A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?" "Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
A man was on his deathbed when his wife called the local priest to administer the last rites.
When the priest came, he started giving the man a sermon about the 'washing away of our sins. The priest man then told the dying man to denounce Satan. "Let the Devil know, that you hate him and his evil ways," the priest said.
The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order to the ...
"I've been having really painful bowel movements," I told my doctor.
"How long?" he asked.
"I can't be sure," I replied. "It's not like I measure them."
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