UPJOKE

### How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

### To my elementary school math teacher who first taught me subtraction…

…Thank you for encouraging me to make a difference.

### How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

I’m hanging with a family member in the hospital right now. I need some good jokes to keep spirits up and keep patients mind off the pain! Please help me out!

### Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What's left?

The opposite of right..

### A mathematician asked me to turn 6 into 9 by subtraction

Him: No, by subtraction.

Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3? Idk

Him: You know this world would be a better place if people like you don’t overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” dumbass

### The next song is all about subtractions...

Take it away boys.

### Why was the subtraction sign elected president?

Because he promised to make a difference!

### Rabbits don't know Addition or Subtraction but

they sure do know how to Multiply .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Donald Trump was asked " what is 2+2"??

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'Sir!, What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Ad...

### Odd numbers torment me a lot. So, I subtract them by 1

To get even

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Sex is like math

You add the bed, subtract the clothes, and divide the legs — then hope you don't multiply.

### Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition...

### My life used to centre on math, additions and subtractions until I found a quote that expanded my worldview

"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 20 years of his life."

### Why did the philanthropist learn how to subtract?

Because he wanted to make a difference.

My first original, time for open mic!

### What do you get when multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction don't shower for a month?

The Odor of Operations

Delta blues.

### I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction..

I just want to make a difference.

### I accidentally destroyed my home by subtracting (2*5) from 10.

Nothing was left in the aftermath.

### Whats would happens if you added Hillary Clinton and the USA and subtracted an A?

I dont know but it would be Hillary Us.

### A joke for all the old geezers.....

A doctor is sent to a nursing home to test the minds and memories of the residents. To save time, she interviews them in groups of three. The first group she meets with consists of three men.
Turning to the first one, she asks, “What’s nine times thirteen?”
“That would be four hundred and si...

### New Income Tax Form

New simplified income tax form has only four lines:

2. How much tax have you already paid?

3. Subtract #2 from #1.

4. Send in the result from #3.

### Quiz

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

### From my 6yo

Me (after having taught her subtraction): "So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"

"They're just two different numbers!"

### I was tailgating this guy down the street when he stopped his car and got out.

I gulped as the muscular specimen strode over to my driver's window and said, "Problem, sir?"

I said, "Uh... sure." Scratching my forehead. "What is 120 subtract 42?"

### Teacher: "What's 1 minus 1?"

Johny: "1 minus 1?"

Teacher: "Yes. If you subtract one from one, what do you get?"

Johny: "One."

Teacher: "No, Johny, Try again."

Johny: "Two."

Teacher: "Ok, let's do it this way: if you have only one potato chip left in a frying pan and you take it out of the pan,...

### No matter how big or small, you can make a difference.

It's called subtraction.

### Aryabhatta, an Indian scientist invented zero in 5 BC.

Legends say that he invented a time machine before zero. He traveled 2011 years in future and counted the number of original jokes on this sub and subtracted the value by 1, this led to the discovery of zero.

Yes this one is an original joke.

### A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.
Now times it by 9.
Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).
Now subtract that number by 5.
Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).
After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

### There once were two people out in the woods...

When they happened to come upon an old well. One person looks at the other and says, "I wonder how deep that well is."

The other responds, "We can figure that out quick enough. Grab one of these logs here, toss it down the well, and count how long it takes to splash."

So the two find a...

### Tax.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The se...

### A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simp...

### Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

### Little Johnny was in math class

The class was learning subtraction with big numbers today, and the teacher decided to use money as the unit of measurement. Johnny hadn't been paying much attention, so the teacher called on him, "Little Johnny, if you start with \$1000 and gave \$150 to Lucy, \$150 to Suzy and \$200 to Brittany, what w...

### With four days left until the end of the world...

I should really try to get better at subtraction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A girl was going to study for her AP exams... [long]

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

### I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Retiring from the British Army can be complicated. (Long)

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A 5th grade teacher is found dead in the basement of an elementary school...

... and the police hire a detective to find out who murdered her. After doing some research he concludes the murder must have taken place between 1 and 3 pm that day. One of the suspects is the first grade teacher. The detective asks him what he was doing between 1 and 3 pm that day.

The tea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Some funny pick up lines

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...