Comedy!

Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everybody gets it

Comedy is hard. For example:

I tried writing a joke about toilets, but it tanked

A Terrorist Tries Stand Up Comedy for the First Time...

Let's just say he was the bomb.

I went to a comedy night at a haunted mansion

I got booed off the stage

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers

Two hours, one joke.

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.

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Puns are the number one highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number two.

What’s Elon Musk’s favourite comedy?

Bambi

I have heard that self deprecation is the highest form of comedy

Too bad I'm not funny.

A German talk show host once asked Robin Williams why he thought there wasn't much comedy in Germany

"Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" he replied.

"No."

Ask me what the secret to comedy is.

What’s the secret to comedy?Timing.

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I'm thinking of setting up a comedy group to help people going through cancer treatment

I'll call it 'A Sense of Tumor'

A programmer tries his hand at stand-up comedy: "Forward-slash forward-slash a man walks into a bar..."

A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"

He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."

Explaining comedy is like dissecting a frog.

F*cking gross.

I told my missus that I was thinking about a career in comedy.

She laughed.

I like those comedy shorts you see on YouTube sometimes.

Or 'dwarves', if you want to be all politically correct about it.

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I’m starting a comedy show about sexual fetishes...

...it’s going to be called “Joke Me Harder Daddy!”

Comedy is like cancer...

You either give up or get better

Mr. Hoover sold vacuums. He dreamed about vacuums. When on vacation he went to the vacuum museum. He would dump dirt on the floor when he got home just so he could vacuum. One day he decided to try a career in stand-up comedy. Why was he a complete failure as a comedian?

He was mute.

If comedy = tragedy + time, what's comedy + time?

A repost.

I got detained by security at a comedy club the other night.

I didn’t find the comedian’s joke very funny so they booked me for”resisting a jest”.

Relatable comedy is the death of comedy..

Am I right?

Anti-vaxers musty love comedy,

'cause they just get everything.

Apparently Colin Kaepernick is pursuing a career in comedy

He’s landed some acting roles but he can’t do stand-up.

I'm halfway through becoming a stand up comedian

I can stand up, now all I need is comedy

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A ventriloquist at a comedy show is telling blonde jokes...

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the crowd stands up.

"I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women like this? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you that keep women like me from being res...

There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...

...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people sto...

Comedy is in my blood.

I just wish it were also in my jokes.

Here is some comedy gold for you

,d Au

3 American Comedy shows walk into a bar and...

This punchline is not available in your country.

Sorry about that.

The first rule of comedy is “The Rule of Threes”...

The second rule of comedy is “Subvert Expectations.”

I would make a joke about Amy Schumers comedy career

but im afraid nobody will laugh

If a comedy is something that makes you laugh and a tragedy is something that cry, what's a dramady?

I believe it's a type of camel.

LPT: If you are sick of hearing duplicate tracks on Spotify's stand-up comedy playlists,

Just delete all of the Amy Schumer material, and it should flow a lot smoother.

A gorgeous woman doing stand-up at a comedy club

....and she's not doing so well. It's not that her delivery or stage presence is bad. It's simply because she's using extremely tired and outdated material. To put it frankly, the audience was sick and tired of hearing the same damn jokes that had been told time after time on that stage.

Afte...

I sometimes do stand-up comedy for a leper colony.

My jokes have them all cracking up.

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Yesterday I did my comedy routine on the toilet

It was a real shitshow

My friend had purchased an extra stand-up comedy ticket for me. I turned him down.

After all, I could never enjoy jokes at other people's expense.

What do childbirth, comedy, and ordering pizza online have in common?

It’s all about the delivery

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The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.

Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material

T.J. Miller has brought his comedy to a whole new level

At least when it comes to bombing

Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention.

Laughed more than I thought.

I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'....

What's a Russian's favorite form of comedy?

Tsarcasm :D

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What was the best part of the janitor’s job cleaning toilets at the comedy club?

The shits and giggles

Confession: Every now and then I still enjoy listening to one of Bill Cosby's old comedy albums.

Call it a guilty pleasure.

What is the most important part of comedy? The Timing.

... Oops

I've recently written a romantic comedy

It's about a guy and a girl - *classic.*

Initially, they hate each other - *classic.*

But they end up in bed together - *classic!*

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It's called: "The Rapist"

A couple of Scottish lads were out one night and they pass a small sign for a comedy act.

One friend squints to read it and says, "come on, let's check this out"

The other friend turns to him and says, "Aye, don't go in. He's not funny."

"How d'ya know, have you seen him before?" asks the enquisitive friend.

"Probably." he says, pointing at the tiny sign, "Look, he's...

Why's it so hard to perform comedy in a liquor store?

Because you always only get booze

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