Add Up Jokes - 22 Hilarious Add Up Jokes

What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?

A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.

I always find maths jokes divisive but sometimes they add up

My main take away is that you have to move with the times

How do you add up a mountain?

You summit.

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

I don't understand sigma males

It just doesn't add up

Math jokes never work on me

I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.

Two statistician buddies went duck hunting.

One of them took aim and fired, missing the duck by three inches to the left. The other statistician took his turn and missed the duck by three inches to the right.

After arguing for a while about who missed, they decided to put their heads together to solve the problem. Suddenly, one of them...

We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene

It doesn't add up

My math teacher gave me a detention

It just didn’t add up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cow gets stolen from a family…

The mother cries to her three sons, “Boys! Some has stolen our cow!”

The first son says, “If it’s a , it must be someone from Randville”

The second son, “If it’s someone from Randville, they must be short”

The third son, “If it’s someone short from Randville, it must ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy with 3 testicles notice that all his friend only got 2 testicles...

So he quickly got back home and talk to his elder brother about this.

“I got a secret to tell you.” said the younger brother.

“What?” the older brother asks.

“If we add up our balls, we will have 5 balls.” says the young boy.

His brother then freak out and says: “What...

What did the detective say after finding a calculator?

"Hmm... Now everything is starting to add up..."

My calculator stopped working and I don't know why...

It just doesn't add up.

I never realized British coins were so heavy

They can really add up to pounds.

So, an artist, a mathematician, and a fisherman commit a crime

And I was looking at the file and it looks kinda sketchy, it doesn’t add up. There’s definitely something fishy going on.

What do you call a broken fisherman's calculator.

Something fishy that doesn't quite add up.

Woman: How old would you say I am?

Woman: How old would you say I am?
Man: Hmmm... Judging by your eyes, I'd say 25, your skin, 20, and your body, 18.
Woman: Wow. You really know how to seduce a ...
Man: (interrupting) Hold on a sec while I add up these numbers.

Why was the calculator salesman happy when he sold his cheapest calculator?

Because they all add up!

I tried to come up with a math joke...

but all my ideas were derivative
and the punchline didn't add up.
Anyway, comedy has no absolute value.
Your jokes are sum of the best,
but minus not very funny
because I'm a perfect square.
I halve one, I guess...
but you're too obtuse to get it,
and trying to simplify it...

Little Johnny and his pet.

Dad walks by little johnny's room and hears "how much is 5 plus 5?"
He walks in and asks little johnny "why are you talking to your rabbit?"
Johnny says: "This one is stupid, the teacher told me that rabbits can multiply very fast but this one can't even add up"

Testing

I'm testing how long jokes need to be to be tagged "long."

People say that it has more to do with paragraphs than words or anything, but someone just told me that it is posts over 450 characters.

You can downvote if you want, but I can't think of a better way to test this.

I've ...

Ghandi was a what?

So we all know how Ghandi was a wonderful person and a pioneer in the non violent protest movement. But there are some facets of his life that add up to a very rare diagnosis.

First of all, he walked everywhere barefoot which made his feet very tough.

Secondly his diet was comple...

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