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A truck carrying thousands of copies of “Merriam-Webster’s Thesaurus” overturned on I-91 shortly after leaving its distribution facility in Springfield, MA, spilling its cargo all over the highway.

Witnesses were aghast, astonished, bewildered, confounded, confused, dazed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, numbed, paralyzed, rattled, shocked, startled, stunned, stupefied, and surprised.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road

I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

Vader's son spill some hot coffee on himself

He isn't burnt, just lukewarm

I accidentally spilled a coconut milk based curry on my patella, but just a small amount.

It was only a Thai knee issue.

I got some soup from this Vietnamese restaurant for lunch, but I spilled it all over my clothes.

It was phocked up

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Kung Fu student asks his teacher

"Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated.

And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling migh...

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

A Topologist comes into work covered in coffee.

His colleague says "Oh no! Did you spill your donut?"

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Two old timers were at the old folks home

Sean turned to Paddy and asked him: if you had to choose between having Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s, which one would you chose?

Aww for Fuck’s sake, said Paddy. I’d rather spill half a glass of whiskey, than forgetting where I put the fucken bottle.

Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven rather than a cooking tray?

The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.


COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.


FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

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headaches

A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."

The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"

"I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was mi...

I thought I spilled coffee all over my keyboard.

My keyboard still works fine except one key. The spill was under control.

Someone brings their new friend over to their house for the first time.

The friend is walking through the living room when they stop at the fireplace and pick up an odd-looking jar that caught their eye. "What's this?" they ask.

The host replies, "Oh, that's my Father's ashes."

Startled, the friend turns and accidentally drops the container onto the floor ...

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A truck driver and his pet parrot are hauling a load of chickens

When all of a sudden he stops to pick up an attractive hitchhiker. He swings the door open and asks, "You want a lift?" She tells him "yes! Omg thank you!" As she starts to climb on in. When the parrot exclaims, "wanna fuck?" Which she stutters, "N-nnno." The parrot screeches, "No fuck! No ride!...

You can trust Uncle Iroh for your secrets.

He won't spill the tea.

My Irish grandfather once fell down two flights of stairs with a pint of whiskey and didn't spill a drop.

The man knew how to keep his mouth shut.

I just spilled my cup...

...and all I got was this tea shirt.

My waiter just spilled coffee all over me.

I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter.

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

An old lady had to do a urine test.

However, she wasn’t feeling like going to the lab to hand in the vial with the urine. So she asked her grandson if he could do it for her.
However, her grandson accidentally dropped the vial and spilled his grandmother’s pee all over the ground. Luckily, he was with a friend at the time, who advi...

A church got a new pastor, who the music minister immediately disliked. Eventually, their conflict spilled out into the Sunday services.

The first week, the pastor preached about commitment and how we should dedicate our lives to serving one another. The music minister led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The second week, the pastor preached about tithing and how important it was for the congregation to contributed to the chu...

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A newly married couple bought two sleeping coach cabin tickets in a train. The journey was on a weekday and not that many people buys sleeping coach

tickets for that route. Once they went inside the cabin, they saw no one was around. They smirked at each other meaning they could make love vigorously during the journey as they were alone. But suddenly, breaking their hopes came an old bearded religious man wearing long white robes.
They began...

I spilled some coffee on my keyboard,

Now i have no escape.

Rules are Rules

A farmer’s boy woke up and went to the kitchen to get breakfast. The mother told him that he would get it after his chores were done. He stomps out angrily and heads out to clean the chicken. While going about it, a chicken pecks him and he kicks it. He goes to the pigsty and when one pig knocks him...

My brother spilled apple juice on my laptop

It was a cider attack

What do you get when you spill chlorine

Fluorine

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I had such a horrible day at work. Some dick head spilled milk on me. Rude right?

How dairy.

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident.

It was a real bonding experience.

A truck full of hair restorer tonic overturned and spilled on the freeway today

Police are combing the area

The Boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but

yesterday, this conversation happened.

Boss: Abdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop.
How do you manage that over these stairs?

Abdul: Sir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put...

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A man was on a golf course near Doonbeg Ireland and was about to dip his hand in a lake to take a drink of water when the groundskeeper yelled ...

“Oy! - Dinna peut ya haand en a loch! It’s feeeled wi coo piss n coo shite!”

“Hey” - said the man. "I just bought this golf course and we’re going to have the best groundskeepers. The best. I've been talking about it for a long time, along with many other subjects, frankly. What you just said...

My wife screamed at me for spilling the gravy.

That’s when I realized it was all over.

"Sorry about all that ice I spilled in your kitchen earlier", my friend said.

I told him, "Don't worry about it, it's all water under the fridge now".

Damn I must be an annoying person to be around

I spilled my vegan protein shake while doing crossfit which short circuited my Arch Linux computer. There is no god.

A truck overturned this morning spilling cabbage all over the highway.

It was horrific! I slaw it happen!

Went out for sushi last night

And a guy spilled a whole bottle of soy sauce on himself. Everyone laughed except me. Don‘t Kikkoman when he’s down

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My brother told me a joke about spilled sewerage

It was a shit joke.

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One of my favourite jokes from one of my favourite movies, Desperado. Originally delivered by my favourite director, Quentin Tarantino

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says...

I spilled a condiment all over my legs today.

Now I got mayo knees.

I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he’s gone.

I know it’s not original or anything, it was just stuck in my head and had to get it out, please don’t hate.

“omg it’s cake day, quick, repost a cake joke!”

“Nah, i’m batter than that”

What is worst - Alzheimers or Parkinsons?

Alzheimers. Because its better to spill your beer than forget where you put it.

The Chemical

*One day a boy came home from school. when his grandfather saw him and noticed that his index finger was still and did not move. The grandfather asked him: My dear grandson, why is your finger like this? The boy replied: In the chemistry lab, a chemical was spilled on my finger and the school doctor...

I was drinking beer at the computer and spilled a whole can on my keyboard..

RIP.
We had some good times..

Good thing I had another one in the fridge.

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Day 12 of quarantine: I traversed the microwave and accidentally spilled ice all over the kitchen floor. Girlfriend was pissed

but it’s all water under the fridge now


Credit u/kelly240361

Random insightful life (by Bob Gray)

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The...

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Did you hear about the truckload of cocktail straws and lemon rinds that crashed in a cemetery and spilled into an open grave?

Plot twist!

A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway

It caused a traffic jam

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.

The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!

My second joke: The 10 year old cannibal spilled his soup,

So his mother gave him and earful.

I spilled all my vodka today

It was an Absolut loss

A spill

While doing a lab experiment I was listening to music by a band who's bassist was a known drug abuser. During his solo, I slipped on some spilled vinegar & lost my grip on a beaker full of sodium hydroxide.
Looks like while he was tripping on acid dropping the bass, I was tripping on acid dro...

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water".

Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

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I was at a bar and I went up to the bartender and bet him $100 I could piss into the cup without spilling a drop on the table.

So he agreed and I ended up pissing all over the bar table. He called me a sucker and he asked me, "how could you even think you'd win the bet? You stupid?"
Then I told him, "I bet my friend a $1000 that I could piss all over your bar table."

After a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude….

After a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

“Ladies and Gentleman, this is your Captain. Welcome to flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight, so sit back, relax and...

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

Headline: Dressy Nessi pressie gets messy Messi blessy.

Press Release:
The annual Loch Ness Foundation's black-tie fundraiser and press conference was ruined when the priest saying an opening prayer spilled coffee on an Argentinian soccer star's tuxedo.

What did the rust monster say after spilling someone's drink?

"I'm so sorry, it was an oxidant"

I spilled a beer on my laptop and now it won't work

Must be the Corona Virus

When is the best time to clean up an oil spill?

At the crack of Dawn(tm)

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his paperwork.

The poor man dyed a loan.

I had to call the police on my chemist teacher who spilled sodium chloride on me.

That's a salt.

An Old Lady Walks Down the Street with 20 Dollar Bills Spilling from Her Bags...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”
<...

On the freeway, a truck spilled its cargo of strawberries, which were then crushed by the cars followed behind.

Caused a traffic jam.

Amazing Really

A man spills a new RNA virus on himself and immediately begins turning into corn. He rushes into the doctors office and says "help me doc, can you do something about it?!"

The doctor says, "I have a theory on what we can do".

The man says, "I'm all ears."

By mistake his Phone rang in Church during prayers...

The Priest scolded him ...

After prayers, the congregation admonished him for interrupting the silence.

His wife lectured him on his carelessness until they got home.

One could see the shame, embarrassment n humiliation on his face !!

*He has never stepped into the Church...

What do you get when you spill cheese on an Apple product?

Mac n Cheese

What do you call an Asian who spills his latte on his pants?

Chai knees

I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…

…but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant!

Have your ever spilled your breakfast on your pants?

It's pure egg-on-knee

I was at a restaurant, and spilled soup on my jeans.

I called for there server: "Waitress, there's soup in my fly"

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

A new bartender is working the saloon in Dodge City

When a cowboy burst through the doors from the street shouting, "Look out everybody, Big Bill Johnson is coming to town!"

The saloon burst into a panicked commotion as everyone scrambled for the door. In the rush, the bartender is knocked down and passes out.

When he came to, he heard...

A man and his wife are out to dinner when the wife drops spaghetti

Wife: “Dang it! I look like a pig!”

Husband: “And you spilled on your shirt.”

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....” Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!” Then silence...

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!”
r>A voice from the back of the plane yelled, “Why don’t you come here and see ours?”

What color does your skin turn if you spill molten gold on it?

Au-burn

A truck load of Tylenol spills onto a baker’s assistant in a terrible crash

The headline read: ‘Pills bury dough boy.’

One time I tripped and spilled my drink on someone in the middle of a joke they were telling.

I never heard the end of it.

I saw a woman at the fuel pump spill gasoline on her arm and then light a cigarette.

The police arrested her for waving a firearm.

7 thousand gallons of gin have spilled on the highway.

Now every lane is the sloe lane.

I spilled my drink on the first guitar I ever had.

I was about to throw it out, but there's a lot of water under the bridge.

I spilled coffee all over my Macbook...

...now it won't go to sleep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidently spilled vanishing cream on my gerbil Lenny, and thus immediately took him to our vet

Bastard said he couldn't see him right now.

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Harold and Phil are out golfing

Phil craves a smoke, so he pulls out a cigarette and asks Harold if he has a light.

"Sure", says Harold. He reaches into his golf bag and pulls out a massive foot-long gas lighter.

"Wow, where did you get that huge lighter?" asks Phil.

"My genie", says Harold.

"Your... ge...

Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge...

Unwelcome and hard to get rid of.

I was out mowing my lawn...

I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.

The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.

I tried catch it, but it wen...

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

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The problem with sex in the movies is,

that the popcorn usually spills.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll bet you 10,000 dollars you can slide an empty pint down the table and I can piss it full to the top without spilling a drop before it stops…”

The bartender accepts the challenge and when tested the man fails miserably. He urinates all over the bar. The bartender jumps up and down and cheers as the man hands him ten thousand dollars in cash. Then the bartender notices a man crying in the corner and says “What’s his problem”
The first...

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

Snow White once spilled Sprite on herself

So she started changing in front of the dwarves, then they had 7 up

What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine?

Do we have any papal towels?

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

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What do you call it when a man spills Merlot on a woman's breasts?

A Harvey Wine Stain.

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Captain's cabin broadcast:

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you again on board. Currently, we are flying over the Atlantic ocean, our height is 10000 meters and our speed is 900kph. Air temperature... shit! Fuck! Oh my god! No!

Captains go silent. Passengers are white as chalk, panic, scream...

A mi...

I spilled all of my peroxynitrite in the middle of an experiment

I was like : " ONOO^- "

My wife called me an alcoholic, and I was so taken aback I spilled my drink...

But I was able to wring out the placemat back into the glass, so everything's ok!

Today morning, I spilled tea on my shirt

It became a T-shirt

An Englishman, an Irishman and an Italian are taken prisoners of war...

They take the Englishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After two hours of being brutally tortured, he spills all of his secrets.

Then they take the Irishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After four hours of being bashed bloody and bruised, he...

Earlier today, my friend was in the kitchen and spilled hot queso all over her feet.

Guess she had Tostitos.

I spilled spot remover on my Dog....

Now he's gone.

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

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