A guy and a girl go on a date and things get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place...

Some flirting and fooling around later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. Watching all this the girl says, ”You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, replies, “Why yes actually. How did you figure that ou...

What do you call it when a group of turtles just won’t get along?

Reptile disfunction.

Why are seismologists so hard to get along with?

Because they're sensitive to a fault.

Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?

.......uhhhh.... I can’t remember.

When two people don't get along, they have a "beef"

But if they were vegetarian, do they Squash it?

I don’t understand why people don’t seem to get along with vegetarians.

I have never had a beef with one.

"Why is it important for engineers and architects to get along?"

I was asked this by an engineer I was driving to a conference center from the airport.

"I don't know, why?"

"Well, you see, if all the buildings in the World were built only by architects, they would all collapse under their own weight."

This elicited some chuckles from his coll...

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The Bible says Mary and Joseph didn't get along very well.

Says she rode his ass all the way to Bethlehem.

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

Why does yo mama get along with all men?

Because a dog is a man's best friend.

Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab...

One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.

What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don't get along?

Foe-tons

Why don't Germans and Russians seem to get along?

Maybe because they're Poles apart.

Why did the two spiders get along so well?

They see eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye.

Dad joke alert: why didn't the crab and lobster get along?

They were too shellfish.

Why do all of the carbon atoms in benzene get along so well?

They learned to just let pi bonds be pi bonds.

Why don't hat store owners and pet shop owner get along?

Because you can't be a fan of hat care and cat hair.

Finally decided to introduce my girlfriend to my family for New Years, but they just would not get along.

My wife can be such a b!tch during the holidays.

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Geologists may not always get along, but when the schist hits the fan...

Its coarse-grained, metamorphic layers can be split into thin irregular plates from the impact.

Why the F1 driver doesn't get along with his crew?

He has thrust issues.

Plastic surgeons don't get along with me.

But they bring out the breast in my wife.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well?

Because they have a common enemy

Why don't pencils and graph paper get along?

Because they're made out of graphite

My horoscope said that I won't get along with Cancer...

Nether do people in hospice care.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

I think my Asian wife is cheating on me.

We've been together for about a year now and we've never even had the typical petty arguments. Even with the language barrier, we understand each other for the most part and if we don't, we use google to translate or just use a different word to substitute. We actually get along really really great ...

At the Birth

"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician. "Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."

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Meeting the locals....

Tom had been in Police work for 30 years.

Finally sick of the stress, he retires from his job and buys 50 acres of land in the highlands of Scotland, as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and does a food shop once a month.

Otherwise it's total peace ...

Did you hear about the dumb cowboy that got a dachshund?

Someone told him “get along little doggie.”

A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party

They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
...

A pregnant lady at the doctors.

Doctor: "Do you wish that the the baby's father be present at the birth?"

Patient: "I prefer not.

Doctor: Oh Why is that?

Patient: He doesn't get along with my husband."

Irish Cow Joke

There is an old dirt farm family who have nothing of value in this world but their milk cow. Now this was z good milk cow, which gave good high quality milk which they were able to sell and get along, so the family was actually very content. Well one day the father gets up early to milk the cow, as ...

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My british friend tried joining the ultimate frisbee team....

but he didn't get along with anyone cause he thought they were all tossers.

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Two girls are speaking and one tearfully confesses:

\- Oh, Jane, I've a problem: I've never been eaten because my pussy smells a lot like onion.

\- I think you're in luck: I have a friend, Tony, who can't smell absolutely anything. And seeing how beautiful you are, I'm sure you will get along well.

The girl calls the boy, they meet to g...

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So I went to the local strip club.

Got a lap dance from a stripper named Cinderella. I thought it was a odd stripper name but then it made sense. Her Dad wasn't around, didn't get along with stepmom, and wore see through shoes.

A man sits in his car

A man sits in his car at a gas station. He has just refilled his gas and payed. When he is about to leave, he sees a blonde lady standing to the other side of the road. He pulls down his window, as the lady is waking towards his car. He handsome! The lady says. Can I catch a ride home? Sure, get in!...

waiting for the train

Two men are waiting for a train. The younger man asks the older man for the time, but the older man ignores him. After a while, the younger man again asks for the time and again the older man ignores him. Frustrated, the younger man finally asks, “Why won’t you answer me when I ask you for the time....

A man is admitted to the hospital with chest pain.

The cardiologist orders a battery of test over the course of a week. While studding the patient's EKG he noticed that his heart rate was very erratic when his wife and daughter were visiting.

The doctor asked the man how his relationship was with his family.

Well I get along great with...

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A frog is born mute

A frog is born mute so he can’t make any noises that a frog typically makes because, well, he can’t make any noises at all. So naturally it’s very difficult for the frog to make friends with the other frogs and he ends up with just one friend; a tortoise who’s had the patience and the wherewithal to...

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This young guy in prison is sitting on his bunk crying. (long)

This young guy in prison is sitting on his bunk crying. One of the older inmates known around the clink as Big Hank comes over and sits down on the bunk beside.

“What’s the matter, buddy?” the old inmate asked.

“I really screwed up,” sobbed the young man. “I’m going to be in this hel...

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So I went to Japan on holiday,

and I had a very close online Japanese friend I met on a Guitar Hero forum, and we arranged to meet up.

I thought he was a guy, but then this really cute girl with short, brown hair shows up, easily a 9/10. She's called Nao and even though it's the first time we had met in real life, we get a...

A little Catholic boy and a little Protestant girl, both about four years old, were growing up in Northern Ireland...

Even though Catholics and Protestants didn’t generally get along with one another, the two played together often, not understanding why their families said they shouldn’t be friends.

On one particularly hot day, the two were playing when the little girl said, “‘Tis terribly hot today. We sho...

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A guy and gal from Alabama get married

They have a very nice wedding and both families get along well. A few months later comes the honeymoon. They fly out to Hawaii. on the first night the girl tells her new husband that she is still a virgin. The husband leaves immediately and goes home to talk to his dad. The dad says “what are you do...

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