the ground.

The first man picks up a rock and tosses it into the hole. The rock vanishes from sight, and neither guy could hear the rock hit the bottom.

The second man decides to throw a huge log into the hole. After a few seconds pass, again there was no sound.

Both men, wanting to know how dee...

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A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor…

… to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint.

“Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “is there anything you can do for me?”

The doctor replies, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do.  But, I do know this witch who ...

I slept like a log last night.

I woke up in the fireplace.

Two guys are walking through a field when they came across a well.

One of the guys asks "how deep do you think that is?"
The second replies "That's easy. Just drop something down it, count how many seconds it takes to hit the bottom, and multiply by 9 meters for each second. Give or take for air resistance."


"What should we drop?" Said the first.
L...

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success.

Post and repost were sitting on a log, and post fell off. Who was left?

Reddit front page.

Tony did all he could to avoid maths & decided to study Botany.

He later became famous for discovering that discarded tree trunks emit a regular pattern of sounds & is now focused on calculating the sounds.

After avoiding maths, he still ended up in a career solving Log rhythms

An American, Frenchman, Israeli, Spaniard, and a German are on a video call. Their boss logs in and starts the meeting by askng "How's my connection, can everybody see me alright?" They answer:

"yes", "oui", "ken", "si", "ja"

After 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.

To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."


Noah being ...

How do trees connect to the Internet?

They log on.

So Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit are trapped in this hollow log.

They had been chased by the old farmer's hound dogs across three field, two fences and a gulley. They never slowed down. They never gave up, but still they hadn't managed to get away. Seeing the log, they ran in as a last resort.

With a hound dog barking and yapping at either end, Mama Rabbit...

My boss asked the difference between logging in vs logging on ...

I replied "It is only the amount of I/O required."

What did the log say to the christmas tree?

**Yule** end up like me if you don't stay away from lumberjacks.

What do cows like to read?

Cattle-logs

Have you ever thought of an awesome joke but had to race the final 1% of your battery to post it?

Back when I had an Android I sure did but look at me now, my iPhone still has 27% lef........

How does a tree get on the internet?

It logs in.

They should make a TV show about people who dance on logs,

They can call it Log-a-Rhythm.

Why did Spock look into Kirk's toilet?

He wanted to see the Captains log.

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A young man gets chatting to an old stranger at a bar. The old man strokes the bar and says, “I built this bar with my own hands”.

“I took the oak, I laminated it, turned it into planks, sanded it down and finished it. Am I known as “The old man who builds bars”? No.”

The old man stands up, “Come outside, young man.”
“Look at this stone wall. I built it with my bare hands. I collected the stones, stacked them up, and ...

A:What is the integral of 1/cabin? B: log cabin

A: You forgot the C

What does a mathematician do when he has constipation?

He works it out with a pencil

Actually, he uses a log. A squared one.

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An east coast accountant decides to go hunting for the first time out west.

He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure.The "green" Hunter suddenly has to take a shit and says to his guide"Man,I really have to use the restroom.Where is it?"

"Are you serious?Were in the middle of Wyoming and your asking where the restroom i...

U.S.S Enterprise: Stardate #2

I need to lay down a captain's log.

For weeks now Amazon has been sending me suggestions for random biscuits

Finally I logged in and updated my cookie preferences

My father told me that he is going to smash my head into the keyboard if I log into reddit again.

He just went out and I just can't stand not knowing what is on the front page. I will just log in and then log oudhbebsuus ehdbdhdhhdjr ejjeuududjbd eksomsnqbssicuu dbsujdbdjsjsjdf jsisjskjdhduxbskksi iejdjdnn jdjdjxjjss

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack laughed and said, “And you will dialogue.”

A man came home to find his house burned down, only the chimney was still standing. Since he had no where else to go, he slept in his fireplace that night. In the morning the mailman came to deliver and found the man waking up. The mailman remarked that he was impressed the man got any sleep at all.

To which the man replied, "actually I slept like a log."

"Doctor, help me. I've been sleeping like a log."

Doctor: "So how is that a problem?"

Patient: "I keep waking up in the fireplace."

As a lumberjack i know i have cut down 2,718 trees.

Because every time I cut one down I keep a log.

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Put to sleep

So this inquisitive pan-dimensional space monster is out on vacation and decides to check out this little dive bar on Earth (in Detroit) that had some decent reviews on Yelp.

In order to do so he had to first take on a suitable corporal form adhering to local biological esthetics and so he c...

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How does a mathematician poop?

By removing natural logs.

What did the Nordic man do when he first logged onto Facebook?

He went on a liking spree.

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A hunting tale

There’s a fly flying above a stream and there’s a fish watching the fly and it’s thinking “if that fly drops 6 inches I’m gonna have a great meal.” Meanwhile, there’s a bear on the bank watching the fish thinking, “if that fly drops 6 inches that fish is gonna get the fly and I’m gonna have a great ...

Why do magicians saw people in half instead of logs?

Because the show looks fishy if you use too many plants...

My brother-in-law is missing half of his hand due to a horrific logging injury,

so I asked him do you get half off when you get your palm read?

What's green and difficult to see through?

What's green and difficult to see through?

>!Kermit the fog!<


What's green and runs?

>!Kermit the jog!<


What's green and written once a week?

>!Kermit the blog!<


What's green and made of wood?

>!Kermit the log!<
...

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My wife is good in bed.

She sleeps like a log.

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Family reunion with Dad and stepmom

Dear Mom,


We are having a great time here at Camp Hazardous Hills. Grandpa is making me write to you in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.


Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on th...

A big moron and a little moron were sitting on a log. The big moron fell off, but the latter remained. Why?

Because he was a little more on!

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

What did the drowning Mathematician say?

log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(log(...

What does a tree do after it finishes using it’s computer?

It logs off

Mbeki and his elephant

Mbeki was a boy who live in a small village on the edge of the great Serengeti plain of Africa. Mbeki would spend days watching the animals on the plain, learning and studying their behaviors.

Twice a year during the great animal migration from their summer to their winter feeding grounds and...

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The F**king Tree (NSFW)

A man moves to a new town and looks for work. A couple of days pass by and he manages to find a job as a lumberjack. Only problem is, it's is a live-in position. Since the forest is located on the outskirts of the city, the man would be required to move out to the log cabin there and stay on premise...

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