Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

Got promoted at the bakery after my overweight boss died

I've got some big chouxs to fill

Putin

It was in the news recently that Putin was visiting a school in Moscow to promote the nations power on the world wide stage.
The children were allowed to ask questions before lunch.

Little Alina speaks up and says to Putin...

“I have two questions”

“Why did Russia take Crim...

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A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant.

The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant lets him order ten shots of tequila.

Afterw...

After years of working his way up through the Dove Soap Company, Jedidiah Kermin was finally promoted to CEO.

Jeb was ecstatic and ready to lead the company into a new golden age of soap making. He was determined to shake up the industry and leave a true legacy for himself. So he went to product development and told them that what Dove needed was to make a soap that could clean people faster than any other ...

Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted.

Because he was outstanding in his field.

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A jew visits a brothel

He talks to the guy at reception:

- Hello, I want to see Samantha.

- One moment sir.

A beautiful young woman comes downstairs.

-Have you asked for me?

- Yes, I want to spend the night with you.

- Alright but my service is a bit expensive. $1000 for a night....

A concert promoter walks into a bar

A concert promoter walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Now that they are easing the Covid restrictions have you been able to plan any big events?" the bartender asks. "Well, we're planning a Foreigner reunion concert for later this summer. But we're still going to require mandatory temperature ...

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The king is afraid that the queen was disloyal to him and had sex with the castle guards.

So the king got a witch to put a magical spell on the queen so that anything that goes into the queen’s body gets chopped off.

One day, the king decides to summon all the men up and orders them to show him their private parts.
All the men had no penis except one of them.
The king walk...

In the interests of self care, and to promote healthier lifestyle choices for myself now that I'm single, each morning when I get up, I look myself in the mirror, and say the three little words I always used to say to my wife

"You're too fat"

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

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Here the one about the restaurant that promotes safe sex?

They write the bill on a condom. That way you can wine and dine your date and stick her with the bill.

The whole story

It was evident from the start that Joe Bob was kind but wasn’t very bright. His bumbling and stumbling often irritated people greatly, and so, they became impatient with him. Joe Bob’s mother worried endlessly for her son until one day she went to seek the advice of a wise old woman that lived in a ...

We're Sergeants Now!

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we're privates," protests Jasper. "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm ...

I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen.

We are Anti-Pho

Why was Peter parker promoted in his IT job?

Because ever since the spider bit him he became the best at web designing

Smoking promotes weight loss

..eventually

My Daughter In Law

She’s a manager at a post office. I threw her a party for getting promoted in a mail dominated industry.

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My boss just promoted me to his sexual consultant.

He said, “When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.”

Why was the boxcar so proud of being promoted to engine?

He trained his entire life for it.

Why did the cheese get promoted?

He was gouda his job

I promote fairness all the time

I wonder why people call me racist?

In the army all Colonels get promoted

That's a Generalization.

Hey guys I am making a group where we can share and promote smoking weed

We shall be called the Joint Forces

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between braces and homophobes?

There is none, they both promote being straight

I finally got promoted at the crematorium

What can I say, I urned it.

My friend who is an arborist just got promoted to a new position!

Branch manager...

After creating the Nile, God became the first self promoter on twitch.

"Check out my stream!"

Your body is your temple is a really terrible proverb to promote chastity.

Literally anyone can come inside a temple.

I ended up quitting my job cause they promoted a little person to supervisor.

I just got sick of the micro managing.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was outstanding in his field!

(got this joke from Tiny Tower if you guys know what that is)

I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.

I'm a flanthropist.

Skeeter and Bubba got promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Shortly after, they were out walking when Bubba said "Hey Skeeter! There's the NCO Club! What say we go in there and have us a drink?"

"But we don't belong in the NCO Club!" Skeeter protested. "We's Privates!"

Bubba points to the new stripes sewn on their clothes and says, "No we a...

I have a simple solution to promote higher education,

build taller schools.

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

A pirate named Ronny gets promoted to First Mate.

Ronny is pondering life one day as hes giving the captain a shave.

"I'm not a very good pirate," he says to the captain. "I can't navigate and I don't know how to fight. I don't even sound like a pirate. Is there a reason you chose me as first mate?"

"Aye Ronny," says the captain.

A jew, an episcopalian, a veterinarian, a hipster, a redneck, a goth, and a frat boy all walk into a bar that promotes diversity

The bartender says "sorry, we have enough whites."

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion

Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

I heard the mob are trying to promote illegal betting schemes around this year's Wimbledon...

It's a tennis racket!

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How do they promote safe sex in Wales?

They put signs next to the sheep that kick

My phone charger has been exposing its inner wires to promote its agenda.

It's a shameless plug.

In order to promote progress I think the next session of congress should be sent to the moon.

I just feel that they would make a greater impact.

They're finally cracking down on Instagram pages that promote white-supremacy...

or as I like to call them: gram-crackers.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender for a drink.

“What’s the occasion?” Asked the bartender

The man replies “I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

Bartender apologizes, the man downs his drink and leaves.

Same man comes in the next day.

...

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Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

The National Guillotine Convention promoted me

I'm now the head

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What did the Ethiopian Government say when the United States sent over 1 million condoms to promote safe sex?

Thanks for the sleeping bags

A concert promoter was fired for claiming he had the worlds largest piano player booked when he was only 5' 8"...

Just another case of a man lying about the size of his pianist.

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