I wasn't sure that Netflix would ever find success producing their own content. Then again...

Stranger Things have happened.

Success is like pregnancy

Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got F**ed to achieve it.

Why are Irish bankers so successful?

Because their capital's always Dublin.

I have successfully muted every single person on Reddit. AMA!

edit: really? No one? :(

With the success of BK's Impossible Whopper, McDonald's decided they needed a non-meat option too.

So they brought back the McRib.

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I decided to quit masturbating and so far it's been a success.

It's just been really hard.

So a GMO scientist, after a successful series of test results, turns to his lab mates to congratulate them and say

"You're the team of the crop"

Why are Irish businesspeople so successful?

Because their capital is doublin’.

I started a successful boat-building business in the attic of my house.

Sails are going through the roof!

Successfully ran away from the cops today, after I stole a candy bar

They tried their best, but I had too many Twix up my sleeve.

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A successful bussinessman has a work trip coming up and hes worried that his beautiful girlfriend will cheat on him when he is gone

So he goes to the best sex shop in town and starts looking through the toys. He sees dildos but doesn't feel they'll do the trick. He sees vibrators but also doesnt feel safe, so he goes to the owner. He asks for the best sex toy available. The owner goes to the back of the shop and gets a wooden bo...

To be successful in life, you have to pull yourself up by your shoelaces!

Unfortunately, I’m from Kentucky

What did the millennial say after they successfully started the campfire?

That's lit

I successfully stole a case of toilet paper

Got off Scott free

My professor just told me that rereading other peoples material is the key to success

I guess thats why there are 17.1M people on /r/Jokes

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What do you call a successful reddit virgin?

Elon Musk

The 2 steps to success in life

1.Never tell anyone your biggest secret

Martin Love was a very successful fitness coach.

He was incredibly strict and his long list of 100 rules was infamous, but you couldn't argue with the results. People always reached their target weight within a month. But this required absolute obedience to the rules, and commitment to Martin Love's regime. To make sure people knew exactly what th...

I know this is r/Jokes but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck.

I have a meeting at the bank later and if it's a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now. I'm so excited, I can barely put on my ski mask..

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At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants. At age 12, success is having friends. At Age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 35, success is having money.

At age 50, success is having money.

At age 60, success is having sex.

At age 70, success is having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is having friends.

At age 80, success is not peeing in your pants.

I knew a successful businessman who decided to shut down everything and run a funeral parlor.

It was quite the undertaking.

Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property.

The police forced the fryers to close down their stall located just outside the mansion, where they had been selling flowers.

Said one fryer, "well if it was anyone else we may have gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist fryers."

So, after reading a bunch of “self-help” books, I’ve FINALLY found the secret to financial success!!

I think I’m going to write a self-help book!

The secret to success in the corporate world

A young professional parks his battered old car outside his office one morning. Stepping out, he sees the CEO sweeping into the car park in his brand new, sparkling, top of the range Mercedes S Class.

Starstruck, and knowing this company has an ethos of openness which means everyone is appro...

If Bible was so successful..

why is there no Bible 2?

Will glass coffins be a success???

Remains to be seen.

Steve Jobs had a better and more successful business than Trump. But would he have been a better President as well?

Well, that's like comparing Apples with Oranges.

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

Why was the scarecrow a successful neurosurgeon?

He was out-standing in his field.

A successful, but pompous surgeon rose to make an after-dinner speech. "We doctors have many enemies in this world."

As he paused the woman on his left said in a whisper, "Oh, but far more in the next!"

Secret of a successful marriage!

An old man married for 52 years was asked by his neighbor about the secret for his successful marriage.

The old man stated that on the night of his marriage, he and his newly wed bride had decided that if one of them ever got angry with the other, they would settle the issue peacefully.
...

What is the key to becoming a successful musician?

Work hard, try not to party too much, and make certain you eat lots and lots of beats!!

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Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, a surgeon, “Sorry I'm late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father, “the important thing is that we're all together today.”

...

Ladder to Success

A man falls asleep one night with depressing thoughts of his failures in life; never has he been able to provide for his family what he wants them to have. He wakes up the next morning on the floor of a room with only a white painted ceiling and floor. No walls. Just clouds as far as he can see. In ...

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Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches; the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your s...

Success

A guy finds a strange cave entrance in the wilderness. Because curiousity's only hazardous to cats he walks in.

He sees a gorgeous woman inside. The woman lets her single-piece dress fall and says: "Take me or climb higher to success" pointing at the stairs carved from the stone behind her....

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success.

All the people who say that 'success' comes before 'work' in a dictionary,

I guess that they've never heard of the recent youngest self-made billionaire.

What did the Italian say when he tested his first successful skunk perfume on a volunteer?

You reek-uh!

OC- as far as I know

Judaism is said to be successful because our religion has a lot of wisdom. Yes, the Jewish people always ask very wise questions...

Such as "Wise this jacket so damn expensive?! Dontcha have a discount for me??"

They key to being successful and happy is in two steps.

1) Don't tell everyone everything you know.


2)

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What do you call ejaculate that successfully impregnates a women?

The mother load.

How can you tell if a farmer is successful?

If he is out standing in his field.

A man is returning to the vet to see if a surgery was successful.

The vet says, "Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."

Many Valedictorians will begin their speech by telling what success means to them.

And why not? It’s a defining moment.

A boy was always getting low grades in maths...

A boy was always getting low grades in maths and his parents were getting worried. After 3 tests with continuous F's, they decided to send him to a Catholic school due to the high success rate in maths.

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without...

A teacher addresses her students after they've come back from lunch

She lays out the agenda for the lesson:

"Alright everyone, I'm going to ask each of you what you did during lunch. I'll them ask you to write something on the board related to what you did - if you spell the word correctly, you'll get a biscuit."

The children all seem quite excited by ...

Why did the successful comedian lose his job after a car accident?

It caused amputation of both his arms and lost his funny bone

My Wife had successful eye surgery

Edit* ex wife she finally seen what I looked like

A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.

He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?"

The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option."

The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house."

The man, ...

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After months of trying, I was finally successful in giving my girlfriend an orgasm that lasted a full five minutes last night...

I guess it was a long time coming

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Did you hear about the scientists that successfully cross bred a duck with a golden retriever?

The results were good, but she was a foul bitch.

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I had a friend that was born without eyelids, his doctor used the foreskin from his circumcision to make him some.

The surgery was a great success, he's just a little cock eyed.

Three people die and go to Heaven.

When they arrive, Saint Peter tells them, "We have one rule here. It's fairly simple: don't step on the ducks."

The three guys enter Heaven, and the first thing they see is that Heaven is *OVERFLOWING* with ducks. It is literally impossible to not step on a duck. Despite this, they try their ...

A bible salesman won top sales award

But people are confused because he is famously known for being so timid that when he speaks, he stutters. So when the award was announced and the salesman is invited to the stage, everybody wants to hear what this man says.

After handshaking the announcer, the man hesitantly approach the micr...

After years of saving Saul finally had enough money to get his eye transplant in China

His wife was opposed to the idea on moral grounds. His brother was worried he might lose what little sight he had now. His friends were worried that what he was doing wasn't entirely legal.

He dismissed them all one by one and finally bought his ticket and set off with grim determination. <...

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The Ladder to success

A man is walking down the street and he comes across a ladder that reaches all the way up to the clouds. On the ladder there is a note that only says "Ladder To Success". He stares at it in bewilderment but decides to give it a shot. After climbing for hours he finally reaches the clouds. A morbidly...

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*BREAKING NEWS* A baby is born without eyelids, and doctors use his foreskin to replace them.

The surgery was a success. The baby should make a full recovery, but he will always be a little cockeyed.

Four old ladies are bragging to each other about their sons' success

The first old lady says, "My son is a bishop, and so when he walks into a room people always address him as 'Your Excellency'."

The second old lady says, "That's nothing. My son is a cardinal, and so when he enters a room people always address him as 'Your Eminence'.

The third old lad...

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A man invents a device that makes food come to life

He's been working on this project for years, his family, those he trusted enough to tell, never believed in him. "Now they'll see" he thought. His device was ready and he got out a small piece of ham from the refrigerator and placed it into the containment chamber. He crossed his fingers and pushed ...

The ladder to success

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.

Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cl...

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A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

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The ladder to success.

A man is walking home from work one day and passes by a ladder against the side of a building. A strange looking individual in a croaky voice says to him, "would you like to climb the ladder to success?"

"What a silly pun!" Said the man, "I'm in no hurry, why not!"

So the man starts c...

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Success

So a man was walking in a jungle when he comes across a ladder that goes up and disappears into the clouds. He gets curious and starts climbing. He comes up to the first cloud and there he finds an attractive naked woman. She says “either you can have sex with me or you can climb up to success”. But...

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The Stairs to Success

A man walks into a stairwell with a sign that says "Climb to Success". Naturally he begins climbing.

At the 25th floor he sees a beautiful brunette that says "You can get a handjob from me, or continue on to success". He refuses and resumes climbing.

At the 50th floor there is a beaut...

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A lady goes into hospital for labia reduction surgery...

When she wakes up she finds three cards on her bedside table. The first card is from her the surgeon and says "the surgery was a complete success, get well soon" she says to herself "how nice." The second card is from her husband and says "glad the surgery was a success, love you and get well soon. ...

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A group of sex toy manufacturers are discussing the success of their products...

and they decided that only dildos had really achieved market penetration.

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air ...

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A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar that he’s never been to before. The place is busting and seems to be doing well. There are people singing, dancing, and laughing but the first thing he notices is the extremely short person playing piano in the middle of the boisterous crowd. Everyone in the place is infatuate...

The ladder to success

A broke young woman is walking down the road. She happens to come across a very large ladder in the middle of road. So she asks a man standing nearby what its there for, he replies saying "well, its the ladder to success!". She then proceeds to climb the ladder very eagerly. She then finds her way t...

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