What’s the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot.

Guys will actually look for a golf ball

If you have a green ball in your left hand, a green ball in your right hand, what have you got?

The Hulk's d\*ck in your mouth.

what's the difference between a ball and a prince?

one is thrown in the air and the other is heir to the throne.

I tried to explain to my kids why the ball comes back down when they throw it up

But they don't understand the gravity of the situation

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DONT HIT THE BALL!!!

DON'T HIT THE BALL

A husband and wife were out playing golf.

They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left.

The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups.

She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball.

She hits a beauti...

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her…

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees.

"What's the second condition?"

"You mus...

What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a baby?

a bowling ball doesn’t scream when its rolled down the aisle

What happened to Cinderella when she got to the ball

She gagged

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

A tennis ball walks into a bar...

The bar man asks: “have you been served?”

Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes....

What do you call a ball during an earthquake

A Shakespeare

What do you call a dog with no back legs and steel balls?

Sparky

After I won the game I decide to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV....

Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling

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What's the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?

Most men are happy to spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.

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What's the Difference Between a Truckload of Bowling Balls and a Truck Full of Woodchucks?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitch-fork

I love these balls, they squirt in my mouth.

These bagel bites are so good.

-credit to my wife

I have invented a golf ball that if its at least 3 ft from the hole it will go in.

Just dont put them in your back pocket......

A ghost threw a ball at me once

At first i was confused......





and then it hit me...

A tennis player is leaving the court and and a guy walks up to him “Hey what’s all that in your pocket?” He says “It’s tennis balls”

They guy says “Well, if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!”

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The bank president's balls.

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's off...

Did you hear about the scientists who lightly waved a feather over a man’s balls?

It was a test tickle.

Another wooden ball?

Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?

While playing golf today I hit two good balls...

...I stepped on a rake.

As I shake the 8 ball I ask it, "Is the party tonight going to be amazing?"

8 Ball: "I'm a pile of cocaine what the hell do you think? "

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What do you have when you have two little green balls in you hand?

Kermit's undivided attention!

A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home...

As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

"Tennis ball" the man said.

"Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"

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What has 99 balls and fucks old ladies...

***Bingo***

Frieza from Dragon Ball Z gets a job as a medical receptionist

After a long day of fighting Vegeta comes into the Dr’s office to get some wounds looked at. As a new patient, Frieza directs him to fill out a hefty stack of new patient paperwork.

After some time, Vegeta brings his finished paperwork to Frieza only to be handed another stack of paperwork. ...

A man see's a guy throwing a ball for his dog at the park.

He throws the ball, the dog chases it but as he gets close to the ball he falls to the ground and starts choking. The owner doesn't seem too fazed and the man watching is about to rush to help the dog when the dog gets up, snatches the ball and brings it back to the owner. The owner throws the ball ...

If you drink the blue liquid inside a magic 8 ball you can see the future

I knew someone who did

said he was gonna die

he did

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Best pals, Frank and Paul, are out for a day of golf. On the third hole, Paul accidentally putts the ball into a field of buttercups. Determined to get the ball back onto the green, he demolishes half of the flowers in the process. As he raises his club to take another swing...POOF! Mother Nature

appears. "What have you done?!! As punishment for destroying my precious buttercups, you shall have no butter for your toast ever again. No butter for baked potatoes either. Actually, no. You shall have no butter for anything...for the rest of your life!" And then, POOF! She was gone.

In tota...

Play Ball!

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, “Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to...

When a mosquito lands on your balls,

is the moment when you realize violence is not the answer

Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So th...

Two guys walking down the street see a dog licking his balls.

Guy 1 says, "Boy I wish I could do that."
Guy 2 says, "Don't you think you should pet him first?"

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ...

A woman is out golfing when she hits her golf ball into the woods. When she goes to retrieve it, she finds a talking frog trapped beneath a fallen tree...

"Please!" the frog cries, "Help me! If you can just lift up this tree even just a little bit, I will be free! And I'll grant you three wishes!"

The woman quickly agrees, and throws her weight into the tree. She can't lift it much, as it's quite heavy, but she does manage to move it just barel...

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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.


The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.


Finally, after many side glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."


Nevertheless, ...

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Have you ever smelt moth balls ..

If so,how did you get those tiny,little legs apart.

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I named my 2 balls Jenna and Talia.

Together they are my Jenna Talia.

What do you call a fat person with a crystal ball?

Four-chin teller

Four Friends Are Out Golfing When One Of The Guys Exclaims He Has A Golf Ball That Is Impossible To Lose.

“What if you hit it in the water?” asks the first guy.
“The ball floats”
“What happens when you pound it into the deep woods?” asks player #2.
“It has a GPS and I can track it with my cell phone.”
“What about late evening golf when sunset has past?” ask the third player.
“The ba...

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I swallowed 3 whole balls of string:

I shit you knot:

This hard ball of ice fell from the sky.

I was like: What the hail?

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You know what moth balls smell like, right ?

How’d you spread their tiny legs?

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The difference between having guts and having balls!

Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your ...

Playing dodge ball with kids is so much harder than it looks

You have to use both your hands to throw them

A golfer shanks his ball clear off the course...

...and out onto the road, where it hits a passing cop car. The cop runs onto the course and writes the man a ticket for reckless driving.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

I love the smell of moth balls...

but it's so hard to hold their little legs apart.

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It took a lot of balls for my friend to go on the reality TV show “Embarrassing Bodies.”

Three actually.

To who ever stole my stress ball

I WILL SLASH YOUR THROAT!

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An old couple has decided to take their vacation in a foreign land

They've made a tight itinerary so they can see everything and left their valuables behind to keep safe. Unfortunately, neither thought to bring a watch. Worried about their schedule, they spot a man sitting next to a donkey and ask him the time. He happily assures them he can help.

Reaching u...

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I dipped my balls in some 1000 island dressing

because I have depression

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A family is having dinner at the table one evening when the son asks the father, “Dad, how many different kinds of breasts are there?”

The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering, “Well my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears – still nice but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts bec...

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Fellow shoppers enthralled by new diet...

I have two dogs and I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Sainsbury's and was standing in the queue at the till.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the h...

A man invites a friend to a hunting party in Africa

- We're going to hunt gorillas
- I've never done such a thing, how do you even hunt gorillas ?
- Well it's quite easy, all you need is a dog, a big bag, and a rifle
- OK... And how do you use them?
- Simple as that : I climb the tree, then I scare the gorilla to make it fall on the groun...

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A man who was born with three testicles

Was extremely proud and conceited with what he regarded as the equivalent of winning the genetic lottery, in an act to flaunt and put to shame others he would sit regularly outside of his house and ask each passerby.

Man: do you know the sum of your balls and mine.
Passerby (perplexed) : w...

How much is that barbie in the window?

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have, 'Barbie g...

I saw a transvestite wearing a mini skirt

I thought: "that shows a lot of balls".

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A man is golfing one day when..

He arrives to his next hole he sees a little frog had followed him. He grabs his club and readys his swing when he hears "Ribbit, 3 Wood". He looks down at the frog surprisingly, "What was that? Did you say something?" So the man pulls out his 3 wood and hits the ball. Hole in one! He couldn't beli...

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So a man was thinking about what his wife said about pregnancy.

His wife had just been arguing with him the child birth is more painful then getting hit in the balls.
He politely thought about it from both angles and realized he was right all along. Because if a woman gives birth after about a year or two she says "wouldn't it be nice to have another child", ...

Every New Year's Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time's Square

...and year after year, they drop the ball

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant. "Which Barbie? responds the worker.

"We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?"...

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A frog goes to a fortune teller.

She says,” You will meet a beautiful girl next week who will want to know intimate things about you.”
“That’s great!” Says the frog,” Where do I meet her? The swamp? The pond?”
The fortune teller gazes into her ball,” Her biology class.”

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A man goes to a camel service stop

He tells the worker "My camel won't walk, can you help?"

"Sure" He signals to the automotive lift "Put the camel on the lift"

The man drags the camel on the lift and the worker slams the camels balls with 2 bricks and it runs off

"How am i supposed to catch it now?" To which the...

After my vasectomy I was telling my wife...

I can take my arm being sore, or even my leg. That's no problem.

But this operation is a whole different ball game.

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I coughed so hard my balls hurt.

I asked the person next to me if that's ever happened to them, and my mom was like "no."

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A man walks into the bar with a monkey on his shoulder

He sits at the bar and orders a beer. As the bartender is pouring his beer the monkey jumps off his shoulder and proceeds to eat everything in sight.

He eats all the bowls of mixed nuts, eats all the popcorn, jumps over the bar and eats all the marschianno cherries and all the green olives. ...

Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?!

Because she’s always running away from the ball.

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What is relative humidity ?

When the sweat from your balls runs down your sisters leg.

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