Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and his wife were at a baseball game a couple of States over.

The man after buying her a bag of peanuts realized he had no more money for a hotel room or gas to get home.

He looks at his wife and says, " I have no money, your going to have to sell your body tonight in order for us to get home!"

She said, " Alright, I'll be back in 3 hours."
...

Two baseball fanatics...

Jake and Johnny were the best of friends and fanatical about the game of baseball. While watching the World Series the two pondered if baseball existed in heaven.

"You think heaven will have baseball?," asked Jake.

"I certainly hope so!," Johnny said. "Tell you what, let's make a deal...

This is why you check for kids

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a ba...

So, after winning the ball game, I decided to throw a ball into the crowd like I've seen pro baseball players on TV do

Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A British woman was touring the United States, and decided to go to a baseball game

She didn't understand the rules, but figured she could learn them by watching everyone else.

In the first inning, a batter hit a grounder and started running to first base. The man seated next to the woman jumped to his feet and shouted, "Run, you sunnuvabitch, run!"

A couple of innin...

Why doesn’t the German Government play baseball?

Because it’s 3 Reich’s and you’re out.

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

I couldn’t remember what I was doing in baseball.

And that’s when it hit me

What’s the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?

An orphan doesn’t have a home to run to.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They dont know where home is.

What did the cheap baseball player say when he found out how expensive first class plane tickets are?

Put me in coach!

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

3 guys and 3 nuns are at a baseball game.

The 3 guys are sitting behind the nuns and they can't see over the habits the nuns are wearing. Irritated, one of the guys says, "you know, I'm gonna move to Wyoming. I hear there are only 100 nuns there."

The second guy says "I'm gonna move to Nevada. There are only 50 nuns there."

Th...

My wife woke me up in the middle of the night in a panic. She said she heard something downstairs, so I got my baseball bat.

She doesn't wake me up in the night anymore.

I wonder how she's doing in hospital.

Why are frogs good baseball players?

Because they're good at catching flies!

Why did the witches lose their baseball game

their bats flew away.

How many strikes does it take to get a French baseball team out?

None. They’re already on it.

Does anyone else realize that baseball is actually illegal?

Hit and run is a felony.

Why was the nice guy terrible at baseball?

He never got to third base.

I hate playing baseball with homeless people

For some reason, they can never find home

What's the difference between the President of the United States and the management staff of a Los Angeles baseball team?

One of them drafts Dodgers. The other dodges drafts.

What happened to the woman who beat another woman at baseball (who happened to have rabies)?

A bitter, badder batter bit her.

A guy was trying to find a parking space at a baseball game

and he was already missing the first inning, so he prayed to God and said "If you find a parking space for me I promise I'll never miss church again." Just then a car pulled out of a space right in front of him, and the guy said "Never mind, I just found one."

What did the window say when it got hit by a baseball?

I’m in pane!

Two old men had been best friends for years...

...and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in he...

Two guys are watching their sons play baseball

The first father goes, “Did you see that, my son got an in the Park home run. He’s so much better at baseball than your son.”

The second father annoyed that his friend had insulted his son responded. “My son is the Michael Jordan of baseball.

“But he sucks at baseball?”

“So does...

What do baseball pitchers and TSA agents have in common?

Fireworks go off in the sky if they do their job incorrectly.

Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

What's Donald Trump's favourite baseball team?

The Dodgers.

Where does baseball appear in the Bible?

Genesis

In the Big Inning.

Where did the baseball keep its lemonade?

In the pitcher!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Baseball is stupid

A man with four balls can not walk

This is a joke better spoken than written, but here goes anyway...

A guy walks into a bar with his dog. The bartender says, "We don't allow animals here. You're going to have to leave your dog outside." The guy replies, "No, you misunderstand. My dog can talk." Amused, the bartender tells the man that that's ridiculous and to leave his dog outside. The guy says, "F...

Where is the annual no arms and no legs baseball game held?

Wriggly Field

If only Whitney Houston could hit a baseball pitch as well as she could hit notes and pitch her voice.

She would have had the world’s best hAND EYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII coordination.

A Scotsman goes to America and attends his very baseball game.

He’s never been to a game in Scotland, nor watched a game on TV, or seen movies such as Bull Durham, The Babe or Eight Men Out.

He figures out players need to beat out the throw to first base before arriving to first base

The visiting teams pitcher throws 4 pitches out of the strike zo...

I saw Batman's son at a baseball game today.

His name was printed on the back of his shirt: "Bat Boy."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde and a trucker get into an accident on the highway

A blonde is taking her new sports car out for a drive on the highway. She cuts off a trucker and causes him to almost crash. The trucker angrily yells at her and motions for her to pull over.

They both pull over and get out of their vehicles. The truck driver takes a piece of chalk and draws...

What do you call a baseball that hasn’t been washed in over a year?

A foul ball.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Scottish man goes to his first baseball game...

The Scotsman sits down to enjoy the game and the first pitch is hit and the crowd jumps to their feet and cheers!

The man next to the Scotsman yells "RUN YOU BASTARD RUN!"

so the Scotsman echoes "RUN YOU BASTARD RUN!"

The next batter again makes contact with the pitch.

T...

Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day?

The sun never sets on the British umpire.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Baseball Coach

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside
And asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" ...

God and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.

Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said God . "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We'...

As a good luck charm my baseball team eats taco bell before every game.

To help us get more runs than our opponent.

My window loved my neighbors baseball so much that..

It fell to pieces when they met.

Some people say that baseball is a boring sport, I just tell them that with a good pitcher...

Things can get out of hand pretty quickly.

What is the difference between baseball players and London Tube drivers?

Baseball players are out after three strikes.

Why are baseball stadiums the coolest place to be?

Because it's full of fans!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

the Pope and the baseball fans

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach when there was a frantic fight just off shore. A man, wearing a Boston Red Sox jersey, was struggling to free himself from the jaws of a 25ft shark.

As the Pope ...

A baseball walks into a bar.

Bartender throws him out.

What was the score of the Ethiopian baseball game?

Eight-nothing

Who is the most basic baseball player of all time?

Al Kaline

My friend is still mad at me for putting super glue on his baseball 10 years ago.

He still can't let it go...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW In honor of my Father, his favorite joke of all time. No one could tell it like he did.

Christmas was coming and Little Johnny’s Mom and Dad took him to the mall to a see Santa Claus.

Johnny walked up and sat on Santa’s lap and said “Santa, for Christmas I want a god damn new baseball bat and I want it to be put under my god damn bed. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I...

What did Gatsby say about baseball?

Said it was an old sport.

A boy stands in his yard with a baseball and bat...

He proudly proclaims "I'm the greatest batter in the world!" He proceeds to toss the ball in the air swings with all his might. He misses and falls to the ground. "Strike one". He tosses the ball again, keeping his eye on it and swings. The ball hits the found with a thud, "strike two". He tosses t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy is at school

and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and
their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother.

"Mom", the boy asks, "What's a pussy?"

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest
dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "So...

Why was the baseball stadium in Poland a huge failure?

Pretty much anywhere you sat you were behind a Pole.

Why do baseball players sleep with random strangers?

Because they like to swing

Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat...

... and then blame it on the boyfriend


Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Why did the police arrest the baseball player?

Because he allegedly murdered his wife and kids.

An upset parent walks up to the coach of a local minor league's baseball team, "Excuse me, sir, but don't you think 'The Browns' is a racist name to have for the team?"

The coach replies, "what? No, the name is simply because the uniforms are brown. In fact, to avoid any signs of racism with the name, we don't allow any brown people on the team."