Why do police in Hong Kong go to work early?

They like to beat the crowd

What should we do with people who rely on government handouts, but refuse to work?

Kick them out of congress.

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's...

a man takes a day off work to go golfing

He’s ready to tee off when he hears a frog, “ribbit, 9 iron”

The man is confused, but the frog speaks again, “ribbit, 9 iron”

To prove the frog wrong, the man pulls out his 9 iron and swings at the ball.

Hole in one.

The man bends down and says “you must be a lucky frog...

A six year old boy goes to work with his father....

A six year old boy goes to work with his father on a bring your kid to work day.

After about 30 minutes of arriving the kid starts crying loudly, the whole office gathers around.

The father asks his kid "what's the matter son?"

The kid replies "where are all the clowns that yo...

At work, my colleagues have given me the nickname “Mr. Compromise.”

It wasn’t my first choice, but I’m ok with it.

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Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."

I responded, "How about now?"

I rang work and I said "I can't come in today, I have a wee cough"

The boss said "You have a wee cough?"

I said "Wow, thanks boss, see you next Wednesday!"

My Boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini...

I said “ Wow, that’s an amazing car!”

He replied “ Well, If you work really hard, exceed all your targets and strive for excellence, I’ll get a Bugatti next year!”

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

A man who works at the Guinness brewery in Dublin, Ireland goes to his best friend's house.

The friend's wife opens the door and sees the look of grief on the man's face.

"I'm sorry, there's been a terrible accident and Liam died."

"Dear God, no!!! How?!"

"He fell in a vat of beer and drowned."

"Just tell me one thing: did he suffer?"

"I don't think so. H...

When I’ve had a long day at work, I like to come home, get on my computer, and press F5.

It’s refreshing.

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A man doesn't feel well and wants to call-in sick to work...

So he phones his boss and explains that he wants to take a sick day.

"Well," says the boss, "when I'm feeling under the weather I just ask my wife to give me a blowjob. Usually perks me right up! Why don't you try that?"

"Ok, I guess it's worth a shot" says the man.

About an hou...

No-one ever wants to work on the can crushing machine

It's just soda pressing.

What do lawyers wear to work?

Law Suits

I met a homeless duck on the way to work yesterday. We got talking and I asked him how he ended up on the streets...

He said it was because of his nasty quack habit.

I'm a programmer, my wife works part-time in tech support. (NSFW)

Last Friday night, we felt a little frisky, so we made a trip to the bedroom. For her, everything went great. For me... Not so much. An hour later, I had yet to climax once.

So my wife had a brilliant idea. She went to our living room, grabbed some books we'd bought so we could teach our kids...

My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft.

I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morn...

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Robin: "Batman, the batmobile doesn't work. "

Batman: "Robin, did you check the battery?"
Robin: "Batman, what the fuck is a tery?"

I found a pun that works in both Spanish and English!

Where do cats go when they die? **Purr**gatory.

¿De dónde van los gatos cuando mueren? Pur**gato**rio.

A man works at a paper company

His job was to design a new kind of paper that won't rip apart when you need a paper to last. He spent months working on his newest design, and the day his boss was supposed to come by to see his progress, he was full of hope.
His boss comes to his office, grabs the stack of paper that the man h...

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If you need big boobs to work at Hooters

Do you need one leg to work at IHop?

I used to work in a powdered soup factory, until I started coughing up little cubes of tofu...

I was forced to retire, after being diagnosed with Miso-thelioma.

A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks:

"Do you like potato pancakes?" "No," comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket. "Do you have a brother?" "No." After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

What do you call alternative medicine that actually works?

Medicine

Where do scuba divers go to relax after work?

Dive bars.

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What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt.

They say "a woman's work is never done"

Maybe that's why they get paid less

Where do elements work out?

The oxygym

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I was sitting on the toilet, exhausted, and late for work.

I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”

Magician: I can make anything disappear

Tom: ***holding cup*** do it to my tea!

Magician: ***waves hand*** done!

om: ***holding cup*** it didn’t work.

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The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

Why do the cops pull over communists on their way to work?

Because they are Rushian

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Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course - I think the police are wonderful - but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?"

"Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct."

"What about if I were just to think it?...

I work in a crematorium and is tough.

You can never urn a living.

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I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.

I said, “What’s going on?”

“You tell me?” replied my wife.

I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.”

“A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!”

I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.

If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, she replied.

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs ...

A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession he loves.

What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

I have some french works war 2 army rifles for sale

Never fired, dropped once.

Joseph Stalin should have known Communism wouldn't work.



I mean seriously,there were red flags everywhere.

One day a talented engineer was inspecting some work on top of a new high rise building when he slipped and fell to his death.

He goes to Heaven and walks up to the pearly gates. Saint Peter says “sorry, we aren’t letting anyone in today, you’ll have to go somewhere else.” Dismayed at his other prospects, the man goes to limbo for a while, but finds it incredibly boring. So he leaves and goes down to Hell.

There he ...

I work at a cemetery

I always work the graveyard shift!

A bear went to the store to buy groceries on its way home from work.

Unfortunately, because it was a bear, it was not allowed in.

All the sandwiches in the fridge at work have names on..

Today I ate a sandwich called Kevin.

I came home from work early one night...

I came home from work early one night to find my wife and my best mate, sweaty and breathless in the living room. I said, "What's going on?"

My wife said, "Erm... We've been playing on the Wii Fit." She winked at my mate and said, "Dave did VERY well."

As I walked out of the room, I he...

My dad always said, "Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did.

Account balance: $9.11

Lou Costello : Well that’€™s gonna cost you overtime because I’€™m a union man and I work only sixteen hours a day.

McDougal : A union man only works eight hours a day.

Lou Costello : I belong to two unions.

Followed the instructions for my password but they didn’t work

It said, “Type Password”

So I entered, “Password”

Then it told me, “Your Password is Incorrect”

So I entered, “Incorrect”

To which it said, “Try Again”

So I typed, “Again”

But now for some reason I can’t do anything because it thinks my account name is “Lock...

I used to work at the zoo circumcising elephants.

The pay wasn't great, but they let me keep the tips!

Where does a dog scientist work?

In a labradoratory.

I received an award at work for being the most secretive employee.

I can’t tell you how much this means to me.

Steve, how do you get to work?

I go by train.

Ok. Train, how do you get to work?

A man takes the day off of work to go golfing

A man takes the day off work to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.



He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit, 9 iron."



The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.



"Ribbit,...

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A guy gets home early from work

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but...

The cashier got my wife with this at the store just now then she got me at home with it. It only works verbally, but I wanted to share.

Cashier: Did you hear about the famous actress that stabbed her husband today?

wife: No who?

Cashier: Reese...um...

Wife: Witherspoon?

Cashier: No, with her knife!

What do you call a snake that works for the government?

A civil serpent.

I've been cycling to work for a whole month now

You would have thought I would be there by now

Son: Dad, how does a sundial work?

Dad:(hands son his phone) Now call your mother.

Son: Why don't you just do it?

Dad: That would be a DadDial!

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AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES,...

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A fourth-generation prostitute goes home to her great-grandmother's house for a family dinner. She begins complaining to her family about work. "Geeze! Men these days complain about paying $50 for a blowjob! It's hard work! I earn that money!"

Mom, who was a hooker in the 1980s laughs, "Fifty bucks!? You're complaining about that? When I was on the streets, we were lucky to get $20!"

Grandma giggles, "You two are both spoiled brats! Back in the 1950s, we took $5 for a blowey and we were glad to get it!"

They all turn to grea...

Wife at work part 2

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

A doctor gets a chestnut dacquiri every day after work at the bar across the street.

He's been doing this for a couple of years at this point, and so the bartender, Jim, knows him. He forgot the man's name so at this point he just calls him "doc". In fact the doctor has been doing this for so long at the same time every day that the bartender prepares the dacquiri before he gets the...

Why was Putin late for work today?

His car kept Stalin

It is rare when a defibrillator fails to work,

But when it does, no one is shocked.

Why was Putin late for work today?

His car kept Stalin.

And when he asked his neighbour if he could borrow her car, she said “Get lost. I’m not Lenin you my car”

Employees on time to work

One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

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My friend works as a scientist where they have a giant underground ring which smashes cocktails together at very high speeds...

...it's called the Pina Collider.

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Mailman is making his rounds on his very last day of work. After 25 years on the same route the day had finally come. He was a good mailman and well liked. Therefor many of his regulars had little cookies and parting gifts for him. All was going well until he got to the Smith residence.

When he came to the door and was about to deliver the letters, Mrs. Smith opened the door in a sexy lingerie holding a plate of cookies and invited him in. The mailman, not wanting to be rude took a few cookies, stepped inside and said thank you. As he was about to leave, she said " oh no, we're...

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It's 4:58PM and there's a good chance the receptionist at work wants to have sex with me

Either way I'm getting off in 2 minutes

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

can't opener!

There was a drug test at work today...

Mine came back negative. My dealer owes me an explanation.

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A man comes home from work and finds his wife packing her suitcase.

Husband: What are you doing?

Wife: I heard that they pay $400 for blowjobs in Vegas, so I'm leaving you and I won't need a man to ever support me again.

Husband: Hmmmm

Wife: What are you packing for I said I'm leaving you!!

Husband: I know! I just want to see how you liv...

Not sure if this will work outside of Scotland...

Two cows in a field, which one is on holiday?


- the one with the wee calf

A guy shows up at work with two black eyes...

...when asked what happened he said, "I was riding on the bus this morning when this rather large woman stood up to get off. I noticed her dress was stuck in the crack of her ass, so being a gentleman, I politely pulled it out for her. She turned around and slugged me.

When asked how he got t...

I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work

But it was a whisk I was willing to take

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What would your thoughts be if your significant other wanted to work in the adult industry?

I would like to see her try to make a living out of having sex two times a year.

My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

My work has just hired an Australian IT expert

He comes from a LAN down under

I work at a bank and everyday this middle aged girl comes in and asks me to check her balance. I finally got tired of it and pusher her over. She didn’t have good balance.

I did what she asked so idk why they fired me

I got up from my desk at work and said “I’m sorry, I have a funeral to attend”

My boss said, “I’m so sorry for your loss! Why are you still here?”

I said, “cause it’s not mine”

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Husband arrives home from work to his wife with a broken leg

Hubby: How are you doing??

Wife: Fine. Hey, do me a favour.. Go upstairs & get me my slippers. My feet are freezing!

Hubby goes upstairs & sees Wife's hot two sisters lying on the bed.

Hubby: Your sister sent me up to have sex with you girls..

Sisters: Prove it!<...

An executioner is picking up his co-worker to go to work

He pulls up at his friends house and noticed that he's taking a long time to get ready. So he says, "Come on now, we'd best beheading to work!"

I had a drug test at work today. It came back negative

My dealer has some explaining to do

A woman looks out her window at her neighbor leaving for work, who puts a kiss on his wife's cheek.

So, as her husband is leaving, she points to the husband kissing his wife, and says, "Why don't you do that?" He says, "Why? I barely know her!"

Life sucks, work sucks...

Wife doesn't.

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A successful bussinessman has a work trip coming up and hes worried that his beautiful girlfriend will cheat on him when he is gone

So he goes to the best sex shop in town and starts looking through the toys. He sees dildos but doesn't feel they'll do the trick. He sees vibrators but also doesnt feel safe, so he goes to the owner. He asks for the best sex toy available. The owner goes to the back of the shop and gets a wooden bo...

I was walking home from work today when I saw a duck on the street.

The duck looked lost so I picked it up and carried it back to my house.

When we arrived home we where met by my wife who glared and with angry tone asked "what are you doing with that pig?"

I said "dear it's a duck actually"

She said "I was speaking to the duck"

An 8-year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take Your Kid to Work Day'.

An 8-year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take Your Kid to Work Day'. As they were walking around the office, the young girl starting crying and getting very cranky, her father asked what was wrong with her.

As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, Daddy, where are all t...

This fellow showed up at work one morning sleepless and haggard.

“What happened to you?” a co-worker asked.

“I was up nearly all night,” the man said. “My wife and I had a terrible argument. She became historical.”

“You mean hysterical,” the co-worker replied.

“No, historical,” the man said. “She went over absolutely everything I’ve done wron...

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A blonde woman visits her husband in prison Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: "You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!" officer laughs, saying: Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he is been digging a tunnel for months!"

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A crazy guy outside my work has been wearing a “The end is near!” sign every day for the last 2 months.

Fuckin’ false advertising.

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A man is at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident.

He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face, says:


"Sir, I have very bad news. We did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the ...

They are having a bad posture contest at work.

I have a hunch I might win

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Called into HR at work

I recently got called into a meeting with HR in my workplace. They wanted to discuss my incident with another co worker involving a dare where I threw a lamp at them and yelled "Lighten the fuck up".

I told them straight up it was a dare and not all my own doing.

HR asked me, "so who'...

After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...

Because I'm Dragon Ass

I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night

It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next

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After work, a man gets pulled over by a cop.

The policeman approaches the drivers' door.

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost i...

A teenage potato brings her boyfriend home to meet the parents. "So, what do you do for work?" asks the inquisitive father potato. “Oh, I work for a TV company as a sportscaster." The father potato is furious and tells the boyfriend to leave immediately.

“Why did you do that daddy?!” shrieks the distraught daughter, eyes wide.

The father shouts, “I’m not having *my* daughter hanging around with a commentator!"

Why are people who work in a fish shop mean?

Their job makes them sell fish.

My gf works for the government but just delivered the message to me that she wants to break up...

Guess she's now my Fed Ex...

Training for a marathon can be hard work

But it'll be good for you in the long run.

This one only works if you speak the conversation...

Pence and Trump are talking about immigration:

Trump:. And, see, with this giant wall, we'll have less of those nasty immigrants.

Pence:. Fewer.

Trump: shh, it's a bit too soon for that.

A man at work has a coworker who truly despises him

Yet year after year on his birthday, the coworker gives the man elegant, expensive ties.

Finally the man can't stand it anymore and asks, "Listen, I know you truly can't stand me, so why all the niceties?"

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it i...

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work...

And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.

Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgi...

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A guy goes in to work and his whole hand is shattered.

His boss looks at him and says “My goodness! What did you do?”

“I fist bumped my buddy on Saturday.” The man replied.

The boss looked at him and asked “Who’s your buddy? The Hulk?”

To which the man explained, “No his name is Larry but he was driving past me when we did it.”

There are those who check their cellphone battery life at the end of a work day to see how much they goofed off..

And then there are those with cellphone chargers.

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A man is caught naked at work by his co-worker.

"I can't believe this! Are you having sex with her?", his coworker exclaimed.


"She was just lying there naked. What was I supposed to do?", the man replied.


"The autopsy, you fucking moron!"


"Hey - don't tell me how to do my job!"


"You are the worst vet I'...

I rear ended a Dwarf at the traffic lights on the way to work this morning!

He jumped out of his car and stormed up to my window motioning for me to roll it down. He said, "I'm not Happy!"
I said, "Then which one are you?"

I used to work at a sausage factory.

It was the wurst.

Got called in for a drug test at work...

They said I tested positive for opioids.

I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."

They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"

"It was an everything bagel."

My boss showed up to work in a brand new Bentley

I complimented him on the quality of his ride. He said “well son if you work hard and put in those extra hours, in a few years I’ll get another.”

A work uniform is a lot like a pair of pajamas...

Usually somebody else buys them for you, it's one of the few outfits you'll wear where the top is the same color as the bottoms, you might not wash them after every single wearing, and it can lead to depression if you're in them for more than 8 hours a day.

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A man with perfect work attendance calls in sick one day...

His boss is really worried about him, as he'd never missed a day of work in 15 years. So he gets in his car and drives over to his house to make sure he's okay.

He knocks, but there's no answer. He puts his ear to the door and hears moaning. "Oh no! He's dying!" the boss says. He busts in the...

My brother is terrified of the elevators at work!

So we're taking steps to avoid them!

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

I used to work tunneling through cemeteries.

It was dead boring.

I met an Australian guy who works in IT.

I asked, "Do you come from a LAN down under?"

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time..

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, sure. I would love to here it. " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

A guy at work was stuck in a machine, it cut his whole left side off.....

He's all right.

I have a proven strategy to walk out of any casino with a small fortune and it works 100% of the time

All you have to do is walk into the casino with a large fortune

My friend and I were trying to figure out the circumference of his mid section, but neither of us knew how to work a tape measure...

...we decided it was a total waist.

What did Zelda suggest to Link when diplomacy didn't work?

Try-force

I used to work as a lifeguard

Until some blue kid got me fired.

“My husband can do the work of two men."

"Unfortunately those men are Laurel and Hardy.”

(Source - Jo Brand)

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All in a nights work

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says ...

A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day.

“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”

“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how mu...

Wanted: a man has been stealing the wheels off of police cars

Officers are working tirelessly to catch him.

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I called work and said I am sick

My boss said “How sick are you?”

I replied “ I am balls deep in my dead nan”

Two parents are taking their newborn son for a stroll. A passerby looks into the carriage and exclaims, "What a beautiful baby!". The father thanks the passerby, and added, "Yes, my son here is some of my best work!"

The mother, slightly miffed, asks her husband, "Why did you take all the credit? I carried this baby for none months. I delivered him after 10 hours of labor. All you did was have10 minutes of fun!"

The husband replied, "When you have a good meal, who do you thank? The chef or the oven?"<...

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A woman applies for work at a construction site.

Her skills and recommendations are superb, so the foreman is ready to offer her the job. "We are kinda rough here. And we use body parts in our "sign language" to get around the noise and distance on the site."

"No problem," she replies, "all part of the job."

Soon, the foreman is on...

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What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee you racist bastard!

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I saw an amazing ass on my way to work today

I wanted to take her home and play with her all night long, until I saw her dad and realized that she was a mule.

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