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Dinner With the Parents

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that, after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never been with a wom...

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prize winning pig [long]

The Johnson brothers have had longstanding rivalry with fellow farmers the Taft brothers for a decade. The Taft brothers constantly show them up, and Billy (the oldest) decides he's finally had enough, and this year they are going to win the prize for biggest pig at the county fair. He comes up with...

The last time I went clubbing was a disaster

They played The Macarena, so I did the Macarena.

They played Stomp, so I did the Stomp.

They played Come on Eileen and I got kicked out

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

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I bought a really old race horse today.

I called him My Face.

I don't care if he doesn't win,

I just want to hear a load of posh fuckers shouting "Come on My Face."

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Everyone Knows Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave ...

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The old painter

A mobster bough a new house in the suburbs and wanted to re-paint the fence.He called a local painter. The painter was 70yo guy. He took one look at the mobster and thought "This guy surely is dumb - I will ask him for triple the normal price" and so he did.The mobster who was not as dumb as he look...

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A Red Indian with one testicle named Onestone

There once was a Red Indian who had only
one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me 'Onestone' again I will kill them!'
The...

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They’re appalled by his haircut, tattoos and piercings.

The boy leaves and the girl’s mom remarks, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

*“Oh, come on Mom! If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 300 hours of community service?”*

Dumb joke

I like this joke because it's dumb and it makes me smile and is fun.

So a whale walks up to a bartender and says

WOoooOOOoooWOooooOOOOWooooWOOOOOooo

And another whale walks up and says,

"Come on Frank, let's go home, you're drunk."

It's much better if you tell i...

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A therapist is conduction a group session with four moms and their children

He says you all have obsessions that you've passed onto your kids by naming them after the things you love.
He turns to the first. You're obsessed with alcohol,  so you've named your kid Brandy.
The second.  You're obsessed with luxury so you named your child Mercedes.
He looks at the th...

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