There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.

So John and Mike went to the Mosque ...

I was going to post a time travel joke..

But you guys didn't like it.

Why do Stalinist KGB Agents travel in groups of three?

One to read, one to write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

I can travel into the future!

One second at a time.

Why do teenagers travel in groups of 1,3,5 or 7?

Because they literally can’t even.

As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

I’m galactose intolerant

The bartender pours him a beer

A time traveler walks into the bar

Why do popular teenage girls travel in odd numbers?

Because they can't even.

I'm taking all my savings and going to travel,

I estimate I'll be back tomorrow by midday...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.

As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."

But the time traveler didn’t get hired

A time traveler went to an interview to get a job . . .

How fast can Captain Underpants travel?

The speedoflight.

What is full of holes and travels down an alley?

Batmans parents.

What does Ron Weasley become when he uses Hermione's time turner to travel into the past and then the future?

Earlier Ron and then later Ron.

"Heck yeah, I'll marry him! He drives a 400k vehicle, gets paid to travel, and is adorned by the business crowd."

Woman: So what do you do for a living?

Man: I drive a bus.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

How do flat earthers travel the world?

on a plane.

What do you call an owl that can travel through time?

Doctor Hoo

For our 15th wedding anniversary I decided to plan a trip for me and my wife. The plan was for me to make all of the arrangements and for her to just come along for the trip and not have to worry about making plans or organizing travel, as she’s normally the one in charge of that. So...

I decided to take her to somewhere really cool: to see real boxes! She’s always been a big box enthusiast. Small boxes, big boxes, medium boxes, she loves them all; but she’s never gotten to see real boxes!! I saw an add online and was astounded at the price of the trip to Battle Creek, Michigan: ho...

An American biker decides to travel the world

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Har...

Light travels faster than sound

That’s why people appear bright before they speak.

A Buddhist monk travels to New York..

He then craves for food , finally ending up in a confectionery .He chooses donut and then takes it to the counter.
The monk ask s the shop keeper the price of the donut.
The owner said $7.85.
The monk handed the keeper $10 note. After taking the dollar the keeper started attending other cus...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I walked up to a fit girl at a bar the other night and said,

"Hey gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?"

She said, "Do you like sex?"

I said, "Of course I like sex."

She said, "Do you like to travel?"

I said, "Yeah, I love to travel."

She said, "Then fuck off."

Why didn't the time traveller ask the girl out?

Because he doesn't like no for an answer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some people think sperm just magically travels to the penis when in reality there's a whole duct to transport them...

It might not seem like it, but there's a vas deferens between the two.

NBC is developing a reality show where flat earthers try to travel to the edge of the world.

The finale isn’t a cliffhanger.

If light travels faster than the speed of sound

How come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man travels thousands of miles to seek the wisdom of a famous, old yogi...

The man flies to the remote little country where the yogi lives isolated in the mountains

He lands at the airport and takes a bus as far as it will take him, to a little town at the base of the mountains.

He rents a pack animal to take him as far as the animal will go up the mountain, ...

How did Huckleberry Finn travel down the Mississippi?

He took the Twain

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A salesman has to travel to Pittsburg for work...

When he gets to the ticket line at the airport, he is caught by how beautiful, and voluptuous, the desk clerk is.
She asks “can I help you?”
And he stammers out “one picket to titsburg please!”
Embarrassed, he apologizes, corrects himself, and gets his ticket.
For the next three days he’...

How many chargers does Mark Zuckerberg carry when he travels?

Three. One for his laptop, one for his phone and one for himself.

Delta airlines is probably chomping at the bit to get into the commercial space travel industry

After all

In space no one can hear you scream

How do Rabbits travel?

By Hareplane!

I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow.

It was ahead of its time.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A migrant caravan travels to Venezuela by mistake

A migrant caravan travels to Venezuela by mistake.

The Bolivar is inflating at 80,000%, people are butchering zoo animals for food, the oil refineries are falling apart, the roads are covered in trash.

The migrant leader asks one of the guards, "What happened here?"

The guard fr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] An American business man travels to Japan for work

On his first night there, he decides to get a prostitute. They're going at it pretty good when she starts exclaiming "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!"

He doesn't understand the language but assuming it must mean "great job!"

Fast forward to the next day, when he's golfing with his Japa...

Why did the Helsinki-based executive travel for work?

He had some un-Finnish business.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

American, French, Italian and Russian male, with Spanish female are on a yacht for travel around the world...

After a while, the men gathered to decide and find out who will be courting the Spanish lady.

The American said:

-I will do it, I am the richest, and you know that who pays, he gets the goods!

The Frenchman:

-No, I'll be courting her, as a Frenchman, we are the most lovin...

Why did the conjoined twins travel from America to England?

So the other one could finally drive.

——————-

(Source: heard it in _Man on the Moon_ movie)

According to physics, light travels faster sound...

... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?

Where did mr Anderson go? Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines?

No, he vanished into Finnair

What does lice travel with?

Pubic transport

The bartender said we don't serve time travellers.

Two men walk into a bar.

If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some Romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves.

He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents.

A man travels 100 years forward in time. (Long)

Being unable to return, he decides to see how much of what he lived through still exists, and coincidentally, r/jokes still exists


He browses it, but instead of seeing jokes as he was used to, he just saw random numbers , some of which got thousands of upvotes, and some which didn't ge...

So this dude rubs a lamp and a genie pops out

The genie tells the man he will grant him a wish for setting him free. The man says "Ya know Gene, I love riding motorcycles. Love it more than life itself. I would love to travel across the entire world on my motorcycle, but I'm terrified of boats. Can you make a massive highway, that connects ...

I met my wife in a travel agency.

She was looking for a holiday and I was the last resort.

A blond American woman travels to Australia...

To meet her boyfriend. They go out on a date and he decides to take her out to a restaurant.

They have a good time and are finished eating, so the guy calls for the bill.

The woman suddenly says "Wait -- when did we start a game of chess? And how did you win so quickly?"

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, “Name?”

“Vladimir Putin”

“Country of Origin?”

“Russia”

“Occupation?”

“No, no. Just visiting.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishman an Irishman and a Frenchman travel to the jungles of Africa

...and came across a tribe of man eaters that also had a grasp of the English language. The tribe leader expressed that today was a good day for the trio as the tribe had defeated an enemy tribe, had finished feasting and were preparing to celebrate so they had the option of offering a body part for...

How does data travel through space?

On the USS Enterprise

A journalist travels to a village to interview a shepherd.

There, he finds him standing in a field, watching over a herd of white and black sheep mixed together. He greets the shepherd then begins the interview.

\-"How much fur can you get out of these sheep" \- the journalist inquires.

\-"Which ones the white sheep or the black ones?"

...

I feel like there should be a travel book for India called

“A definitive guide to India: The Hindus and the Hindont’s”

A magician discovers time travel

A magician pulls out a sledgehammer and asks for a volunteer. A guy comes up and the magician says, "I want you to hit me in the head with this sledgehammer." So the volunteer picks the sledgehammer up and swings it down into the magician's head. The magician wakes up in a hospital bed three years l...

An Italian man travels to the Caribbean

An Italian man saved up his money and after many years he finally had enough money to attain his lifelong dream, traveling to the tropics of Central America. He explored many different towns and beaches as he traveled around the beautiful land. But in one place he found a beach that was disgusting a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American hippie travels abroad to Germany

and decides to find a hostel to stay in. After a long search, he finally finds a small place, with no one but the host staying there. He rents a room, heads upstairs, and begins unpacking his things while also packing a joint. Once he’s all finished, he sits back on the bed and starts to smoke. Just...

3 men set out to travel across the desert

3 men are traveling across the desert and decide they’ll all only take one item to travel light. Man 1 is carrying a canteen, man 2 is carrying a lunch box, and man 3 is carrying just the door from his car.
Man 2 asks man 1 “what’s in your canteen?” He says “water. We get about a mile through thi...

Travel to Mars

After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns...

How does a crazy person travel through the woods?

They take the psychopath

What travels around the world but stays in a corner?

A stamp.

How does Neutron travel to different countries?

Free of charge

Apparently the ‘creative differences’ that lead to Danny Boyle quitting as director of the next Bond film were around his desire to involve a time travel element where 007 went back in time to Medieval England.

It was to be called: The spy who loved mead

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man from Miami Beach travels to the Middle East and finds camels so fascinating that he decides to buy one and bring it back home with him.

For the next month, he rides the camel all over the city. The next day when goes to get the camel, he finds that it is has been stolen.

He goes to the police department to report it stolen. The desk sergeant asks him to describe the camel.

He says incredulously, "What do you mean, de...

Time travel is actually possible!

I'll explain how five minutes ago.

My mom was checking out some glossy brochures to travel to a place she’s never been where she’d be waited on hand and foot 24/7 with all inclusive dining and entertainment

I agreed and put her in a nursing home

I made a time machine to travel back to the year 2001. You see my son had his first soccer game then, and I missed it only to show up 10 minutes after it ended.

When I go back to the past I'll tell myself that it isn't worth ditching work for and that the little dumbass loses the game anyways.

Don't waste your money on drinking, spend money to travel the world...

..and drink while travelling

A young woman, her mother, and two men travel on a train. The train enters a tunnel. The sound of a kiss is heard, followed quickly by a slap.

The mother thinks: One of the men kissed my daughter, but she defended her honor.

The daughter thinks: One of the men tried to kiss me, but kissed my mother in the darkness instead, and she slapped him on the face!

The boss thinks: This idiot kissed the young lady and she tried to slap...

A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.

‘I’m sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today’.

‘Oh my god!’ replied Mary, ‘What happened?!’

‘He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout’ said the worker, sadly.

‘That’s terrible! Was it a quick death at least?’ asked Mary.

‘I’m afraid not,’ the worker replied, ‘He got ou...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

a professor of sociology, a professor of mathematics and a professor of philosophy travel to a congress by train...

a professor of sociology, a professor of mathematics and a professor of philosophy travel to a congress by train into switzerland.

looking out of the windows, the professor of sociology happens to see a black sheep.

"how interesting". he exclaims. "it appears there are black sheep in s...

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe...

...and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science, mathematics, and formatting Reddit comments so they get the most upvotes. One day, the Chief's wife gives birth to... a white child!

The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock. The chief pulls the professor...

If I've learned one thing in my travels, it's that men come in all shapes and sizes.

But enough about my exotic fleshlight collection.

Me: I want to travel

Bank Account: Where? To work?

What’s Red and Green and Travels At 100MPH?

A frog in a blender.

Could someone help me out? I live in Canada and I need to travel to my honey farm tomorrow, but I don't have a car.

I don't need anything special, just something to get me from eh to bee.

How fast does light travel?

I don't know. But it gets here too early in the morning.

So this lady has a husband who travels a lot on work

She is worried about her safety, being alone at home all the time, and she decides to get herself a guard dog.
She goes to the kennel and asks for the most ferocious dog they have.
“That would be Mike Tyson” says the kennel owner. He goes out back and returns with a tiny little pug trotting ...

I was gonna post a time travel joke

But after seeing how many times it been reposted, i think it can wait.

a group of mathematicians and a group of economists travel to a meeting by train...

a group of mathematicians and a group of economists travel to a congress by train

the economists all buy a ticket, the mathematicians buy a single ticket for their whole group

when the conductor comes around, the economists all show their respective tickets

the mathematicians on...

I don't always travel back in time

But when I do, I didn't yet

I was going to post a time-travel joke

But 100 people are going to repost it before I get chance

Canadian Travel Warning for Americans

This would happen right before I get to Toronto, Donald Trump announces new tariffs against Canada. In response Justin Trudeau made a travel announcement to all U.S. citizens coming to Canada to use the bathroom before entering Canada. He announced Canada will take no sh*t from Americans.

What do you call a cross dresser who's job is to travel from the UK to the US?

Transatlantic

Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest

Stephen Hawking won by a landslide

I hate to travel...

Mostly because my dad used to beat me with a globe.

(credit: Dave Attell)

How does a bird prepare to travel?

He pecks his luggage.

If twin ducks travel back in time and have a threesome with their mother on the day they were conceived...

...do they create a pair’a’ducks?

I wish that I could finish my time travel project

And I also wish that I would stop bugging me yesterday while I'm working on it

Just one, but be careful, or this could get weird

How many time travelers does it take to change a light bulb?

A polish man gets interviewed because of his travel to America

The interviewer asks him: "Why did you travel to America?"

"I went to America to polish up my English", the man answered

The interviewer answers: "Your English is Polish enough"