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Aunts Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My aunts sign was cancer so her death was ironic....

Eaten alive by a giant ass crab

Why doesn’t Jesus have any aunts?

Because they’d be antichrists.

My wife complained about the fireworks that went on until midnight on the 3rd, I told her it was just a little fourth-play.

This just happened and she looked over and told me it was the first actually funny thing I had said in a couple of years so I thought I would post it. I'm sure someone somewhere has said this before but damnit let me relish in this moment.


Bonus, before that the last funny thing I said w...

I hate it when my aunts and grannies come up to me at weddings and say "You're next."

So now I just do the same to them at funerals.

Why men shouldn't be Agony Aunts:

Dear Jim,
I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car stalled and wouldn't start.
I walked back to our home to find my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter
They announced that the affair had been going on for two years.
Can you help me I'm desperate!
<...

If ant poison gets rid of your aunts, what gets rid of your uncles??

Anti-funcle cream.

Aunts pestering me at weddings

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, *“Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”*


We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

As an unmarried man, my aunts used to ask me "and, are you the next one?" at every wedding...

...that quickly stopped when I started to ask them the same question at funerals

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that...

My aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

When you just found out by a coincidence you have two aunts named Lee.

A pair aunt lee just happened

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