The old cowboy's shave

Time for this again:

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Big Piney, Wyoming for a shave and a haircut.

He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the...

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My boyfriend asked me this evening if I would shave my pussy...

... He’s going to be royal pissed when he wakes up bald.

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I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

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I used to shave my testicles with a razor blade.

But since I got Parkinson's, I don't have the balls to do it anymore.

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

“I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in ...

Wife: "I shaved down there. You know what that means..."

Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."

I haven't shaved my mustache since the lockdown begun...

And it's kind of growing on me.

Who shaves 10 times a day and still has a beard?

The barber.

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A nurse goes into a room to shave a male patient before his appendectomy.

When she comes out of his room a few minutes later, she is on the verge of laughing hysterically. The other nurses ask her what she’s laughing about. She tells them that the patient has a tattoo on his penis that says “TiNY”. One by one each nurse goes in and comes back out giggling about the man’s ...

A blonde walks into a bar looking frustrated

The bartender asks her, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the hor...

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Why single Men shave their dick n' balls

The chances of a random blowjob are low,




but never 0.

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It takes a lot of courage to shave using a cutthroat blade. I used to shave my privates using one.

I don’t have the balls to do that anymore.

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So my mate rubs his hands over my freshly shaved head and laughs "Feels just like my wife's arse!"

I rubbed my hands over my head and blinked in surprise. "You're right, it absolutely does."

A goat shaved away it's beard and remarked

Not by the glare of my chinny chin chin

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What do you call a policewoman that shaves her pubes?

Cuntstubble

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The Four Balconies- NSFW

There was an apt building with 4 balconies. On the bottom one there was a guy that loved to eat pickles every day out there. On the balcony above him was an eccentric painter that was obsessed with the color green and if anything, even a leaf flew by, he'd grab it and paint it green. On the 3rd balc...

I didn't like my mustache so I decided to shave it

Changed my mind last minute though because it had really grown on me

A close shave

A man dressed impeccably, in the finest Italian suit, a silk tie and matching leather shoes walked into a shabby barbershop and enquired apprehensively.
"I have a very important meet in an hour and I need the closest shave possible, I do not want a hint of growth anywhere. Do you think you can d...

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I love this joke but it's in Venetian dialect so I'll try to translate it see if you like it

A man goes in this new place that matches you up with the prostitutes that fits you perfectly.

So he goes in, he pays the 100€ and gets in front of 2 doors.

One says "blonde" the other "brunette".

"Oh fam I'm all for that brunette puss ayy".

And he goes into the "brunett...

Last night I shaved my head, and my wife has been rubbing my scalp all morning.

Tonight I'm shaving my crotch.

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[NSFW] Yesterday I made the mistake of telling my wife to shave her pussy

The next morning I woke up bald

Thank god for dollar shave club

Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.

I shaved the top half of my cat this morning.

He's been furloughed too.

What's the simplest way for a philosopher to shave?

Occam's razor

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After NNN, I decided to first shave my pubes and then masturbate.

I was done beating around the bush.

A priest goes to the barber and has his hair cut.

He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 silver coins in front of his door.

A buddhist goes to the barber and has his head shaved. He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next mor...

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When I was young, I was bold enough to shave my privates using a straight razor.

Nowadays, I no longer have the balls to do it.

A priest goes to get a haircut and a shave

A priest gets a haircut and a shave, and asks the barber "how much do i owe you?"

The barber says "for a man of the cloth like yourself, father, no charge"

The next morning when the barber opens the shop, he finds a bouquet of 12 flowers on his doorstep.

Later that day a buddhis...

Why did Scar shave Simba?

Heir removal.

A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.

She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the followin...

The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes.

I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.

Why did the american indian shave every other day?

'Cause he has Apache beard.

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I wanted to shave my beard for so long, but my lazy ass just won't do it and now it's too late

I guess it grew on me

I did a head shave for charity the other day.

Oh jeez was my wife mad when she woke up.

Why don’t the Amish shave their beards?

They don’t want raze-a-barn

A woman wearing a dirty basketball jersey walks into a bar. She lifts her arm, showing everyone her hairy armpit. "Would any of you men like to buy me a beer?" she asks.

One man, who has drunk at least fourteen beers already, says, "I'd like to buy the ballerina a beer!"

The bartender says, "Look, sir, I have met many women over the years. Some were more tomboyish than girly, others more girly than tomboyish, but none as tomboyish as this woman. For example, ...

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I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.

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During meditation, a monk asks his master… “Master. If a man shaves his ass, is he gay?”

His master thought for a moment and replied:
“A man who cleans his house, clearly expects a visitor.”

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What’s the difference between shaved and unshaved oral sex?

One is private and the other is pubelick.

Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

 
 

Credit: 3rd grade me.

Do flies shave their legs?

No, but bees wax.

What did the one cow say to the one who forgot to shave?

Nice moostache.

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An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.

The barber says, "Father, you're a holy man, a man of the cloth, I couldn't charge you, it's on the house."

The priest says, "Thank you very much" and leaves.

The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.

A few days later, a ministe...

A Texan is in London, and looking for Razor blades

“Y’all got any American razor blades in here ?” the Texan asked the English pharmacist.

“All I see are these stupid Wilkinsons.” 

“Sir,” the pharmacist patiently replied, “Wilkinson has been producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors since before Waterloo.” 

...

There once was a village whose mayors were all named Benny and had magnificent beards

Legend held that if a mayor shaved his beard off, an ancient curse would transform him into a piece of pottery.

Centuries passed and every Benny was a fair and wise mayor, and never shaved their beards. But one summer, their land was struck by a terrible heat wave. All the men of the villag...

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.


''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''...

My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.

"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."

"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.

"No, I just stick a little piece of toi...

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What does Melania Trump do after she shaves her pussy?

She powders his cheeks and sends him off to play golf!

I just saw a farmer shave a sheep in 1 second.

It was shear brilliance!

In a long lost episode, Superman has a close shave with death because his cloak wasn’t the right size.

It was a narrow S cape.

A man goes into a barbershop for a shave and a hair cut.

The man sits down and the barber lathers him up for his shave. The barber hands the man a little wooden ball and says “Put this in your cheek so it’s stretches the skin.” The man chuckles and asks “What happens if I swallow it?” To which the barber replies “Just bring it back tomorrow. At least that...

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Dave gets shipwrecked and stranded on a small tropical island...

... he sets out to explore his new surroundings, and finds another survivor. It's Taylor Swift. He's a bit star-struck at first, but manages to pull it together enough to help her up off the shore.

He manages to build a hut for shelter, and starts a fire for warmth overnight, and finds edib...

My son calling me dad was my breaking point

I finally shaved my legs

An elderly mother and her young daughter was walking in front of a temple when the monk happened to spot them.

The daughter was wearing booty shorts and a tank top at the time. The monk called from the distance and came towards them.
"Child, that's not an outfit for a young girl", said the monk. "Here take this 100$ and buy yourself some nice clothes", he said while giving the daughter a 100$ note.
...

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My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had sex for the first time.

I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.

The US government took No Shave November quite seriously

As soon as the calendar hit December 1st, Bush was gone.

Beards at work

Just a word of advice, if a woman at work asks you "When are you going to shave off that ridiculous mustache?!" Do not reply "When you shave yours!". It could land you in HR....

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I remember being told that every time you shave it off,it grows back thicker.

I can't wait to see my new cock.

I was excited to judge my first cooking competition

The local university was holding an iron chef style cooking competition where three students prepared a meal centering around a theme ingredient. The theme of the competition was turkey dinner, and before I knew it the kitchen was abuzz with the sounds and the smells of cooking.

After an hour...

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The police asked me to identify what they thought was my girlfriends body.

They pulled the sheet back to show her blond hair, blue eyes and pretty face. "I can't be certain." I said. The sheet went down to reveal her creamy white breast and perky nipples. "Sorry, I'm still not sure." They took the sheet completely off. I stared at the pale body and shaved pussy, "That's de...

How did the farmer manage to shave 100 sheep in one hour?

Shear effort

Everyone hates my facial hair for No Shave November

But it’s growing on me

A guy walks into a salon for a shave.

The barber hands him a rubber ball to hold between his jaws while he smoothly shaves around his jawline.
Guy: thats a neat idea! but what if I accidentally swallow this ball?


Barber without raising an eyebrow: "Just bring it back tomorrow."

How does Sean Connery Shave?

Control esh.

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Mom, what's the thing between your legs?

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked, he asked his mother what was the hair in between her legs?

She responded, "It's my washcloth".

Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on ...

What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard's neckbeard?

M'stache

What happens when Stevie Wonder tries to shave himself?

Stevie Nicks.

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp

A man walks into a barbershop and asks,

"Bob Peters in here?"

The barber responds, "Nope, just shaves and a haircut."

-Dad! You shaved my eyebrows while I was sleeping?

-Yes, and you don't seem surprised

When I started no shave November I thought I would be excited to shave again in December, but now I don't want to cut my beard at all.

I think it's grown on me.

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Guy says to the hairdresser, I want the hair on top shaved down the middle on the side one shaved all the way the other side leave as it it is, hairdresser replied, sorry sir but I cannot do that.

I said well you fucking did last time.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?
A moustache.
Moustache who?
I moustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.

A man is driving late at night when his car breaks down in front of a remote Buddhist monastery.

He knocks on the door and the monks open it. He tells the monks about his situation, and how he can't call for a mechanic at those hours of the night, so he asks them if he can stay the night in the monastery. The monks happily agree, and give him a room with a bed to sleep on.

In the middle ...

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