My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can develop hearing problems from having too much sex...

A doctor is lecturing a patient on his hearing loss. He says "You can develop hearing problems from having too much sex, if it's a very specific kind of very kinky, very immoral sex."

The patient says "What kind is it?".

The doctor replied "Oh, it s about a quarter to three..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to all the despair and sufferings in the world, some people have developed a fetish to ejaculate whenever they feel peaceful. Turns out I am one of those people.

I come in peace.

I'm developing a new cologne for introverts

***Leave me the Fuh Cologne***

Are there any iOS developers reading this that can help me with something?

Just kidding, I know they’re all too busy for Reddit after today’s announcement, and are struggling to update their apps for tomorrows iOS 14 release.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy develops a dark spot on his forehead.

He goes to the doctor. The doctor looks and says:
“I’ve read about this before. In a month you’ll have a full sized penis growing out of your forehead.”
The man’s eyes go wide and he says:
“Well then operate! Get rid of it!”
The doctor shakes his head. “It’s connected to your brain. If I...

They developed a new yogurt for people who don't move around very much.

It's called Inactivia.

How did Alice feel when her doctor told her she is genetically more likely to develop a yeast infection?

Thrush-traited

I've developed a fetish for figuring things out

I just came to that realization

They have developed a new laxative with a catchy name.

Commodium.

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...

What web developers like bugs?

Spiders

Maybe if I develop feelings for COVID-19 it will leave.

It always happens with girls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

Someone just asked me if I was interested in a job as a full-time PHP Developer.

I said, "Not even remotely."

If you lost your erection every time a game developer got accused of workplace harassment

Ubisoft

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Mr. Anderson’s automobile suddenly developed a flat tire one night

Immediately outside the strong iron fence that walled off the local mental institution.

Annoyed but resigned, Anderson jacked up the car and prepared to replace the wheel. He took off the hubcap, unscrewed the lugnuts, which he placed in the hubcap, which in turn was resting in the road, and ...

What's the difference between the US and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

A brilliant scientist successfully creates a lifelike deer cyborg.

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

Why do most software developers need glasses?

Because they can't C#

I got asked if i'd like to invest in the development of a new invisibility cloak.

I said no.


I just couldn't see it becoming a thing.

Once I had developed my IQ

my life changed 360 degrees

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scientist was put in charge of developing new methods of assassination for the CIA.

He came up with several ideas, and the director of the CIA came down to see them demonstrated.

He showed off ballpoint pen dart-guns and poisoned bubble gum, but nothing seemed to impress the director. Finally, he stood up to leave.

"I'm going to go take a piss, and then I'm headed bac...

They are developing a brand new fan technology

It's so cool

Did you hear that New York State developed its own hand sanitizer to combat COVID?

They filled small bottles with water from the Hudson River. That stuff can kill anything.

After a Coronavirus vaccine is developed

anti-vax people would need to make a very interesting choice

A Software Developer walks into a bar

A Software Developer walks into a bar

Bartender: "you having the usual?"

Software Developer thinks for a while
and then says "Yes"

Bartender: "What took you so long to answer?"

Software Developer: "Sorry, I got cache issues."

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The voodoo dick

There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store th...

A new strain of Corona have developed...

Its basically the same, but wiser

I‘m developing a phobia of german sausage

I fear the wurst

My software developer candidate brought his pet to the interview

He produced perfectly valid Python.

Why do frontend developers eat lunch alone?

Because they don't know how to join tables.

The preacher and the ghost.

A new preacher wanted to rent a house in the country but the only one available was rumored to be haunted. That didn’t bother the preacher since he didn’t believe in such things. He went ahead and rented the place.

Soon the ghost made its appearance. The preacher told his friends about the gh...

My software developer friends tell me to stop exposing them to COVID-19 jokes...

.. but I tell them it's the best way to achieve nerd immunity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the spread of Coronavirus, many around the world appear to be developing Constipation:

Doctors say it is not a symptom of the disease, but rather an effect of the panic being incited by the disease. One doctor even proclaimed, "People seem to be Scared Shitless!"

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It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen...

...boys develop them around the age of forty.

What car develops over a long period of time?

A Volvo

The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up

Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.

The tele...

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

All the characters in Harry Potter are so well-developed. Well, except Nearly-headless Nick...

He was poorly executed.

I have developed a high tech algorithm to tell if a girl likes me

1. No

Two aliens are talking

- It looks like the humans have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons
- Are they an emerging smart civilization?
- Doesn't look like it, they have them aimed at themselves

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Little Bobby was running through the woods behind his house when the urge to go #2 struck.

Bobby did his business behind a tree and carried on his way. The next day, Bobby was out behind his house again when he saw a swarm of flies circling yesterday’s droppings. Intrigued, Bobby dropped his pants and did his business in the exact same spot in hopes of seeing how many flies he could gathe...

did you guys hear about the sequel to ball-in-a-cup?

I hear the developers really dropped the ball on it

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

What happens when two eels fall in love?

They develop eelings for each other

Husband and wife had a car accident

Ambulance was called and they both end up im hospital. After some time husband regains consciousness and starts looking for his wife around the hospital. He finds a doktor and asks him:

"Doctor, please, me and my wife had an accident and I cant find her. Can you help me? Is she alright?"
...

One of my Irish buddies tried to develop an electric car...

It didn't have great range as he couldn't get a long enough extension cord!

Thanks to my neighbor's cooking, I'll never forget to eat dinner.

I've developed a Pavlovian response to their smoke detectors.

In an effort to develop the World's first, true hover car...

.. scientists worked tirelessly.


(credit u/Merri)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a scientist, I have been actively trying to develop a cure for beastiality, but I haven't had any luck. So if anyone needs me,

I'll be in my lab.

I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist,but I can't be the only one that noticed they are developing a vaccine for the Corona virus just in time...

To see if anti vaxxers are right .

A chemist, a biologist and a quantum physicist go surfing.

Having developed a paranoid sense for lab safety precautions, the chemist is worried about jumping into water with unknown impurities.

The biologist knows the local marine wildlife and assures him that the water is perfectly safe for living beings, with plenty of fishes and squids present. <...

Google, how much more time will it take to develop a self-driving car?

Way mo’

New Covid Test

A new and easy self test for the horror of Covid 19 is doing the rounds and it's simple, quick and positive (or negative if you see what I mean).
Take a glass and pour a decent dram of your favorite whisky into it; then see if you can smell it. If you can, then you are halfway there.
Then dri...

My friend developed a video streaming app that rejects every choice you make, and plays random Russian videos instead

He calls it *Nyetflix*

Are people born with photographic memories,

or does it take time to develop?

A time traveler arrives in the year 2069 and decides to check in with Reddit to see if it's still around.

To his surprise it is. So he heads to /r/jokes to see what has developed in the world of humor.

To his surprise, each post consisted of just a number. Scrolling through, he saw that each vote had a hundreds of upvotes while 3527 had thousands and several awards to boot.

Puzzled, he ...

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A young Caucasian decided to visit a hooker when he visited Thailand.

A week later upon returning to the States he developed severe urinary pain. This was followed by purulent discharge and blistering of his penis.

Anxiously worried he visited a physician who told him, “You have contracted a rare STD that unfortunately necessitates amputation of your penis. It ...

A well known rule of three

Long ago, on a different geometric planet, there were many perfectly triangular lakes. On each lake were three kingdoms, each presided over by a trio of higher beings. One particular lake has an interesting story. Though the kingdoms on it started out peacefully, each settling their dispute with ano...

I asked my wife to fake an accent from a developed country tonight...

to fullfill my fantasy that we have healthcare.

Why did the PR guy develop a Type II diabetes?

Because he always sugarcoats everything he says and always eats his words.

Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism

The unvaccinated die before they get the chance

It's true that vaccinated kids have higher chances of becoming autistic

Because they actually live to develop it

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Man should ejaculate 21 times per month

Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.

It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023

The Dog Fight

The Israeli Dog vs. The Arab Dog

  
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fi...

Dev was a coder and wanted to marry a girl but his parents opposed

DEVELOPED

Why did the game designer get moved from the writing team to the development team?

Because they had poorgrammar skills.


Please clap

President Ronald Reagan's favorite joke...

There once were twin boys, age six, that had developed extreme personalities. One was a pessimist the other a total optimist. Concerned, their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a roo...

When I was younger I wanted to be a film developer

But then I realized I didn't want to sit in a dark room alone with a bunch of negative people

Software development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discov...

How do you walk a perfect straight line during the next 7.2 magnitude earthquake?

Develop Parkinsons.

Did you hear about the remote-controlled weather machine China developed?

It takes full control of a blizzard's direction in just a few keystrokes.

A sinful engineer dies and goes to hell

The first thing he notices is how hot it is, so he builds an air conditioner. He then proceeded to build more and more over time and thanks to this engineer, Hell is completely air conditioned and has a booming economy in a few years. One day, God decides to check on Hell and is baffled at how much ...

I went to the doctors the other day because I had developed a lisp and get agitated when people don’t share

Turns out it’s just a shellfish allergy

A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar

While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted


" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "



Speaker dropped the mic.

How can you tell the difference between an introvert and an extrovert developer?

An introvert developer looks at his shoes when he is talking to you, an extrovert developer looks at your shoes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you call a developer that hasn't had sex in a while?

Full sack developer.

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

I’m starting a photography business from home soon

I’ll let you know if anything develops.

As I got older, I’ve developed this embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during my proctology exams.

It makes my patients feel really uncomfortable.

I've developed a new method of excercise that strengthens your fetishes rather than your body.

It's good in concept, but I haven't worked out there kinks yet.

Where do baby robots develop?

In the computerus.

It took 26 years for Einstein to develop a theory about space.

It was about time, too.

Why did the developer go broke?

Because he used up all his cache.

Even the best farmers or engineers failed to develop a brand of cannabis-fed beef meat

The steaks were too high

BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer’s, and all prison guards at Maxwell’s detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

So I'm beginning to develop abs...

A Big Stomach

What do you call a web developer that likes English?

A pro grammar

I've recently developed a paranoia for German sausages.

I feel the wurst is yet to come.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman - a practicing witch.

The morning after she caught him with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day. In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man and ran tests on the...

An EA developer dies and gets do decide if wheather he wants to go to heaven or to hell.

First, he checks out heaven and sees that it's pretty standard stuff, angels, clouds, peace, but nothing really interesting.

Then he checks out hell. Really cool parties going on all over the place, infinite amount of drinks and drugs, beautiful women everywhere.

Obviously, he chooses ...

Apple is developing a submarine.

“Sink different”

You haven't lived until you develop a foot Fetish...

Its toe-tally life changing.

A man traveling in train meets scientist from NASA, ISRO, and CNSA.

After talking to them for a while, finding them willing to answer, being critical of investment in space, he asks NASA "why do you need billions of dollars for?
NASA replies "For the Benefit of All, our technologies trickle down to the military and civilians and then to the world".
He discus...

My nanny once told me of an emotionally distant but insecure yogi who fell ill and subsequently developed bad breath.

It was a super callous fragile mystic down with halitosis.

I heard Apple is trying to develop a new car.

But they're having trouble installing windows.

There’s a girl who can play a wooden instrument developed by Indigenous Australians.

I dig her, I do.

Whats the differens between a developer and a spider

The spider wants the bugs

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So there are three friars living atop a mountain

So there are three friars living atop a mountain, and they tend to the most beautiful garden in all the land.
One day, one of the friars decides he could make a flower one hundred times prettier than all the other flowers in the garden, if only he could cross-breed a few that he had already.<b...

What's a spider's dream job?

Web developer

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb?

That's a hardware problem.

Why don’t developers carry guns?

They have troubleshooting.

Two Sales Development Representatives walk into an event..

They pitch to each other.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $...

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What did the web developer say after oral sex?

</head>

Why are scientists that develop vaccinations sad?

Because all their work is in vein

Scientists have developed a vaccine against stupidity.

But anti-vaxxers won't get it.

I've developed a craving for strong female characters that I can't seem to knock. That's right...

I'm addicted to heroine.

I've developed a simplified version of the popular card game "Go Fish"...

It's called, "No".

If a crack develops in your backyard...

Is it your fault?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Stephen Hawking, given his physical ailments, were to develop a machine to help him masturbate...

Would it be a *stroke of genius*?

Why is Jonny Depp’s second wife no longer suing him?

In the last couple months he developed Heard Immunity

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