How did Alice feel when her doctor told her she is genetically more likely to develop a yeast infection?

Thrush-traited

A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...

I developed an addiction to drinking Brake Fluid

Fortunately, I can stop at any time!

I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts:

Leave me the Fuh Cologne.

Maybe if I develop feelings for COVID-19 it will leave.

It always happens with girls.

Why do most software developers need glasses?

Because they can't C#

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A Java Developer decides to get a shave in his private parts

his method is called

`pubic void`

I got asked if i'd like to invest in the development of a new invisibility cloak.

I said no.


I just couldn't see it becoming a thing.

Once I had developed my IQ

my life changed 360 degrees

Good news! There are well over 100 labs in America working on developing a vaccine.

Just wait til they get the German shepherds involved!

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A scientist was put in charge of developing new methods of assassination for the CIA.

He came up with several ideas, and the director of the CIA came down to see them demonstrated.

He showed off ballpoint pen dart-guns and poisoned bubble gum, but nothing seemed to impress the director. Finally, he stood up to leave.

"I'm going to go take a piss, and then I'm headed bac...

They are developing a brand new fan technology

It's so cool

A Software Developer walks into a bar

A Software Developer walks into a bar

Bartender: "you having the usual?"

Software Developer thinks for a while
and then says "Yes"

Bartender: "What took you so long to answer?"

Software Developer: "Sorry, I got cache issues."

What's the difference between America and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone it will eventually develop culture.

Did you hear that New York State developed its own hand sanitizer to combat COVID?

They filled small bottles with water from the Hudson River. That stuff can kill anything.

After a Coronavirus vaccine is developed

anti-vax people would need to make a very interesting choice

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A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

My software developer candidate brought his pet to the interview

He produced perfectly valid Python.

A new strain of Corona have developed...

Its basically the same, but wiser

I've developed a fetish for figuring things out.

I just came to that realization.

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With the spread of Coronavirus, many around the world appear to be developing Constipation:

Doctors say it is not a symptom of the disease, but rather an effect of the panic being incited by the disease. One doctor even proclaimed, "People seem to be Scared Shitless!"

Why do frontend developers eat lunch alone?

Because they don't know how to join tables.

Are people born with photographic memories,

or does it take time to develop?

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Man should ejaculate 21 times per month

Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.

It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

I have developed a high tech algorithm to tell if a girl likes me

1. No

I‘m developing a phobia of german sausage

I fear the wurst

A sinful engineer dies and goes to hell

The first thing he notices is how hot it is, so he builds an air conditioner. He then proceeded to build more and more over time and thanks to this engineer, Hell is completely air conditioned and has a booming economy in a few years. One day, God decides to check on Hell and is baffled at how much ...

I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist,but I can't be the only one that noticed they are developing a vaccine for the Corona virus just in time...

To see if anti vaxxers are right .

What car develops over a long period of time?

A Volvo

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A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman - a practicing witch.

The morning after she caught him with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day. In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man and ran tests on the...

All the characters in Harry Potter are so well-developed. Well, except Nearly-headless Nick...

He was poorly executed.

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There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone...

because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to p...

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

What would you call a web developer who enjoys finding bugs?

Spider

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So there are three friars living atop a mountain

So there are three friars living atop a mountain, and they tend to the most beautiful garden in all the land.
One day, one of the friars decides he could make a flower one hundred times prettier than all the other flowers in the garden, if only he could cross-breed a few that he had already.<b...

What's a spider's dream job?

Web developer

A Summer Party

One summer day a family was having a party, nothing unusual.

Until a line started to develop, the neighbors saw and decided to walk over. They asked, "What is this line for?"

The host responded, "This is the punch line."

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It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen...

...boys develop them around the age of forty.

One of my Irish buddies tried to develop an electric car...

It didn't have great range as he couldn't get a long enough extension cord!

Why did the game designer get moved from the writing team to the development team?

Because they had poorgrammar skills.


Please clap

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A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $...

In an effort to develop the World's first, true hover car...

.. scientists worked tirelessly.


(credit u/Merri)

I asked my wife to fake an accent from a developed country tonight...

to fullfill my fantasy that we have healthcare.

My friend developed a video streaming app that rejects every choice you make, and plays random Russian videos instead

He calls it *Nyetflix*

Google, how much more time will it take to develop a self-driving car?

Way mo’

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As a scientist, I have been actively trying to develop a cure for beastiality, but I haven't had any luck. So if anyone needs me,

I'll be in my lab.

When I was younger I wanted to be a film developer

But then I realized I didn't want to sit in a dark room alone with a bunch of negative people

I went to the doctors the other day because I had developed a lisp and get agitated when people don’t share

Turns out it’s just a shellfish allergy

Software development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discov...

Did you hear about the remote-controlled weather machine China developed?

It takes full control of a blizzard's direction in just a few keystrokes.

Why did the PR guy develop a Type II diabetes?

Because he always sugarcoats everything he says and always eats his words.

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How do you call a developer that hasn't had sex in a while?

Full sack developer.

Why did the developer go broke?

Because he used up all his cache.

What do you call a web developer that likes English?

A pro grammar

Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism

The unvaccinated die before they get the chance

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Apple does it again!

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The "iTit" will cost from £499 to £699, depending on cup size.. This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their tits and not listening to them.

Who has the thickest coffee?

App developers. They like their Java GUI.

Do you want to hear a joke about software

I'm still developing it

Apple is developing a submarine.

“Sink different”

As I got older, I’ve developed this embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during my proctology exams.

It makes my patients feel really uncomfortable.

How do you know if you got the virus from Donald Trump?

You develop a dry covfefe

I've recently developed a paranoia for German sausages.

I feel the wurst is yet to come.

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Traditional Herbal Medicine

A guy, having been with a lot of questionable women, starts developing a bad rash and severe groin pain. After several weeks, he finally goes to see his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm real sorry, but the infection has gone way too far, we're going to have to amputate your penis." The guy doe...

Einstein developed a theory about space.

And boy, it was about time, too!

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb?

That's a hardware problem.

There’s a girl who can play a wooden instrument developed by Indigenous Australians.

I dig her, I do.

Where do baby robots develop?

In the computerus.

Lord came unto Noah

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United
States , and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans."...

Two Sales Development Representatives walk into an event..

They pitch to each other.

Even the best farmers or engineers failed to develop a brand of cannabis-fed beef meat

The steaks were too high

My nanny once told me of an emotionally distant but insecure yogi who fell ill and subsequently developed bad breath.

It was a super callous fragile mystic down with halitosis.

Why don’t developers carry guns?

They have troubleshooting.

The doctor takes a peek

Disclaimer: This is a re-tell of a joke as my late uncle used to tell it to me.

So there was a guy named Joe that had lost an eye. As it would happen, the only solution was to get a glass eye as to make him feel a little better. Every night he would carefully put it into a glass of solution ...

An EA developer dies and gets do decide if wheather he wants to go to heaven or to hell.

First, he checks out heaven and sees that it's pretty standard stuff, angels, clouds, peace, but nothing really interesting.

Then he checks out hell. Really cool parties going on all over the place, infinite amount of drinks and drugs, beautiful women everywhere.

Obviously, he chooses ...

If life is a game, then God is the developer.

And I'm the bug tester...

You haven't lived until you develop a foot Fetish...

Its toe-tally life changing.

C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. So D comes in and heads for the bathr...

Pretty soon we are going to grow fond of being trapped in our own homes, worrying about having enough supplies....

We are going to develop stock home syndrome.

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

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A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened t...

I've developed a simplified version of the popular card game "Go Fish"...

It's called, "No".

I've developed a craving for strong female characters that I can't seem to knock. That's right...

I'm addicted to heroine.

Johnny Depp in the time of the Covid

He's developed Heard immunity.

Scientists have developed a vaccine against stupidity.

But anti-vaxxers won't get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman, on a blind date with a stockbroker, asked her companion what his favorite stage of human development is, what she should be doing in the stock market, what his sexual orientation is, and about his preferred way to end a conversation. His answers left her feeling very in sync with him.

"Baby, buy, bi, bye."

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What did the web developer say after oral sex?

</head>

I heard Apple is trying to develop a new car.

But they're having trouble installing windows.

How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb?

This question reveals that you are still thinking waterfall. For a more agile approach, ask e.g. "When will the scrum master call the janitor?"

What is the difference between a yoghurt and the United States?

If you leave a yoghurt standing for 240 years there's going to develop a culture on it.

My grandfather developed cancer when he was a young man.

He’s widely known as the most evil scientist that ever lived.

The Germans have developed a talking bread, but it only uses informal greetings such as "tag" or "morgen".

It's guten-free bread.

Why are scientists that develop vaccinations sad?

Because all their work is in vein

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.


Henry was curious and invited them into his office.


...

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My take on a shaggy dog story

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint and sees a sign pinned up above the till - “talking cat, going cheap.”

He calls the barman over and asks him what the deal with the cat is and can he have a look at it. The man shrugs, goes into the back and returns with a mangy old Tom cat.

“Here ...

In space, two aliens are talking to each other

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

I've developed a love for reading while doing cocaine..

One could say I read between the lines.

“A friend of mine developed a strange addiction and drinks brake fluid.

When I warned him of the dangers, He said " No worries, I can stop anytime."

I’m slowly developing a fetish for clocks

It’ll come with time

If a crack develops in your backyard...

Is it your fault?

I’ve been in the BDSM scene for a while. Recently, I developed feelings for a girl that wanted me to control her. She was amazing...

She was definitely a r/subifellfor

President Trump has refused to release the full report proving claims that Iran is developing a fighting force of flying dinosaurs. He’s released a version of the report but

It’s been pterodacted

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I informed myself about cock fights, and developed a thought on it

It's not for pussies

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If Stephen Hawking, given his physical ailments, were to develop a machine to help him masturbate...

Would it be a *stroke of genius*?

Engineers take a bow!

During the development of a new jet fighter aircraft the wings on the prototypes kept snapping off where they joined the fuselage. The test-pilots who only barely survived by ejecting in time were terrified. No amount of re-design seem to solve the problem, so the aircraft company in desperation off...

I've finally discovered why it takes so long to develop self-driving vehicle technology.

The first cars equipped with it have to turn 16 before any real development can begin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If being sexually active reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer, guess what I am doing tonight?

Developing cancer.

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