Achieving Jokes - 11 Hilarious Achieving Jokes

My wife accused me of achieving nothing...

So I told her "well I won the Leslie Neilsen award at school."

"What's that?" she said

"It's a big building with kids in it"

What did Jim Carrey say after achieving total enlightenment?

Alrighty Zen

Why are the Taiwanese so competitive, high-achieving, and motivated?

They have Taipei personalities

After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.

I Am Grout

There are only two rules in achieving success.

1. Never tell everything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FYI: I'm holding a seminar for people who have difficulty achieving an orgasm.

Let me know if you can't come.

I didn't let my st-st-stutter stop me from achieving my dream career

I'm a door-to-door salesman. I sell "No Soliciting" signs. The more I st-st-stutter the more I seem to sell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In my experience women are a lot like Rubik’s Cubes.

They are incapable of achieving orgasms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

Two doctors were drinking at the bar, when one turned to the other, who seemed a bit down...

"What's wrong, Larry?"

"Oh, nothing...I'm just thinking how my whole life is a failure."

"A Failure? Come on, man, I wish I could fail so well! You have a great practice, a pretty wife, nice kids... how could you be a failure?"

"All my life I studied....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Giving 118%

What makes 100%? What does it mean to give morethan 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
To consider these questions mathemat...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.