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Get Along Jokes

A guy and a girl go on a date and things get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place...

Some flirting and fooling around later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. Watching all this the girl says, ”You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, replies, “Why yes actually. How did you figure that ou...

Me: *kicking stirrups* get along now!

Gynecologist: Stop that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Cleopatra know her butt cheeks would get along?

They had a Tutankhamun.

Why do mad scientists and mathematicians get along so well?

One tests the limits of their patients, the others limits, test their patience.

Why are seismologists so hard to get along with?

Because they're sensitive to a fault.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mark Watney and Mike Tyson would probably get along great.

Both agree that poop is growth.

Why does yo mama get along with all men?

Because a dog is a man's best friend.

I really don’t get why people on Reddit don’t get along with vegans.

I’ve never had a beef with one.

Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?

.......uhhhh.... I can’t remember.

What do you call it when a group of turtles just won’t get along?

Reptile disfunction.

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

"Why is it important for engineers and architects to get along?"

I was asked this by an engineer I was driving to a conference center from the airport.

"I don't know, why?"

"Well, you see, if all the buildings in the World were built only by architects, they would all collapse under their own weight."

This elicited some chuckles from his coll...

Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab...

One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.

Why don't Germans and Russians seem to get along?

Maybe because they're Poles apart.

Why did the two spiders get along so well?

They see eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bible says Mary and Joseph didn't get along very well.

Says she rode his ass all the way to Bethlehem.

Dad joke alert: why didn't the crab and lobster get along?

They were too shellfish.

Plastic surgeons don't get along with me.

But they bring out the breast in my wife.

What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don't get along?

Foe-tons

A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party

They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
...

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well?

Because they have a common enemy

Why do all of the carbon atoms in benzene get along so well?

They learned to just let pi bonds be pi bonds.

Why don't X and Z get along with Y?

Because Y so serious

Why don't hat store owners and pet shop owner get along?

Because you can't be a fan of hat care and cat hair.

Why don't pencils and graph paper get along?

Because they're made out of graphite

Why the F1 driver doesn't get along with his crew?

He has thrust issues.

Why do flowers and beer get along so well?

They're buds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Geologists may not always get along, but when the schist hits the fan...

Its coarse-grained, metamorphic layers can be split into thin irregular plates from the impact.

A duck walks into a tavern and orders a beer.

The bartender thinks "Wow, a talking duck," and pours him a beer.

The bartender asks "I don't think I've seen you in here before. Do you live in the neighborhood?"

The duck says "No, I live across town. I'm a drywaller, and I'm working the office renovation across the street. I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Hav...

Finally decided to introduce my girlfriend to my family for New Years, but they just would not get along.

My wife can be such a b!tch during the holidays.

I have a friend that accuses me of pushing him around and talking behind his back

He is in a wheelchair and we get along quite well.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer boards a plane and takes his seat in business class.

A few moments later, two more men wander in and sit next to him. They get to chatting and he discovers they are doctors.

After a few moments, one of the doctors comments that he needs a drink.

"It's ok, I'll get it for you," says the lawyer, and gets up. The doctors notice he has take...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese doctor has a Jewish patient.

"Listen," says the patient, "I didn't think we were going to get along so good together."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean! Pearl Harbor, that's what I mean!"

"What are you talking about, Pearl Harbor? I'm Chinese!"

"Yeah, well...Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same th...

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