The 90+ Best Spill Jokes

A tanker ship carrying dark purple ink ran around on a deserted island, spilling its contents.

Sadly, the entire crew was marooned.

What did the man say when he spilled a drink?

This one's on me.

What did the native do after he spilled his tea?

he became naive.

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water".

Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

I went to a restaurant and a waiter spilled chowder down my trousers, so I said...

Waiter, waiter...there's soup in my fly!

I spilled the bag of coffee at work.

My boss said it was Grounds for dismissal.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road

I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

Vader's son spill some hot coffee on himself

He isn't burnt, just lukewarm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:

“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living...

A truck carrying thousands of copies of “Merriam-Webster’s Thesaurus” overturned on I-91 shortly after leaving its distribution facility in Springfield, MA, spilling its cargo all over the highway.

Witnesses were aghast, astonished, bewildered, confounded, confused, dazed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, numbed, paralyzed, rattled, shocked, startled, stunned, stupefied, and surprised.

"Sorry about all that ice I spilled in your kitchen earlier", my friend said.

I told him, "Don't worry about it, it's all water under the fridge now".

I accidentally spilled a coconut milk based curry on my patella, but just a small amount.

It was only a Thai knee issue.

Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven rather than a cooking tray?

The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.

My Irish grandfather once fell down two flights of stairs with a pint of whiskey and didn't spill a drop.

The man knew how to keep his mouth shut.

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident.

It was a real bonding experience.

My waiter just spilled coffee all over me.

I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter.

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

I thought I spilled coffee all over my keyboard.

My keyboard still works fine except one key. The spill was under control.

What do you get when you spill chlorine

Fluorine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kung Fu student asks his teacher

"Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated.

And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling m...

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

A church got a new pastor, who the music minister immediately disliked. Eventually, their conflict spilled out into the Sunday services.

The first week, the pastor preached about commitment and how we should dedicate our lives to serving one another. The music minister led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The second week, the pastor preached about tithing and how important it was for the congregation to contributed to the chu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had such a horrible day at work. Some dick head spilled milk on me. Rude right?

How dairy.

An Old Lady Walks Down the Street with 20 Dollar Bills Spilling from Her Bags...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”
<...

I just spilled my cup...

...and all I got was this tea shirt.

A truck full of hair restorer tonic overturned and spilled on the freeway today

Police are combing the area

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother told me a joke about spilled sewerage

It was a shit joke.

I spilled coffee all over my Macbook...

...now it won't go to sleep.

My brother spilled apple juice on my laptop

It was a cider attack

C and C++ walk into a bar...

After a few hours, C gets sloppy drunk and spills its drink all over C++. Outraged, C++ shouts, "good God C! Have you no class??"

My wife screamed at me for spilling the gravy.

That’s when I realized it was all over.

A truck overturned this morning spilling cabbage all over the highway.

It was horrific! I slaw it happen!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favourite jokes from one of my favourite movies, Desperado. Originally delivered by my favourite director, Quentin Tarantino

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says...

I spilled a condiment all over my legs today.

Now I got mayo knees.

I was drinking beer at the computer and spilled a whole can on my keyboard..

RIP.
We had some good times..

Good thing I had another one in the fridge.

A spill

While doing a lab experiment I was listening to music by a band who's bassist was a known drug abuser. During his solo, I slipped on some spilled vinegar & lost my grip on a beaker full of sodium hydroxide.
Looks like while he was tripping on acid dropping the bass, I was tripping on acid dro...

When is the best time to clean up an oil spill?

At the crack of Dawn(tm)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Day 12 of quarantine: I traversed the microwave and accidentally spilled ice all over the kitchen floor. Girlfriend was pissed

but it’s all water under the fridge now

Credit u/kelly240361

I spilled all my vodka today

It was an Absolut loss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the truckload of cocktail straws and lemon rinds that crashed in a cemetery and spilled into an open grave?

Plot twist!

My second joke: The 10 year old cannibal spilled his soup,

So his mother gave him and earful.

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway

It caused a traffic jam

A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.

The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll bet you 10,000 dollars you can slide an empty pint down the table and I can piss it full to the top without spilling a drop before it stops…”

The bartender accepts the challenge and when tested the man fails miserably. He urinates all over the bar. The bartender jumps up and down and cheers as the man hands him ten thousand dollars in cash. Then the bartender notices a man crying in the corner and says “What’s his problem”
The first...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at a bar and I went up to the bartender and bet him $100 I could piss into the cup without spilling a drop on the table.

So he agreed and I ended up pissing all over the bar table. He called me a sucker and he asked me, "how could you even think you'd win the bet? You stupid?"
Then I told him, "I bet my friend a $1000 that I could piss all over your bar table."

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny "have you ever heard of the word contagious before?"

"Of course miss" Johnny replies "my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday".

"Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?"

"Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over ...

I spilled a beer on my laptop and now it won't work

Must be the Corona Virus

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his paperwork.

The poor man dyed a loan.

An Englishman, an Irishman and an Italian are taken prisoners of war...

They take the Englishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After two hours of being brutally tortured, he spills all of his secrets.

Then they take the Irishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After four hours of being bashed bloody and bruised, he...

What do you call an Asian who spills his latte on his pants?

Chai knees

What did the rust monster say after spilling someone's drink?

"I'm so sorry, it was an oxidant"

I had to call the police on my chemist teacher who spilled sodium chloride on me.

That's a salt.

A leopard is walking through the jungle when he sees a lost dachshund in the distance...

He stealthily begins to stalk up on him, intent on making a meal of him. However, the dachshund catches a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye. Knowing that there's no way he can win a footrace against a leopard, he decides to employ other tactics; he sits down by a nearby pile of bones. Once...

On the freeway, a truck spilled its cargo of strawberries, which were then crushed by the cars followed behind.

Caused a traffic jam.

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

What color does your skin turn if you spill molten gold on it?

Au-burn

Have your ever spilled your breakfast on your pants?

It's pure egg-on-knee

A truck load of Tylenol spills onto a baker’s assistant in a terrible crash

The headline read: ‘Pills bury dough boy.’

I saw a woman at the fuel pump spill gasoline on her arm and then light a cigarette.

The police arrested her for waving a firearm.

7 thousand gallons of gin have spilled on the highway.

Now every lane is the sloe lane.

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....”

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!”

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!”
...

What do you call a victim of an urban oil spill?

A city slicker

I spilled my drink on the first guitar I ever had.

I was about to throw it out, but there's a lot of water under the bridge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidently spilled vanishing cream on my gerbil Lenny, and thus immediately took him to our vet

Bastard said he couldn't see him right now.

Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge...

Unwelcome and hard to get rid of.

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

One time I tripped and spilled my drink on someone in the middle of a joke they were telling.

I never heard the end of it.

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

Snow White once spilled Sprite on herself

So she started changing in front of the dwarves, then they had 7 up

I accidentally spilled my coffee on an Indian friend's dress

I told her I'm sari.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a man spills Merlot on a woman's breasts?

A Harvey Wine Stain.

I spilled all of my peroxynitrite in the middle of an experiment

I was like : " ONOO^- "

Earlier today, my friend was in the kitchen and spilled hot queso all over her feet.

Guess she had Tostitos.

What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine?

Do we have any papal towels?

Today morning, I spilled tea on my shirt

It became a T-shirt

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

Whats the first thing you do when you spill something on your keyboard?

Try to disable sticky keys.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am. My...

My wife called me an alcoholic, and I was so taken aback I spilled my drink...

But I was able to wring out the placemat back into the glass, so everything's ok!

BREAKING: An 18 wheeler full of wigs and toupees crashes and spills over the I-95 interstate at 1:30pm today.

Police are still combing the area.

I accidentally spilled my bottle of rum on the floor.

I was let down because I thought I'd be the one getting wasted.

My roommate seemed like he was in denial when I told him I spilled all his protein powder...

...he just kept saying "no whey, no whey"

A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

I just spilled milk all over my new iPhone.

I could return it in time, once I find the cereal number.

I guess aliens don't exist, I'm pretty sure Trump would've spilled the beans, unless he's keeping them secret until next election...

... so he can run on the campaign of "building a roof to keep America safe from aliens."

My son wouldn't stop crying when he spilled the last Dr. Pepper on his feet.

He was soda feeted.

What do you call a hispanic man who spilled his nachos?

A messycan

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