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Spill Jokes

Man 1: I heard you had an accident at the pottery studio yesterday. Did you spill glaze all over a woman?

Man 2: Glazed her? Damn near kilned her.

I spilled spot remover on my dog

Dog gone

What did the man say when he spilled a drink?

This one's on me.

My waiter just spilled coffee all over me.

I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter.

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water".

Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

I was kicked out of my weight watchers meeting yesterday, because I spilled a bag of M&M's on the floor.

It was the best game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo I've ever seen.

A tanker ship carrying dark purple ink ran around on a deserted island, spilling its contents.

Sadly, the entire crew was marooned.

What did the native do after he spilled his tea?

he became naive.

I spilled the bag of coffee at work.

My boss said it was Grounds for dismissal.

Vader's son spill some hot coffee on himself

He isn't burnt, just lukewarm

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road

I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

C and C++ walk into a bar...

After a few hours, C gets sloppy drunk and spills its drink all over C++. Outraged, C++ shouts, "good God C! Have you no class??"

A spill

While doing a lab experiment I was listening to music by a band who's bassist was a known drug abuser. During his solo, I slipped on some spilled vinegar & lost my grip on a beaker full of sodium hydroxide.
Looks like while he was tripping on acid dropping the bass, I was tripping on acid dro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

...

I just spilled my cup...

...and all I got was this tea shirt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favourite jokes from one of my favourite movies, Desperado. Originally delivered by my favourite director, Quentin Tarantino

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says...

I went to a restaurant and a waiter spilled chowder down my trousers, so I said...

Waiter, waiter...there's soup in my fly!

I thought I spilled coffee all over my keyboard.

My keyboard still works fine except one key. The spill was under control.

"Sorry about all that ice I spilled in your kitchen earlier", my friend said.

I told him, "Don't worry about it, it's all water under the fridge now".

What do you get when you spill chlorine

Fluorine

I spilled coffee all over my Macbook...

...now it won't go to sleep.

I spilled all my vodka today

It was an Absolut loss

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny "have you ever heard of the word contagious before?"

"Of course miss" Johnny replies "my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday".

"Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?"

"Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over ...

I accidentally spilled a coconut milk based curry on my patella, but just a small amount.

It was only a Thai knee issue.

My wife screamed at me for spilling the gravy.

That’s when I realized it was all over.

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven rather than a cooking tray?

The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.

I spilled a condiment all over my legs today.

Now I got mayo knees.

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....”

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!”

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!”
...

A truck overturned this morning spilling cabbage all over the highway.

It was horrific! I slaw it happen!

A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway

It caused a traffic jam

A truck full of hair restorer tonic overturned and spilled on the freeway today

Police are combing the area

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:

“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living...

When is the best time to clean up an oil spill?

At the crack of Dawn(tm)

An Old Lady Walks Down the Street with 20 Dollar Bills Spilling from Her Bags...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”
<...

My second joke: The 10 year old cannibal spilled his soup,

So his mother gave him and earful.

What did the rust monster say after spilling someone's drink?

"I'm so sorry, it was an oxidant"

Have your ever spilled your breakfast on your pants?

It's pure egg-on-knee

An Englishman, an Irishman and an Italian are taken prisoners of war...

They take the Englishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After two hours of being brutally tortured, he spills all of his secrets.

Then they take the Irishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After four hours of being bashed bloody and bruised, he...

My Irish grandfather once fell down two flights of stairs with a pint of whiskey and didn't spill a drop.

The man knew how to keep his mouth shut.

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

Why should you never share secrets with a burrito?

They tend to spill the beans

7 thousand gallons of gin have spilled on the highway.

Now every lane is the sloe lane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had such a horrible day at work. Some dick head spilled milk on me. Rude right?

How dairy.

Teacher gave her class this assignment: ask your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it.

**Teacher gave her class this assignment: ask your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it.**

Following day the kids came back and one by one go through their stories.

There were all the regular things - never too old to learn, never give up, no crying over spilled mi...

I spilled a beer on my laptop and now it won't work

Must be the Corona Virus

I was drinking beer at the computer and spilled a whole can on my keyboard..

RIP.
We had some good times..

Good thing I had another one in the fridge.

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident.

It was a real bonding experience.

What do you call an Asian who spills his latte on his pants?

Chai knees

Today morning, I spilled tea on my shirt

It became a T-shirt

What do you call a victim of an urban oil spill?

A city slicker

I spilled my drink on the first guitar I ever had.

I was about to throw it out, but there's a lot of water under the bridge.

What color does your skin turn if you spill molten gold on it?

Au-burn

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

A church got a new pastor, who the music minister immediately disliked. Eventually, their conflict spilled out into the Sunday services.

The first week, the pastor preached about commitment and how we should dedicate our lives to serving one another. The music minister led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The second week, the pastor preached about tithing and how important it was for the congregation to contributed to the chu...

A leopard is walking through the jungle when he sees a lost dachshund in the distance...

He stealthily begins to stalk up on him, intent on making a meal of him. However, the dachshund catches a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye. Knowing that there's no way he can win a footrace against a leopard, he decides to employ other tactics; he sits down by a nearby pile of bones. Once...

I accidentally spilled my coffee on an Indian friend's dress

I told her I'm sari.

A truck carrying thousands of copies of “Merriam-Webster’s Thesaurus” overturned on I-91 shortly after leaving its distribution facility in Springfield, MA, spilling its cargo all over the highway.

Witnesses were aghast, astonished, bewildered, confounded, confused, dazed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, numbed, paralyzed, rattled, shocked, startled, stunned, stupefied, and surprised.

I had to call the police on my chemist teacher who spilled sodium chloride on me.

That's a salt.

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine?

Do we have any papal towels?

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

A truck load of Tylenol spills onto a baker’s assistant in a terrible crash

The headline read: ‘Pills bury dough boy.’

I saw a woman at the fuel pump spill gasoline on her arm and then light a cigarette.

The police arrested her for waving a firearm.

I accidentally spilled my bottle of rum on the floor.

I was let down because I thought I'd be the one getting wasted.

I just spilled milk all over my new iPhone.

I could return it in time, once I find the cereal number.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Day 12 of quarantine: I traversed the microwave and accidentally spilled ice all over the kitchen floor. Girlfriend was pissed

but it’s all water under the fridge now


Credit u/kelly240361

I spilled all of my peroxynitrite in the middle of an experiment

I was like : " ONOO^- "

Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee...

Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?

John: That's easy! Before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip, and as I get to the top, I put it back in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidently spilled vanishing cream on my gerbil Lenny, and thus immediately took him to our vet

Bastard said he couldn't see him right now.

I got fired from the top secret Heinz factory the other day...

I spilled the beans.

Whats the first thing you do when you spill something on your keyboard?

Try to disable sticky keys.

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

On the freeway, a truck spilled its cargo of strawberries, which were then crushed by the cars followed behind.

Caused a traffic jam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a man spills Merlot on a woman's breasts?

A Harvey Wine Stain.

Went out for sushi last night

And a guy spilled a whole bottle of soy sauce on himself. Everyone laughed except me. Don‘t Kikkoman when he’s down

What do you call a hispanic man who spilled his nachos?

A messycan

What do you do when a girl spills booze on herself...

You Liquor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the truckload of cocktail straws and lemon rinds that crashed in a cemetery and spilled into an open grave?

Plot twist!

Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge...

Unwelcome and hard to get rid of.

What STD can you get from spilling soda on your crotch?

Pep C

Partied so hard last night I spilled Kool-Aide on my cocaine

Punchline

I was at a café when a Frenchman spilled water on himself.

It was a pretty l'eau point in his life.

(L'eau is French for water)

I brought my wife coffee in bed this morning. She got excited, hot and wet.

Yeah, I spilled it on her..

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