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Sex is alot like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs....

And pray you don't multiply...

The next song is all about subtractions...

Take it away boys.

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.


I’m hanging with a family member in the hospital right now. I need some good jokes to keep spirits up and keep patients mind off the pain! Please help me out!

My life used to centre on math, additions and subtractions until I found a quote that expanded my worldview

"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 20 years of his life."

A mathematician asked me to turn 6 into 9 by subtraction

Me: You mean by addition?

Him: No, by subtraction.

Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3? Idk

Him: You know this world would be a better place if people like you don’t overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” dumbass

My math teacher said she only teaches subtraction... because she wants to make a difference.

I failed math.

Addition, subtraction and multiplication might be difficult for Americans.

But goddamn are they good at dividing.

The class was learning about subtraction and the teacher calls on little Johnnie to solve a problem.

“Johnnie, suppose there are five birds sitting on a fence together and you throw a rock at one of them. How many are left?”

Johnnie ponders the question for a moment and finally replies enthusiastically: “Zero!”

The teacher frowns. “How did you arrive at that answer?” She asks.
...

Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What's left?

The opposite of right..

Odd numbers torment me a lot. So, I subtract them by 1

To get even

What do you get when multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction don't shower for a month?

The Odor of Operations

Once a lady asked me to guess her age. I don’t like playing this game but she insisted. I gave her a good look, estimated her age, and subtracted 10 years just to be safe. “37” I said.

Well for a 26 yo she threw quite the fit.

I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction..

I just want to make a difference.

Three elderly men...

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"

The man thought for a moment and answered, "274."

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is thr...

Did you hear about the guy with a fear of subtraction?

He made no difference.

Rabbits don't know Addition or Subtraction but

they sure do know how to Multiply .

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?


"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of...

Why was the subtraction sign elected president?

Because he promised to make a difference!

Math/music joke: What do you get when you subtract original blues from modern blues?

Delta blues.

I accidentally destroyed my home by subtracting (2*5) from 10.

Nothing was left in the aftermath.

Why did the philanthropist learn how to subtract?

Because he wanted to make a difference.

My first original, time for open mic!

There once were two people out in the woods...

When they happened to come upon an old well. One person looks at the other and says, "I wonder how deep that well is."

The other responds, "We can figure that out quick enough. Grab one of these logs here, toss it down the well, and count how long it takes to splash."

So the two find a...

Whats would happens if you added Hillary Clinton and the USA and subtracted an A?

I dont know but it would be Hillary Us.

No matter how big or small, you can make a difference.

It's called subtraction.

Marsha the Math teacher was.....

..giving a lesson on subtraction. She calls on Johnny the juvenile in the back of the room for an answer:

"Johnny, let's say there are 5 birds on a wire and you shoot 1 of them with your BB gun, how many birds are left?"

Johnny replies "0"

Confused, she asks for an explanation ...

A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.
Now times it by 9.
Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).
Now subtract that number by 5.
Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).
After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

Think of a number between 1 - 20

Add 45

Multiply by 2

Subtract 1

Now close your eyes
#
#
>!It's dark isn't it?!<

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A girl was going to study for her AP exams... [long]

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

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Little Johnny was a fucking idiot...

and his teacher kept saying "You're going to be the death of me." because of how bad he was at all his subjects.

One day, the school had enough and decided to expel little Johnny, and in the meeting with his parents, the principal said "Ma'am, your son cannot stay in this school, he can't rea...

Little Johnny was in math class

The class was learning subtraction with big numbers today, and the teacher decided to use money as the unit of measurement. Johnny hadn't been paying much attention, so the teacher called on him, "Little Johnny, if you start with $1000 and gave $150 to Lucy, $150 to Suzy and $200 to Brittany, what w...

Tax.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The se...

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Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

From my 6yo

Me (after having taught her subtraction): "So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"

"They're just two different numbers!"

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John is an elementary school teacher,

and in particular enjoys teaching mathematics and crafting. However, one year, his students are rather uninterested in their arithmetic homework. Since John is a dedicated teacher, he decides to come up with a new way to teach his students.

He takes some cubical blocks of wood, and writes va...

A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simp...

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Some funny pick up lines

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

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A 5th grade teacher is found dead in the basement of an elementary school...

... and the police hire a detective to find out who murdered her. After doing some research he concludes the murder must have taken place between 1 and 3 pm that day. One of the suspects is the first grade teacher. The detective asks him what he was doing between 1 and 3 pm that day.

The tea...

With four days left until the end of the world...

I should really try to get better at subtraction.

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