I just watched a beautiful woman doing stand up comedy totally naked.

Never laughed so hard in my life.

Dark comedy is like food

The best kinds use children as an ingredient.

They say tragedy and comedy are the same, just separated by time.

I used to cry about my mother's death, but now it's hilarious.

What's a demon's favourite kind of comedy?

Satyrical

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A comedian is in the dressing room of a comedy club when he sees this guy sitting in the corner...

He wonders why the guy is there but thinks nothing of it. Before the first comedian goes on stage, he approaches the guy in the corner and whips out his dick. The guy in the corner jerks him off real quick, then pulls up his pants and goes on stage.

One by one, each of the other comedians in ...

Welcome to the Reddit stand-up comedy show

\*I enter the stage, applause erupts\*

Alright alright reddit! How you feelin' today?

\*applause\*

Alright! So, show of hands, how many of you are redditors?

\*everyone raises their hands\*

Haha, maybe not too surprising. Because you all look depressed and out of s...

When blondes go to the cinema to watch a comedy, they always sit on the last row. Why?

He who laughs last, laughs better

I was late to a comedy show and the guy on stage said why are you late that's rude

I told him sorry it's because my wife is pregnant

He then asked How long till the baby is due

I said about 9 months

I attended a comedy seminar once... It was horrible, they needed more trees.

Because comedy comes in trees.

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Some local comedians had just finished up a set at the local comedy club...

So naturally, they sat down at the bar and ordered a round. Now, these guys are pretty fucking funny, and they know every joke in the book. So as they're enjoying their beer, of course, they're cracking jokes with each other. But since they know them so well, they started just referring to them by t...

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

- Mel Brooks

Comedy!

Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everybody gets it

A child asked his mom what dark humour was. She said “You see that man in the wheelchair? Ask him to do stand-up comedy.”

The child answered “But mom, I’m blind!”

10 puns entered the annual comedy contest of their town

At the end, someone from the audience asked - so who won ?

The judge replied : No pun in ten did

When do sweet potatoes like to go to the comedy club?

Yamateur hour.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

They say comedy is tragedy plus time.

I guess that means when I turn 40, I should be pretty goddamn funny.

Everyone laughed at me when I said I wanted to do stand up comedy

Well, no one's laughing now

Comedy is hard. For example:

I tried writing a joke about toilets, but it tanked

I did a comedy routine for a paraplegics' charity event once

I got moderate applause, but I was disappointed when I didn't get a standing ovation.

What’s Elon Musk’s favourite comedy?

Bambi

Apparently doing your homework while watching stand-up comedy is quite difficult

You'd have to read in between the lines

Comedy

Job interviewer: what is your biggest weakness?

Me: honesty

Job interviewer: that’s not exactly a weakness.

Me: I don’t care what you think.

Job interviewer: well maybe we should end this interview.

Me: Wait, lets go over what was just said. You asked me what my...

I have heard that self deprecation is the highest form of comedy

Too bad I'm not funny.

A Terrorist Tries Stand Up Comedy for the First Time...

Let's just say he was the bomb.

Here is a real life comedy story

A guy in Nepal got imprisoned when he made a review saying a movie was bad
He was accused of destroying the film industry and the career of the actors
Imagine the directors of the emoji movie knowing this

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

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I used to do stand up comedy with former WWE Superstar Rikishi

He was the butt of all my jokes

I went to a comedy night at a haunted mansion

I got booed off the stage

A German talk show host once asked Robin Williams why he thought there wasn't much comedy in Germany

"Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" he replied.

"No."

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers

Two hours, one joke.

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.

I'm doing a science experiment on comedy where I tell people a joke and see their reaction.

Welcome to the control group.

I told my missus that I was thinking about a career in comedy.

She laughed.

I am so honored to have had the privilege of performing my comedy in the biggest most pack venue in the world.

The internet-THANKS SO MUCH GUYS YOU'VE ALL BEEN GREAT!-LOVE YOU- GOOD NIGHT!

I'm thinking of setting up a comedy group to help people going through cancer treatment

I'll call it 'A Sense of Tumor'

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Puns are the number one highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number two.

A programmer tries his hand at stand-up comedy: "Forward-slash forward-slash a man walks into a bar..."

A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"

He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."

You know what's weird?

Its weird that people in wheelchairs never do stand-up comedy.

Ask me what the secret to comedy is.

What’s the secret to comedy?Timing.

This joke does not work via text format.

Why do shovels hate digging up metal?

Because of the irony
I guess you couldn’t handle the joke
I’m gonna dig up some more
I’ll spade you of any more puns
If you couldn’t handle that you’re a tool
This is comedy gold!
Please don’t steel the joke
I’m probably just digging my own grave with this joke

Mr. Hoover sold vacuums. He dreamed about vacuums. When on vacation he went to the vacuum museum. He would dump dirt on the floor when he got home just so he could vacuum. One day he decided to try a career in stand-up comedy. Why was he a complete failure as a comedian?

He was mute.

I've always preferred silent comedy.

I do the comedy, everyone else responds with silence.

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A ventriloquist at a comedy show is telling blonde jokes...

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the crowd stands up.

"I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women like this? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you that keep women like me from being res...

What does the disabled comedian hate the most?

Stand-up comedy.

I like those comedy shorts you see on YouTube sometimes.

Or 'dwarves', if you want to be all politically correct about it.

Apparently Colin Kaepernick is pursuing a career in comedy

He’s landed some acting roles but he can’t do stand-up.

No service at hotel room

I called into the hotel reception for room service. After my 5th call went unanswered, I walked up to the hotel reception angrily asking why they weren't answering.

Reception : "Extremely sorry sir. What's your room number?"
Me : "Room number 503"
Reception : "Something went wrong. 503 ...

The Joke

A friend sent me this one.

There was a comedy club called “The Joke” that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a line ar...

Anti-vaxers musty love comedy,

'cause they just get everything.

Hey what do you call Soviet comedy?

Commiedy

Comedy is like cancer...

You either give up or get better

I got detained by security at a comedy club the other night.

I didn’t find the comedian’s joke very funny so they booked me for”resisting a jest”.

Relatable comedy is the death of comedy..

Am I right?

Comedy is in my blood.

I just wish it were also in my jokes.

If a comedy is something that makes you laugh and a tragedy is something that cry, what's a dramady?

I believe it's a type of camel.

I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'....

Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention.

Laughed more than I thought.

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The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.

Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material

3 American Comedy shows walk into a bar and...

This punchline is not available in your country.

Sorry about that.

I would make a joke about Amy Schumers comedy career

but im afraid nobody will laugh

A gorgeous woman doing stand-up at a comedy club

....and she's not doing so well. It's not that her delivery or stage presence is bad. It's simply because she's using extremely tired and outdated material. To put it frankly, the audience was sick and tired of hearing the same damn jokes that had been told time after time on that stage.

Afte...

The first rule of comedy is “The Rule of Threes”...

The second rule of comedy is “Subvert Expectations.”

My life is like a romantic comedy

Except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes.

> HA! Hilarious and original! Encore!

LPT: If you are sick of hearing duplicate tracks on Spotify's stand-up comedy playlists,

Just delete all of the Amy Schumer material, and it should flow a lot smoother.

My friend had purchased an extra stand-up comedy ticket for me. I turned him down.

After all, I could never enjoy jokes at other people's expense.

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Yesterday I did my comedy routine on the toilet

It was a real shitshow

What's a Russian's favorite form of comedy?

Tsarcasm :D

Confession: Every now and then I still enjoy listening to one of Bill Cosby's old comedy albums.

Call it a guilty pleasure.

What do childbirth, comedy, and ordering pizza online have in common?

It’s all about the delivery

What is the most important part of comedy? The Timing.

... Oops

I sometimes do stand-up comedy for a leper colony.

My jokes have them all cracking up.

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What was the best part of the janitor’s job cleaning toilets at the comedy club?

The shits and giggles

T.J. Miller has brought his comedy to a whole new level

At least when it comes to bombing

'One liner jokes' competition

A blonde and brunette were the best of friends and one day they came across a 'one liner competition'. They both admired comedy and hence they decided to give it a shot.


There were comedians, some established and some fresh talents, telling their best joke.


First came a Swedish...

Why's it so hard to perform comedy in a liquor store?

Because you always only get booze

A couple of Scottish lads were out one night and they pass a small sign for a comedy act.

One friend squints to read it and says, "come on, let's check this out"

The other friend turns to him and says, "Aye, don't go in. He's not funny."

"How d'ya know, have you seen him before?" asks the enquisitive friend.

"Probably." he says, pointing at the tiny sign, "Look, he's...

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A ventriloquist does a comedy show at a bar and makes a lot of jokes about blondes. A blonde lady stands up all feminazi and goes on a tirade.

"Blonde jokes are dehumanizing and offensive not only to blond people but to females like me. You are one of the reasons why we can't move up the corporate ladder and people look at us like we're dumb!

"It is unfair that you should brand blonds as intellectually incapable and dumb because we ...

I really hate being a comedian so I broke my legs

Guess who’s not doing stand up comedy

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