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Promote Jokes

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

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A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant.

The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant lets him order ten shots of tequila.

Afterw...

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How do Grammar Nazis promote themselves?

Properganda

Beauty contests are becoming a popular way to promote things. For instance, the winner of the Trigonometry Club's beauty pageant was crowned....

Miss Calculation.

Tour Leader pageant winner:
Miss Guided

Encyclopedia Brittanica pageant winner:
Miss Information

Three ghosts were talking about what was keeping them from being promoted from ghoul to specter.



The first confessed, "I have a weakness for boooooooooooooobs."

The second admitted, "I drink too much boooooooooooooze."

The third said, "I lack situational awareness."

An out of touch radio station dj and a 70’s promoter have a conversation

So I have the greatest progressive rock bands in one line up!

Great! So get on with it, who’s on first?

Yes

Yes is on first?

No

So who’s on first?

That’s right!

What’s right?

What you just said!

Look… if I’m looking at the poster, it alw...

Have you heard about the political party that’s using really good weed to promote their political views and opinions?

It’s propaganja.

Promotion

The boss called one of his employees into the office... : The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted...

Did you hear about the nuclear engineer who got promoted?

He was a real afissionado

Why couldn’t Anakin Skywalker be promoted to a high Jedi rank?

He would have been a Master Vader.

I was promoted today at work.

Promoted to customer.

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Sal the boxing promoter gets a call Saturday morning of fight night

“Hey boss, it’s Joe at the gym. Big Frank’s had an accident and broke his thumb. He can’t fight for a month”
Sal goes into a melt down. Big Frank was his heavyweight prospect and the headline of that nights card in the Big Apple. Faced with refunding the tickets he gets on the phone to all the ot...

I promote fairness all the time

I wonder why people call me racist?

Why was the scarecrow promoted?

He was outstanding in his field.

A concert promoter walks into a bar

A concert promoter walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Now that they are easing the Covid restrictions have you been able to plan any big events?" the bartender asks. "Well, we're planning a Foreigner reunion concert for later this summer. But we're still going to require mandatory temperature ...

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

Putin

It was in the news recently that Putin was visiting a school in Moscow to promote the nations power on the world wide stage.
The children were allowed to ask questions before lunch.

Little Alina speaks up and says to Putin...

“I have two questions”

“Why did Russia take Crim...

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My boss just promoted me to his sexual consultant.

He said, “When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.”

Got promoted at the bakery after my overweight boss died

I've got some big chouxs to fill

A Rabbi and his friend, a Catholic priest, were having a discussion

when the rabbi asked "Could you ever be promoted withing your church?"

The priest responded, "Well, one day, I hope to become a bishop."

The rabbi asked, "And then?"

The priest though for a second and responded, "Well, then I might become a cardinal."

The rabbi again aske...

Smoking promotes weight loss

..eventually

I have a simple solution to promote higher education,

build taller schools.

Why did the cheese get promoted?

He was gouda his job

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How do they promote safe sex in Wales?

They put signs next to the sheep that kick

Why was Peter parker promoted in his IT job?

Because ever since the spider bit him he became the best at web designing

I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.

I'm a flanthropist.

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A jew visits a brothel

He talks to the guy at reception:

- Hello, I want to see Samantha.

- One moment sir.

A beautiful young woman comes downstairs.

-Have you asked for me?

- Yes, I want to spend the night with you.

- Alright but my service is a bit expensive. $1000 for a night....

In the army all Colonels get promoted

That's a Generalization.

Your body is your temple is a really terrible proverb to promote chastity.

Literally anyone can come inside a temple.

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

Hey guys I am making a group where we can share and promote smoking weed

We shall be called the Joint Forces

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was outstanding in his field!

(got this joke from Tiny Tower if you guys know what that is)

Skeeter and Bubba got promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Shortly after, they were out walking when Bubba said "Hey Skeeter! There's the NCO Club! What say we go in there and have us a drink?"

"But we don't belong in the NCO Club!" Skeeter protested. "We's Privates!"

Bubba points to the new stripes sewn on their clothes and says, "No we a...

They're finally cracking down on Instagram pages that promote white-supremacy...

or as I like to call them: gram-crackers.

The National Guillotine Convention promoted me

I'm now the head

My phone charger has been exposing its inner wires to promote its agenda.

It's a shameless plug.

A pirate named Ronny gets promoted to First Mate.

Ronny is pondering life one day as hes giving the captain a shave.

"I'm not a very good pirate," he says to the captain. "I can't navigate and I don't know how to fight. I don't even sound like a pirate. Is there a reason you chose me as first mate?"

"Aye Ronny," says the captain.

After years of working his way up through the Dove Soap Company, Jedidiah Kermin was finally promoted to CEO.

Jeb was ecstatic and ready to lead the company into a new golden age of soap making. He was determined to shake up the industry and leave a true legacy for himself. So he went to product development and told them that what Dove needed was to make a soap that could clean people faster than any other ...

I don't buy from Amazon because of the slavery it promotes

\- typed from a keyboard made in China

The Amish are starting to promote the use of condoms....

To help stop the spread of Abes.

Why was the boxcar so proud of being promoted to engine?

He trained his entire life for it.

I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen.

We are Anti-Pho

I heard the mob are trying to promote illegal betting schemes around this year's Wimbledon...

It's a tennis racket!

I ended up quitting my job cause they promoted a little person to supervisor.

I just got sick of the micro managing.

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion

Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

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The Plan

In the beginning, there was a plan
And then came the assumptions
And the assumptions were without form
And the plan without substance

And the darkness was upon the face of the Workers
And they spoke among themselves saying,
"It is a crock of shit and it sti...

In order to promote progress I think the next session of congress should be sent to the moon.

I just feel that they would make a greater impact.

After creating the Nile, God became the first self promoter on twitch.

"Check out my stream!"

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What did the Ethiopian Government say when the United States sent over 1 million condoms to promote safe sex?

Thanks for the sleeping bags

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Why was the hot teacher promoted to principal?

Because she was the Headmaster!




My first submitted joke :)

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