Interviewer: are you smart? Bob: I'm not smart, but I am clever. Interviewer: How so? Bob: in class, I sat next to the dumbest and second dumbest person in class, I'm the third dumbest, but by peeking at their tests, I got the highest score in the class.

Interviewer: how's that possible?
Bob: by process of elimination. None of our answers could be correct.

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

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The New York Philharmonic was conducting a rendition of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony

If you are not familiar with Beethoven's 9th Symphony it's a tremendous piece of work, but the bass line is atrocious. Not because it is complicated, but because it goes like this:

**"bbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"**



And then approximately an hour an a half later it goes li...

What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?

SlamDrunk!

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After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off h...

What's the best score Canadians get on their tests?

Eh's

The type of girls I date are just like my credit score...

Every time I pull out my credit card, they both go down on me.

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Two Roman kids are talking about the scores on their finals.

Kid 1: Ugh, what did you get bruh

Kid 2: Not bad. How bout you?

Kid 1: I got a C on it.

Kid 2: You fucking try hard!

Wife: I want you to score a goal in me

Husband: Blow the whistle and the game will start.

What do call it when you score with a woman disguised in men’s clothing?

Transaction

A z-score of 1.9 walked into a bar

The bartender says, “Why so down today?”


The score replies, “I’m feeling so insignificant.”

Why is it hard to keep score in Afghanistan?

Because of the tally ban

Hear about the tennis players that didn’t score?

Ya, well, they still made love

I never watch movies with a score 9/10 or higher.

They're always overeighted.

Did you hear the score of the England vs Ethiopia soccer game?

England 8. Ethiopia didn't

Where does the golfer who always gets a score of 0 park his car

In the par-king lot

What was the score of the Ethiopian baseball game?

Eight-nothing

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven’s Ninth...

In the piece, there’s about a 20 min long passage during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick drink. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as do...

I can’t believe the score for the last Star Wars movie

It’s SO-LO

How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?

2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.

My girlfriend once asked me what rhymes with score?

I said no it doesn’t

A gambler invites two friends, a mathematician and an engineer, to the casino to try and score big with their help.

The mathematician suggests blackjack, as with card counting it's the only game where the house doesn't have an advantage. The engineer agrees for the same reason, but warns, that since this is the real world, to be wary of the casino getting wise to them. The gambler follows the advice of his intell...

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When I heard someone say '4 score and 7 years ago'

I thought 'that's strange, I never told them about my sex life'

I bet you $20 I can tell you the score of the big game tonight before it even starts.

Broncos: 0 Panthers: 0

I just got my best score on Sitar Hero 3!

I got five stars on "Curry On My Wayward Son"

I got a C on my roman numerals test.

Perfect score.

My girlfriend told me that she doesn't like that I'm keeping scores in our relationship.

She got a point

Anyone know the score in the Nigeria Ethiopia footy match?

Nigeria 8 - Ethiopia Didn't

All these video games with epic orchestral music scores.

Those concerned mums were right, there's way too much violins in video games.

I was playing tennis with Roy Moore this morning... The score was love-15.

**AWKWARD!**

An Asian kid ask him mom: "Mom, why do I have to score A in everything?"

Him mom replied: "Because we are Asian, not a Bsian or Csian, or Failsian."

Why do we get such high scores in the reading test?

Because we Reddit

What score did Lenin get on his exam paper?

...Full Marx

Tried to score on my girlfriend in soccer yesterday, but kept failing,

Guess she's a keeper.

Underwater Test Scores

Father: How were your test scores, son?


Son: Underwater, Dad.


Father: What do you mean underwater?


Son: You know, below C level.

Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they just finished the last of their water that morning.

Blenkinsop says "Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we're finished," and Carruthers says "You're probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what's over the next sand-dune."

Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to b...

Why has soccer suddenly become so popular in America?

If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.

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A struggling music producer is having trouble selling any of his work, and in his desperation decides to do the score for a low budget porno movie.

It’s not the most glamorous job, but hey, it’s gonna pay the bills, so he really puts a lot of effort into making the best damn low budget porno soundtrack ever. After a lot of hard work, the movie is finally done and the producer gets his check in the mail along with a complimentary ticket to see t...

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to be a professional Hockey player.

Only problem was he never wanted to score after the first period.

One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet cat. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed."

The man replied, "This is a special cat. Turn on the Winnipeg Jets game and you'll see."

The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.

The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my cat does flips." The Jets keep scoring and the cat keeps flipping and jumping.<...

The only way to score with a robot

Is to get it in the mode

An older man walks into a bar...

...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," pr...

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Why Didn't the Jew Score Another Date with the Asian Girl?

Hebrew it.

The gynecologist who became a mechanic!

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligentl...

My girlfriend got me with a Sodium/Na pun...

I’d tell her a bad oxygen joke but I wouldn’t want the score to be 0-2.

I had to take an exam on gasoline today

I hope I got a high test score.

The lazy composer was a busy man

as he had several scores to settle

Sam got 20 out of 100 on a test.

He thought it was a nice *score*.

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A old married couple is laying in bed

The old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'

The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets a...

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Score! I just landed my summer job for this year - working at the zoo, circumsizing elephants

They said the hourly pay isn't great, but the tips are ENORMOUS!

To celebrate their 10th anniversary, Fruit Ninja decides to host a live event.

They decide to commission for an arcade style game/exhibition to be made where the visitors can pick up physical weapons at each of the fruit stations and hit the designated fruit with them. After they hit the fruit the computer would display their score and play a congratulatory tune if they got ab...

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So my mate was welding the other day

While grinding off his work to admire his craftsmanship, a piece of metal flew into his eye.

Score 1 for wearing safety glasses.

Anyway, he complained he couldn't see, so we packed him off down to the hospital.

After an X-ray and scan the doctor comes in and says "You have Creep...

Mississippi's Education/Testing scores are the worst in the nation...

yep, we're ranked 53rd.

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I'm done.

Guys, I'm fucking sick of this. I'm almost 20 and haven't been able to score a better job than a fucking cook at a local fast food joint.

What makes it worse is that I live in a small town so business is pretty limited, and where I work is the only place that'll hire high school graduates. I...

Forever mortal frenemies

Britain and France. Forever mortal frenemies. The rivalry goes back over 1000 years. One of the biggest sticking point has always been the channel. Is it the British channel or the French? In order to show how one country was superior in the rivalry every 100 years the 2 countries would hold a cross...

I just did incredible on my BMI test.

Highest score in the class!

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