UPJOKE
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Transform Jokes

My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer.

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."


Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."

I just flew in from a Transformers convention.

And boy my arms are tires.

Why doesn't Bruce Banners pants rip when he transforms into the Hulk?

Because the radiation altered his jeans

I’ve got a disease that keeps transforming me into capital cities…..

It’s starting to Hanoi me now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

What did Optimus Prime do when his dishwasher blew a transformer?

He filed for divorce.

If Transformers are cars and cars are Transformers.

Aren't we giving Bumblebee a handjob everytime we shift gears.

Did you know? If Mr T converts to become a jewish minister, he will also be transformed into a lagomorph.

That's right, he becomes a Rabbi T.

what do you call a transformer that gets pulled over for drugs?

Methamis Prime.

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

Which vehicle is a transformer?

Cargo ship.

My genitals can transform from one Toy Story character to another depending on how much I wash them

They go from a Woody to a Stinky Pete

What would RoboCop be called if he was a Transformer?

Stoptimus Crime

Do Transformers get car insurance or health insurance?

Nether. They’re immigrants in America.

Do you think they would write a book about Ellen Page's transformation into Elliot?

They really should.

It would be a real Page-turner

Thanks to your donations, we've completely transformed this homeless man...

Into a homeless woman.

My girlfriend threatened to leave unless I stopped being delusional and admitted that I am not a Transformer

But I told her “Babe, I can change!”

2 Transformers got married

Soon thereafter, they had a baby Transformer. But at that moment when they had a baby, they suddenly could not be seen anymore.

They had become Transparents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when Wonder Woman has sex with a transformer?

Amazon Prime

My wife said,"I'm leaving you as you keep telling everyone you're a Transformer."

I said,"please don't,I can change."

If your superpower is to shapeshift, do not transform into an Indian garment

Or you'll be Sari

Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven

When an old man approaches.

"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Asks St Peter.

"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son... his birth was miraculous, still I loved him ve...

The pain transformer

A pregnant couple arrived to the hospital after the woman started to feel contractions.

Seeing the woman's pain, the doctor offered a new treatment: A pain transformer which after applying it, the pain will pass (some percentage of it) to the father.

The father, who wanted best for his...

Have you heard about the Transformer who turns into a prostate vibrator?

I finally understand what they mean by ***"robots in these guys"***

Transformers

Last night at midnight, my wife came downstairs into the kitchen where I was noisily going through the cupboards with one hand while in the other was my semi automatic pistol.
"What the hell are you doing" she demanded.
I glanced up at her and answered "Looking for Decepticons."
There was a...

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I read that having sex every day for a year could transform your marriage.

It worked so well I’m thinking of suggesting it to my wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ambulances are the original Transformers

because sometimes they transform mid-ride into hearses.

An Englishman wants to transform into an Irish.

He inquires the expert doctor about alternatives.

**Doc**: "We will have to remove the right half of your brain."

**Patient**: "Alright. Let's go through with it."

(The next day, after the procedure...)

**Doc**: "There were serious complications during the operation.
<...

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Beauty, self image and the ability to transform.

Martha was ugly like a shaven baboon,

So she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon.

After a week she finally emerged,

She smelled like shit what a psycho.

>Credits to Bo Burnham

What do you call a Transformer that turns into a stroller?

Optimus Pram.

How would Jay-Z express himself if he was fully transformed into a spider?

.
.
.
.
.

I’m not a Spider-Man, I’m a spider, man

Did you guys hear about Jared Fogle from Subways transformation?

He used to have mild cholesterol problems, but they turned into child molestoral problems.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call a transformer with an extremely large penis?

Megashlong

A lycanthrope transforms in front of his friend for the first time.

A lycanthrope transforms in front of his friend for the first time.

His friend says "oh my god, you just turned into a wolf!"

He replies: "yes. I am a were."

Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.

Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.

What shoes do Transformers wear?

Vans.

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

“Ah,” he said, “That’s my altar ego.”

My girlfriend threatens to leave me if I don't stop refrencing Transformers..

I guess I'll just roll out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man, if I got transformed into a pregnancy test...

...I'd be pissed!

What transformer loves to paint?

Optimus Primer

When Transformers was filmed in Detroit

Michael Bay had to use CGI to repair buildings

Transformers: More than meets the eye.

Trans-formers: your mom's now a guy.

What would Dwane Johnson be if he transformed into a giant mythical bird?

He’d be The Roc.

We lost power at work today due to someone hitting a transformer.

I never heard if it was a Decepticon or an Autobot.

What is a millennial rapper’s favorite Transformer?

Mumblebee

Guy: I'm writing "Transformers": a crossover fanfic where Othello encounters Sauron...

Other guy: "why's it called "Transformers"?"

Guy: Moor then meets The Eye

A man working on an imaginary high voltage transformer was found dead in his home.

He had apparently received a fatal shock from the fictitious device.

Investigators who later examined it concluded that this was because it was not grounded in reality.

Have you heard of the upcoming movie where a time traveller gets transformed into a chicken?

It's called Bawk to the Future.

Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.

They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.

“Darling, I must away from this place” he turned round for dram...

Who is the best underwater Transformer?

Octopus Prime!

What do you call a Flying Transformer

Robots in da skies

I was talking to Bumblebee the Transformer the other day...

I didn't realize he was such a car guy

What is Kanye's favorite Transformer?

Bruce Jenner

Third magic trick now perfected.. transforming myself into toilet paper.

I'm on a roll!

A Transformer Baby!

Few Kids and a pregnant lady was standing at Bus stop..

kid: "What are you expecting?"
The girl says, "A bus."
The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer

Did you hear about the transformer who lost his ability to change into a seven-sided shape?

He's a de-septagon.

Who is the most popular Transformer in America?

Caitlyn Jenner.

What happened to the Transformer that ate poorly prepared food?

It came down with Autobotulism.

What do you call a Transformer that engages in illegal activities?

Optimus *Crime*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

What do you call transformer's father and mother?

Transparent

Adam meets a witch

The witch tells him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed"!

Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive."

Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely *will* be cursed!

Adam: "Nope. You're hideous."

The witch then transformed him into an ant.

Witch: "Look whe...

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Why aren't there any baby Transformers?

Because Auto-Bots pull out!

My girlfriend threatened to break-up with me if I didn't stop acting like a Transformer...

I said "but baby, I can change!"

Joaquin Phoenix won an award for weight loss transformation into Arthur Fleck in "Joker".

Atrophy.

Why shouldn't you take the Fourier transform of a square pulse while on a boat?

Because you don't wanna sinc!

I feel like I got a bad deal on my dwarf transformation surgery...

I was definitely short-changed.

What do you call a robotic transforming Malaysian airliner?

If it's evil, a Deceptigone. If not, an Autobottomoftheocean

Shamelessly stolen from [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/38i70d/what_would_be_the_worst_machine_that_a/crv9i7p)

What do you call a Mongol holding a Transformer?

A Decepti-Khan

[Long] A man was playing golf one sunny afternoon when he hit his ball into a pond.

As he approached the water to retrieve his ball, he noticed a small frog sitting on a lily pad.
To his surprise, the frog spoke up and said, "Excuse me, sir, but I'm not actually a frog. I'm a beautiful princess under a curse. If you kiss me, I'll transform back into my true form, and I'll be for...

Did you hear about the mathematician that renovated his entry way?

He did a foyer transform

What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full?

Optimist Prime

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mac and Dave are out hunting in the woods when Dave trips over something.

He looks back and picks up a lamp, buried in the undergrowth. As he gives it a quick rub, a genie pops out.

"WHO DISTURBS MY ENDLESS SLEEP!?" Booms the genie, "MY FURIOUS WRATH YOU NOW SHALL REAP!"

Mac helps Dave to his feet and pulls him away from the angered genie.

"Ta Mac",...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Liu Kang faces Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat…

After a long, brutal battle, Liu goes to the bar to celebrate his victory with his buddy Kung Lao.

Kung Lao asks: What happened to you? Why are you covered in red?

Liu Kang replies: Ah, it is the blood of Shang Tsung! He is defeated!

A week later Shang challenges Liu to a remat...

Little Benny was very sick, and the doctors had given up hope.

As a last present, his parents brought him to Arabia on a trip. While they were walking through a market, little Benny bought a lamp from a vendor.

When he arrived home, he rubbed the lamp to clean it, and, to his surprise, a genie popped out in a flash of light.

"What is it that you ...

An Indian is calmly having breakfast...

An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an

American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside

him.The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We on...

So my my dad told our family that he’d always wanted to be a woman and that he was going to undergo the transformation.

I guess he just wanted to be transparent.

An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.


One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"


The man says, "I should have taken the money."

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday ..

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, Baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!"

Did you hear about that trans-species gazelle?

He’s really transformed himself. You could say he was born a gnu.

Dave was struggling with his parrot that was constantly using bad language, so he sought help from the vet.

“Every time the bird swears," said the vet, "Put it in the freezer for 15 seconds.”

Dave decided to follow the advice, and after trying it for the first time, found the parrot shivering and apologetic when he took it out of the freezer.

The bird said, "I'm sorry for all the bad langu...

Optimus Prime is at home, watching TV, when his power goes out.

Frustrated, he calls the electrical company, and they have someone sent over. As he goes to ask the lineman what's going on, he notices that his jaw won't move, so he goes to get some motor oil to lubricate his jaws.

10 minutes later, he arrives back at his house, his mouth full of motor oil....

My wife said she wants to break up with me

Me: “Why?!?”

Wife: “You keep making stupid Transformers jokes…”

Me: “Please don’t leave, I can change!”

Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever.

It took him 12 years to transform into a bat.

When you suddenly get the feeling all of your Amazon wishlist items are in stock

You transform into Optimist Prime.

Yo mama jokes will always remain a classic.

Yo mama so fat, it takes a substation transformer to power her defibrillator.

A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

He wishes to be turned into a human being. After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie. He asks "How can I ever repay you?"

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before;...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are standing on a cliff near the ocean.

Suddenly, a genie appears and says: "I can turn you into anything you want, if you jump off this cliff. Just say what you want to transform into after jumping, and I will work my magic."

The first man jumps, and shouts:

"Seagull!"

He then transforms into a seagull, and flies awa...

Are we even watching the same movie?!

One thing I’ll never do again is watch a movie with a genius. You, me, us normal people, have a thing called suspension of disbelief. When we watch a Harry Potter movie we don't get lost when they shoot lighting out of their little wand. We're in, we get it. Magic. Got it! Light up the screen! I'm i...

A girl I liked was giving me mixed signals

So I calculated Fourier transform.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

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