A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

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A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?

She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."

An old couple was realizing they were losing their memory

They decided they would go to a doctor to see about the problem

The doctor said “Well, there isn’t very much I can do, but you could try one thing.”

“What’s that?” They said

“You could try writing everything down, so if you ever forgot something, you would have a reference.”...

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What did the infomercial actor say after realizing he was getting fat?

Butt weight, there's more!

Can you imagine to drive for miles and miles on the wrong side of the road without even realizing it?

Well, I can't, but the English are supposedly very good at it.

Mexican dude flees to the US without realizing that Trump's in office.

Mexican dude flees to the US without realizing that Trump's in office. Changes identity and calls himself Ted. Trump throws out all the Mexicans but Ted (who was previously Juan), just graffitis "Still Mexican. Still here." at random places around the country. The cops can't find him but they do kno...

A man comes home and finds his dog holding his neighbor’s pet rabbit’s lifeless body

Realizing what has happened and fearing his neighbor’s ire, he quickly retrieves the rabbit, washes it and places it back in its cage, hoping his neighbor thinks it died of natural causes.

The following day his neighbor asks him if he knows what happened to Fluffy. “Er.. Um.. of course not......

My girlfriend was telling me about how quarantine must be rough for beautiful people, since the people around them are finally realizing that they have no personality.

Jokingly, I laugh and say, "Yeah, it's been a ride awakening for me."

She sorta gives me the side eye, snorts, and says, "Why the hell did you think I was talking about you?"

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Al, Ben, Carl, and Dan meet at a bar every Saturday.

Dan is exceptionally optimistic. Every time one of the other three mentions something bad, Dan simply responds, "Could be worse!" This really drives them up a wall.

One Friday when Al returns home from a business trip, he, Ben, and Carl hatch a plan.

The next day Carl goes to the bar a...

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Not having sex tonight

One evening last week,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up,and she eventually says,‘I don‘t feel like it,I just want you to hold me.‘

I said,‘WHAT??!! What was that?!‘

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... <...

Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away

there were two evil friars living outside this small village. The friars had tried unsuccessfully to overtake and capture the town, but finally this time, they believed they had hit upon a foolproof scheme that would allow them to rule the village. They had, through mad scientist experiments in thei...

A man on Vacation in Vietnam asks for directions to the best restaurant in town.

So he walks up to some random Vietnamese guy and asks him, "Where do I go for the best food in town?"

The Vietnamese man, deciding to play a joke on the foreigner, says, "There's this great restaurant down the road and the first restaurant past your left. It's called the Pho King. He's even ...

I hate seeing old people.

and then realizing that I went to school with them.

New Priest

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery w...

A man won $100 million dollars in the lottery. Realizing he could buy whatever he wanted, he switched to gold toilet paper and secured a generous supply of daily burrittos

In a single year, his entire winnings were wiped out.

Two guys are driving together late at night...

They notice a stake in the ground on the side of the road with the letters “RE” on it. “Hmmm” they wonder, “what’s that about?”

They continue on, and they notice another. Then one more.

At this point, the passenger merely sighs out of boredom, and then passes out, exhausted.

Mea...

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

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