Becomes Jokes - 94 Hilarious Becomes Jokes

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father in law

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt...

If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico.

Not by choice though.

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young lady becomes a hooker, and after her first night on the streets, the other hookers are asking her how it went...

"Well, the first guy I met was really hot! A marine with all kinds of muscles!"

"Ooh! Nice!" another girl says. "How'd it go?"

"Well I told him it was $50 for a fuck. He said he didn't have that much. So I told him it's $25 for a blowjob. He didn't have that much either. So I said it's...

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

How long does a man have to tickle a woman before it becomes hentai?

Long enough for ten tickles.

What would happen if Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US?

He’d be rolling in his grave.

When does a 'joke' becomes a 'dad joke?'

When it becomes apparent.

To what would you change the name of a kid named Hunter if he becomes a vegetarian?

….Gatherer

Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire

...on average.

A new captain becomes leader of a company of soldiers. As he goes about learning everything on how they do things he finds two soldiers guarding a bench. He asks his sergeants why they're guarding the bench and they say the previous commander ordered it. "

He calls the previous commander up, now a major, asking why he did that and the major said its because the previous commander ordered it. So he calls that commander, now a lt. Colonel asking why he ordered it, gets the same answer that it was ordered by the previous commander. The captain goes throu...

A war hero becomes an animal doctor. Years later he retires.

He's not a triple threat, he's a triple Vet.

(Credit to my 12 year old kid)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when an outhouse becomes a regular house?

Nobody gives a shit.

Jesus becomes a man

Jesus is hitting puberty and Joseph wants to help him become a man. He approaches Mary Magdelene to enlist her help to which she readily agrees.
He takes her back to the tent and waits outside.
A few minutes later, Mary runs from the tent screaming.
Joseph enters the tent and asks what hap...

One day, legendary musician Sting becomes bored of music, and decides to try his luck at day trading.

He does a few online courses and begins trading.

On the first day Sting loses some money, but learns from it, and unpertrubed by the small losses he continues with it. On the second day, Sting loses a bit less, and learns even more. Happy with the results, he decides to sink some more money i...

Mario is getting old and becomes sick

He needs a caregiver to help him get around the house. His caregiver is Horton the elephant.

After a while, Mario is bedridden with his illness. There's a knock at the door, but Mario is too weak to go see who it is. Horton opens the door. Mario asks, "Horton, who's a here?"

Asked my boss when my raise becomes effective

He said "When you do."

SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM

Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great ...

Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed

That’s when he’s most likely to elf harm.

I'm in a room with Trump, Hillary and a gun and I'm allowed to legally shoot one of them. Whoever lives becomes president. Who do I shoot?

Myself.

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the chances that the sister of His Royal Highness Prince Archie of Sussex becomes Queen?

A Lilibet

TIL if someone steals uranium, it becomes...

...theiranium.

What happens when a Jewish person becomes less basic?

They become more Hasidic!

What happens when North becomes an adult and Kim finally admits to Kanye that North was never really his ?

“18 years, 18 years!”

What kind of bird becomes fluffy and absorbent if you put tea in front of it?

An owl.

When a Cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a

Def Leppard

When Joe Biden becomes president

The white house will be forbiden.

If you switch the B and S in Osama bin Laden, it becomes Obama Sin-Laden . . .

Some might consider that prophetic, others slanderous.

But I say it's just flippin' BS.

An elderly preacher and his wife of a similar age are ecstatic when she becomes pregnant...

They'd tried for years when they were younger, but after it never happened they'd given up on the idea, deciding it just wasn't in God's plan for them. They told their friends and family the good news.

One of them told the local paper about the miracle child, and since it had been a slow news...

How long will it be before Kamala Harris becomes president?

I don’t know, but for now, she’s just Biden her time.

How does a software code becomes unreadable?

No comments.

A wise man once said “Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others.”

…the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders to ban Oral sex if he becomes president....

"It's the only way I can get reddit to stop sucking my dick" - he said.

Jesus becomes a bartender. Man says hey you SOB I ordered a beer but you just gave me water.

I told you I could turn water into whine.

I watched a movie called "The Adjustment," about a Chiropractor who quits, goes back to school and becomes an famous Orthopedic Spine Surgeon. I didn't really like it.

Too much backstory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy becomes a monk...

A guy goes to join an order of monks at an isolated monastery.

The head monk says to him, “This is a very strict order, we live simple lives devoted to silent prayer and physical labor. One of our requirements is a vow of silence.”

The guy nods.

The Monk continues, “You may spe...

Given enough time, everything becomes new again... however, this is definitely a repost

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.
Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to chan...

The math professor explained "two negatives becomes a positive, but two positives cannot become a negative"

A student rolled his eyes and said "Yeah, yeah"

Dad becomes freaked out over sons ability to make people die then he gets another surprise

So a dad and his family are praying one night and his son says, “Goodnight mama goodnight daddy and goodbye Grandpa”, next day grandpa dies. The dad is a little freaked out but is convinced this was just a tragic coincidence. Next night they are praying and his son says, “Goodnight mama goodnight da...

When I post a joke on my ten year cake day, it automatically becomes a dad joke.

It's become full groan...

So Mike Tyson dies and becomes a ghost. What is his favorite thing to eat for breakfast?

Ethereal

(A cereal)

I'm proud of this joke

What do you call Jesus when he becomes a meth Addict

The methiah

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once read a novel about a man who becomes infatuated with a 60 year old former prostitute.

It's basically about a guy who falls for the oldest trick in the book.

A man walks into a bar

He orders a Martini, takes out the olive, puts it on the table and drinks it. Then he orders another one, again taking out the olive and drinking the Martini. And again, and again, and again…

At the tenth Martini, the bartender becomes curious and asks: “Why are you always taking out the oliv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Friends graduate together from a college. One of them becomes a businessman and the other becomes a forest officer

After a few years, the forest officer (FO) invites the businessman(BM) to visit him in the jungles of which he was incharge. The BM agrees at once and arrives at the forest within a week. They talk about old days and everything and then the FO takes him out to the jungle for a tour. A kilometer insi...

The Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, r...

I believe there is a point in life after which the suffering becomes unbearable and euthanasia is the only humane option.

That point is birth.

A school district superintendent, known for his fiery temper, visits a high school one day. He becomes so annoyed with the staff's incompetence that he yells without thinking, "Half of this school's staff is unfit to work in a high school!"

Naturally, everyone stops and stares as the superintendent. "I'm sorry," he says sheepishly. "What I meant to say was that half of this school's staff is *not* unfit to work in a high school!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. (one of my favourite jokes, worth the read)

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the z...

A man becomes a monk..

A man becomes a monk at an abbey that requires him to work, study, and contemplate. He is allowed to speak only two words every ten years, so that they be the most consice and profound.

After the first ten years he goes through his first ceremony. He walks past the other lined disciples, knee...

If a crime is committed often enough, it eventually just becomes a norm, and society eventually learns to accept and forgive it.

So anyway, I'm gonna need all you guys to start collecting dog skulls. Don't ask why.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman in the 1800s becomes very upset after seeing the painting an artist had done for her. She says to him, "I tell you I want a painting commemorating my husband's last thoughts, and you give me cows with halos and Indians making love?”

"Miss," he says. "Those are your husband's last thoughts." "Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If sexual innuendo becomes a crime,

How many people will go down?

Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

What happens when a lion becomes a cannibal?

He swallows his pride...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In hard times, a young woman becomes a prostitute...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

A man orders soup at the restaraunt, but as soon as it arrives, it becomes apparent something is very wrong with his meal.

He flags down his waiter.

"Excuse me waiter, could you please taste my soup?"

The waiter gives the man a strange look.

"Is something wrong with your soup, sir?"

The man shakes his head,

"Please taste the soup, waiter."

The waiter gets flustered, he told the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him

and whispers, "Take all the money in your wallet, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money on 27 and wins!

Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil again. The ...

What do you call the Ant Man when he becomes super big?

giANT man.

If Hurricane Dorian becomes a major hurricane...

Will it be called Hurricane Mixolydian?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you guys heard about the man who’s penis is so big, he passes out from blood loss when he becomes erect?

I heard he’s a hard sleeper.

If Donald Trump becomes president, and Boris Johnson becomes UK's PM...

It'll be like toupees in a pod.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with an Ostrich

A man walks Into a bar with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a beer,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man becomes a Monk...

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monk graciously accepts him, feeds him dinner, and even fixes his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep, he he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum

and yells, "Who the fuck, fucked my wife"
The crowd upon hearing this becomes silent and the man repeats the question. "Who in the fucking hell fucked my wife".
The crowd still quiet. Then a person from the back of the bar says, "You dont have enough bullets"

Blonde becomes a flight attendent

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the cr...

Someday we will have to explain the song 'baby it's cold outside' to our kids as it becomes more and more controversial.

We will have to explain to them how it used to get cold outside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: What do you call a prostitute who becomes a doctor?

A fucking know it all

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If someone becomes your toilet paper dealer...

does that make them your butt plug?

A French man loses his favorite olive oil, and becomes suicidal...

I've lost my huile d'olive!

What do you call a treehugger that becomes a prostitue?

Leaf blower

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is having dinner at the table one evening, when the son asks the father, "Dad, how many different kinds of boobs are there?" The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering...

"Well, my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions."

The son is confused and asks, "Onions?"

The fathe...

A married couple is lying in bed one night....

A married couple is lying in bed one night.

The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interv...

What's the first thing you do if your browser becomes haunted?

Clear all spookies

When a cow becomes fat enough...

...its life is at steak!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is green, but when you click a button it becomes red?

A frog in a blender

A botanist starts playing minecraft, and he becomes a mathematician

He had to calculate the cubic root

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man becomes Orthodox...

A black man converts to Greek orthodoxy. One day he walks into a church out of town. An old woman sees him, and perceives he performs all the ritual motions exactly.

She walks up to him and asks "Sonnie, tell me true, you Greek?"
He says "no".

Again, she sees he performs all the ri...

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.

"But you're naked!"...

Steven Soderberg’s movie Contagion becomes the most downloaded movie of the year 2023

...with 17 downloads

The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.

What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?

General Ken OB

I am a type of fish that becomes SO loud in Sweden. Who am I?

Yellyfish.

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.

So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

*Wow this blew up!! I didn't expect it to get so many upvotes! THANK YOU! I heard this joke from my friend today and I decided to share it with Reddit.*

*Thank you for the silver! First time receivi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when a famous super spy becomes homeless?

“The name’s bond— Vagabond.”

After retiring to a small village in the country, a mathematician soon becomes restless...

One day his wife suggests he pursue his hobby for electronics repair and open a shop. On the first day of business, he places a sign out front that reads “Electronics repair — No Apple products!” His wife inquires: “Why shut out some of your best business? iPhones, iPads, iPods, and iMacs, and some ...

What does a pig buy if his skin becomes sore?

Oinkment

What do you call Lady Gaga if she ever becomes Queen?

Lady O. Gaga

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.