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Develop Jokes

I'm writing a book on how tornados and hurricanes develop....

At the moment it's just a draft.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

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Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.

They're calling it Elongates.

I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.

I just came to that realization.

It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State

Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.

I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.

I'm taking steps to avoid them.

Why are the developers of NoMansSky called Hellogames?

Because you never get a goodbuy from them

It's important to develop a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Einstein developed a theory about space...

And, boy, it was about time, too!

Today I was told I am developing schizophrenia

I guess I'll finally have a social life

A couple are starting to develop forgetfulness

An 80-year old couple were having trouble remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s office, they explained to the doctor the problems they were having.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told th...

Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism

The unvaccinated die before they get the chance

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Jane had developed a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing, got completely naked and laid down on...

My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties.

He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived.

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This is the worst joke I know. "A mad scientist is developing an immortality serum..."

"...and so far it works perfectly in cell culture, in worms, in mice and rats, and in racoons. Next step is testing it in dolphins. As she's reaching for the syringes for her test subjects, she notices that she's run out of serum and has to prepare a new batch. The primary ingredient is a chemi...

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It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen...

...boys develop them around the age of forty.

Why does developer love dark theme?

Because light attracts bugs

Men develop a type based on their favorite Disney princess.

I had a friend who was really into Cindarella and exclusively dates blonde women. Another loved snow white and is married to a woman with obsidian black hair. I was really into The Little Mermaid and that's why I am not allowed into the Fish Market anymore.

I am developing a fear of German sausage...

I fear the wurst

A SQL developer walks into a bar...

He approaches two tables and asks, "May I join you

Two software developers

So, there were two friends who had worked together as software developers for a long time. One day, one of them died of a heart attack. The night after the funeral, the remaining guy had a dream in which his dead friend told him that he had two pieces of news - one good and one bad. The good news wa...

I think I’ve developed a phobia of German sausages

I keep on fearing the wurst

Why ate pessimists so good at developing photos

Because they always focus on negatives

What does a bad developer and my mom have in common?

Both pushed a disaster.

I heard Apple is trying to develop a new car.

But they're having trouble installing windows.

Why are jokes about game developers always so funny?

They work on so many levels

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Are people born with photographic memories?

Or do they take a while to develop?

Why the fuck are you morons spending real money on Reddit awards? Fucking STOP it. Reddit admins do NOT deserve any kind of money at all. The just banned 200 odd subreddits - and you fucking halfwits want to reward them for it.

Fuck's sake.

Why did big bird develop a complex?

Because he was ostrich-sized.

Are people born with a photographic memory....

....or does it take time to develop ?

A software developer walks into a pub

A software developer walks into a pub:

Runs into a pub,

Crawls into a pub,

Dances into a pub,

flies into a pub,

and orders:

1 Beer

2 Beers

"qwertyuiop" Beers

Beers

\-1 Beers

Content, he leaves

A customer walks in and...

I've recently developed a treatment for anger management issues.

It's called "Damitol".

What's the difference between America and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop a culture

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The makers of Viagra have announced that they have developed a pill to increase the wetness in women.

They're calling it Niagra.

How can you tell a developer from an astronomer?

You ask them what does JWT stands for

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I'm developing a scent for introverts. It's called...

..... Leave Me the Fuck Cologne!

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees,

then names the streets after them.

Tom, a successful Real estate developer was 65 and just married Candy, 44 years his junior

After they came back from their honeymoon they did a party for all of their friends. At the party one of Tom friends asked him:

“Hey man I know you got money and all but how did you land a woman so good looking and so young?”

Tom replies: “well, to be honest I lied about my age and hea...

The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.

It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.

What does the software developer say when he gives someone an STD?

Uh-oh, I deployed a bug.

So now I've developed an allergy to honey :(

It brings me out in hives.

What is the best advice for new software developers?

Google it.

Maybe if I develop feelings for COVID-19 it will leave.

It always happens with girls.

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You can develop hearing problems from having too much sex...

A doctor is lecturing a patient on his hearing loss. He says "You can develop hearing problems from having too much sex, if it's a very specific kind of very kinky, very immoral sex."

The patient says "What kind is it?".

The doctor replied "Oh, it s about a quarter to three..."

Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...

Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.

Why are scientists that develop vaccinations sad?

Because all their work is in vein

All the characters in Harry Potter are so well-developed. Well, except Nearly-headless Nick...

He was poorly executed.

what is the difference between java and kotlin Android developers?

Java developers have no fun

Just learned that French fashion designers are trying to develop a clothing line made from frozen water.

I SWEAR!!

Did you hear that Apple is developing a robotic service dog?

It’s called the iChihuahua.

Did you all hear about the mind controlled air-freshener that Febreze is developing?

It's a bit crazy, but it makes scents when you think about it.

All web developers hate finding bugs in their work.

Except spiders

What is a web developer's favorite sport?

<body> building

An EA developer dies and gets do decide if wheather he wants to go to heaven or to hell.

First, he checks out heaven and sees that it's pretty standard stuff, angels, clouds, peace, but nothing really interesting.

Then he checks out hell. Really cool parties going on all over the place, infinite amount of drinks and drugs, beautiful women everywhere.

Obviously, he chooses ...

Why did the PR guy develop a Type II diabetes?

Because he always sugarcoats everything he says and always eats his words.

Death Penalty Abolished In Most Of The Developed Countries

They have mortgage as an alternative.

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A new housing development begins in a small residential neighbourhood.

As the construction workers are working, they notice the six year old girl who lives opposite the site is sitting there, watching them with obvious interest. For the first few days, she just sits there, watching them. They give her a friendly wave, and she just smiles and waves back.

As ...

During the summer a local police station developed a mosquito problem

They deployed the swat team.

I'm developing my own mens fragrance...

I'm going to call it, "Leave Me The Fuh Cologne."

You haven't lived until you develop a foot Fetish...

Its toe-tally life changing.

A man was always travelling by plane everywhere. Because of that, he spent so much time on airports he developed an illness.

It was terminal.

In an effort to develop the World's first, true hover car...

.. scientists worked tirelessly.


(credit u/Merri)

When Karl Marx was a young philosophy student, he took it upon himself to travel across the country to see the wide world and learn all that he could to develop his theories.

Hither and thither he would ride across the German countryside, in his little pony-cart pulled by a pair of strong, hardy donkeys, meeting people, studying their lives and professions, and seeking to understand the world.

A time came when he was high in the German mountains. Snow was thick ...

One of my Irish buddies tried to develop an electric car...

It didn't have great range as he couldn't get a long enough extension cord!

I got a 23 and Me test to see if I’m going to develop Alzheimer’s.

I forgot the results.

A salesman decided to venture into a new housing development.

He thought no other salesmen would have gone there because it was a new development. He wanted to be the first one, the early bird. So he knocked on the very first house that he saw there. A lady came and opened the door. Without giving her a chance to speak, he slipped into her house, took out A LO...

I have have developed cat-like reflexes.

By which I mean an irresistible urge to curl up and nap on any freshly made bed.

Where did Cookie Monster develop PTSD?

Viet-nom nom nom nom nom.

Scientists develop the world's most intelligent supercomputer.

After years of hard work an army of scientists, programers and mathematicians have succeeded in developing the world's most intelligent supercomputer. This computer, with enough time can answer any question. The scientists go about asking it questions which significantly impact the world. Many quest...

I'm developing a gun that shoots east european stew.

I call it the Goulashnikov.

What's the difference between a yogurt and The USA ?

If you leave the yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture



Edit : didn't think i'd have to do this but here we go.

This is a Joke subreddit, this is a joke.

People with AB blood type develop a six pack more easily

It's literally in their blood

Why was the plant developing photos?

It needed to photosynthesize

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What did the web developer say after oral sex?

</head>

Everyone wants to be a developer or programmer nowadays...

But the only soft wear I'm interested in is a cardigan.

Ive been stupid enough to develop amnesia...

I dont know what i was thinking .....



~~*ba dum tissss*~~

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I've recently developed an addiction to Viagra...

It's been the hardest 3 weeks of my life.

The guy who developed Fractals..

The guy who developed fractals was Benoit B Mandelbrot, I heard the 'B' stood for 'Benoit B Mandelbrot'

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I'm surprised anyone's shocked by Natalie Portman's character development in Love & Thunder.

If I was fucked by Chris Hemsworth I'd be pretty thor too.

Why do Java developers wear glasses?

Because they can't C#.

How did Alice feel when her doctor told her she is genetically more likely to develop a yeast infection?

Thrush-traited

I've developed my own style of martial arts that involves defenestration.

I call it Yeet Kune Do.

I was reading that they had developed a breast prosthetic made of oak

That would be really weird, wooden tit?

This new software developer is so socially awkward …

… he failed the Turing Test.

Software development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discov...

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A gamer walks into a bar...

...and asks the barkeep "you got a console to play on?" And the barkeep says "yeah, but only have one game for it." The gamer shrugs, orders a cider and sits down to play.

While he's playing another guy walks in and says "hey, that guy with the cider is playing my game!" And the barkeep asks...

How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.

A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...

I've finally discovered why it takes so long to develop self-driving vehicle technology.

The first cars equipped with it have to turn 16 before any real development can begin.

What do you call someone who develops cutlery

A cutting edge technologist *cue groans*

Once I had developed my IQ

my life changed 360 degrees

As get older, I’ve developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam.

It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.

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DeveloperJokes

Fixing someone else's code is like fixing someone else's relationship. "What the fuck lynda, I didn't even know what I did in the first place, Don't ask me to fix what you did."

I went to a science seminar and they announced they'd developed an acid that ate through everything.

I asked them what they kept it in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got done watching a show with unlikable characters, bullshit plot developments, and a depressing ending.

It's called "The News."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Stephen Hawking, given his physical ailments, were to develop a machine to help him masturbate...

Would it be a *stroke of genius*?

Even the best farmers or engineers failed to develop a brand of cannabis-fed beef meat

The steaks were too high

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My wife has developed a fetish with salad items...

Earlier today she spent an hour trying to force a lettuce into my ass.

And that was just the tip of the iceburg

Why can’t software developers distinguish between Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 == DEC 25

(hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!)

Did I tell you the story of Yogi developing a stutter?

It bears repeating.

How did the geologist develop a career as a sink-hole expert?

She just fell into it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a scientist, I have been actively trying to develop a cure for beastiality, but I haven't had any luck. So if anyone needs me,

I'll be in my lab.

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

I’m worried I’m developing a fetish for architecture

but I’ll cross that bridge when I come on it.

Why do frontend developers eat lunch alone?

Because they don't know how to join tables.

What develops great logistical skills in a man?

Having three mistresses at the same time.

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A man badly damaged his dick in an accident

The surgeon says “we’ve developed a new technique that can rebuild your penis, using a section of an elephant’s trunk”; so the guy decides to go ahead.

The operation is a great success. A couple of weeks later, he’s having dinner at a restaurant with his wife. Suddenly his dick bursts out of ...

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Do you ever wonder if the web developers behind Pornhub were inspired by Kevin Costner & Field of Dreams

If you build it, they will cum

Isis have developed

isis have developed an explosive prayer mat they are selling like hot cakes.prophets are going through the roof

A developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden...

...but he didn't have root access.

Apple is developing a submarine.

“Sink different”

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I'm organizing a convention for a charity that develops and donates devices which provide audible alerts for deaf/mute individuals at their moment of orgasm.

We'll let you know who's coming.

The government has developed machines that will pick litter up from the beach.

I saw one the other day, but unfortunately it was malfunctioning and was grabbing birds off the shoreline instead.

I thought "Well, that took a tern."

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason and sentenced to death by guillotine.

# This comment deleted to protest Reddit's API change (to reduce the value of Reddit's data).

Please see [these](https://web.archive.org/web/20230609092523/https://old.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/) [threads](https://web.archive.org/web/2...

What problem does the Eskimo photographer struggle with because he has a terrible habit of sitting all day on a slab of ice, waiting for his film to develop?

Polaroids

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