James: A Headache ma'am.

Once,because the next time would be 90-10

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

And pray you don't multiply...

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

I’m hanging with a family member in the hospital right now. I need some good jokes to keep spirits up and keep patients mind off the pain! Please help me out!

I’m hanging with a family member in the hospital right now. I need some good jokes to keep spirits up and keep patients mind off the pain! Please help me out!

"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 20 years of his life."

Me: You mean by addition?

Him: No, by subtraction.

Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3? Idk

Him: You know this world would be a better place if people like you don’t overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” dumbass

Him: No, by subtraction.

Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3? Idk

Him: You know this world would be a better place if people like you don’t overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” dumbass

I failed math.

The opposite of right..

But goddamn are they good at dividing.

To get even

I just want to make a difference.

He made no difference.

The Odor of Operations

they sure do know how to Multiply .

Because he promised to make a difference!

Delta blues.

Because he wanted to make a difference.

My first original, time for open mic!

My first original, time for open mic!

Johny: "1 minus 1?"

Teacher: "Yes. If you subtract one from one, what do you get?"

Johny: "One."

Teacher: "No, Johny, Try again."

Johny: "Two."

Teacher: "Ok, let's do it this way: if you have only one potato chip left in a frying pan and you take it out of the pan,...

Teacher: "Yes. If you subtract one from one, what do you get?"

Johny: "One."

Teacher: "No, Johny, Try again."

Johny: "Two."

Teacher: "Ok, let's do it this way: if you have only one potato chip left in a frying pan and you take it out of the pan,...

I gulped as the muscular specimen strode over to my driver's window and said, "Problem, sir?"

I said, "Uh... sure." Scratching my forehead. "What is 120 subtract 42?"

I said, "Uh... sure." Scratching my forehead. "What is 120 subtract 42?"

I dont know but it would be Hillary Us.

Nothing was left in the aftermath.

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of...

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of...

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"

The man thought for a moment and answered, "274."

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is thr...

The man thought for a moment and answered, "274."

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is thr...

When they happened to come upon an old well. One person looks at the other and says, "I wonder how deep that well is."

The other responds, "We can figure that out quick enough. Grab one of these logs here, toss it down the well, and count how long it takes to splash."

So the two find a...

The other responds, "We can figure that out quick enough. Grab one of these logs here, toss it down the well, and count how long it takes to splash."

So the two find a...

It's called subtraction.

..giving a lesson on subtraction. She calls on Johnny the juvenile in the back of the room for an answer:

"Johnny, let's say there are 5 birds on a wire and you shoot 1 of them with your BB gun, how many birds are left?"

Johnny replies "0"

Confused, she asks for an explanation ...

"Johnny, let's say there are 5 birds on a wire and you shoot 1 of them with your BB gun, how many birds are left?"

Johnny replies "0"

Confused, she asks for an explanation ...

Think of a number between 2 & 5.

Now times it by 9.

Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).

Now subtract that number by 5.

Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).

After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

Now times it by 9.

Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).

Now subtract that number by 5.

Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).

After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

Add 32 to it, then multiply your answer by 2. Subtract 2. Now close your eyes.

It's dark, isnt it?

It's dark, isnt it?

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay £1.

The sixth would pay £3.

The se...

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay £1.

The sixth would pay £3.

The se...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

and his teacher kept saying "You're going to be the death of me." because of how bad he was at all his subjects.

One day, the school had enough and decided to expel little Johnny, and in the meeting with his parents, the principal said "Ma'am, your son cannot stay in this school, he can't rea...

One day, the school had enough and decided to expel little Johnny, and in the meeting with his parents, the principal said "Ma'am, your son cannot stay in this school, he can't rea...

The class was learning subtraction with big numbers today, and the teacher decided to use money as the unit of measurement. Johnny hadn't been paying much attention, so the teacher called on him, "Little Johnny, if you start with $1000 and gave $150 to Lucy, $150 to Suzy and $200 to Brittany, what w...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?

First guy answers: "Potato."

Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?

"Tuesday." Replies a second.

Wrong again.

"Six!" Answers a third.

Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?

"Simp...

How much is 9 minus 3?

First guy answers: "Potato."

Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?

"Tuesday." Replies a second.

Wrong again.

"Six!" Answers a third.

Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?

"Simp...

Me (after having taught her subtraction): "So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"

"They're just two different numbers!"

"They're just two different numbers!"

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

and in particular enjoys teaching mathematics and crafting. However, one year, his students are rather uninterested in their arithmetic homework. Since John is a dedicated teacher, he decides to come up with a new way to teach his students.

He takes some cubical blocks of wood, and writes va...

He takes some cubical blocks of wood, and writes va...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

... and the police hire a detective to find out who murdered her. After doing some research he concludes the murder must have taken place between 1 and 3 pm that day. One of the suspects is the first grade teacher. The detective asks him what he was doing between 1 and 3 pm that day.

The tea...

The tea...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

I should really try to get better at subtraction.

All married men will attest to some real wisdom in this message. In the world of romance, one single rule applies: MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing s...

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing s...

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