Become Jokes - 105 Hilarious Become Jokes

English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

I have this recurring nightmare where not only am I forced to become Vegan

I'm then stranded alone on a desert island and there's nobody to tell.

A gynecologist had become fed up and was burned out, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, he prepared carefully and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of
150%. Fearing an...

How to become a millionaire:

Step One: Be a billionaire

Step Two: Short sell $GME

The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had...

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent.

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This world has become disgusting!

I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on reddit. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajox, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now avai...

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

What is the fastest way to become sober?

Touching your pockets and not feeling your phone.

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A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people word...

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father in law

Cannot wait to become a proud American!

I'm not immigrating or anything, I'm just not proud to be American.

One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world

Then you'll all be sorry

If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico.

Not by choice though.

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that'...

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

The drill slipped.

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

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Xi Jinping was on his balcony during the early morning, admiring all that Bejing has become

He inhaled a sweet breath of fresh Bejing air and looked East to see the sun smiling down.

"Hello, Sun", said Xi Jinping.

The sun replied "Hello Glorious Leader, the architect of a grand Communist Utopia. Best wishes leading your already prosperous nation."

Xi Jinping, despite h...

What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short.

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two:

Prophet.

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.

She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?”
She says, “A hundred d...

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Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English

Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English in three weeks.

After three weeks the Syrians meet again at a McDonalds. The first Syrian makes his case for him being more English by saying: "Every day I have taken my son to football practice and my daughter to dance class...

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

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The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors,

all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally, he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinals that he had some good news and some bad news. The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was tha...

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How did a prostitute become a nun?

Through her “missionary” work course.

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A vegan is at the entrance of a university campus trying to get others to become vegan

He sees an angry and disappointed kid walking out of the campus, and takes the opportunity to ask if they want to become vegan.

“You know who else was vegan?” the angry kid responds. “Adolf Hitler. And I just got kicked out of art school right now, so I’m not taking any risks.”

Will glass-topped coffins become the newest trend?

Remains to be seen.

The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a “third world country” if they gain independence.

I don’t know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.

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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

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One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!!

I'll fuck their boyfriends

At what frequency does laughter become painful

1 gigglehurts

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A young lady becomes a hooker, and after her first night on the streets, the other hookers are asking her how it went...

"Well, the first guy I met was really hot! A marine with all kinds of muscles!"

"Ooh! Nice!" another girl says. "How'd it go?"

"Well I told him it was $50 for a fuck. He said he didn't have that much. So I told him it's $25 for a blowjob. He didn't have that much either. So I said it's...

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During my prostate exam, my doctor told me it’s perfectly normal to become aroused and even ejaculate.

That being said, I still wish he hadn’t.

Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear."

"The fear of flying?", I asked.

"No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."

Someday in the near future, Canada will become the most powerful nation in the world.

And then … you all will be sorry.

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An Irish girl tells her mother that she decided to become a prostitute.

Mom: You want to be a WHAT?

Daughter: Prostitute.

Mom: Oh thank God. I thought you said Protestant.

Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?

She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

I decided to become vegan today

The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.

When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin.

Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”

Robert Kennedy Junior is running to become US President, and I think Americans should give him a shot.

And a couple of boosters, just to be sure.

Why did the ghost become a bartender?

Because he had a lot of boos.

How does a joke become a dad joke?

It leaves and never comes back.

his door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him.

He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"

The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"
The third came in and said, "I- i ...

When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday...

I'm starting to believe him.

A man we’ll call “Egon Tusk” had just become the CEO of a large tech company.

The departing CEO left him with three envelopes numbered 1, 2 and 3.

"Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Egon made a lot of changes, but six months later revenues had still not picked up and was in fact lower than when he...

A man decided to become a monk

The head Monk says to the man "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once every 15 years."

The man says "Ok" and begins his time with the silent order.

15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to the man "It has be...

If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water, before you go to bed.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

I rely on hotels so much I’ve actually become quite

Inn-dependent

What do little shops become at full moon?

Werehouses

A chicken and a horse become best friends on their farm.

Every day, they go out walking together, talking, laughing and generally enjoying each other's company. One day, they happen to wander too closely to a sinkhole, and the horse falls in. As the horse flails about, the chicken looks around desperately, trying to figure out how to save her friend. That...

When does it become socially acceptable for adults to build little hideouts out of pillows again?

When they’re in their forties

The only way to become a pun master

Is to decapitate a pun master. It's the only way to get a head in the pun industry.

A man calls up the White House and tells the receptionist, "I would like to become the next president of the United States."

The receptionist asks, "What are you, an idiot?"

The man asks, "Why, is it required?"

Writers these days have become so lazy

They’re remaking the first Writer’s Strike

You do some gardening once, you do not become a gardener. You nail two pieces of wood together, you do not become a woodworker.

So I do not see how I could be a murderer, your honour.

Why did the pencil become a philosopher?

It always had a point

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My wife reckons that recently I have become an awkward, arrogant cunt, and she just can't understand me.

Seems like my French classes are going really well.

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What’s the difference between how daredevils and porn actresses become famous?

Daredevils get famous because of their cunning stunts.

(I thought that one up myself)

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10 men are about to become priests

10 men went to learn the way of priesthood. They have passed all tests and are going to go through the rite or ordination.

But before, they must pass a last test is to see if they are truly ready to serve the Lord.

All 10 are made to sit in line, naked, with a small bell tied to their ...

When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner

So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?

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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt...

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My wife said sex has become a chore.

So for mothers day I've hired her some help.

They say that when you die you become closer to God

Because you no longer exist

I told my son he couldn't get a fidget spinner because his dad and I have tried so hard to make sure he didn't become autistic...

Unfortunately he died of measles a couple days ago

Jesus becomes a man

Jesus is hitting puberty and Joseph wants to help him become a man. He approaches Mary Magdelene to enlist her help to which she readily agrees.
He takes her back to the tent and waits outside.
A few minutes later, Mary runs from the tent screaming.
Joseph enters the tent and asks what hap...

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My local garden center has become like really sketchy neighborhood.

It's filled with rakes, hoes, and there's bird shit everywhere.

Why did Patrick Dempsey become a chiropractor?

Because he has a decade's worth of experience pretending to be a doctor.

Why didn't Anakin Skywalker become an engineer?

He couldn't get a Master's degree.

What happened to the cow that refused to become steaks?

She was grounded.

The electrons couldn't wait to become lightning

When it happened, they were ex-static

Good News! I've just become the leap frog world record holder

On the downside I'm now banned from ever entering any mosque again!

What would happen if Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US?

He’d be rolling in his grave.

Why couldn't the alcoholic become a lawyer?

He couldn't pass the Bar.

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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent!

(Credit to the first dad who said this)

When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?

When he eats his first brownie.

They laughed at me when I said I wanted to become an optician

But they'll see, they'll all see.

Why can’t snooker players become actors?

They’ll miss their cue.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

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Angel: "Mary, you will become pregnant while remaining a virgin."

Mary: "No fucking way?!"

Angel: "Yes the no fucking way."

Why did the electrical engineer become a clown?

He couldn't get enough of the circuits!

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What happens when an outhouse becomes a regular house?

Nobody gives a shit.

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Two Arab guys move to the US, and they have a friendly bet as to who would become more “Americanized” in a year.

After a year, the first guy: I just dropped off my kids at baseball practice, and I’m taking him to McDonalds later.

The second guy: Fuck off, towelhead!

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How does a raccoon become a red panda?

By getting hit by a car

How does somebody become a philosopher?

Well, there's no short answer.

Why do so many orphans grow up to become famous?

Well it is called “Go Big or Go Home”

Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire

...on average.

Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So th...

I have become obsessed with collecting Beatles albums!

So far I've got 17 Revolvers, 8 Rubber Souls, 25 Sergeant Peppers, 6 Hard Days Nights, 12 White Albums, 14 Abbey Roads, 7 Yellow Submarines, 5 Let It Be's, 9 Please Please Me's, a couple of With The Beatles, 3 Beatles For Sales, and even a Magical Mystery Tour, BUT IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!

I NEED ...

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Why did the doe become a prostitute?

So she could make a buck.

There are only two rules you need to follow to become extremely succesful in life.

1. Not revealing everything you know.

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

A war hero becomes an animal doctor. Years later he retires.

He's not a triple threat, he's a triple Vet.

(Credit to my 12 year old kid)

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I went for an interview to become a blacksmith

They asked if I had ever shooed a horse.
I said "No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off"

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The cost of living has now become so expensive.....

....that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford the batteries.

For a lion to become a cannibal

He must first swallow his pride

I'm gonna quit the rat race and become a sculptor.

One of my mates did it, and he's already made six figures!

When does a Jewish sapling become a tree?

At its bark mitzvah

Ever since I worked on my extreme arrogance, I've become a better person.

Better than all of you together!

When does a secretary become a permanent fixture ?

When she gets screwed on a desk...

What's the fastest way to become a Millionaire?

Be a Billionaire and invade Ukraine.

>NK Lukoil PAO
>
>6.96 USD
>
>\-84.96 (-92.43%)past month

Do you want to know how to become a millionaire?

Invest $1 billion and follow the advice of wallstreetbets

English teacher: What is the first thing you do if you become ill?

Foreign student: I go to bed.

English teacher: No, before that?

Foreign student: I take off my clothes, of course!

English teacher: No, no, do you visit the doctor?

Foreign student: No! No doctors! I don't like doctors! My uncle went to doctor with chest pain, doctor said...

Why do most orphans become criminals?

Because they just want to feel wanted...

Why did the intern become an elevator repairman?

Because he didn't want to spend years climbing the corporate ladder.

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