This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has 6 balls and fucks all the poor people?

The lottery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Men born with large balls should do their best to behave modestly

Otherwise people will think they’re egotesticle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy painted glitter on his balls

Pretty nuts!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'm groping the balls of the storm."

The manager on the phone hesitated. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked his newly-hired immigrant worker.

"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice.

"I'm s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the monkey paint his balls red?

So he could hide in cherry trees.

What’s the loudest noise in the jungle? Elephants eating cherries.

Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.)

And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having "Space Balls" from here on out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a very, very unlucky man with a single testicle.

One day, he went on a plane. Unfortunately, a malfunction occurred. The flight crew announced that the plane was going down and one of the passengers had to be thrown out to reduce weight.

To determine the victim, passengers drew lots, and the unlucky man was chosen. He refused furiously, say...

What happened when Cinderella got to the Ball?

She gagged.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who had 3 balls

This guy was born with 3 balls and when he got older, he started worrying about it. So he goes to the doctor.
‘Doc, I’ve got 3 balls. Am I abnormal?’
The doctor examined the guy’s sack. Ran a few tests.
‘Mate, you’re perfectly healthy and your balls are fine. Look at this way...you’re proba...

What did the princess say when she got to the ball?

*gurk gurk*

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino

What's the difference between an SUV and a golf ball?

>!Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday when I got home from work I pointed my wife's hair dryer at my balls and turned it on. My wife asked, "What in the world are you doing?" I replied, "Warming up your dinner."

Unfortunately, I didn't realize she had just started a new diet.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? (nsfw)

Uggurkhgurkgurk gahhhh haaaaaaa

Ball volume

A mathematician, scientist, & engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a ball



The mathematician derived it using a formula given the circumference



The scientist measured the displaced volume when submerged in water

The engineer found the model # ...

Why do i have lumps on my balls?

wait this isn’t google

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cinderella wants to go to the Ball

But her evil Step- mother won't allow her. Cinderella runs to the garden and cries. Suddenly her fairy godmother appears out of thin air. The fairy godmother asks "why are you crying child?" Cinderella tells her about the ball and her evil step-mother not letting her go. The fairy godmother tells C...

I invented a new golf ball for amateurs that will automatically go in the hole if you get it within four inches.

Disclaimer: Do not carry it in your back pocket!

Why was the tiny ball always agitated?

It was a little teste.

Damn girl are you a bowling ball?

‘Cause i want to stick 3 fingers in you!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A profession golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?" "Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."

"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

Someone should keep the ball safe so the Buccaneers don't get a Deflategate.

Nobody better Tampa with it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has 3 balls and floats through outer space?

E.T., The Extra Testicle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chef: "How about you get to work on making the octopus balls (Takoyaki)."

Me: "Sounds good, let's get Kraken"

My parents didn't have much money when I was young. One Christmas my mates all got new consoles but I just got a bat and ball.

To be fair the ball was alright. The bat was useless though - it just hung upside in my wardrobe all day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I do porn, and the company I work for has a guy who writes all the blowjob scenes. He has the girls use their teeth, never pay attention to the balls, and only lick the tip.

I don’t know whose dick this guy sucked to become the head writer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Authorities unveil the the rioter who tazed himself to death in the balls has been charged.

Charged in the nards

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof.

So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers."
He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pi...

Today at my appointment the doctor grabbed my balls, and told me to cough.

I should probably find another dentist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather overheard me say I was tripping balls yesterday

He responded “I tripped over my balls yesterday too.”

What do you call a dog with no hind legs and steel balls...

Sparky!

I don't need to stay up and watch the ball drop...

2020 already dropped the ball.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between ball-hair and a hairball?

One is found under a dick, the other comes from a pussy.

How Do You Make The New Year’s Ball Drop More Entertaining?

Add another ball.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A man will actually search for a golf ball.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man have after his wife set his balls on fire?

Honey-Roasted Nuts

This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So There I Was, Balls Deep in Some Peanut Butter...

When I thought to myself "Man...I'm fucking nuts."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dick says to his balls, "Get ready guys, we're going to a party tonight!"

The balls say, "No way, man, we're tired of it! You always go inside and leave us outside knocking!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friend of mine pointed to a dog lickiin on his own balls and says to me: “Dont you wish you could do that!”

I says yeah! But I’d be afraid he might bite me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*Nsfw* The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.

First up was the Army general. He chose to measure betw...

What do you get when you jingles Santa Claus' balls?

A white Christmas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mosquito landed on my balls

Hardest decision of my life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head of an organized crime syndicate realized his accountant had been skimming money from him for years.

Unfortunately the accountant only spoke Russian. So the boss hired a Russian interpreter and busted into the accountant’s home.

He tells to the interpreter, “tell him I want to know where my money is, AND I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!” The interpreter conveys the message in Russian and the acco...

A young man goes to a formal ball in Boston.

He parks his car, goes up to the venue, and he has a great time. He meets a young woman there, and the two of them hit it off.

“I came here on the bus,” she says, “Would you mind giving me a ride home?”

So obviously he says yes, and the two of them leave the venue together. When the...

What happened to the cat after she swallowed a ball of yarn?

She had mittens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why were the balls stressed out standing in line?

The guy in front them was a huge dick. The guy behind them kept spouting off and being a loud asshole

Why did the golfers wife call for help when he hit the ball out of bounds?

Because he stroked out!

Why did the ape drop the ball?

He thought he was the king of the juggle.

Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls.

One guy says, “I wish I could do that.” The other replies, “... well maybe just try petting him first.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple is golfing on a golf course when their ball flies out of the course and smashes right through the window of an old mansion.

Shocked, the couple hastes to the old mansion and knock on the door.

A mysterious voice from within the mansion calls the couple to enter.

The couple enters the mansion and in the hallway they see an old man standing next to the broken window and a broken chinese vase with their golfba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do my Balls and Nevada have in common???

They both become blue in November... AND.. they both take forever to finish..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Get it?

There was a guy who had just one out of two testicles.


So naturally he was very ashamed of his condition and decided to do something about it.


So he went to a doctor and told him "Doc, I suffer from a condition which I am very ashamed of and it's likely that you wouldn't have ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has six balls and fucks you twice a week?

The National Lottery!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s got 99 balls and fucks old ladies?

Bingo

Have you ever smelled moth balls?

How did you get their legs apart?

Play Ball!

Two baseball players were talking about whether there was baseball in heaven.

Each agreed to come tell the other about it if they happened to die first.

Well, one day the first player dies and then comes to let the other know that they do in fact have baseball in heaven.

"Good n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole...

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ...

I'm a physicist and I went to a baseball game the other day....A foul ball got hit my way.... As the baseball came toward me, I was trying to work out how long it would take to reach me, based on its arc and velocity...

And then it hit me.

After winning the game I decided to throw my ball into the crowd

Apparently that’s frowned upon in bowling

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, ...

The barbershop finally opened again in the Netherlands!

While i was being cut an old man came in.

"Listen", he said. "I need someone to trim my sideburns. I can't do it myself anymore because i got so many wrinkles and shaky hands."

"No problem", said the barber. "You're not the first one with this problem old friend, just keep this small w...

I don't know why people say that pee is stored in the balls.

I mean, there's a vas deferens between the two.

I used a magic 8 ball to try and find the best email service

..all it would tell me was "Outlook good"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man applies for a government job

A man goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So you guys know what magic 8 balls are?

If you drink the blue liquid in it, you can see the future. Believe me, a friend of mine drank it and said that he was gonna die and then he did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five Surgeons

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got the worst blue balls ever today.

Man, I hate back splash from porta-potties

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Truck nuts. The balls are on the outside...

But the dick is on the inside.

In a lot of sports, a ball is used.

But it's usually pointless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

Why call them Blue Balls...

When you can call them a Cummy Ache?

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog.

The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why were the balls angry at the penis?

He left them outside knocking at the door

What’s the difference between a woman and a bowling ball?

You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball

A soldier approached a nun

Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun agreed...
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her ...

One sunny day, Jesus, Moses and a small elderly man were playing golf.

Jesus was the first to tee off. He hit the ball a little to the left, and it ended up in the water hazard. Because it was Jesus his ball floated, and when he got down to the hazard, he walked upon the water and hit the ball into the green.

Moses was the next to tee off, and like Jesus, he too...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The plastic surgery industry seems to neglect the market for middle aged dangling balls

Seems like low hanging fruit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?

Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.

What’s the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries!

(Apologies if you’ve heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I’ll get better material)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the doctor's office and this guy told to drop my pants then he cupped my balls and told me to cough.

The nurse then leaned into the waiting room and told me the doctor was ready to see me and asked who the guy was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little alien sits on the bus behind a couple

The alien leans forwards slightly and taps the woman on the shoulder. The guy stands up and turns around. "If you don't stop, I'll kick you in the balls!"

The alien laughs "We don't have that", and taps the woman's shoulders again.

"Stop that or I rip off your dick!"

Again the a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Russian man with 3 balls

Whodyounickabollockov

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew.

A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew. He goes to the Captain's quarters and meets the Pirate Captain. He's a grizzled man with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch.

Swabbie: Ahoy Captain, it's looks like you've had quite the history.

Cpt: Aye, I've been sailing these seven seas sinc...

If I had a Crystal ball...

I’d sit down very carefully!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So There I Was, Balls Deep In Some Mayonnaise...

When I thought to myself, "Man, I really wish I had made that sandwich first."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A son is choking

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three coins to play with.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face turning blue! The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A marine comes back from vietnam after fighting for a year.

He is sent to the pentagon. The pentagon asks him: Do you want to get anything for your sacrifices?

The marine says: I want a dollar for every inch from the tip of my penis to my balls.

The pentagos says: You sure you don't want something else?

The marine says: No sir.

On...

UK comedian Bobby Ball has sadly passed away

David Beckham has been invited to read the eulogy. The family wanted a dead ball specialist

A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...

...and rubbed them against the car door.

Magically, it opened!!

"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"

"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to flatulate while lying on my back but my balls got in the way

It was a scrotal eclipse of the fart

What do you call Linux' bodyguards with no balls?

Unix

I have so much respect for male to female trans people...

I mean, that surgery takes balls.

I'm putting together a juggling act where I juggle a bunch of bright blue balls....

The act ends right before the climax.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got kicked out of hobby lobby for dipping my balls in glitter

Pretty nuts huh!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sailor has some balls

Two Generals of the Army and Marines are joined by an Admiral of the Navy around a campfire off the landing zone doing shots of rye whiskey when someone calls out and asks who’s got the most balls.

The Marine General goes all right and says, “Marine,” over the radio, “I want you to take that ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People often act like a cock and balls is all one unit

But there's actually a vas deferens between them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pink ping pong balls

Once upon a time there was a father and a son. It was the son’s tenth birthday and his father said,

“Son, you are the most precious thing in the world to me. Whatever you ask for your birthday, you shall receive.”

His son replied,

“Dad, all I want for my birthday is a pink ping ...

The animals were bored.

Finally the lion had an idea. He tells the other animals how he's seen the humans play a game called American football. He proceeded to tell them how it's played and explained its rules. This got them excited.

They chose their teams and went out to an open field. The lion's team received, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would castrate myself

If I had the balls to do it

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a small ball

The mathematician measures the diameter and calculates the volume.

The physicist drops the ball in a tank of water and measures the displaced water.

The engineer examines the ball for a part number.

When I was a kid, you could go in a store with 10 dollars and get out with a new ball, 4 milk jugs, a shirt and a pair of shoes.

Nowadays you can't. There are security cameras everywhere.

A soldier approaches a nun.

"I don't want to be rude, but can I please hide under your dress? I'll explain later." Said the man.

"Go ahead", answered the nun.

Two high ranked army-officers walk up and ask the nun: "have you, by any coincidence, seen a soldier?"

After the officers disappear the soldier lea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend who used to live in russia became a father today. His son had a mutation of a sort that made him have 3 balls instead of 2.

I immediately saw the opportunity and replied to him "chernoballs" .......he hates me now
Jason im sorry if u read this

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar with a monkey. Proceeds to the bar, and asks the bartender if he can sit and have a few beers as his monkey joins him.

It’s slow, so the bartender says “sure.”

After a few drinks, the guy asks the bartender if he would keep an eye on his monkey while he uses the...

A woman sees her doctor complaining about chest pains.

The doctor prescribed her some testosterone pills to help strengthen her heart muscle and warned of the expected side effects.

A few weeks later the woman returns for a follow up appointment complaining of hair growth in unusual places.

When the doctor re-assured that this was to be ex...

I'm in the hospital right now. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.

But let me just say, the Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name.

What do furries and weeaboos have in common?

They both like dragon balls.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.