Can't Stand Jokes

Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.

The reason they do this is because they want to show what they know about the issue, it gives them sense of worth and want to feel validated. I know this because I ~~have a degree in psychology~~ saw a youtube video

There so stupid.

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands u... read more

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

I stop at nothing to avoid them.

I've got no time for neigh sayers

Thankfully, I spend most of the day sat down.

-Sent from your iPhone.

It's not the climbing I dislike, it's the people encouraging me. They drive me up the wall.

I guess it cause their legs are too weak.

Sorry, but we Pisceans are logical and scientific.

Stupid firemen.

Like, get over yourself Lake Superior!

They’re so full of themselves.

I told her that I think that's a ewe problem.

Don't even try and tell me that joke was offensive. Atleast it wasn't a blind joke. I can't see how those are funny.

They're always starting everything.

I wait for no Juan.

...but I respect the Kraft

"Sorry sir, but we had to amputate both legs.."

But, joke is on them! My bank just notified me that I have "Outstanding Balance".

it's a two-legged stool.

Neal

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell th... read more

It's the wurst.

So is having to re-read a sentence because you read it in the wrong tone.

Apparently I have truss issues

5.Racism
4.The Indians
2.Lists
3.Inconsistencies
1.Hypocrisy

Especially since the restraining order.

I told him most people can't stand sitting.

I mean, how do they sleep at night?

Ereptile dysfunction

Or as they're more commonly known, "quadruplets".

The doctor replies, "I know I amputated your legs."

Yeah, I get it. You have more money than me, do you really have to rub it in?

The first guy is a police officer and says "One thing i can't stand is people who speed."

The second guy is a fireman and says "One thing i can't stand is when people play with matches."

The third guy is in a wheelchair and says "One thing i can't stand is up."

Those places just rub me the wrong way

I have no way to hide my erection.

...no, wait, *italics*.

They can't stand fast food.


It's my first post on Reddit. Hope you like it.

An askhole.

I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.

I helped... read more

It's not like I have 2020 vision.

My wife says I'm on Reddit every 20 seconds checking it and she can't stand it anymore! I had to make a choice. So I'm going to be offline for a couple of minutes while I pack her bags.

I told her No. I can't stand high maintenance women.