Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

After years of working his way up through the Dove Soap Company, Jedidiah Kermin was finally promoted to CEO.

Jeb was ecstatic and ready to lead the company into a new golden age of soap making. He was determined to shake up the industry and leave a true legacy for himself. So he went to product development and told them that what Dove needed was to make a soap that could clean people faster than any other ...

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A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant.

The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant lets him order ten shots of tequila.

Afterw...

Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted.

Because he was outstanding in his field.

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A jew visits a brothel

He talks to the guy at reception:

- Hello, I want to see Samantha.

- One moment sir.

A beautiful young woman comes downstairs.

-Have you asked for me?

- Yes, I want to spend the night with you.

- Alright but my service is a bit expensive. $1000 for a night....

A concert promoter walks into a bar

A concert promoter walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Now that they are easing the Covid restrictions have you been able to plan any big events?" the bartender asks. "Well, we're planning a Foreigner reunion concert for later this summer. But we're still going to require mandatory temperature ...

The whole story

It was evident from the start that Joe Bob was kind but wasn’t very bright. His bumbling and stumbling often irritated people greatly, and so, they became impatient with him. Joe Bob’s mother worried endlessly for her son until one day she went to seek the advice of a wise old woman that lived in a ...

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

In the interests of self care, and to promote healthier lifestyle choices for myself now that I'm single, each morning when I get up, I look myself in the mirror, and say the three little words I always used to say to my wife

"You're too fat"

A man completely blindsided his wife of 2 years, asking her for a divorce.

Although she was shocked and heart-broken, she asked the man *why* he wanted a divorce.

**Man:** Do you remember when we first met?

**Wife:** Yes…

**Man:** Well back then I had awesome long hair, I didn’t have a car but I had a janky motorcycle that I loved, I worked in a Bar,...

My Daughter In Law

She’s a manager at a post office. I threw her a party for getting promoted in a mail dominated industry.

We're Sergeants Now!

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we're privates," protests Jasper. "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm ...

I don't buy from Amazon because of the slavery it promotes

\- typed from a keyboard made in China

In 2024 Al Gore decided to run for president again.

His campaign hinged on a song he made to promote the dangers of global warming. It was so popular it became a meme.

After a while, everyone was talking about Al Gore, and, sure enough he became President.

When asked on the News, "How do you think he won," two fallen YouTubers stated, "...

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Here the one about the restaurant that promotes safe sex?

They write the bill on a condom. That way you can wine and dine your date and stick her with the bill.

I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen.

We are Anti-Pho

My boss walked up to me and said "Congrats, you've been promoted to manager." "Cool, who do I manage now?" I asked.

"Yourself."

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Whats the difference between braces and homophobes?

There is none, they both promote being straight

Why was Peter parker promoted in his IT job?

Because ever since the spider bit him he became the best at web designing

Smoking promotes weight loss

..eventually

Why was the boxcar so proud of being promoted to engine?

He trained his entire life for it.

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My boss just promoted me to his sexual consultant.

He said, “When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.”

Why did the cheese get promoted?

He was gouda his job

In the army all Colonels get promoted

That's a Generalization.

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In the Beginning was the plan.

And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.”

And the workers went unto their supervi...

I promote fairness all the time

I wonder why people call me racist?

Hey guys I am making a group where we can share and promote smoking weed

We shall be called the Joint Forces

My friend who is an arborist just got promoted to a new position!

Branch manager...

After creating the Nile, God became the first self promoter on twitch.

"Check out my stream!"

I finally got promoted at the crematorium

What can I say, I urned it.

I ended up quitting my job cause they promoted a little person to supervisor.

I just got sick of the micro managing.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was outstanding in his field!

(got this joke from Tiny Tower if you guys know what that is)

Your body is your temple is a really terrible proverb to promote chastity.

Literally anyone can come inside a temple.

I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.

I'm a flanthropist.

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender for a drink.

“What’s the occasion?” Asked the bartender

The man replies “I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

Bartender apologizes, the man downs his drink and leaves.

Same man comes in the next day.

...

Skeeter and Bubba got promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Shortly after, they were out walking when Bubba said "Hey Skeeter! There's the NCO Club! What say we go in there and have us a drink?"

"But we don't belong in the NCO Club!" Skeeter protested. "We's Privates!"

Bubba points to the new stripes sewn on their clothes and says, "No we a...

I have a simple solution to promote higher education,

build taller schools.

A pirate named Ronny gets promoted to First Mate.

Ronny is pondering life one day as hes giving the captain a shave.

"I'm not a very good pirate," he says to the captain. "I can't navigate and I don't know how to fight. I don't even sound like a pirate. Is there a reason you chose me as first mate?"

"Aye Ronny," says the captain.

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion

Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

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Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

A jew, an episcopalian, a veterinarian, a hipster, a redneck, a goth, and a frat boy all walk into a bar that promotes diversity

The bartender says "sorry, we have enough whites."

I heard the mob are trying to promote illegal betting schemes around this year's Wimbledon...

It's a tennis racket!

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How do they promote safe sex in Wales?

They put signs next to the sheep that kick

In order to promote progress I think the next session of congress should be sent to the moon.

I just feel that they would make a greater impact.

Old tribal wisdom says that wh...

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this hor...

The National Guillotine Convention promoted me

I'm now the head

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A black Christian man and a white Jewish man walk into a bar...

"That's racist!"

Okay, so a Christian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar...

"That's religionist!"

Okay, so two men walk into a bar...

"That's sexist!"

Okay, so a man and a woman walk into a bar...

"That's homophobic!"

Okay, so two people walk into a...

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What did the Ethiopian Government say when the United States sent over 1 million condoms to promote safe sex?

Thanks for the sleeping bags

A concert promoter was fired for claiming he had the worlds largest piano player booked when he was only 5' 8"...

Just another case of a man lying about the size of his pianist.

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