This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was younger, I used to shave my privates with a cut throat razor.

I don’t have the balls to do it anymore

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.

He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was...

What do you call a man that shaves ten times a day?

A barber.

Old cowboy comes into the barber shop for a shave.

Tells the barber, “I’m lookin for a clean shave. All these wrinkles on my face from old age the sun and wind, I haven’t had a close clean shave in years.”

Barber hands him a wooden ball and says, “stick this in your cheek like a squirrel.”

The old cowboy does as he is told and the wr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a police woman who shaves her crotch?

Cunt-stubble

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.

A lot of men are uncomfortable with the idea of growing a beard for No Shave November but don’t worry…

It’ll grow on them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What to you call a police officer with a shaved vagina?

Cuntstubble

Little Benny was very sick, and the doctors had given up hope.

As a last present, his parents brought him to Arabia on a trip. While they were walking through a market, little Benny bought a lamp from a vendor.

When he arrived home, he rubbed the lamp to clean it, and, to his surprise, a genie popped out in a flash of light.

"What is it that you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning…

and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!"

Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats."

Oh...

Grammerly

On his 74th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate from his wife...

The certificate paid for a visit to a miracle man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a female police officer who doesn't shave?

Cunt stubble.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she suggested that he shave his beard. “Oh Ken, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.” Ken replied, “My wife loves this beard, there is no way I could shave it, she would kill me!!”

“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice. Ken sighed and finally gave in and shaved his face smooth.

That night Ken crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. His wife woke up, reached over and felt his face and said, “Oh Tony, you shouldn't be here, my husba...

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a policewoman called who shaves her lady bits?

Cuntstubble I guess

What's the only job where you get to shave your privates at work?

Army barber

My wife told me I should shave my beard.

A few months ago, I would have maybe agreed with her, but now it has really grown on me.

An older man sees a sign saying "Free Shaves! Closest you'll ever get!"

The old man walks into the barber shop and goes to the counter.

"Free shaves eh? And you claim that they are close? All these wrinkles make it impossible for me to get a close one."

The barber smiles and hands him a wooden ball, and guides him over to the barber chair.

"Put ...

All this time I've been looking forward to when I can get a proper haircut again, and thinking I'll shave off this lockdown beard of mine.

But over the past year, it's gradually grown on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boyfriend asked me this evening if I would shave my pussy...

... He’s going to be royal pissed when he wakes up bald.

A priest goes to get a haircut and a shave

A priest gets a haircut and a shave, and asks the barber "how much do i owe you?"

The barber says "for a man of the cloth like yourself, father, no charge"

The next morning when the barber opens the shop, he finds a bouquet of 12 flowers on his doorstep.

Later that day a buddhis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

Was just thinking that if I shaved and shined my scalp and stood out in the sun, I could blind passersby or start a fire.

Just some random reflections off the top of my head.

I started shaving my beard recently

I've finally started growing facial hair, so I shaved for the first time this morning. I'd say I did a pretty good job, but I think I missed some spots when I was drying off. I'm still a little wet behind the ears.

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl+esh. Like everyone elshe.

Safe travels, Sir.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Attempt to remember and retell an old Danish joke

In the middle of the night, a man wakes up in a prostitutes bed after a wonderful evening with her. Thinking back he still marvels at the beautiful artwork the woman's pubic hairs had been turned into. Then suddenly he notices that his wallet has been moved, and on inspection he finds that a 500 bil...

What kind of light does an Australian use to shave?

Rise Up Lights

(Say it out loud)

Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?

Modern historians call it balderdash.

I'm an ex-neckbeard and I just shaved for the very first time!

I guess you could say I lost my fur-chin-ity..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.

A man an a boy walk into a barbershop

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was compl...

What’s the difference between a French university student and a Russian one?

The French student is well shaved and slightly drunk; the Russian one is vice versa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the son and apprentice of a Japanese barber go bald after botching a very important client's hair?

To shave face!

What did the customer say to the barber?

“I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It takes a lot of courage to shave using a cutthroat blade. I used to shave my privates using one.

I don’t have the balls to do that anymore.

Shaving

I finally shaved my legs and donated the hair to locks of love.....

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

 
 

Credit: 3rd grade me.

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

“I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was young, I was bold enough to shave my privates using a straight razor.

Nowadays, I no longer have the balls to do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nurse goes into a room to shave a male patient before his appendectomy.

When she comes out of his room a few minutes later, she is on the verge of laughing hysterically. The other nurses ask her what she’s laughing about. She tells them that the patient has a tattoo on his penis that says “TiNY”. One by one each nurse goes in and comes back out giggling about the man’s ...

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read "The End is Near!"

The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.

He sped off round the co...

Thank god for dollar shave club

Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.

Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Yesterday I made the mistake of telling my wife to shave her pussy

The next morning I woke up bald

Why did Scar shave Simba?

Heir removal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During meditation, a monk asks his master… “Master. If a man shaves his ass, is he gay?”

His master thought for a moment and replied:
“A man who cleans his house, clearly expects a visitor.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

A close shave

A man dressed impeccably, in the finest Italian suit, a silk tie and matching leather shoes walked into a shabby barbershop and enquired apprehensively.
"I have a very important meet in an hour and I need the closest shave possible, I do not want a hint of growth anywhere. Do you think you can d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Making ends meet by working hard.

There was this financially struggling couple, barely making ends meet as the spending was slightly above what they earned and what they earned was less than what they made in the past.

After a lot of discussion how to proceed and what to do they decided that the wife should try out streetwalk...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why single Men shave their dick n' balls

The chances of a random blowjob are low,




but never 0.

My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.

"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."

"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.

"No, I just stick a little piece of toi...

Bath night

A couple take in a beautiful young lady as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said...

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.


''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Melania Trump do after she shaves her pussy?

She powders his cheeks and sends him off to play golf!

I did a head shave for charity the other day.

Oh jeez was my wife mad when she woke up.

I just saw a farmer shave a sheep in 1 second.

It was shear brilliance!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After NNN, I decided to first shave my pubes and then masturbate.

I was done beating around the bush.

I didn't like my mustache so I decided to shave it

Changed my mind last minute though because it had really grown on me

Don't shave your pubes to sing better

Hairy style will help you.

What's the simplest way for a philosopher to shave?

Occam's razor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had sex for the first time.

I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.

Why don’t the Amish shave their beards?

They don’t want raze-a-barn

Do flies shave their legs?

No, but bees wax.

A young man named Benny was a real party animal.

He lived for the good times of wine, women, and song. He wished he could continue his life style forever. A genie suddenly appeared before him and made him the following wish: Benny would remain forever young if he would never shave. If he were ever to shave the genie would return and transform him ...

As I sat there winding my hair through my fingers, I thought to myself

"I really need to shave my ass"

I haven't shaved my mustache since the lockdown begun...

And it's kind of growing on me.

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember being told that everytime you shave it off, it grows back thicker...

Cant wait to see my new cock

The US government took No Shave November quite seriously

As soon as the calendar hit December 1st, Bush was gone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my mate rubs his hands over my freshly shaved head and laughs "Feels just like my wife's arse!"

I rubbed my hands over my head and blinked in surprise. "You're right, it absolutely does."

Last night I shaved my head, and my wife has been rubbing my scalp all morning.

Tonight I'm shaving my crotch.

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl-Esh.

At the Barber Shop

A man goes to the barber shop for a shave. While sitting down on the barber chair, he tells the barber that he can never properly shave his cheeks.


The barber goes to a drawer and takes out a small wooden ball. He tells the client to place it in his mouth between the cheek and his teet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy went into the living room as his parents were having an argument.

“You bastard!” said his mum to his dad.

“You bitch!” replied his dad to his mum.

And they suddenly stopped when they saw little Timmy in the doorway.

“Mum, what’s a bastard? Dad, what’s a bitch?” questioned Timmy.

His parents stuttered and stammered until his mum thought ...

How did the farmer manage to shave 100 sheep in one hour?

Shear effort

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife doesn't like me to shave my face for the same reason I like her to shave her pussy

She says it makes me look like a 12 year old.

I shaved the top half of my cat this morning.

He's been furloughed too.

In a long lost episode, Superman has a close shave with death because his cloak wasn’t the right size.

It was a narrow S cape.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between shaved and unshaved oral sex?

One is private and the other is pubelick.

This woman, who has never shaved her armpits, is sitting in a bar...

This woman is sitting in a bar, wearing some sort of tube top. She has never shaved her armpits in her entire life, so, as a result, she has a thick black bush under each arm. Every twenty minutes, she raises her arm up and flags the bartender for another drink.

This goes on all night. The ot...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.