I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

How many members of a specified demographic does it take to complete a particular task?

A finite quantity. One to complete the specific task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.

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Post in front of a bar. Complete 3 challenges win 10000$

A man sees the post and goes in to ask the bartender about it. The challenges are simple.

1. Drink two bottles of vodka.

2. Behind the door there's a crocodile with a loose tooth. Take out the tooth.

3. There's a stubborn girl in a room upstairs. Give her an orgasm.

He...

What is the difference between ‘Complete’ and ‘Finished’ ?

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked...

I'm not sure what him scared him more, the fact I was naked or that I knew where he lived.

PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.

If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your ass, and crash on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.

When MLB starts back up, I will have successfully completed my goal...

To be banned from all 30 ballparks.

Is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless?

Yes, there is.

When you feel down, just remember that you are never really completely useless...

You can always serve as a bad example.

My wife said that I treat her like “property”... That’s completely absurd.

I love it more than anything in the world!

A friend told me that he started but couldn't complete a book called "the subtle art of not giving a f**k"

I replied - "but I think you got the point regardless!"

A man is in a hospital bed in complete agony...

The doctor comes in and asks him "where does it hurt"

The Man says "everywhere, absolutely everywhere, I'm at my wits end, whenever I touch any part it hurts a lot!"

The doctor asks the man to point out the places the pain radiates from.

So the man pokes his knee, screaming as h...

My friend went to the doctors worrying that he had caught the Coronavirus from his complete collection of Matt Groening animation figures.

Luckily his diagnosis was negative, despite having all the Simpsons.

Ah, Perry the Platypus. Before I begin, I would like to assure you that this joke was absolutely not stolen. And of course by not stolen I mean COMPLETELY STOLEN! *activates trap*

Behold, My voice-changenator! This masterpiece has the power to modify people's voices across the tristate area! Watch as I merely post to my blog, and then any one who reads it is suddenly unable to resist even thinking in a voice other than my own!

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One day while I was walking down the street, 6 beautiful women flashed me their breasts completely out of the blue. Now I know what you’re thinking...

This story sounds totally ridiculous

Dozen tit?

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I've been diagnosed with a disease that causes intense headaches, confusion, and a complete inability to have sex. Luckily there's a cure.

Divorce.

A thrice divorced woman is giving love another try ...

Her first love abused her with his fists. The second one ran away. The third one completely failed in bed. But she still feels lonely and doesn't want to stop believing in love, so she posted an ad on a newspaper with her story that she was still available. A few days later, she heard the doorbell r...

First the first time in US history communication with the President has been completely lost.

>!The senate has been scrambling since the presidents ban from Twitter, as it’s unclear when the White House will resurface.!<



>!Edit: I don’t know how to prevent the post body from being visible from the subs main page. Also, thanks for sorting by new!<

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”

The nun agreed…

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.”

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want ...

In News Today, a fight was started downtown by a man wearing a suit completely made of mirrors.....

The police said the man apologised once he had time to sit down and reflect.

Nobody wants to be alone. A recently divorced friend of mine is hopeful of once again finding romance. Beer belly, completely bald.....

I don't like her chances.

When the construction of the chief's new house was completed, he hosted a feast to thank these who aided him during the construction.

During the feast, everyone congratulates him and said: " You're extremely competent to build houses like this one here."

His wife heard the compliment and spoke for her husband: " Well, the credit isn't all my husband's, the credit goes to these who contributed! "

After the feast, ever...

Why should you never borrow Rick Astley’s complete collection of Pixar movies?

He’s never gonna give you Up.

Credit: Siri

I'm just a man with Corona Virus looking for a girl to complete me

Hopefully she has "Lyme Disease"

I went to a Bengals game last year when they were playing the Patriots. The stadium wasn’t completely empty, as a matter of fact I was sitting beside a man with a German Shepard.

This seemed odd, but the dog was intensely watching the game. In the fourth quarter the Bengals were surely losing, the dog started to tear up. Nearing the end of the game the dog was crying and whimpering. When the game was over (34-13 for the Pats) the dog started openly and inconsolably weepin...

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

A beautiful young woman who is very liberated, walks into a bar completely naked. She stands in front of the bartender and says "I'll take a cold beer!" The bartender serves her the beer and stares at her, not moving. "What's wrong?" she says "Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?"

"Yes, many times!" the bartender replies
Then why do you look? the woman asks.
"I want to see where you're going to get the money to pay for the beer!"

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

My friend went completely bald years ago, but he still carries a comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

Don't wanna brag but I completed a Jigsaw puzzle in just a week.

Even though the box said 2-4 years

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The reactions to the half time show are pretty mixed. I've seen some people say it was the best since Prince and some people say it's the worst since Coldplay. Others have said it was complete ass.

It’s hard to tell what they think.

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In college, all the fraternities rejected me because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

A man got arrested for downloading the complete WikiPedia...

It's OK though, he can explain everything!

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: “The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still...

My professional Hide and Seek tournament was a complete failure.

Good players are hard to find.

Viruses are completely opposite of me

It's dead outside

I just found out I’m colourblind

The news came completely out of the purple

I had a great idea for a belt made completely out of watches.

I gave up once I realized it would be a waist of time.

I have finally completed my PhD in Literary Criticism...

And I beg you not to speak of the irony.

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

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[NSFW] People told me that my dick would be completely different since my surgery,

but I havent noticed a vas deferens because of it.

A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that...

...he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Was I smiling?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

Just went to the doctor and found out I'm colour blind

Genuinely can't believe it, this has come completely out of the green

Why do most of the people find it difficult to complete PhD?

Because they get a third degree treatment.

What do you call a marine who didn't complete his training?

A submarine

I thought my new strategy was going to make me successful at the playground hopscotch but I still wasn't able to complete it.

I guess its back to square one.

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Ted comes home completely drunk one night.

Ted comes home completely drunk one night.

He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

“Where the hell have you been all night?” she demands.

“At this fantastic new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. ...

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was.

It was a complete guess, but I was right.

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

The Apollo mission crew planted an American flag on the moon, but UV radiation has since turned it completely white,

So now it’s a French flag.

My group of friends and I were getting completely destroyed at a game of charades

These deaf people must be cheating or something

A colon can completely change a sentence.

Mary ate her friend's lunch.

Mary ate her friend's colon.

Today my doctor told me I was colorblind.

The results came completely out of the purple...

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Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I w...

My wife asked me what the difference between finished and completed is

I said

"Well you finished my life, and I completed yours"

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If World War One were a bar fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

Embarrassing Situation

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "...

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An eighty-five year old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash and went to the Pearly Gates.

They had been in good health for the last ten years, mainly as a result of the wife's interest in healthy diets and exercise.

St. Peter welcomed them into Heaven and took them to their small palace in heaven- complete with a large bedroom, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, and billiards table. "How much...

Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved

It’s completely unprecedented

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Some people say there’s no difference but there is.

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE!

When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED!

And if you marry a wife who likes shopping you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Ro...

I truly believe that conflicts in the Wild West could have been avoided completely

If architects those days made their towns big enough for everyone

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Best features

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that s...

A man gets shipwrecked on a small island.

After a few days wandering, he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftain.

The tribe's high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years, he must take three tests.

If he passes all three tests, the tribe will accept him as...

The killer was found to be completely insane.

So insane, in fact, I was able to convince him that he was guilty of the murder.

There are two things in life you’re never completely prepared for

Twins

I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please"

But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You stupid cow. You've completely ruined my life."

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An old man was sitting on a train...

across from a blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he was unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realized she was going commando

She saw him staring and inquired, "Are you looking at my vagina?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," he replied and promised t...

A robot musician’s collection of instruments will never be complete.

They can never get any organs.

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

Bob the sheepdog was getting the sheep in for Farmer Fred. He completed his task and went bounding over to the Farmer shouting “Farmer Fred, Farmer Fred…. I chased 40 sheep in to the yard for you”. “40 sheep?” queries Farmer Fred. “I’ve only got 37”

“I know” says Bob. “I rounded them up”

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Thought you'd like to know.

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on a few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog o...

A man is pulled over by a cop.

The officer walks up to the car, gets the driver's license and registration, and tells him he was stopped because he failed to come to a complete stop at the stop sign.

The driver replies, "I slowed down. There was no one coming, so I drove on through."

The officer replies, "You are re...

Two cars get into a minor crash, the cars a bit dented, the drivers completely fine...

The Pope gets out of one car and a rabbi gets out of the other. They are tolerant, cultured people and so there is no fight, no cussing.

"God giveth, God taketh away", the Pope says.

"Things come and things go", the ~~rabbit~~ rabbi replies and asks, "Shall we have a drink over our mis...

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A Wall Street stockbroker decides to go off the grid completely

He’s had enough of that dog eat dog lifestyle and the stress and rat race of NYC.

So he buys a cabin in a remote part of the Adirondacks. Closest neighbor is miles away on a neighboring mountain. Pure solitude, nature, zero cell phone service, no electricity.

Months go by and he has ze...

A man is not complete until he's married

When he does, he's finished.

During lock-down I have mastered jigsaw puzzles.

I have just completed my first one in just over 10 and a half weeks.

I feel so proud of myself, on the box it says 5 to 6 years.

A proctologist fed up with his job decided to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a diesel mechanic.

He decides to enroll in a course at the local community college to learn the basics. He’s a talented student. Before he knows it, he’s acing all of the paper exams and quizzes.

At the final evaluation, the proctologist is asked to apply what he learned by completely disassembling, rebuilding,...

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!

Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would say, 'Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Norma always replied, 'I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed s...

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A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop.

He thinks that he is
smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer
from LONDON and is certain that he has a
better education than any Irish cop. He decides
to prove this to himself and have some fun at
the Irish cop's expense.
Irish cop says,"License and registration,
please."
...

A sinful engineer dies and goes to hell

The first thing he notices is how hot it is, so he builds an air conditioner. He then proceeded to build more and more over time and thanks to this engineer, Hell is completely air conditioned and has a booming economy in a few years. One day, God decides to check on Hell and is baffled at how much ...

I got knocked off my bike last night by a lunatic driving a salt lorry through deep snow. You complete idiotic moron I shouted

Through gritted teeth

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Penis study...

I haven't seen this one in +20 years so here goes..

PENIS STUDY

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000.00 The results of the study concluded that the reaso...

It is said that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare

Today, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true

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A Texas Man Moves To Alaska

So a Texas man moves to Alaska to find more oil for his company to drill. Here gets bored one night and goes to a local bar. The man sees "Impossible Challenge: Free beer for life for the winner!", out of curiosity he asks the bartender about it. "Hey bartender, what's the challenge?" The man asked....

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.



"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Pati...

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Last night, my house was completely ransacked.

Now I’ve lost everything except my virginity.

I just got fired from the post office

My supervisor took me into his office and we actually had a really good conversation. He told me that I wasn't meeting expectations in my current position, and that they didn't have any other jobs open at the moment. I said that I could see where he was coming from, and that I had no hard feelings. ...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For l...

My dad always brags that his was the first profession to go completely digital.

He’s a proctologist.

A patient in a mental hospital saves a man from drowning

After he saved the man's life, the doctors are impressed and think that his mental health is getting much better. They tell him that he will be completely fine in some days and will no longer have to stay in the hospital. A few days later, the doctors inform the patient that he is free to go but sha...

I completed a puzzle that said 10+ years.

I guess I 'm insanely skilled, because I did it in 1.

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A man buys a motorbike and is riding it home when it occurs to him that he's somewhat lacking control, as the wind is getting into his coat and buffeting him quite badly.

He pulls over, deciding to put his coat on back-to-front so the openings between the buttons are at the back.

Much improved he confidently accelerates away, but within five minutes of riding like this he reaches a sharp bend in the road, where he discovers his arms are rather too restricted ...

If a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she either really likes you, or you've been completely friendzoned

Or she hasn't seen you in the tree with your binoculars yet.

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An american, A French , and a Japanese survive a shipwreck...

While clinging to floating debris and paddling towards shore they discuss what they will do to survive. The American dude says: Well, I am a carpenter by trade, so I'll build us a shelter. The French dude says: Ho-hoh! Yers trulee eez the greatest chef ever! I shall make grand meals to feed us! It g...

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I’ve been searching tirelessly for just ONE reason to prove that Bono isn’t a complete cunt.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

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A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender...

"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.

"What kind of name is that? Why do they call him Brown Pap...

Decided to eat some chips yesterday

Apparently that's "super weird" and "completely inappropriate at a poker game"

I just saw this great movie about a complete sentence...

It was a period piece.

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My wife has a really weird fetish

She likes to dress up as herself, and then be a complete bitch all the time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes my mom calls me a son of a bitch.

I completely agree!

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A man is passing through a small town when he decides to visit the local bar.

He walks up to the counter where he notices a large jar filled to the brim with $5 bills. Curious, the man asks the bartender about the jar. The bartender tells him “here in our lil town of ours we ain’t got much goin’ on. So we decided to host a series of challenges here. Anyone can take on the cha...

A couple decided to get married after only dating for a few weeks

As they came to the bedroom to consummate the marriage, the husband looked into his wife’s eyes:

&nbsp;

“Honey, I haven’t been completely honest. I am a golf addict. I think about golf all the time, I dream of golf and every chance I get I’m going to go and have a round.”

&a...

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Scientists have identified a food that completely kills sex drive in women.

It's called "wedding cake."

I'm glad the cave rescue is complete....

Now when I google Thai boys I can get back to normal results

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair,

until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.

He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Didn't like shopping there anyway

Yesterday I was at my local TESCO’ store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout
queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? On impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot ...

Why are hamsters like cigarettes?

They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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I’m bad at pushups and sit-ups...

But it’s a completely different story with fuck ups

A policeman knocked on my door this morning...

...but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He...

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A Russian, an American and a englishman is discussing.

The Russian shows off by saying that the russian fleet can reach all around the world in one line without a single gap.
The American answers: ha that's nothing if our air force takes off all at once we can block out the sun entirely.
They then both look at the Englishman who simply says: I kno...

New boots

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on
sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"
...

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Three kids needed to cross over a deep valley to get back home, but the bridge they had used was now completely broken.

Taking notice to the kids' troubling situation, a magical being appeared with an offer:

"You will be transformed into the next word you speak."

Very confused, the first kid said, "Bird?". To his astonishment, he transformed into a beautiful bird and flew across the river.

"Butt...

Wife gets home, completely breathless

Husband asks what's wrong. To which she says "I saved 3 euros because I missed the bus and ran after it till I got home." The husband somewhat confused says "you could've saved 40 euros if you ran after a taxi."

Have a good night everyone.

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There's this farmer, and he has this pig...

A prize winning sow, and he wants to breed her. His neighbor tells the farmer he has a stud pig, he'd be happy to accommodate. Guaranteed impregnation, the neighbor assures him. The farmer agrees.

The next morning the farmer loads the pig into his truck, drives her up the road to the neighbor...

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm stalking her or following her.

She's worried that I may be obsessed with her and anytime she hears a noise in her house she is... purified.

Wait, hold on: "petrified".

Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

Lovemaking tips for Seniors

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name o...

I couldn't get a reservation at the library

They were completely booked

What does an evil genius say when he completes one of his diabolical schemes?

Done, done, donnnnnne.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training completely wasted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store.

She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right ...

A joke told to me today by a little old man at Taco Bell completely out of the blue

Why was the man fired from his job at the orange juice factory?

He couldn’t concentrate.

A woman goes to buy a tv

She goes to the salesman and says, “I’d like to buy this tv good sir.”
He says, “I’m sorry ma’am but I cannot sell to blondes.” Upset the woman leaves

It is the next day and she wears a different outfit with a wig. The woman is sure the salesman won’t recognize her. She says, “I’d like to ...

I was fired and kicked out of the hospital on the very first day as a nurse..............

Apparently the sign outside the ward "Stroke Patients Here" meant something completely different!

Camping

A blonde was out camping in the woods one day when she encountered a big Grizzly bear. Just when she was about to run, she remembered hearing that playing dead can save her life.She was told to be completely still and not make any noise. As she laid on the ground playing dead she felt the bear sniff...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The FBI had an open position for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.



"We must know that you will follow your instructions no mat...

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