UPJOKE

deductadditionmultiplicationarithmeticcalculatereducemultiplysubtractiontake offcomputefractionnegative numberaccrueremainderadjust

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

I’m hanging with a family member in the hospital right now. I need some good jokes to keep spirits up and keep patients mind off the pain! Please help me out!

I’m hanging with a family member in the hospital right now. I need some good jokes to keep spirits up and keep patients mind off the pain! Please help me out!

The opposite of right..

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'Sir!, What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Ad...

Me: You mean by addition?

Him: No, by subtraction.

Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3? Idk

Him: You know this world would be a better place if people like you don’t overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” dumbass

Him: No, by subtraction.

Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3? Idk

Him: You know this world would be a better place if people like you don’t overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” dumbass

James: A Headache ma'am.

"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 20 years of his life."

A mathamachicken.

To get even

Take it away boys.

I failed math.

The Odor of Operations

Because he promised to make a difference!

they sure do know how to Multiply .

Delta blues.

He made no difference.

I just want to make a difference.

Nothing was left in the aftermath.

I dont know but it would be Hillary Us.

Because he wanted to make a difference.

My first original, time for open mic!

My first original, time for open mic!

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay £1.

The sixth would pay £3.

The se...

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay £1.

The sixth would pay £3.

The se...

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition...

A doctor is sent to a nursing home to test the minds and memories of the residents. To save time, she interviews them in groups of three. The first group she meets with consists of three men.

Turning to the first one, she asks, “What’s nine times thirteen?”

“That would be four hundred and si...

Turning to the first one, she asks, “What’s nine times thirteen?”

“That would be four hundred and si...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Subtract your girlfriend's clothes, square root her, divide her legs, add your penis, and hope you don't multiply.

Me (after having taught her subtraction): "So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"

"They're just two different numbers!"

"They're just two different numbers!"

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third ma...

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third ma...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...

When they happened to come upon an old well. One person looks at the other and says, "I wonder how deep that well is."

The other responds, "We can figure that out quick enough. Grab one of these logs here, toss it down the well, and count how long it takes to splash."

So the two find a...

The other responds, "We can figure that out quick enough. Grab one of these logs here, toss it down the well, and count how long it takes to splash."

So the two find a...

Johny: "1 minus 1?"

Teacher: "Yes. If you subtract one from one, what do you get?"

Johny: "One."

Teacher: "No, Johny, Try again."

Johny: "Two."

Teacher: "Ok, let's do it this way: if you have only one potato chip left in a frying pan and you take it out of the pan,...

Teacher: "Yes. If you subtract one from one, what do you get?"

Johny: "One."

Teacher: "No, Johny, Try again."

Johny: "Two."

Teacher: "Ok, let's do it this way: if you have only one potato chip left in a frying pan and you take it out of the pan,...

I gulped as the muscular specimen strode over to my driver's window and said, "Problem, sir?"

I said, "Uh... sure." Scratching my forehead. "What is 120 subtract 42?"

I said, "Uh... sure." Scratching my forehead. "What is 120 subtract 42?"

Legends say that he invented a time machine before zero. He traveled 2011 years in future and counted the number of original jokes on this sub and subtracted the value by 1, this led to the discovery of zero.

Yes this one is an original joke.

Yes this one is an original joke.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

Think of a number between 2 & 5.

Now times it by 9.

Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).

Now subtract that number by 5.

Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).

After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

Now times it by 9.

Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).

Now subtract that number by 5.

Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).

After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

It's called subtraction.

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?

First guy answers: "Potato."

Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?

"Tuesday." Replies a second.

Wrong again.

"Six!" Answers a third.

Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?

"Simp...

How much is 9 minus 3?

First guy answers: "Potato."

Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?

"Tuesday." Replies a second.

Wrong again.

"Six!" Answers a third.

Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?

"Simp...

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

The class was learning subtraction with big numbers today, and the teacher decided to use money as the unit of measurement. Johnny hadn't been paying much attention, so the teacher called on him, "Little Johnny, if you start with $1000 and gave $150 to Lucy, $150 to Suzy and $200 to Brittany, what w...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

... and the police hire a detective to find out who murdered her. After doing some research he concludes the murder must have taken place between 1 and 3 pm that day. One of the suspects is the first grade teacher. The detective asks him what he was doing between 1 and 3 pm that day.

The tea...

The tea...

I should really try to get better at subtraction.

All married men will attest to some real wisdom in this message. In the world of romance, one single rule applies: MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing s...

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing s...

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