After creating the Nile, God became the first self promoter on twitch.

"Check out my stream!"

I ended up quitting my job cause they promoted a little person to supervisor.

I just got sick of the micro managing.

Smoking promotes weight loss

..eventually

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was outstanding in his field!

(got this joke from Tiny Tower if you guys know what that is)

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My boss just promoted me to his sexual consultant.

He said, “When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.”

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey Jasper, there's strip club. Let's go in."

"But we're privates," protests Jasper.

"We's sergeants now, "says Leroy, pulling him inside.

"Now, Jasper, let's go sit down and buy some beers."

"But we're privates," sa...

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A King is going on an adventure in a faraway land leaving his beautiful queen.So He ask for his 3 brave knights to guard her he is away.

But in doing so,He put an improvised penis guillotine to the queens vagina.

Then after a year,The king came back,Then He ordered the first knight to strip.

KING:ITS CUT!THROW HIM TO THE LIONS!

KNIGHT 1:NOOOO!

Then he ordered the 2nd knight to strip!

KING:ITS CUT TO...

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

I promote fairness all the time

I wonder why people call me racist?

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion

Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

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I make so many Nazi jokes

I was promoted to captain of the 1st Punzer Division.

Germany is a pretty weird country. If you deny the Holocaust, you go to jail.

But if you organize one, you are promoted to Reich Chancellor.

The male owner of a business is interviewing a young woman just about to graduate from an all-women’s college.

She was very excited about her interview but wanted to make sure that this business was progressive when it came to women in the workplace. It seemed like every company she interviewed at were run by horrible misogynists. When it came to the part of the interview when he asked her if she had any que...

I finally got promoted at the crematorium

What can I say, I urned it.

Three Russian men are talking in the Gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

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A man dies and goes to Hell...

Given his cruel, sadistic streak, the demons really like this guy and start giving him some say in how the day-to-day life of Hell can be made more Hellish for the other souls. He introduces bizarre new forms of torture on an almost daily basis.



One day, the man comes up with his dar...

Skeeter and Bubba got promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Shortly after, they were out walking when Bubba said "Hey Skeeter! There's the NCO Club! What say we go in there and have us a drink?"

"But we don't belong in the NCO Club!" Skeeter protested. "We's Privates!"

Bubba points to the new stripes sewn on their clothes and says, "No we a...

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The Plan

In the beginning there was a Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was on the face of the workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."...

Hey guys I am making a group where we can share and promote smoking weed

We shall be called the Joint Forces

I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.

I'm a flanthropist.

A pirate named Ronny gets promoted to First Mate.

Ronny is pondering life one day as hes giving the captain a shave.

"I'm not a very good pirate," he says to the captain. "I can't navigate and I don't know how to fight. I don't even sound like a pirate. Is there a reason you chose me as first mate?"

"Aye Ronny," says the captain.

Your body is your temple is a really terrible proverb to promote chastity.

Literally anyone can come inside a temple.

My school are such hypocrites. They promote recycled paper themselves... but when I do it?

When I recycle papers, suddenly it's "plagiarism".

I have a simple solution to promote higher education,

build taller schools.

I heard the mob are trying to promote illegal betting schemes around this year's Wimbledon...

It's a tennis racket!

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How do they promote safe sex in Wales?

They put signs next to the sheep that kick

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A young comedian wanted to make himself famous, so he covered the interior of his house with Jokes

He wrote down every joke he ever knew on a paper each and taped them to everything in his house: the floor, the walls, the couch....etc.

However there was one joke which he thought was lame, so he threw it away somewhere in his house and forgot about it.

The Comedian started inviting s...

The National Guillotine Convention promoted me

I'm now the head

Bob was a good man

He didn't take any drugs, he had never cheated on his wife, he had never even gotten drunk.

One day, he got promoted at work and went out with some friends, he assured his wife that he would not get drunk, just non-alcoholic beer.

Bob's friends had gotten really drunk and managed to co...

What do you call a hood guy that just got promoted?

Maneger

A jew, an episcopalian, a veterinarian, a hipster, a redneck, a goth, and a frat boy all walk into a bar that promotes diversity

The bartender says "sorry, we have enough whites."

Champion Nails is in trouble.....

Stan owns Champion nails the company. Sales are well down. One night he meets an old friend in the local pub. (Its a nice old pub, with a lovely barmaid with a beautiful rack, and hops and things hanging everywhere). Anyway, Stan is telling his old friend - Chester, how things are not going well and...

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Seven



One to promote the project to the public and congress

One to write the bill and bring it to congress

One to approve the bill once it has been brought up

One to secure the zoning rights once the bill has passed

One to allocate the necessary funds from ...

In order to promote progress I think the next session of congress should be sent to the moon.

I just feel that they would make a greater impact.

A concert promoter was fired for claiming he had the worlds largest piano player booked when he was only 5' 8"...

Just another case of a man lying about the size of his pianist.

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What did the Ethiopian Government say when the United States sent over 1 million condoms to promote safe sex?

Thanks for the sleeping bags

I got promoted to the senior supervisor at the cheese factory.

I am now the greater grater grader.

You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you?

You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you? i'll have you know my son was diagnosed with the measles so I placed various crystals around his bed while he slept to promote the proper aura for healing.

He's dead now but at least he's not autistic

My boss promoted me to the role of pilot in command...

He said I was going places.

Two Polish janitors are unhappy because they always get passed over for promotions.

Anatol and Artur are two Polish janitors. They always seem to get passed over for promotions. They discuss the issue and decide that Artur will ask the boss about it.

Artur goes to his boss. "Why are me an Anatol always passed over for promotions? We work hard."

The boss says, "It's no...

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